TVH3 The Words for 12th August 2024

Torquay Athletic Rugby Football Club

Run No. 2033 - Teapot's return!

 

HARE: Cheerio Beerio

 

 

Who wuz there: Cheerio Beerio, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Archangel, Hotlips, Zoot, Beefy, Pisswell, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Fukarewe, Ernie, Corry? (Ernie's grandson), Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Coldtits, Psycho, Runner Bean, Plonka, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Ned, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, U-Bend, Polyfella, Miss'Ing, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Wide Receiver, Wigwam, Mrs Sheen, Bobbiball, Miss Piggy, Satnav, Andy, Beth and virgins Peter (brought by Runner Bean) and a lady whose name I'm afraid I did not catch....and finally a big welcome back to TEAPOT!

 

Circle

Well, I pretty much missed the Circle. Like a lot of other Hashers, I was somewhat bamboozled by the parking arrangements. 

 

Fair enough, the Hare had advised that there were only about 10 free parking spots at TARFC....but where were they? They were immediately next to the clubhouse; the boundary between free parking and pay parking being delineated by some railway sleepers. 

 

The early birds comprising the Hare, Shitfaced, Pisswell, Forrest, Wide Receiver, Strap-On etc had bagged the free parking. For the others it all got, well, rather confusing.

 

First we had to identify the free and the not so free parking areas. Then we had to interpret some confusing signage regarding the parking at the Recreation Ground i.e. what if any of the parking spots were set aside for uses of the Recreation Ground (I didn't even know that the recreation ground and TARFC were one in the same). Then we had to work out how to pay. 

 

There didn't appear to be any ticket machines. Hence no way to pay by cash or card only. The Instructions on how to pay for your car parking seemed to require a combination of internet access and a credit card. 

 

Miss'ing couldn't access the Ringo app as she had a credit card but no mobile phone. Others had cash but no card. The preferred method of payment was by use of the Ringo app and registering a credit card. This, of course assumed:

 

1. that you had a smart phone

2. that there was decent signal strength

3. that you either had your credit card with you or could remember the number

4. that you were savvy enough to download and use the app

5. that you were comfortable with registering your credit card details on the app

 

This was all a bit of a faff and caused Cheerio Beerio no end of problems as one Hasher after another asked how do do this or that in relation to the parking. 

 

In fact, Cheerio was getting a bit flustered by it all. Some Hashers decided that they would double & treble park in the 10 free spaces and eventually got about 15 cars squeezed in. For others the cost and the faffing around was just too much. They simply moved their cars and parked on road.

 

For those that did use the Ringo app, the icing on the cake was, what I assume to be, a hidden fee. I assiduously followed the instructions on the Ringo app and registered my credit card. I paid £3.75 for three hour's parking as advertised. However, the app then bills me for £4.10. I had a good look at the parking signage and it looks as though there is no method of paying other than by the app. Hence the advertised prices constitute fraudulent misrepresentation as there does not appear to be any means of paying only the advertised parking charges without incurring a handling fee......or perhaps the advertised prices are out of date and the current fee is £4.10? Can anyone throw some light on the 35p discrepancy?

 

Eventually, I made it to the end of the circle and missed any announcements. Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy and Smellie were absent so no update on Hares but I think we're pretty OK for the foreseeable future.

 

It was over to the Hare who promised us some nice viewpoints and then fibbed about distances and directions. The Walkers' was about 1.5 miles; the Shorts' about 3 and the Longs' trail about 5 miles......allegedly. There was a sweetie stop and an opportunity for a swim (near the sewage outlet!). There was a single Long/Short split.....err plus the one at the entrance to the rugby club.

 

Trail

Wide Receiver was obviously paying less attention than I was and spent the first mile off trail. For everyone else, the Longs' turned right out of the car park and the Shorts' and Walkers' turned left along the seafront towards the centre of town.

 

The Longs went on a loop up Rathmore Road then left along Goshen Road, across Walnut Road, right along Rosery Road and Sandford Road before a U-bend into Millbrook Park. Up Mill Lane and onto Avenue Road. 

 

Up to this point, I was with the tail-enders on the Longs'; U-Bend, Soapy and Palmolive. By the time we crossed up to Chestnut Avenue and dropped onto the footpath between Torre Abbey and the Riviera Centre, I had caught up with Strap-On, Ernie and Pisswell. 

 

The trail took us across Torre Meadow (the bit without the Fair on it) to rejoin the Walkers' and the Shorts' trails along the seafront. Then it was left and up Shedden Hill Road, across the zebra crossing behind the site of the old Palm Court Hotel (long since been demolished and replaced with seafront bars and restaurants) and up onto Rock Walk.

 

Was this virgin territory for TVH3? I'm sure Bluebird will enlighten us.*

 

I have certainly done Rock Walk with AshHash a couple of times over the past two years but I don't recall ever having been up here with TVH.

 

At it's highest point, a VP had been marked. The sun is out and there is barely a cloud in the sky. We are treated to a spectacular view across the bay towards Brixham. We also have an eagle's (Seagull's) eye view of what is happening down at street level....including the FRB's heading back towards the rugby club. It was well worth the climb.

 

The descent took us down opposite the theatre and onto the promenade where we caught up with the Walkers. 

 

We followed the marks along the promenaded, zig zagging between tourists, young and old. 

 

Soon, "Man-Pig - stop". I had nearly overrun the sweetie stop. But this was no ordinary sweetie stop. This was a well orchestrated opportunity for a swim.

 

The pack divided into swimmers and non-swimmers. The landlubbers remained dry, nibbling Cheerio's titbits and taking in the view. In fact, Ablesemen and Slip-on-Me looked quite the part sat on their blue and white striped deckchairs.

 

"Enjoying your holidays my dears?"

"Oh yes".

 

For the swimmers, the initial shock of the cold soon faded and we had a job getting them out. 

 

Archangel had brought his kayak and was making sure that Hashers didn't get too ambitious and swim out too far. Beefy looked for all the world like a tourist on the Riviera. He had obviously been out in the sun whilst wearing a vest and he was now showing off his white bits. All he needed now was a knotted hanky on his head and he'd be a dead ringer for a 1960's tourist in Torbay.

 

Despite a thorough screening of all the Harriets exiting the sea, Man-Pig concluded that the winner of the wet T-shirt competition was Wet-Johnny.

 

Forrest decided to take on the role of hash-flash and snapped a couple of photos of the ensemble gathered on the beach whilst a wet Psycho decided to give a dry Man-Pig an unwanted wet hug.

When we got back to the rugby club, I did offer her the Hashshit shirt to dry herself with. It was declined. I can't think why.

 

Dip and nibbles over, it was back on trail. We continued along the promenade and then dropped down onto the beach for a couple of hundred yards before arriving at the Walkers/ Long & Short split opposite the rugby club. 

 

For the Longs and the Shorts, it was another drop onto the beach and then a climb up to Corbyn Head on the footsteps behind the beach huts....another piece of virgin territory. 

 

Beeflicker snapped a photo of the war memorial at the site of the Corbyn Head anti-aircraft battery.

The trail continued southwest along the edge of the A379 before an arrow had us crossing another zebra crossing and heading up Cockington Lane. 

 

The FRB's comprised Beeflicker, Beefy, Psycho, Well Hopped and a struggling Pig....too many sweeties at the sweetie stop. Another almost U-turn and back along Hennapyn Road and back to the rugby club.

 

There endeth the run. Yes, it was almost all road and no checks......at all. 

 

But this was more than made up for by the views from Rock Walk and Corbyn Head and the fantastic sweetie/swim stop.

 

A sterling solo effort by our Hare Cheerio Beerio....you can lay again!

 

*TVH has been along the Rock Walk in the distant past. A nameless hare once led the pack a merry dance in there with hashers colliding with each other on the sharp bends. 

 

Down-Downs

Back at the clubhouse, the undoubted highlight of the evening was the return of Teapot. I do not know who was more pleased to see who. Teapot has made a noticeable improvement over the past 10 days and came outside to witness the Down-Downs. 

 

Before the DD's, he told us how much he had missed us all and to thank all those that had been in contact with him.....we've missed you too Teapot....a lot.

 

It was also time to say goodbye to Wigwam and Mrs Sheen as they were returning to Poland early the next morning. Come again soon. It's always great to see you.

 

And then it's time for the Down-Downs with Forrest presiding.

 

The first up is U-Bend. He has the Shithead Hat. This he awards to Cheerio Beerio for getting in a fluster regarding confusing instructions as to how to pay for parking. There is only beer on the table so she elects for a glass of water instead. "Here's to the flustered one...."

 

Man-Pig was going to give the Hashshit shirt to the Hare for the absence of any checks. However, now that the water's gone and only beer left, he will have to find another candidate. Hence he turned his attention to a group of non swimming Hashers of a certain age. 

 

For some reason this group, who comprise Ernie, Strap-On and Fukarewe, are edging ever so slowly towards the southwest. What is the attraction? There nothing over there apart from three young women in the world's smallest bikinis trying to get on a paddle board.

 

"What paddle board?" pipes up Hotlips. Immediately, Man-Pig is gifted with the answer to his conumdren:

 

"To whom shall I give the Hashshit shirt?"

 

The Hashshit shirt immediately flies into Hotlips' arms for not paying attention at the swim stop.

"Here's to the short-sighted one....."

 

Another incident of short sightedness ....but what for & to whom? Cheerio Beerio reports on a very athletic hasher, but one who must be a little short sighted as he completed the first mile and a half completely off-trail. Didn't you Wide receiver? A note for the short-sighted one for the second time.

There is a story about an elitist Hasher who didn't want to swim with the main body of Hashers. So, he found his own beach for a private dip.......Roger the Dodger. A note for the elitist and a half pint of ale.

Shitfaced comes up with a wind-up story. He has convinced Forrest that his car has been clamped. Forrest panics and rushes over to his car. It is not clamped. "A note for the anxious one" or some such thing.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from somewhere near Manaton with Pisswell as Hare. Accurate details to be posted on the TVH3 Facebook page.

 

On-On to next week. MP