"Brrrrrrr"

TVH3 The Words for 2nd December 2024

The King William IV, Totnes

Run No. 2052

HARE: Wet-Johnny

Who wuz there: Wet-Johnny, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Ernie, Ted, Melon Picker, Soapy, Ablesemen, Judgemental, Smash, Miss Mash, Satnav, Slip-on-Me, Rise'n'Shine, Mateus Rose, Twiggy, U-Bend and returnee Total Recoil

Circle

On the drive over the outside temperature dropped to 4 degrees. Brrrrrr. It was going to be a cold one. In the absence of Shitfaced, U-Bend assumed the role of GM. Are there any announcements?

There was a reminder from Piltdown about this weekend's TVH3 Christmas party at Teignmouth Rugby Club. "Meet at Weterspoons, Teignmouth from 6pm onwards....in fancy dress".

Man-Pig had a brief announcement regarding Broken Man. The Pig had attended South Hams Hash pre-Christmas Bash at Grenville House, Brixham, but only to do the Saturday afternoon run. He was pleased to report that Broken Man was there and was helping out at the refreshment stops. Broken Man told the Pig how much he'd enjoyed his road trip down to Spain during the summer. Additionally, how he was so much looking forward to having his grandchildren come down for Christmas. Basically, as good as could be expected, and we all wish Broken Man and family a lovely Christmas.

Finally, the Hare imparted some misinformation/fake news.

"The Walkers' trail is about 2.5 miles; the Shorts' about 4 and the Longs' about 5 to 5.5. There are two Long/Short splits."

Trail

The whole pack started by running down Fore Street and across Albert Bridge. The Walkers were directed down and onto the banks of the Dart where they would follow the riverside footpath upstream to Weirfields. The Longs and the Shorts carried straight on and to an arrow that took them right and onto Pathfields. Overtaking Soapy and Judgemental before another arrow, had us bear right and along Steamer Quay Road; "The marshes" I thought.

Another arrow and another bear right across Steamer Quay car park and onto the footpath next to the river - heading downstream. I pass Pisswell but there is torchlight ahead as another arrow has us divert inland and across a smaller car park and back onto a tarmac footpath. Up until this point the marks were excellent but now there were none. Was I wrong to commit to the marshes? Yes.

Backtracking, Total Recoil was the first to find marks near the bottom of Sparkhays Drive. We commenced the steep zigzag climb up the newish (10 years old) footpath that lead us up to Home Reach Avenue. Looking behind us, we could see the parade of torches zigzagging and following us up from the Dart. At the junction of Home Reach Avenue and Weston Lane, Man-Pig, Total Recoil and Judgemental arrived at the first Long/Short split. We all went Long.

For the Shorts, it was a left turn and a descent down Weston Lane and Seymour Place and then back onto Bridgetown Road near the Albert Inn.

Unsurprisingly, Beefy and Beeflcker were ahead of us and Pocket Rocker wasn't far behind us. The trail now climbed past Weston House and up to the highest part of Bridgetown where a check had been kicked out along Blackpost Lane. It was getting decidedly windy and a tad chilly up here. Fortunately, we soon came to another check kicked out towards Dukes Road.

At the first junction, the trail took us down Courtfields but Beefy and Beeflicker had to be called back as they had embarked on an excursion to the lower reaches of Dukes Road. This allowed Pocket Rocket to catch up.

We were in a housing estate now and out of the wind. Courtfield is a cul-de-sac...well it is for cars but not for Hashers.

Marks now had us on a footpath that was a mixture of flat and steps that followed a brook all the way down to Weston Lane where we rejoined the Shorts' trail.

We now headed up to the bottom of Bridgetown Hill and followed marks around and over Brutus Bridge where we rejoined the Walkers' trail on the banks of the Dart.

Beefy, Beeflicker, Judgmental, Total Recoil and Pocket Rocket had stolen a lead but were still within earshot as we left the banks of the Dart and headed up Weirfields next to the Kevics playing fields. Pocket Rocket had slowed down and I eventually catch up with Total Recoil and Judgmental as we cross the A385 and start heading up the Western Bypass.

About 100 yards distant, we see a loiterer in a hi-vi jacket. Could it be a Hasher? Yes. It is wet-Johnny who is now the one-man-sweetie-stop. It is also the second Long/Short split. A couple of fizzy-chewy things later we are presented with a choice.

"Shorts straight across and onto Malt Mill and Castle Street. Alternatively, Longs is On up the hill", all said with a glint in his eye.

I am getting thirsty and the Short is tempting but Wet-Johnny is bound to have us turn left at Cistern Street or, possibly, carry on up to Kingsbridge Hill before turning left. Total Recoil is left to run up the Western Bypass whilst Man-Pig and Judgemental adopt a slothful walk. We see Total Recoil's torchlit shadow pass Cistern Street. Bugger. It's left at Kingsbridge Hill. Total Recoil is far distant now but we are sure that he's pushed on past Kingsbridge Hill turning. Double bugger. He's not going up to the toll house....is he?

Oh yes he is.

Bugger, Bugger. Bugger. It's going to be Fishchowter's Lane. Wait till I get my hands on Wet-Johnny.

And so it transpires that Judgemental and I catch up with Total Recoil on Fishchowter's Lane which, by day, is a beautiful track. We follow the track back down and onto Maudlin Road, Leechwell Street and cross The Lamb for the final descent down High street and back to the pub.

Total Recoil elects not to come to the pub as he has two jacket potatoes in the oven. Judgmental starts doing some warming-down exercises outside the pub as he now has to wait for Pocket Rocket. I go back to the car park where the first person that I see is Pocket Rocket.

"Judgmental is waiting for you outside the pub".

"Oh. I am waiting for Judgmental by his car"....and so you are. I wonder who is waiting on whom here.

Down-Downs

Back in the pub most Hashers have finished their Hash scoff so it is not long before we commence the Down-Downs. Man-Pig is the only RA present. We will all be glad when Forrest finishes his pantomime rehearsals for a change of RA.

Anyway, Rob the landlord has come up trumps again and put on a Hash menu in addition to providing the Down-Downs so we start by giving a big "Thankyou to the pub".

Are there any awards? The Pig is looking directly at U-Bend.

"Hashshit shirt?"

"Oh. It may be in the van".

Too late to get it so the only award present is the Jester's Hat. By rights it should be in Wetfart's hands but he couldn't make it so the Pig must find a worthy recipient - guilty or not.

The Pig describes the mix up in meeting points between Pocket Rocket and Judgmental. Pocket Rocket is at Judgmental's car but with no car keys. Judgemental has the keys but he has no passenger present with him outside the pub....as agreed. Accordingly, Pocket Rocket gets the Hat and a round of, "Hold it in you hand Mrs Murphy".

No awards left so onto stories; possibly true but often probably not.

Melonpicker has a story about a would be alcoholic but who is, in fact, a coke addict. He feeds his habit by stealing. Most recently under the guise of pretending to eat. Whilst sitting nicely he chomps through his chips and chilli. He looks straight ahead, continues munching, and deftly moves his right had towards a glass. His skill is in not switching his gaze. He locks his claw around the glass and brings it upto his lips. "Ah. That rush of coke. Coke? I bought a beer!" Meanwhile, Melonpicker is scouring the table looking for where he'd left his pint of coke, 50% of which now resides in Judgemental's tummy!

A Down-Down for Judgemental accompanied by, "Here's to the coke addict...."

Pocket Rocket has a story. It is about the folly associated with failing to pay attention to roadsigns. The Longs are running down a steepish hill. There are warning signs for traffic calming measures in the form of road humps. The next thing is a not unreasonable and impromptu attempt at the triple jump by the FRB. He hops, slips and jumps his way down the road after snagging a road hump. Our Olympian triple jump finalist? Man-Pig. Beefy comes up with a song whilst the Pig gargles his half pint into oblivion.

The last half. I didn't clearly catch what Beeflicker was saying but I think the long and the short of it went something like this. Pisswell and Beeflicker have got off trail. Beeflicker consults the mapping app on his phone to find out where they are. This is only partially successful. They know where they are but they don't know where they should be. Pisswell says:

"It's a shame we don't have a phone. We could phone the Hare and ask where we should be". And so you could. A note for "Clouseau", the observant one.

A final reminder to everyone about this weekend's TVH3 Christmas Party and it's time to wend our way home.

Next week

Our hare(s) for next week's Hash are definitely U-Bend, hopefully assisted by Poacher. The venue will  be The Smugglers (Teignmouth - Dawlish road).

On-On to next week. MP