TVH3 The Words for 15th April 2024

 

The Nobody Inn, Doddiscombsleigh

Run No. 2016

 

HARES: Forrest-Stump & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Threesum, Base Camp, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Shay, Beefy, Psycho, Beeflicker, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Fukarewe, Ernie, Melonpicker, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Archangel, Woodland Only Here for the Beer, Wet Johnny, Manopause Magnifico and welcome back to returnees Poacher and 69, and finally, special guest of honour, Broken Man.

 

Circle

 A dry, but cold and breezy evening, greeted us for our first run from the Nobody Inn for nearly 25 years. The Hare fretted that numbers would be low due to the On-Down being quite a long way out for most. On the other hand, curiosity would be high as most Hashers had never been to the Nobody Inn before. 

 

As it turned out, Forrest had nothing too worry about (apart from the wind) as numbers hit 31.

The were very few announcements. Smellie needs Hares from 20th May onwards. And then it was over to the Hare where the first order of business was to confirm if numbers for food (a spicy chilli) remained at twelve.

 

The Hare's description of the trails was the briefest yet:

"Out of the car park park". Whereupon Forrest marked the Shorts and the Walkers whilst man-Pig marked the Longs in the opposite direction.

 

Trail

Well, I can truly say that the entire trail was virgin territory for me. I have only been to the Nobody Inn once before when it was the On-Down but the trail itself had started and finished at Mr Softy's farm which is about three miles away.

 

The Longs went up towards the church and found no marks. This was, perhaps, not unsurprising. The wind had been the bane of this trail. We had laid it in the morning when gusts exceeded 50mph. 

 

When we backtracked over some of the earlier marks at the end of the lay, they were no longer there. Not a sign of them. Hence poor old Forrest spent the best part of the afternoon re-laying them. That's dedication for you. I guess that the marks were adequate as we all seemed to get back OK.

 

Opposite the church there is a footpath. The back check had been blown away so a call of "On back" was required to get the Longs back on trail. We had gone all of 250m by this stage. 

 

The Longs comprised Beeflicker, Beefy, Psycho, Shay, Ernie, Fukarewe and Smellie with Man-Pig sweeping. 

 

The blown-out marks necessitated some guidance from the Hare in the first field that contained horses. but once corralled into the bottom far corner of the field (hashers not the horses) the trail was clearly discernible as it joined up with the Walkers' and the Shorts' trail.

 

With all Hashers back into a single group, we ascended a public footpath up towards Apridge Farm and the Walkers/Long & Short's split.

 

The Walkers got even more virgin territory by being temporarily diverted into a couple of Forrest's fields before rejoining the road and a steep descent for an all road return to the pub. 

 

For everyone else it was straight across the road to embark on the public footpath that drops down to Batts Brook before the long climb up to Easternhill Hill Farm.

 

This part of the trail was particularly scenic. The trail was initially a little marshy and then passed over a small wooden footbridge spanning the brook. We then hugged the right hand hedge line for the long climb up to some woods. 

 

Therein, we were pretty much on the level before tumbling down a slight descent before leaving the woods for another field and another climb. 

 

Near Easternhill Farm, the marks changed from sawdust to dead sheep. Finally, another long climb to join a lane near the aptly named, "Windy Cross".

 

The trail now took us downhill and to Matthew's Farm and the second Long/Short split. 

 

Forrest had got permission to cross Matthew's farm. This was the windiest part of the trail and from here you could clearly see Haldon Belvedere to the southeast. 

 

The trail dropped down to the Teign Valley Road only to return up a steep public footpath to the same road only 250m further along from Matthew's farm. Those who did not do this loop had the opportunity to go Short just after Matthew's farm. They would pass Lowley and remain on tarmac all the way back to the pub. 

 

However, if electing to go Long, they would rejoin those Longs that had done the loop around Matthew's farm and would now find themselves descending to Leigh Cross and a check.

 

Man-Pig and Smellie were now almost certainly at the trail end of the Longs. Smellie turned down the chance to go Short as we climbed a broad track that headed due east and towards the road the Shorts would have taken. 

 

Hallfway along this track was the final Long/Short split. Distance wise it made no difference. This was the only part of the trail that I hadn't had a hand in laying. So, we both went Long. 

 

Forrest had said that it was well worth doing as the views were lovely. It was dipsey but not dark so we still got to see along the Teign valley. 

 

What we didn't see wa a back check as we ended up at the scrap yard at the back of the Teign House Inn. After a quick consultation of the map, printed off (with Man-Pig's thanks) from the Streetmap.co.uk website, we backtracked back to where we went wrong - passing the back check that we'd missed earlier.

 

This was a particularly lovely part of the trail. A footpath, still quite high, but over a footbridge and along a tree-lined footpath and down some steps to rejoin the Shorts' trail back on road. 

 

We crossed a small stone bridge over Batts Brook again. At the next junction, the Walkers' trail joined us from the left. A final check just below the roadsign for Doddiscombsleigh fooled no-one as the trail took a left and into the village. Here, inevitably, we passed the "OH" sign and within 3 or 4 minutes were back in the car park.

 

Thankyou Forrest for a beautiful trail and all on virgin territory. I think we can re-use parts of that trail again in the summer and take in the full beauty of the Teign Valley....just awesome!

 

Down-Downs

In a double act, and doing a rather poor impersonation of the Two Ronnies, Forrest and Man-Pig undertook the RA'ing.

 

There were two awards present, both in the custody of the Hares.

 

Forrest had the Hashshit shirt. This he gave to Poacher after his long term absence. Why had he been absent for so long? It looked like his trainers had worn out. More holes than material. Accordingly, a note for the "Holey One".

 

Man-Pig had the Union Jack hat. He'd seen nothing on trail but he had heard something in the car park just before the Circle. A certain Harriet alighted from her sportscar and bracingly shouted, "Sixty-Nine!" Now that's what I call, "Putting it out there". So who was tonight's brazen hussy? Coldtits was giggling away merrily and the hat fitted. A note for the sex pest.

 

No more awards present so did anyone have a story? Of course they did.

 

Smellie regaled the story about an attempted debagging on trail. She was tackled from behind. But was the assailant successful and does anyone have any photographic evidence? Alas no. So who was our clandestine rugby player? Beeflicker. A note for sex pest 2.

 

Ernie also had a story. His story was about a married Hasher who was so impressed by the pub that he thought it an ideal place to bring your new beau on a first date. I don't think Prickly Bush would be too impressed, Fukarewe. Not quite sex pest 3 but a note for the playboy....or something similar.

 

Yet another story. Shitfaced had a story about an injured hasher. The nature of his injury, a throbbing right wrist......"For Heaven's sake Beefy. Pisswell's only been gone 5 minutes! A note for the Bishop Basher.

 

There were two halves of beer left. Forrest's trail was truly excellent - as was the pub. In fact, several Hashers commented on how lovely the pub was and Fukarewe was not the only member of the Hash to think it would be a great place for a first date (your names will be withheld conditional upon crossing my palm with silver - otherwise your names will be in print next week!). Hence, in traditional hash fashion, the hares received the final two halves - Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy.

 

An epic trail with an epic On-Down. I am sure that it will not be another 25 years before our return.

 

Addendum

Just as we were leaving the car park to start the run , Broken Man turned up. I was certainly not expecting him and had no foreknowledge. In fact, I felt decidedly guilty sweeping the Longs as I did not know if we had any non-runners left back at the pub that he could talk to.

 

As it turned out, this must have been pre-planned by the Committee. This is because the Hash presented Broken Man with a small, engraved (fire-branded) chalice and Life Membership after the run. Thoroughly deserved I would say. 

 

Regrettably, I did not see the award ceremony as I was last back off trail (not late, circa 9.03 back in the car park and in the pub by 9.15).

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from somewhere near Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Our Hare is Beefy.. As it is also near St George's Day, wear something English. I rather suspect that I will have to find a bit of roast beef somewhere.

 

The On-Down will be the Rugglestone (please preorder your food directly with the pub). However, we will be circling up elsewhere nearby. To be posted on the TVH3 Facebook page in the near future.

On-On to next week, MP.