The King William IV, Totnes
Run No. 2014
April Fools' Hash
HARE: S.M.Ellie
Who
wuz there: Smellie, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Beefy,
Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Piddler, Slip-on-Me and a drive -by
guest appearance by Poacher.
Circle
Bank
holidays are a hit and miss affair. At one end of the spectrum
Hashers have family and friends staying who are then press ganged into
attending the Monday evening Hash.
At the other end of the spectrum, Hashers are either away themselves or waiting hand on foot upon their visitors.
Hence numbers can be either very high or very low. Alas, for poor Smellie, it was the latter.
It
must be said that the weather didn't help much either. The Easter
weekend was pretty much a washout and Monday had been showers on and
off all day. Thus numbers were down to a paltry ten.
Nevertheless,
this was a 'perfect 10' made up of quality Hashers and Harriets, most
of whom had entered into the spirit of the April Fool theme. Namely,
wear something silly.
Now
some Hashers' attire were sillier than others. The Hare was adorned
in a head to toe Fool's outfit complete with three pronged Jester's
hat and a harlequin black and red onesie; Man-Pig, clearly believing
that the weather was going to get even wetter, was wearing an ABLJ
(adjustable buoyancy life jacket) from some old diving gear; Beefy
thought that long white socks and Jesus' sandals were just the job for
tackling a bit of shiggy - also, if you looked very hard, he had
shaved off one half of his beard; Squeaky Bum was wearing a coat of
many colours with matching skirt and earrings; Beeflicker, I think,
was wearing part of his Ninja Mutant Turtle outfit; Pisswell wore a
floral dress but had mislaid her whip so made do with a twig instead:
Slip-on-Me was adorned with perfect circular red rose cheeks and
Shitfaced maintained that he was in fancy dress but I am not convinced
that he was.
As
numbers were so low, we waited till after 7.30 before commencing the
Circle. Regrettably no Hashers were running late so our numbers
remained at ten. Poacher drove by, stopped, blocked the road, and then
disappeared never to be seen again.
Hence,
over to the Hare. Before describing the trail, there was a plea from
Smellie. A Hare is needed for 15th April. Forrest tentatively
volunteered.
So,
what about the trail? Smellie advised that there were Walkers',
Shorts' and Longs' trails of circa 2, 3 and 6 miles. There was one
Long/Short split and the Longs might find themselves in Alice and
Wonderland. As the trail had been laid single handedly, it would be
"One and On".
Just
before the off, another plea, this time from Piddler. If anyone has
surplus newspapers or cardboard boxes could he please have them? Him
and Going Down are going to Spain and need to get packing!
Trail
The
mention of Alice in Wonderland had some of the Pack speculating that
we might be going to Dartibgton Hall where there was a surreal light
show taking place.
The
trail commenced by taking us down Fore Street and right along
Ticklemore Street. Then we lost the trail. A few minutes were lost
whilst we searched in vain for a single grain of flour.
Then
a call from an unexpected direction. Piddler had located a mark that
took us onto the Plains and towards Bridgetown. A check on the bridge
and the trail then took us down and onto the banks of the Dart heading
upriver. The rain had stopped and both Beefy and Man-Pig had to stop
to remove some layers.
The
trail continued upstream and then another stop. Not as a result of a
lost trail but to have a look at the new(ish) archimedes twin screw
device that was pumping water into the Dart. It all looked rather
clever.
Turning
right at Dartington Lane, we came to the Long/Short split. Beeflicker
and Beefy would have been well ahead as, indeed, were Piddler and
Pisswell, Man-Pig and Forrest-Stump were now the laggards. Pisswell
and Man-Pig went Long and up to Dartington Hall. Forrest elected for
the Short along the leat towards the cider press.
It
was dark now and torches were needed. The marks were quite good. At
the arch that leads to the Great Hall, we had a quick nosey at the
light show but only ventured as far as the White Hart.
After
our little jolly, it was up Dartington Lane and then a loop around
the north edge of the Hall before an arrow had us cross the road and
follow the footpath down past the Foxhole Centre.
The
path then enters into an open field and arcs for about 150 yards
before entering woodland and a drop down to the water wheel at the
cider press. There had been no marks since leaving tarmac but now it
was clear that we had rejoined the Shorts.
A
new mark greeted us just before we crossed the main road at Shinners
Bridge - a square shape in flour with a solid square inside it.
Perplexing - but it was probably intended to be a "Danger - main road
ahead" sign.
We
crossed at the traffic light controlled pedestrian crossing and
almost immediately came across an arrow directing us up Cott Road. The
marks here zigzagged from the left and to the right of the road. The
blobs of flour varied from small to enormous. Apparently, Smellie's
bag was getting wet and falling apart. A check near the Cott pub had
not been kicked out but the trail continued dead ahead and up Barracks
Hill.
At
Longcause, a public footpath to our left warranted checking out even
though there was no check. A fruitless 3 minutes was spent looking for
the elusive flour. It had also started to rain again. Had the marks
been washed out? Some marks had been barely visible on The Plains
however, all the marks coming up Cott Road were still clearly
visible....including the blobs that must have used a quarter of a bag
of flour each!
Dropping
down Barrack Hill, my torchlight scanned both sides of the road but
the marks had disappeared. On the left, there is what appears to be a
tarmac entrance drive but no house was visible. i have driven past it
several times and wondered where it led? Curiosity got the better of
me, so I crossed the road for a closer look. "Whoohay" - an arrow.
Well done Smellie. Wherever this leads its virgin territory for me.
An archway in an ancient stone wall led to a small wooded area. No marks and it looked like a dead end.
Carrying
on along the track, tarmac gave way to crunchy gravel. We ran past
some houses and then arrived at the Kennicott Centre. We were in
Kevics. I have never been here before. A mark, then no marks.
I
continued downhill knowing that the Ashburton Road would not be far
ahead. After a couple of wrong turns, I was back on the main road near
the police station. A straight run back to the pub was in order. Sure
enough, there were marks and I made my way up Station Road and back
to the pub.
Back at the On-Down only Slip-on-Me and Squeaky Bum were present.
"Where are the others?"
"We haven't seen them. You are first back".
I
didn't think that I was off trail at any point but it did cross my
mind that I hadn't found the promised drinks stop either. Nor had
anyone else as it transpired.
Eventually,
everyone made it back to the pub. Apart from Piddler who had gone
home to start packing for Spain. But it transpired that everyone had
been on trail for most of the time. The only thing that we all had in
common was that we had missed the drinks stop that was being manned by
Smellie and Shitfaced.
All
of us had missed an arrow that would have taken us across the road
and into the station. All those shots and no takers. What to do? Take
them into the pub for a bit of aprez trail!
Down-Downs
As
numbers were so low, Smellie suggested that we forgo the Down Downs
this week. Forrest and I agreed. It would have been perceived as a bit
rich of us to ask Rob, the landlord, for 4 halves when only nine of
us had pitched up in the pub.
Nevertheless,
who was the best contender for April Fool? Man-Pig had the best dress
but Beefy's choice of footwear had resulted in him ending up on his
back whilst traversing a muddy field. He was filthy but at least he
had a soft landing.
However,
and without a shadow of a doubt, the winner of Hash April Fool 2024
must go to Smellie. This is for organising a drink stop with no takers!
Down-Down substitute
In
the absence of Down-Downs, Slip-on-Me had provided her own version of
Jeux-sans-Frontiers. She had got a puncture in her Landrover.
The
wheeljack was just a fraction too short to raise the flat off the
ground. Post pub, Beeflicker, Man-Pig and Slip-on-Me returned to the
marooned vehicle. Some ingenuity in the form of a diver's weight belt
and Beeflicker's inch perfect reversing (with the jack still under the
car!) created just enough clearance to change the wheel. All sorted,
but probably not in compliance with any guidance from the HSE.
Next week
Next
week's Hash is from the Two Mile Oak, strangely enough 2 miles from
Newton Abbot on the Totnes Road. Our Hare is Piddler. Bring a newspaper
or a cardboard box! We are also advised that Broken Man should be
joining us.
On-On to next week. MP
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