TVH3 The Words for 27th May 2024

The Manor Inn, Galmpton

Run No. 2022

 

HARE: U-Bend

 

Who wuz there: U-Bend, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Arkangel (late), Bobbiball (even later - pub only) Hotlips, Zoot, Wetfart, Satnav, Ernie & stepson?, Only Here for the Beer, and returnees Poacher, Deep Semen & Mouldy Dick!

 

Circle

Another bank Holiday. They're a bit like buses. We'll have to wait till August for the next one yet Easter and May account for three. Eventually, 23 turned up for a trail that is always picturesque and well worth the journey.

 

Shitfaced is back and has no announcements. However, we do have a virgin in our midst. It is Ernie's stepson (stepgrandson? - apologies, I did not get his name). Accordingly, the usual liberal dousing of flour is applied to a pair of rather clean trainers.

 

Smellie requires Hares from July onwards and Poacher volunteers to set a trail in July .......corn permitting. I think this refers to a crop rather than a foot ailment.

 

Man-Pig thanked Zoot for putting the Devon A2B/SH4 Fallen Woman Memorial Hash flyer on the TVH Facebook page. This will commence on Saturday 1st June at 12.30 from Oxen Cove car park, Brixham TQ5 8AY.

 

Over to the becycled, or should that be bicycled, Hare. The most important information that U-Bend imparted was that the pub kitchen closes at 8pm. Hence anyone wanting food would have to do their own thing if they wanted scoff - not even time to do the Walkers' trail. 

 

As a result, we were treated to 5 trails! A Long, a Short, a Walkers, DIY for Hotlips and Zoot who were planning on eating and a mystery trail for Arkangel - when he eventually turned up.

 

Trail

Walkers and Shorts turned left out of the car park whilst the Longs went right. Zoot & Hotlips did their own thing and Arkangel had yet to arrive.

 

The Longs did the usual trail up to Coombe Lane. At the first check, we could have gone right and towards Higher Greenway but the FRB's (Beeflicker and Beefy) had already kicked it out left.

At a stile that leads to a public footpath across two fields, the Hare arrived on his mountain bike to ensure everyone went the right way.

 

The trail now took us across the A3022 at Hillhead and down the John Musgrove Heritage Trail to Higher Alston - all very scenic. In a re-run of Piltdown Man's grand day out from last year ,we carried on to Alston Cross and straight over into Churston.

 

I was running/hobbling with Deep Semen and Poacher just behind. We turned left and up towards Churston Court. The Pig missed an arrow and had to be called back by Deep Semen. The trail continued on the JMHT, skirting along the edge of Churston Golf course where we joined up with the Walkers' and the Shorts' trails.

 

We continued down to Churston Cove and then it was left along the beech towards Elberry Cove and thence Elberry Farm. 

 

At the bottom of Greenway Walk, we passed the South West Water pop-up bottled water distribution point for those not wishing to succumb to cryptospiridium.....or for those resellers hoping to sell on the bottled water to sweaty tourists at the peak of the summer (if the weather ever improves).

 

We passed under the impressive Isambard Kingdom Brunel designed viaduct (constructed between 1864 & 1866) for the now redundant, railway line down to Brixham. 

 

Then it was immediately left for a short trot up the footpath that leads onto the downs; across Bascombe Road, then across the A3022 and an easy canter past the remains of the windmill and the On Home.

Not quite the trail I was expecting. Hence a very big "Thankyou" to our sole Hare for a very picturesque trail - even the rain pretty much held off until we were changed and back in the pub.

 

Down-Downs

Man-Pig assumed RA duties for the evening. The first order of service was to thank pub for the beer.

There are no awards present this evening so it is open to the floor to offer stories - true or not.

 

Shitaced has a story about parking and the latest hybrid cars with parking assist. Now this is alleged to be new technology. Not so. Tonight's parking assist is over 70 years old and comes in the form of Georgy Porgy. 

 

A scene emerged that was reminiscent of the ground crew at an airport who use a couple of table tennis bats to guide aircraft into their parking spots adjacent the air bridge. Georgy was waving her arms this way and that in order to get Piltdown parked safely. What was the cause of such a song and dance? Was it:

i) Piltdown has a new hybrid, automatic, hire car and doesn't want to scratch it?

ii) the Hare's van was parked in the middle of the car park thus restricting vehicular movements?

 

So who to have the Down-Down? Piltdown Man or the Hare. A quick look at the SPL (Sound Pressure Level) meter revealed the loudest cheer for U-Bend.

 

Mouldy Dick comes up with the next story. This involves non-existent counter cyclical trails. Mouldy is walking the Shorts. then, surprise, surprise, he bumps into Satnav and Squeaky Bum walking towards him. 

 

Mouldy is assiduously following marks on the right; as advised by the Hare. The Walkers are following marks on the left. So, who is at fault here? Mouldy, Squeaky Bum and Satnav or the Hare?

A quick look at the decibel meter declares the Walkers as winners.....or losers, depending on one's perspective of what a Down-Down represents.

 

Squeaky Bum gets the beer and Satnav opts for the water. We have the songmeister with us so it's over to Pork Torpedo for a ditty.....S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L.

 

Next there is a story about friendly farmers and loose women. Pork Torpedo advises that the particular nature of the looseness was that a Harriet's tracksuit bottoms kept falling down. What was called for was a piece of baler twine. Now, where is a friendly farmer when you want one? 

 

Fortunately, Poacher was with us. Quick as a flash, he finds some cord running around the edge of a field. This he wraps several times around said Harriet's waist accompanied by a regular yelp and a jump from the Harriet. The baler twine is, in fact, a length of electric fence wire....and it is still connected!

 

 Whatamistakatomaka!

 

So who is our semi-naked, yelping and jumping damsel in distress? Horny!

 

Pork Torpedo inevitably comes up with a romantic love song....almost a lullaby. It is about about barrels and where they should be placed....."This is the girl for me!"

 

OK. So we're down to the final half pint. There is an apparition at the bar. An apparition that wasn't present in the Circle. It is Bobbiball.

 

Automatically there is a round of: "Bobbiball, Bobbiball, Bobbiball.........."

 

Has he arrived by bike, car, motorhome of Shanks's pony? It makes little difference. He is late so he gets the last DD.

 

Well, Bobbi was certainly late but not as late as one Hasher. Arkangel, not seen at the Circle, pitches up at 9.55.

 

"Where have you been?" Not on trail as it transpires.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Maddacombe Road, Kingskerswell. Our Hare will be OHFB and the trail will commence from his residence (map to be posted on FB). 

 

The On-Down is also chez OHFB and OHFB will be offering sausage, burgers and beer. If you want anything else, please bring it along yourselves.

 

On-On to next week. MP