Newfoundland Road car park followed by The Cider Bar
Run No. 2061
"Mud. Mud. Glorious Mud. Nothing quite like it....."
HARE: Beeflicker
Who
wuz there: Beeflicker, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Beefy, Pisswell, Smellie,
Red Rum, Warmfront, Psycho, Melonpicker, Soapy, Palmolive, Ablesemen,
Coldtits, Satnav, Slip-on-Me, Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped,
Wet Johnny, Fukarewe, Twiggy, Mateus Rose, Wide Receiver, a lady
returnee/visitor (apologies, I didn't' get your name) and one virgin in
the form of Wide Receiver's son (again, my apologies for not getting
your name)
Circle
Twenty-six.
Not a bad number for early February. I bet the Harriets are thankful
that Fanuary is over......I wonder who got to do the judging this year -
not me

Shitfaced
welcomed Wide Receiver's son as a Teign Valley virgin and mentioned
that the Awards' Night voting forms would be available in the pub
afterwards. Additionally, subscriptions are now due but, as Threesum is
currently sunning herself abroad, we've all got about a fortnight
before the enforcer comes banging on our doors.
Smellie needs Hares for all of April.
Over
to the Hare. Beeflicker's first comment was that, "It is muddy". The
farm track opposite Wolborough Church (the infamous field forever known
as the 'Slurry with the Flour on top') mmediately sprang to mind. We
were given very precise distances; Walkers' trail 1.6 miles, Shorts'
trail 3.7 miles and the Longs' at 5.1 English country miles.
Trail
The
Longs' consisted of the usual suspects: Beefy, Wet-Johnny, Warm Front,
Psycho, Pisswell and Man-Pig. Wide Receiver may well have been on the
Longs as well but he was not seen again until we were back in the car
park. He could have been well out in front but the absence of
kicked-out checks suggested that he was probably chaperoning his son
around the Shorts' trail.
The
trail took us out of the car park and then up the uncomfortably steep
Powderham Road and to the first of three Long/Short splits. Unbeknown
to us, the Longs would be on their own for the rest of the trail;
destined never to meet up with the Walkers or the shorts until the
On-Down.
The
Shorts and Walkers would have carried on uphill to Courtenay Road.
Meanwhile, Warmfront led the Longs steeply down Tudor Road and then
right into Tudor Close. Psycho was in hot pursuit and was particularly
easy to follow by virtue of her glowing LED ankle bracelets - a prize
from the TVH3 Christmas draw. My guess is that we then ran through one
of the many alleyways in this part of town and into Webster Close,
another alleyway and into Webster Road. Up some steep steps (part of a
Melonpicker/Soapy trail from a couple of years ago) up Bowden Hill, yet
another alleyway and finally a path up to Courtenay Road - the latter
definitely virgin territory..
Here
the Hare was waiting for us to ensure that we rejoined the Walkers
and the Longs on the track that links Courtenay Road with Hilltop
Meadow; across South Road and then another stepped alleyway downhill
and onto College Road. A right and a left and downhill Penshurst Road
to Coach Road. I was certain that we'd now be making a B-line straight
to Wolborough church - Pete Tong.
An
arrow had us down the broad track into the back of Decoy Park. The
marks up to this point had been excellent but by now they were few and
far between - something with big tractor wheels had been up and down
this lane recently and obliterated the marks. However, the tracks
looked larger than those made by regular tractor tyres; bigger even
than the Ford County. They were almost certainly made by a large
articulated JCB style earth mover - a rubber duck.
The
Hare was with us and relaying the obfuscated marks. At the end of the
track, the trail took us right and over the top of a huge hill and
towards Abbotskerswell. Once out of the woods, we were faced with
something new. Over a quarter of a mile of Heras fencing separating the
public footpath from open fields - regrettably now destined to be yet
another housing estate.
Newton
Abbot is rapidly becoming a huge housing estate. Coach Road is used
as a rat run and it is pretty narrow. Cars always have to stop or
reverse to get past each other. Frankly, access is terrible so how on
earth have Devon Highways allowed planning permission to go through on
this development?
"Where are the jobs coming from for the occupants of all these new houses?" I ask Beefy.
"No
jobs. Not even locals. This will be social housing for those
displaced from Manchester and Liverpool. Rents are cheaper down here."
So,
the beautiful Devon Countryside is destined to become a dumping
ground for homeless from the big cities. One thing is for sure,
there's precious little work down here and that which is available is
not partcularly well paid. I rather fear for the future if this trend
continues.
Party
Political Broadcast over we reach the summit. A solitary post marked
"Footpath". It points to our right and along the crest of the hill. We
exit onto Stoneman's Hill and encounter a check. The Topiary Twins
are checking out towards Abbotskerswell whilst Beefy checks out
towards the cemetery. He is on. At the crest of Stoneman's Hill there
is an arrow. As predicted, it is pointing into a field that is usually
very boggy and particularly rutted due to cattle. I am always
perplexed as to the physics that enables the top of a hill to become
such a quagmire.
Another
public footpath is marked along the eastern flank of a steeply
descending hill. In front of us, we can see the floodlit Wolborough
church. Again, and as predicted, a very boggy patch just before we left
the field. The track past the farm is usually pretty even but not
tonight, Josephine. Again, evidence of rubber duck movement abounds.
At
the church, we meet up with Pisswell who appears to have taken a
little detour (SCB more like). We now descend down the footpath
opposite to the junction between the Old Totnes Road and the A381. It
will now be right and a short canter back to the car park. In truth,
not as muddy as I had thought after heeding the Hare's warnings. Wong.
Wong. Wong.
Feck
me! An arrow.....and it is not pointing towards Newton Abbot. It is
pointing towards Bakers Park. OK, just a little loop past Safeway I
thought.
I
thought wrong. Another arrow had us slip-sliding our way up one side
of the River Lemon towards East Ogwell. Eventually, we reach the small
footbridge and it is back down the other side of the Lemon towards
Newton Abbot - but not towards Safeway.
The
Hare is with us to impart guidance but the marks are now fine. At
this point, I get a little disorientated. I am pretty sure that we
follow a footpath that leads onto Hunterswell Road.
Eventually, we end up on Barton Drive. We cross Barton Drive and find ourselves climbing up the steps to Broadlands.
Just
below the microwave transmitter for mobile phones, we look back from
our vertiginous viewpoint. Beeflicker points out whence we came to
Psycho. In the distance, is the floodlit tower of Wolborough church.
"Have we just run past there?", enquires Psycho incredulously. Yes indeedee!
The
final part of the trail (well, final for everyone except Beefy who
has his own special "B" trail to follow right at the end) takes us
along Brownhill's Road and St Anne's Court, up a short flight of steps
and to the corner of Halcyon Road and Highweek Street. Almost
straight across Highweek Street and through a very grand gate with
large stone pillars to either side, a short stretch of footpath and
onto Fisher Road and then we drop onto and across Halcyon Road.
At
Victoria Road, we come to the "B'. Man-Pig's name does not begin with
a B so I follow the marks through the pedestrianised centre of Newton
Abbot and then back to the car park.
Not
so all of the other FRB's who have all decided to be Beefy for the
night. They all elect to undertake the "B" trail...and it does have its
benefits; albeit for the Harriets only.
The
"B" trail runs past Newton Abbot fire station. There is a training
exercise (or, perhaps a real call out) at the fire station. There are a
lot of hunky men in uniform. Pisswell shouts out, "Oh look. Firemen!"
The firemen are a little embarrassed but, perhaps, not quite as
embarrassed as Psycho and Warmfront who elect to get a bit of a push
on and disassociate themselves with the swooning Pisswell.
Soon
the FRB's find themselves back on trail. Well, not quite all. Beefy
is off trail and running back towards them....on a trail dedicated
solely to him. How could he have possibly got lost?
Down-Downs
The RA welcomes everyone to The Cider Bar for Run No. 2062 and, "Has anyone got a story?"
Warmfront
has one. It is about Wet-Johnny wanting to kiss Beefy at the
kissing gate. Wet-Johnny is driving so he nominates Big End to take the
DD on his behalf. A note for the "notionally nominated homosexual".
There
is also another story about Wet-Johnny entertaining himself in his
car....looking at his groin and pretending to be on Candycrush (a
computer game - apparently) but Wet-Johnny avoids having to pass on
another nomination.
Man-Pig
has been given the Checking Chicken hat by Fukarewe as Fukarewe had
to leave straight after the run. This is awarded to "Pisswell".....
well, not exactly. It is actually awarded to Psycho. Initially, it was
going to be awarded for Psycho's recent move to India in order to
escape the clutches of the Teign Valley groper. This was superseded by
the misdemeanour of going to the loo just as the Down-Downs were about
to be dished out. Whilst Pyscho is powdering her nose, another story
emerges.
Apparently,
FRB'ing Psycho elected to mark the direction of the trail, not by
kicking out a check, but by washing away the relevant part of the
circumference in.......ahem.....urine! Hence a note for
"Pisswell".....and didn't you go red when this story was recited!
Pisswell
gets a half pint of lovely, raspberry cider for swooning. Is it the
big red shiny fire engines that so enchanted Pisswell? Or perhaps it's
the uniform - the shiny brass helmets or maybe the glint of a recently
sharpened chopper? We never find out. Nonetheless, there is a note for
the "enchanted chopper lover".
We
are running out of stories so the final half goes, again, to Big End.
This was for being an uncharitable mechanic. Just before the run, the
Pig was explaining that he was using his wife's old car. It doesn't get
used very much and develops a misfire due to a damp build up in the
distributor. Big End's comment to Well Hopped; "Make sure we leave
before Man-Pig". A note for the "unhelpful mechanic".
Finally,
a big thank you to the pub for supplying the Down-Downs. In fact, we
were the only customers that they had which is a shame. Poacher should
have been here...so many ciders to choose from.
Well,
not quite finally. I think our Hare deserves a big "Thankyou" also.
This is for an excellent and surprisingly shiggy trail and,
additionally, in lieu of having received a Down-Down. All very enjoyable
and a pleasant change to wash it down with a cider.
Next week
Next
week's Hash is from The Corner Flag, Devon FA, Court Road, Newton
Abbot with Hare, Wet-Johnny. If the marks are still there form the
previous week's Hash, Wet-Johnny can relay it - but anti-clockwise! No?
On-On to next week, M-P.
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