The Words for 22nd July 2023
from Ausewell Cross, near Buckland-in-the-moor.
Hare: Pisswell
Who
wuz there: Piltdown man, Georgie Porgie, Wigwam, Mrs Sheen, Satnav,
Soapy, Melon Picker, Zoot, Hotlips, Beeflicker, Cheerio Beerio,
Forrest, Manpig, Squeaky bum, Rodger the dodger, Big End, Well hopped,
Miss Inn, Shitfaced, Justin, Strap on, Strap dancer, Bobbieball,
Fukarwe, Coldtits and Beefy (better late than never!) Ernie and his
grandson Corie, Plonker, Runner bean, Eliza and her son Devon, Speedo
(self invited and dropped off by Dad- Speedo pop!).
The circle:
Shitfaced
welcomed returnees and newcomers. There was a short disagreement
about who had invited a guest and could claim points for the Groomers
award. The virgins were then anointed in flour as per protocol.
No Smellie and trails all pretty booked up.
Manpig said that Hat rack, a former hasher has recently lost his wife. Our condolences to the family.
The
hare then discussed the scoff and sold off most of the remaining
meals she had booked. She explained the trail as per usual woffle.
There
were four trails. The dog trail needed humans to be kept on a lead,
as the hare had seen two deer and there were nesting peregrine falcons
in the valley below. A permit had been obtained from fountain
forestry and a gate unlocked, to help prevent jumping dogs. Another
gate would provide an alternative to a stile.
The walkers had a choice of two simple trails. ( in retrospect, ha ha!!)
The
longs were about 6.5miles, but two avoidable loops at the splits
would each cut off a mile, making the shorter result a better short
trail.
There was a mobile sweetie stop by van as Pisswell had already run 10 miles.
The trail:
Tricky song, play it as you sing along if you can!
Boney M . - Rivers Of Babylon (Lyrics)
youtu.be
From the rivers near Buckland
By the rivers above the Dart
We circled up
Which way we went
To see commandments at Beacon.
By Buckland-in-the-moor
Are Ausewell rocks
You went up there
If you wanted more running.
Through the trees, hare
Hurried us away to Buckland bridge
Through trees, kept off the road
Guess what was in the pisspot
As we stopped for hash cake.
Then the split came
Into the woods and behind the church
If you were on the long.
No stopping to take a chocolate
There’s no quaint cottage box.
Twiddly bit
From the directions from the hare
And the dedication to get there
Virgin ground, permit came right
Here tonight.
Then we climbed up to the rocks
and the Buckland Beacon commandments
Not acceptable was the height,
Climbed tonight
When the GM stamped his staff
rocks split in two
The words revealed
More complicated than Manpig’s!
By this stage all went there
We all bowed down
Yeah, we wept
Whilst we read and recovered.
Twiddly bit
By the rivers of blood and tears
Scratches from gorse
Ye ah, been steep
But grassy track to Ausewell
So we headed to Welstor rock
Jumped wall with stile
We ran “on down”
To the Silent Whistle.
The outtakes:
The
walkers were lost in about 5 minutes! Piltdown and Georgie Porgie
were retrieved in a field, and then admitted to calling out a check
back, when in fact a simple cross had been laid to avoid the walkers
going left (into someone’s private field). Turn right and there was
the trail!
She
directed them up past the recently fallen tree, she’d pulled aside,
so they then went up and missed the 10 commandments for a second time!
Pisswell
returned to the start to find a little team of walkers having a
picnic. She joined them for a while, giving up rounding up the injured,
and instead giving them more sustenance and a chance to make up a
plausible story!
Miss
Inn was just down the road at the entrance to Beacon cottages. Others
joined her including Shitfaced, who seemed exhausted and said he had
been doing a lot of swearing with Pisswells name in the middle! In
response, Pisswell sent him up the track, shouting go left, when in fact
she meant right!
Heading
down the road, Pisswell found more people at her main original
sweetie stop plan. Hash cakes were on offer, Ausewell or Welstor rock
cakes. Pisswell had made her own brew in the tea pisspot! Apologies to
all the hashers who had been through the empty SS at Buckland bridge.
(walkers fault delaying her!) The chocolate box cottages were minus
the chocolates, which were also offered from the van.
By
the return journey, most people were loaded with rocks (cakes),
chocolate and Piss-cider to renter the woodland at Beacon cottages and
begin the steep ascent to Buckland beacon.
Lots
of moans later, some people did actually see the 10 commandments
stones at the beacon! Though a few didn’t, no one was lost in the mist
up there and the descent down from Welstor rocks was a lovely grassy
track to the road.
The down downs
These took place at the Silent Whistle in Ashburton. Despite injury, Dodgy Forrest and his knee were persuaded to stay and RA.
He thanked the pub for the beer and asked if there were any awards.
Beefy
awarded the hashit shirt to Piltdown man for confusing all the
walkers and leading them astray. He drank to “ Hold it your hand, Mrs
Murphy”.
The
hare was moaned at for…too much shiggy, too many river crossings and
mainly “too flat”. She drank her down down to “ Why was she born so
beautiful…”
Wigwam
and Mrs Sheen had a romantic double down down. Having happily been
led astray as walkers, they then introduced the new “pretend to get
lost and have a picnic instead route!” They drank to “Here’s to
nitpickers, they’re so blue…” or something. (I can’t remember and so
made that up!)
The water down down was left untouched.
Next week: Ernie and Strap-on at the Court Inn, Abbotskerswell. On on from Pisswell. X
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