TVH3 The Words for 29th July 2024

The Court Farm, Abbotskerswell

Run No. 2031

 

Summer's Here - Strawberries & Cream washed down with a Pimms

 

HARES: Strap-On & Ernie with refreshment stop manned by Ernie's missus & grandchildren

 

Who wuz there: Strap-On, Ernie, Dawn (Mrs Ernie) & grandchildren, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Cheerio Beerio, Archangel, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Piddler, Fukarewe, U-Bend, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Coldtits, Warmfront, Psycho, Satnav, Wide Receiver, Eliza, Devon and virgin - Jonathan plus, for the second week running, returnees/visitors Wigwam and Mrs Sheen

 

Circle

For some reason the Circle seemed to take forever and there weren't even very many announcements. It was Teapot's birthday on Sunday and we all wished him well and a speedy recovery.

 

Smellie only needs Hares for three trails between now and the end of the year. What a hair-razor!

The flightless one was back in action. As Bluebird is also the web spider, Shitfaced encouraged him to promote the forthcoming TVH3 40th away weekend in a more prominent manner.

 

Cheerio Beerio put in a plug for a Wednesday night wet T-shirt competition under the guise that it was a Hash kayaking trip along the Teign estuary. Tuesday's kayak sales in Newton Abbot rose 300%.

 

A couple of Hashers broke hash protocol by leaving the Circle to re-park their cars, having originally parked them in the resident guests dedicated parking area - Cheerio Beerio and Piltdown Man.

No such qualms from Archangel who left his car parked in the middle of the guest parking area. He'd already got his kayak on the roof. Maybe he was hoping for a sneak preview? "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours" (Antoine from Eurotrash).

 

Eventually the Hares got to give their brief.

 

"Walkers' about 2.5 miles. Shorts' 4'ish. Longs' maybe 6 to 6.5 miles. There is one Long/Short split and a peculiar view point. Oh! Plus a refreshment stop".

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park and right up Wilton Road for a short distance before turning right again and up Court Road to our first check. This is the first time that I recall taking this route out of the Court Farm car park.

 

The obvious route was down a footpath that ended with steps down onto Slade Lane.

 

The marks now had us running up Odle Hill and turning into the light industrial estate at the Old Cider Works. This was virgin territory and I had no idea that this was an old lane and a public right of way onto Manor Road.

 

Outside one of the units was a Suzuki Bandit frame with USD forks; an abandoned chopper project perhaps - the forks maybe useful on Strap-On's Ducati street fighter project.....just a thought.

 

A check had us climb up Firestone Lane and then drop down Stoneman's Hill to the Walkers'/Long & Shorts' split at the cemetery.

 

The Walkers proceeded left down Coach Road and to the refreshment stop. For the Longs and the Shorts it was through the cemetery and across the Totnes Road.

 

Arrows then had us running towards Newton Abbot before being diverted down a raised pathway exiting at Bunting Close. 

 

Back on the A381 for a short while before another arrow and we were dropping down a grassy footpath, over a small footbridge and into Lang's Copse...and a check. In fact, quite a confusing check as I managed to catch up with the FRB's, Beeflicker, Warmfront, Psycho, Well Hopped, Pisswell and, amazingly, Bluebird.

 

I followed Pisswell up a steep bank as all the other possible routes had been checked out....allegedly. This was only to hear, "False trail" as we back tracked to the kicked out check and started again.

Someone asked if I'd seen Fukarewe who had gone AWOL. "No". I hadn't seen him. I'd been pretty much on my own since leaving Abbotskerswell. I thought the marks were pretty good so the mystery of the missing Fukarewe remained , for the time being, unsolved.

 

Inevitably Beeflicker found the trail and called "On-On" whilst Warmfront rebuilt the check and kicked it out in the wrong direction....... again!

 

We headed west on the high track above the River Lemon towards the ford below Emblett Hill.

Soon we came to the View Point. This was a fenced off piece of track above an old quarry know as the Puritans' Pit. It is a deep fall into this quarry and I recall running past here, in the dark on a winter's Hash, in the days before it was fenced off! 

 

Recently a cross and an explanatory plaque recording the story of the Puritan's Pit had been erected here; certainly within the past two years. It heralds back to the time when puritans were persecuted. I am assuming that this was about the same time as the Mayflower and the pilgrim fathers settled in North America in 1620.

 

Having read the history it was time to push on. At the ford I thought that we would turn left and up, past the water treatment works, towards Ogwell Green. No. It was right and wet feet time as an arrow directed us into the Lemon. Well, those of us that were foolish enough to follow the arrows when there is a perfectly good bridge just to the left.

 

Another check and we were running up the broad track (Ogwell Mill Road) past Bradley Barton. The dry footed Bird glided silently skyward and then, what's this, a road block? All the FRB's had stopped. A backckeck perchance? No. It was the lost Fukarewe running towards us!

 

Somehow he'd got off trail, then on trail only to find that he was now running it in reverse. After a quick chat and some directions, Fukarewe decided that he'd complete the trail in reverse. A decision that he'd come to regret. If he thought he was lost now he'd be reassessing his position by the time that he got to the Jolly Sailor at East Ogwell. 

 

Amazingly, the unfit Bird extended its ailerons, accelerated and took off [sic] not to be seen again.

At the end of Ogwell Mill Lane, the majority of the FRB's were out of sight. It was just myself and Pisswell at the tail end of the Longs, or so we thought. Unbeknownst to us, the injured Smellie (acquired a foot infection in Croatia) was assiduously following the marks and was only half a mile behind us.

 

Another arrow and we followed dots all along and down Barton Drive. Would we be veering left and up to the mobile phone microwave transmitter at Broadlands? No. 

 

At the bottom of Barton Drive the marks took us right and along Hunterswell Road and into Bakers Park. Up to the A381 then left and across the road and up the public footpath to the refreshment stop at St Mary's Church.

 

And what a refreshment stop it was.

 

We were all treated to bowls of fresh strawberries (with or without cream) and a glass of Pimms. The sun was out. The views were lovely and we weren't that far from the On-Down....serene.

 

In fact, it was such a lovely refreshment stop that the Topiary Twins helped themselves to seconds....you'll put weight on you know.

 

Suitably refreshed, we crossed to the east side of Coach Road and onto the public footpath past a farm and across two large, and usually boggy, fields up to Stoneman's Hill once more. 

 

This time we were not backtracking down Firestone Lane but continuing along Stonemans' Hill. I was running along with Psycho and a strange conversation ensued.

 

"Did you enjoy the drink stop?", I enquired.

"Yes. I had too sex."

Did I hear her correctly? What is she on about? Now, I do have a blocked ear and I am totally deaf in my left ear. As frustrating a this is, it does have some advantages i.e. I now have an excuse for not paying any attention to Mrs Man-Pig. But what is all this about "sex". It didn't make sense.

"Two sex?"

"Yes. It was so good I had two sex".

"Who with", I thought. Did I miss something? I was bamboozled.

"Two sex" I said again.

"Yes. So did Warmfront".

I really do need to get this ear syringed.

"Two sex!?"

Very loudly, "Two sets of strawberries and cream!"

 

All of a sudden we had turned right and along the fenced in footpath that leads to Manor Road back in Abbotskerswell. Then it was right and down Priory Road and back to the Court Farm. 

 

But not everyone was back. Smellie was just behind us as it turned out but there was no sign of Fukarewe or our virgin Jonathan.....not for the next 45 minutes anyway. However, by 9.45 we were all accounted for - even if Fukarewe had clocked up just under 10 miles!

 

Down-Downs

Despite still getting over a problem with his swollen nuts - all 20 of them, Man-Pig assumed RA duties for the evening. First was to thank the pub for the beer*.

 

"So. What did we think of the trail?"

 

A fantastic refreshment stop seemed to be the main theme and indeed it was. in fact it was so good that some of our Harriets had seconds. You know who you are you teletubbies you. Other, more seasoned hashers, merely settled for a second glass of Pimms.....so refined.

 

First up with an old award was Ablesemen. Able has the Turd Hat. It must go to a Hare for such an excellent trail and drink stop but which one? Only one way to find out. In a Cinderellaesque re-enactment Able makes each Hare wear the hat. It is a perfect fit for Ernie.

 

"Here's to the Shithead he's so blue........"

 

Next up with a story is a hoarder. It is U-Bend with not one but two awards, the Dickhead Hat and the Jester's Hat. 

 

U-Bend was on the Shorts' trail and running with Piddler and Cheerio Beerio. U-Bend was clearly not paying attention and only getting a part of the conversation between Cheerio Beerio and Piddler. U-Bend hears Cheerio say:

 

"I don't care what you call yours. Mine's called Dave and it's long haired" (these days....really? - ed).

Now the conversation was about sausages - well, sausage dogs actually so U-Bend may have put two and two together and got five on this occasion. 

 

Nevertheless, the Hats went to Cheerio and Piddler accompanied by, "Here's to the sex pests. They're so blue".

 

Piltdown Man has the Hashshit shirt. He also has a notebook of misdemeanours as long as his arm and he starts to reel them off. First he advises that he has been wearing the said shirt on trail and it is nice and sweaty. The list starts with:

 

1. Georgy Porgy getting caught short on trail and nearly needing the Hashshit shirt for mopping up operations.

2. Numerous Hashers getting lost

3. Man-Pig's nut problems along with a puncture

4. Cheerio Beerio exiting the Circle to move her car (no mention of Piltdown doing exactly the same!)

and finally the winner by a mile...or an extra 4 miles as it turned out.

5. Fukarewe gets the Hashshit shirt for going off trail and then rejoining the trail but electing to do it backwards. Not content with running it counterclockwise he gets lost again and ends up in East Ogwell...... a total of just under 10 miles! How did you get your name again?

"You're stupid. You're stupid. You're so damn dumb. If your Mother hadn't been there you'd be a lump of cum".

 

Finally, we very nearly had a first in TVH3. 

 

Next month is our 40th anniversary away weekend. Over the past 40 years we have never lost a virgin on their very first Hash. However, it was 9.45 and our virgin, Jonathan, had not returned. Thankfully he arrived safe and well just in time for the final Down-Down. well done.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Trenchford reservoir. Our Hare is Forrest Stump and the On-Down will be The Dolphin, Bovey Tracey. See the TVH3 FB page for the exact car park that we'll be using.

 

Footnote

Although the pub had offered to provide the beer gratis, Strap-On was a little embarrassed that there were so few takers for beer. So, our Hare actually paid for the Down-Downs on this occasion.

Thankyou Strap-On. An excellent trail with an unexpected and amazing Pimms & strawberries stop. Well done.

 

ON ON to next week! MP