THE LAUGHING GNOME & A DRINK STOP FROM HEAVEN

TVH3 The Words for 21st October 2024

Cockhaven Arms

 

Run No. 2046

 

HARES: Roger the Dodger aided by minions Big End and Well Hopped

 

Who wuz there: Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Melon Picker, Soapy, Wetfart, U-Bend, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Ernie, Corey, Poacher, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Satnav, Ablesemen, Wet Johnny, Erection, Smash, Miss Mash, Threesum, Cheerio Beerio, Psycho, Wide Receiver and Justin & Dylan

 

Circle

Mild weather, a clear sky and the promise of a beer stop to rival that of last year's gnomaphonic affair attracted 35 Hashers and Harriets to the Cockhaven Arms. Despite its large car park, parking is always a bit a game. The key to winning it appears to be to arriving late. Wide Receiver pitches up just as a local is leaving and glides straight into the last available space. This is just after Psycho has to reverse backwards down and through the narrow car park entrance and park elsewhere........so elsewhere that when she returned after the run she couldn't find her car!

 

Announcements were fairly brief.

Threesum has raffle tickets for the Christmas Draw.

 

Smellie advises us that she has Hares up to the end of the year and, additionally, one for next year.....apparently the Bird is alive and fluttering somewhere and has made an early booking.

 

Soapy advises that next week's Hash is from Dawlish and that fancy dress is COMPULSORY.

Wetfart spoke with Teapot last week and advised that Teapot has, at least, found his sea legs. He has just returned from a cruise in the Azores. He continues to improve, albeit very slowly. Let's hope it keeps on going in that direction.

 

Finally, the Hare....or not. Roger the Dodger is out on trail setting up the drink stop. His Minions, Big End and Well Hopped, impart the following porkies/advice.

 

"Walkers about three and a half. Shorts about four and a half. Longs about five and a half. Left out of the car park".

Brief or what?

 

Trail

We turned left and ran up Cockhaven Road and an early Walkers split for the Longs and the Shorts. I think the Walkers went left and then up Bishops Avenue. The Longs and the Shorts continued up Cockhaven Road and then left up Shute Hill till its junction with Radway Hill and a check.

 

It was then up Radway Hill to The Bell where the pub's bright lights obviously disorientated U-Bend who took a tumble. Soapy and Pork Torpedo put Humpty together again.

 

Another check and now we were heading west along Manor Road and Teignview Road. At the bottom of a footpath, we arrived at the only Long/Short split. This was at the junction of Berry Hill and Teignview Roads. I think the Shorts trail took them down Berry Hill and back through Bishopsteignton.

For the Longs it was the inevitable UP. Up the footpath towards the golf club we wended. Somehow it seemed longer than I remember it. Through a metal gate and into a steep field. 

 

In front of me was Wide Receiver who, sensibly, was walking up this hill. Behind me was Big End sweeping the Longs. Past the reservoir, we hit tarmac and a check. Beefy had gone straight ahead. Psycho had gone right & wrong. Wide Receiver and Beeflicker had gone left and right. I followed. We were "On".

 

No golf course for us tonight. A long stretch of downhill allowed the pace to increase as we passed Radway Farm entrance to our left and cantered along what I think is Ashwell Lane. 

 

At Rowden Cross an arrow had us bear right. We were heading for the old Red Rock brewery....alas no beer stop. Surprisingly, I was keeping up with Wide Receiver and Beeflicker. We passed a peculiar road sign. It was the usual triangle warning sign, red edge white centre. What was not ordinary about it was the symbol at its centre. It looked to be a pair of juddering false teeth. Below this was another reflective sign. It read, "Incessant chatter next 3 miles!" Bloody council. It should have been placed a mile further back. Behind me were Beefy and Pyscho. They hadn't stopped yakking since the last check.

 

At the T-junction outside the back entrance to Lindridge Park was a check. I do not think that anyone was fooled. Beefy seized the opportunity to run ahead in order to snap some full frontals of the FRB's. Psycho was deposited with me. She did not break step. She did not break sentence. We ran down Humber Lane narrowly managing to skirt around the two large muddy puddles that are always here at this time of year. 

 

An arrow then had us sharp left and running down the rocky and muddy track southeast towards Colway Cross. "The sweetie stop" I thought, it would be at the same place as last year. Pete Tong!

Beeflicker and Psycho had a shoelace issue so I pushed on. Only Poacher and Beefy ahead. At the end of the muddy lane dismay. Beefy's torchlight had turned right. No sweetie stop at last year's pitch then!

Near Wolfsgrove an almost hidden public footpath sign took us left and past the side of a solitary house. This footpath led down a steep and usually treacherous slippery track. Just for good measure, there were also about four steps that surprised the unwary. 

 

As the slope began to ease, we arrived at a metal gate and the path now skirted the lower edge of a wood. More problems underfoot.....exposed roots. Eventually another gate and firmer footing heading downhill at the edge of a field. We hit tarmac but, just as we thought we were saved, it transpired it was poorly maintained tarmac on an unadopted road.

 

We now arrived at Forde Lane and a turn left up towards the centre of the village. Initially marks were on the left but then an arrow had us move to the right of the road, and for good reason. The marks led us down The Drive and past a small park/playing field to our right and then to the main Newton Road. We headed left. 

 

Flour had given way to large blue chalk arrows and then another odd sign; two S's but they were not side-by-side, they were one above the other. Wide Receiver arrived to declare to the befuddled (i.e. me) that this was the sweetie stop sign. But the stop was not here. It was across the Newton Road and down to the banks of the Teign passing a camping lamp, a large garden gnome and a trolley on the way.

 

The Walkers and the Shorts had had their sweetie stop and were walking towards us. Their head torches blinded the Longs who, wholly inadvertently, ran through the unseen swamp splattering the Walkers and the Shorts in their wake.

 

Over the railway footbridge and down the, uneven, steps. Whoa...behold! 

 

The drink stop from Heaven. 

 

On the table there was beer, lemonade, water, mulled wine and spiced rum. In the food hall, a small tent, there was a choice of savouries or sweets; crisps and Doritoes plus Murry Mints, wine gums and marshmallows. All illuminated with fairly lights. 

 

The river was calm, the sky clear and there was still 20 feet of flat beach exposed despite a rising tide. All-in-all, very tranquil. 

 

Well done RtD and his trusty bearded assistant, whose name I'm afraid, I've forgotten.

 

The Longs spent quite a time at the sweetie stop as Roger-the-Dodger was keen to have us consume everthing in sight. Psycho took it upon herself to liberate the entire table of drinks. However, she had it broadside-on and had difficulty getting it up the steps. Nevertheless, amazingly, nothing was spilled.

Eventually we ate and drank almost everything and it was time to make our way back to the Cockhaven Arms.

 

What a lovely drink-stop....the run wasn't too bad either!

 

Down-Downs

We commence the Down-Downs by thanking Rodger the Dodger for the beers. It also seems fitting that he should receive the first DD for such a fantastic drink-stop. We have the Songmeister with us and he commences with: S.H.I..Y.T.R.A.I.L etc.....

 

"Are the any awards?"

Horny has the Hashshit shirt . She wastes no time in awarding this to the thoroughly deserving U-Bend for his early fall. Pork Torpedo adopts something apt.

 

Psycho has retuned from a 6 week absence with no excuses but with the Jester's Hat...or is it a boomerang? No sooner has Horny got rid of one award she accrues another. I think her misdemeanour was to direct Psycho out of the upper car park when there was one large empty space clearly available.

Oh dear. I rather feared what might come next. It is THAT SONG! The one that you don't sing to your sweetheart on 14th February if you plan on the relationship surviving into the 15th!

 

We have a badge to award.

"Guess the number".

Wide Receiver must have insider knowledge as he immediately, and correctly, guesses 50. But to whom? The Pig drops some unusuitable clues and Cheerio Beerio comes up to receive her 50th run badge and a half pint of water as we hadn't got her a WKD.

Pork Torpedo offers up 'She's a little flat-chested but she's all right' .... hmmmm, and then it is down to our last half of ale.

 

There are no more awards but Pocket Rocket has a story. It is about that swamp again, the one on the way to the sweetie-stop. This is a story about a discourteous Hasher; a Hasher who failed to warn Pocket Rocket about the swamp. A note for the discourteous Erection.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Brunswick Arms, Dawlish EX7 9PB. Our Hares are Soapy, Palmolive and Melonpicker for the annual Halloween Hash. 

 

Circle up at the car park just behind the public toilets further along Brunswick Place on the left. DO NOT FORGET YOUR FANCY DRESS!

 

On-On to next week. MP