TVH3 The Words for 23rd December 2024

The King's Arms, Kingsteignton

Run No. 2055 Christmas Raffle Draw "Wot....no Hares?"

 

HARES: The Invisible Man & Harry Potter and his invisibility cloak - alias Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who might have been there:

Runners & Walkers - Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Only Here for the Beer, Beefy, Pisswell, Pocket Rocket, U-Bend, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beeflicker, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Warmfront, Psycho, Red Rum, Melon Picker, Soapy, Roger-the-Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Ernie, Coldtits, Smash, Miss Mash, Miss'ing, Gagga-4-it, Triplejump, Arkangel, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Wide Receiver and a big welcome to a visitor from Isca hash - Spocky Bitz

 

On-Down only: Threesum, Base Camp, Cheerio Beerio, Darcy, Eve, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Teapot, Pork Torpedo, Hornie & Satnav

 

Circle

The only thing missing from the Circle were the Hares....and I know not why?

 

Shitfaced welcomed everyone to the TVH3 Christmas raffle run 2024. The only announcements were that all of the raffle tickets had been sold; food was being provided by the pub and would Hashers please contribute by putting something in the pot during the evening?

 

Man-Pig advised that he had visited Doris the previous week and found her to be perfectly lucid and having had a good old chat about the Hash.

 

Beeflicker advised that he was the Hare for next week's run from the Criket Field car park, Newton Abbot. It would be more of a pub crawl than a Hash so bring MONEY!

 

At this point, we would normally hand over to the Hares for a briefing about the trail. However, and I think for the first time in TVH3's history, there were no Hares present. In the past we have started plenty of Hashes in the absence of the Hares. This was usually because they were still out laying the trail. This evening was different. The trail had been laid. The Down-Downs had been paid for but there would be no Hares......and no explanation as to why. Nevertheless, it was left to Shitfaced to brief the pack:

 

"There is a Walkers' trail and a Shorts' trail"........silence........and......more silence. " If you want to do a Long, go around twice!" (or even thrice?)

 

Trail

The Short's trail was a simple run around Hackney Marshes looping up through the Passage House and back into Kingsteignton. The 1.9 mile loop did take in some virgin territory through the new housing estate above the Passage House. Here we encountered lots of Christmas illuminations and the marks were clear and frequent....until we reached The Bell Inn. The FRB's were now running back towards me. They had encountered an "On Home" mark just outside The Bell but it was pointing back whence we came. I ignored it and carried straight on only to encounter another "OH". This time pointing back to the King's Arms. I am surmising that the first "OH" was supposed to have been an "On Inn" for the Walkers i.e. walk up to The Bell, have a pint and walk back again.

 

Some did, indeed, go round again. Beefy and others were last seen heading down Kingsteignton Road towards the racecourse. The main thing was that we all got back in plenty of time for the draw.

 

Down-Downs

Forrest must have finished his panto season by now. Nonetheless, he was AWOL so were we left with the Pig as RA. We commenced by thanking the pub for having us and welcoming back Teapot and our visitor from Isca Hash - Spocky Bitz.

 

The potential for awarding a Down-Down to the Hares was negated by their absence, so who has an Award from last week?

 

Beeflicker has an Award and a set of car keys .........that aren't his. So which Nissan owner is missing their starting apparatus? It is Ablesemen. Almost by definition, Ablesemen is driving so she elects for a glass of water. "Hold it in you hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Next up is Well Hopped with the Horned Hat. There is a story of someone who isn't very well in the family and who has been diagnosed by someone else in the family.....who is not a qualified Doctor - Roger the Dodger. RtD arrives front and centre muttering, "This is what happens if you go out with your daughter". Accordingly, a note for the incestuous one.

 

Awards are coming thick and fast. Warmfront has a story about someone on the Longs who nearly got run over by the smallest car on the planet. Our absent minded Jay walker is Psycho. A note for the Jay walker.

 

Shitfaced reminds us all of an incident that occurred many years ago when running from this very pub. An incident so lewd that it resulted in the arrest of one of our senior citizens. For those that havn't been running with us very long, Wetfart was called up to recount the tale of his indecent exposure charge. As Wetfart was chauffeuring Teapot, he also elected for a water accompanied to the Grand Old Duke of York.

 

I think Awards had run out by this time so there was a call from the floor about anyone having a birthday recently? The most recent birthday was U-Bend's last Wednesday. However, on this occasion, a birthday alone did not warrant a Down-Down. Man-pig got out his phone and showed Darcy, Cheerio's daughter, a photo of a van.

 

"Could you read out the number plate on this van?"

Darcy read it out.

"Who's van is this?"

"Mine" says U-Bend

"What is the van parked on Darcy?"

"Double yellow lines!"

A note for Reginald Molehusband - the worst parker in town (for those of you who might recall the public safety advert on the TV from the early 70's).

 

At this point, the bar staff start to bring the scoff out. There is only one beer left so we push on with the show.

 

Shitfaced suggests that the final half should go to Threesum. This is as a thanks for all the effort that she has put into arranging the raffle. And very well deserved too. However, once Threesum has the half of ale in her hand, another story comes to light. 

 

An FRB that had been around the Shorts twice was a tad thirsty when they arrived back at the On-Down. So thirsty in fact that they couldn't wait in the queue for a beer. Spying an unguarded pint, our thirsty Hasher takes a huge, and uninvited, gulp out of Threesum's pint. Not for the first time, our beer monster is none other than Psycho. A note for the alcoholic and then it is onto the raffle.

 

In an attempt to speed up the raffle, we now have two dips into two different buckets. The first dip generates the winner and the second dip identifies the prize. It takes about the same time as the previous "first out of the bucket gets first choice of prizes". 

 

Nevertheless, we proceed with the raffle as fast as possible with Wet Johnny and Only Here for the Beer appearing to scoop the majority of the prizes. As improbable as it seems, the two pies are won by Shitfaced.

 

We end by thanking the committee for organising the raffle and wishing everyone a Happy Christmas and, for those who are not doing next week's Hash, a Peaceful 2025.

 

Thankyou all for coming and making it so enjoyable.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Cricket Field car park, Newton Abbot. Our Hare is Beeflicker and we are promised more of a pub crawl than a run, so leave your car at home and bring beer tokens!

 

On the subject of pub crawls, AshHash's 12 pubs on Christmas will take place on Saturday 28th December. Wear fancy dress. It will commence from about 5.30 from The Railway then it usually makes its way to Tuckers Maltings followed by Weatherspoons (Richard Hopkins).

 

On-On to next week and a very Merry Christmas to one and all. MP XXX