TVH3 The Words for 9th November 2024

Highweek Inn, Newton Abbot

Run No. 2049 Remembrance Day Hash

 

HARES: Ablesemen & Poacher

 

Who wuz there: Ablesemen, Poacher, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Archangel, Beeflicker, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie Ernie, Ted, Coldtits, Satnav, Wetfart, Smash, Psycho, Warmfront, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Roger-the-Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Threesum, Base Camp, Cheerio Beerio, Triple Jump, Red Rum, Graham, Only Here for the Beer, Dog End, Popeye and family and virgin Stuart brought by Coldtits and returnees, Ollie and Triple Jump - welcome back.

 

Circle

Shitfaced welcomed the huge pack of 40 to the Highweek Inn, 37 of which I think were runners.

"What number run is it Man-Pig?".

Silence, as The Pig has yet to arrive.

There were quite a few announcements.

Beeflicker is in need of a Santa Claus and some elves for his charity's grotto. Volunteers, please see Beeflicker.

Beefy advises that the next Devon Lunatics Hash is this coming Friday; 7.30 from the Star at Liverton.

Both Psycho and Wetfart provide us with an update on Teapot. Essentially, slow progress but in the right direction. Teapot is hoping to join us at an On-Down in the near future. It will be good to see him again.

 

There is a message from Fukarewe apologising for his recent absences. He has a peculiar work commitment which commits him to remaining on ferries between Harwich and the Hook of Holland 24 hours a day for 5 days a week. He hopes that this particular assignment will be complete by Christmas.....just one last rat to catch. Perhaps a return to old technology might be the answer.......get a Ship's cat!

 

Eventually, it is over to the Hare.

 

Ablesemen welcomes all and clarifies that Haldon Hash have now abandoned the plan of setting their Hash from the Highweek Inn. They have now relocated to Kingsteignton. Hence no overlapping trails to confuse the easily confused. Poacher adds that he has no idea as to distance but there is livestock in most of the fields, so "Dogs on leads please".

 

"Livestock in fields? On a trail from Highweek? Where on earth are we going?"

 

Being Remembrance Day, Ablesemen asked if we would all join in a minute's silence to remember all those who have served their country and especially those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our tomorrows. For the next 60 seconds we were lost in our own thoughts and the thankful reflection that, within our lifetimes, the world has been a relatively peaceful place. The 60 seconds conclude with a simple, "Thankyou", from Able.

 

We were getting chilly on a clear night so it was onto the first check at the edge of the car park.

 

Trail

We checked this way and that, eventually picking up the trail leading down Ringslade Road and then we ground to a halt.....somewhat perplexed. There was an undecipherable mark on the grass. It looked strangely like a fish hook but the Hares hadn't mentioned fish hooks in the Circle. Warmfront didn't even know what a fish hook was. Beneath the fish hook (if it was a fish hook) should have been a number. Instead we had a dodgy smattering of flour. We stayed there scratching our heads until Poacher arrived and deciphered the hieroglyphics.

 

"First 9 of you here, go back to the Hare". And so the hapless nine FRB's cantered back to Ablesemen who was someway back.

 

About turn and back down to the new roundabout on the Bovey Road. Head scratching metamorphosed into navel gazing as we encountered a check. The trail now took us up towards Forches Cross. The FRB's had missed an arrow crossing the road and Poacher had to call them back. 

 

The trail now took us down Greycoat Lane and the Walkers split at the T-junction near Twelve Oaks caravan and camp site. The Walkers headed right and towards the Old Exeter Road. For the Longs and the Shorts it was left, past Twelve Oaks Farm and onto Teigngrace and a back check.

 

At this point the Pig was, surprisingly, an FRB along with Beefy and Wet Johnny. But where were Beeflicker and the Topiary Twins? It didn't take long for Psycho and Warmfront to catch up. The back check now had us going down the gravel driveway that takes us to Locksbridge where road, canal and railway converge.

 

Across the railway line and, behold, the one and only Long/Short split. A very fast Pocket Rocket is first to take the Short. I wish I'd followed. For the Longs, Man-Pig, Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Pisswell, Warmfront, Psycho, Ernie, Ted, Big End and Well Hopped it was left and up the Templer Way on the banks of the Stover Canal. At Ventiford Bridge a single mark had us bear right and into fields.

 

We were now following the southern bank of the Teign downstream. Marks we few and far between but Beefy found the trail marked over a wooden footbridge where we ground to a halt. 

 

We were sure that the trail would have taken us east on the northern bank of the Teign. However, we were faced with a gate, no discernible footpath and a steep mound to our left that we didn't recognise. Big End checked over the gate but found nothing. Beefy checked upstream and found marks but these were clearly going to take us in the wrong direction. It appeared that we should have forded the river a little way upstream and approached the bridge from the other side. Indeed, looking at the OS map, I can now see that we were not on the bridge that we had thought we were on. That was another 600 yards downstream. We were on a bridge near Mortimer's farm and I'm not sure that I've ever been on this one before.

 

The trail was now a simple "follow the banks of the Teign" down to where it passes under the Old Exeter Road. This is a long old hike and the FRB's were beginning to get a bit stretched out. However, it was a clear night and it was nice to see the torchlight of the FRB's now some 400 yards ahead of the trailing Longs.

 

At the Old Exeter Road I was convinced that it would be up to the A382 and straight across and "On Home" up Whitehill Road. Pete Tong. I had merrily carried on over the bridge when a voice behind me called "On back". Some mistaka - Shirley? No it wasn't Shirley and it wasn't a mistake. The trail crossed the road and was now following the redundant railway line along the western bank of the Stover Canal. We were heading back towards Newton Abbot. A quick GPS check with Ernie revealed 4.75 miles so far. This was going to be a six miler and the pub kitchen wanted us back for scoff by 8.45 - no chance.

 

Sure enough, the marks took us up and onto the roundabout at the end of Jetty Marsh Road near Newton Abbot Hospital. Then it was up towards Coombeshead School roundabout and across the Bovey Road. An arrow had us bear right and the climb upto the public footpath that would take us up to Highweek Church. Here we caught up with Ablesemen and Strap Dancer, then Ollie, Roger-the-Dodger, Strap-On and Poacher, eventually catching up with Big End and Well Hopped just past the Church.

 

It was a good old canter. I was going to enjoy my well earned pint; 6.3 miles on our first crisp evening of the autumn.

 

Down-Downs

The RA commences by thanking the Hash for the beer.....or lager as it turned out.

 

What did we think of the trail? Very good. So good that the Hares may even get a Down-Down this evening. First, let's see who has remembered to bring an Award and who has any stories, authentic or otherwise.

 

Warmfront was amongst about half a dozen or so people who had the Jester's Hat on their head at some stage during last week's firework Hash. This she awards to Pisswell for unladylike language on trail.

"I'm going to catch that Wet Johnny. Hunt him down and rub his face in the mud". Oooooerrrrr, missus. The RA was trying to think of the name of the Greek Godess of Hunting. Beefy came to his assistance with Diana. Accordingly, a note for "Diana".

 

Shitfaced has the Horned Hat and has a story about a Hasher discussing first dates and what they might do to woo the heart of another. Now, buying one's new beau a plug doesn't immediately spring to mind. There then followed a rendition of the Two-Ronnies' hardware store sketch:

"Plugs. Do you have any plugs?"

"Yes. Rawlplugs. Solid or hollow core door?"

"No".

"Concrete or masonry?"

"No. No. No."

"Oh. Bath plugs! 1 1/2 inch or 1 3/4 inch?'

"No!"

"Aha. Plugs! Square pin or round pin?

Again, despondently, "No".

"13 amp or 5 amp?"

Exasperated, "BUTT PLUGS. BUTT PLUGS!!!"

Without a change of expression or tempo:

"Latex or rubber?"

A note for "The butt plug charmer".

 

No more awards but Poacher has a simple story. This is about a Hasher who has left the lights on in his car but insists he hasn't. The guilty party is Beeflicker but he can't drink because he is driving. It is suggested that Poacher nominate last week's hangover merchant, Psyco. Psycho is so nominated.

In a return to tradition, Ablesemen and Poacher as Hare and Co-Hare are awarded the last two drinks,: Poacher's to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from a new venue for Teign Valley. We are running from the Prince of Orange, 180 Barton Hill Road, Torquay TQ2 8HN. Our Hares are Smash and MissMash.

 

On-On to next week. MP