BEEFLICKER AT THE DOUBLE

TVH3 The Words for 30th September 2024

 

The Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot 

 

Run No. 2043

 

HARE: Beeflicker (for the second consecutive week)

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Beefy, Peter (now Pocket Rocket), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Strap-On, Cheerio Beerio, Coldtits, Satnav, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Swinger, Psycho, Warm Front, Slip-on-Me, Manopause, Erection, Melon Picker, Soapy, Smash, Charlotte, Polyfella, Red Rum, Wide Receiver, Sarah & Andy (from the Park Inn)

 

Circle

In Shitfaced's absence, U-Bend assumed the role of acting GM. The only announcements were regarding food; a show of hands for a choice of traditional pasty, cheese & onion pasty or sausage roll? Orders are placed with the bar staff and over to the Hare.

 

No Beefuckery [sic] rollalong beer stop this week. Manopause drunk it dry last week! No sweetie stop either but there is a Short of circa 4 miles and a Long of nearer 6 miles plus a Walkers' trail.

"On On across the cricket field car park".

 

Trail

The first Long/Short split was almost at the start of the trail. The Shorts crossed over Kingsteignton Road and commenced the climb up towards Knowles Hill via Seymour Road.

 

Meanwhile, the Longs were sent on a wild goose chase around the more industrialised areas of Newton Abbot passing almost every car dealership in town. As usual, the Topiary Twins were leading the way up to Jetty Marsh roundabout, then right and down The Avenue, across the zebra crossing and then left along Templers Road towards Tuckers Maltings.

 

A check had Beefy on trail over the iron footbridge spanning the Stover canal and back up the canal footpath to Jetty Marsh roundabout....again. Here Beeflicker was casually waiting for us at another (suspiciously recent) check.

 

Beefy and the Twins checked up Jetty Marsh Road whilst The Pig checked up the steep steps that form the footpath up to the end of Rundle Road. A check, "On-On" and the Pig checks to the right.....wrong.

Everyone else is now ahead of the Pig and back on the Shorts' trail along Seymour Road. We drop down and onto Exeter Road and right at the next roundabout heading downhill towards the new Newton Abbot hospital; an area that Psycho should know well. However, at the end of West Gold Way we all get lost, checking this way and that but always seeming to find crosses.

 

By the time I arrive back at the roundabout, the only sign of life is Coldtits. We eventually get back on trail at Orleigh Avenue but both the Longs and the Shorts are well gone by this stage. 

 

From here on the marks are clear and we soon find ourselves climbing up the steps at the end of Orleigh Avenue and onto the edge of a main road without a pavement. It is the Exeter Road and we turn left and uphill. At the crest of the hill, we cross onto the footpath that will take us up to Highweek Church. 

 

The trail now veers left and across open ground near the mobile phone mast. From the dark I get a fright. It is three teenage girls chatting, unseen, on a park bench. "Keep going", they encourage me. I advise that I am not last as there is one solitary Hasher, Coldtits, behind me.

 

This is familiar, if somewhat dark, territory. Down, through a short stretch of woodland and out onto Pitt Hill Road where we would turn right.....but not tonight. Instead it is up and into Highweek then left and left again down Coombshead Road. 

 

Part way down Coombeshead Road there is a footpath that takes you down to Ashburton Road and the second Long/Short split. The Shorts look like they're going straight back to Newton Abbot via Barton Drive. The Longs deviate along Chercombe Valley Road and then Ogwell Mill Road and the track that takes us down to the River Lemon near Bradley Manor. 

 

The trail now follows the banks of the Lemon, first along the edde of a field, then a stretch of woods, a zigzag through an industrial area and eventually along the canal past Safeway and home....or not?

An arrow has us bearing right and into the pedestrianised centre of Newton Abbot for our last loop back to the Cricket Field car park.

 

Despite the previous day's heavy rains and horrendous winds, tonight the weather had been kind to us. Not even too wet underfoot. Another very enjoyable run courtessy of Beeflicker. Just what the Doctor ordered.

 

Down-Downs

Forrest has now embarked on his pantomime rehearsals (September!) so it was back to Man-Pig RA'ing. We commenced by thanking the Royal British Legion for having us and for providing the Down-Downs and for the cheap beer - Gundog at a staggeringly low £3.10/pint.

"So, what did we think of the trail?"

 

The usual banter but the concensus was that everyone enjoyed the mixture of town and country and no-one got lost. Hence the first DD (water) went to Beeflicker as Hare.

 

Next, "Who has any awards?"

 

It looked like a miliners' convention in front of me. Everyone and their dog had brought along a long lost hat. 

 

However, the first award was the Hashshit shirt. Beeflicker awarded this to Peter (Runner Bean's brother) for fantastic eyesight. Apparently he could see Plymouth City lights all the way from Newton Abbot. A note for the Bionic Man. Peter was just about to leave the Circle when he was nabbed by the collar.

 

"Isn't it about time that you were named?'

 

Some suggestions from the floor about mates, no mates, condoms.....all very confusing. Then his brother's profession as a rocket scientist was mentioned. Almost inevitably Peter got named, "Pocket Rocket". He was duly anointed whilst on his knees followed by, "Here's to Pocket Rocket......"

 

So who else has a hat and a story? Smellie has the Checking Chicken Hat. This she awards to Beeflicker for sexism on the Hash. When a newbie asks Beeflicker what the "L" stands for at the L/S split he responds, "Ladies". Does he now? We have run out of water so it is a beer for Beeflicker which was downed to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy...."

 

Wide Receiver has, somehow, got the Turd hat from Cheerio Beerio. This he awards to Polyfella for arrivng late. He also suggests that we sing S.H.I..Y. T.R.A.I.L. which would have been fine if the RA could spell! Still, he had. a go and everyone joined in.

 

There is still one hat to be awarded. It is the Jester's Hat and it is beginning to look like lost property as last week's recipient, Psycho, has been on the phone for 20 minutes. We take a pause as there are two 50th run badges to award. Piltdown Man, with his insider knowledge, correctly guesses that the milestone has been reached by Roger the Dodger and Beeflicker. Up they both come to receive their badges and a Down-Down each.

 

Psycho eventually finishes her stenography class in transcribing all of Encyclopedia Brittanica over the phone. She is just about to come up with a story but it is too late - she is the story! She gets to keep the hat and, additionally, gets a half pint of Gundog. There was a series of TV adverts run by BT many years ago. These featured a yellow cartoon bird called Busby. Hence, a note for "Busby" please.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Cofton Park caravan site club house. Our Hares are Coldtits and Polyfella. It is a Winfield Memorial Hash run and Hovel Annie, Sparky and Gobbler will be present.

Winfield loved holidaying on cruise ships and the run will be a fancy dress run and the theme will, accordingly, be cruising. Dig-out that sun cream lotion and your life jackets!

 

On-On to next week, MP