The Devon Dumpling, Shiphay
Run No. 2067
Paddy's Day Run.....and someone's birthday
HARE: Beefy
Who
wuz there: Beefy, Shitfaced (in body only), Man-Pig, Piltdown Man,
Beeflicker, Pisswell, Coldtits, Smellie, Miss'ing, Roger the Dodger,
Well Hopped, Ernie, Sarah, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Only
Here for the Beer, Two Little Schitz, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Squashed
Balls and AH3 visitors Gromit & Gazunder
Circle
Barely
a Shamrock or a sign of green in the Circle to celebrate St Patrick's
Day. That was up until Shitfaced tried to convene the Circle. It was,
as repeated many, many times, Shitfaced's birthday....and it showed. I
think that Shitfaced had enjoyed an early start celebrating.
Eventually,
everyone was welcomed and the GM imparted some new information. Namely
a change of venue for next week's Awards' Night. The On-Down has
changed to the Highweek Inn, Highweek (unsurprisingly), Newton Abbot.
Man-Pig
had no announcements for a change but Squashed Balls did. Squashed
Balls just wanted to thank all those that attended last Tuesday's
funeral for Twin Buffers. There was quite a big turn out of Hashers,
mainly from SH4 and TVH3. The eulogy was kind, sincere and comforting - a
lovely send off for a lovely lady.
With
that it was on to the sole Hare - Beefy. Pisswell was nowhere to be
seen as this was Beefy Haring solo. I think the brief was Walkers' about
2.5, Shorts' about 3.5 and the Longs' trail sixish.
Trail
The
evening brought with it a brisk and bitterly cold wind from the east.
We were all eager to get going and warm up. Beefy promised us three
Long/Short splits but delivered four...and that's excluding the initial
split from the pub car park.
What
followed was a trail so cunning that you could pin a tail on it and
call it a weasel. Even with the benefit of Beefy's Strava record I am
having difficulty recalling exactly where we went. Suffice it to say
that there were at least two long/Short splits where the Longs looped
around and back onto the Shorts......very cunning indeed.
The
Walkers turned right out of the car park whilst the Longs and the
Shorts turned left, up Collaton Road and then down Cadewell Lane and
past the main entrance to Torbay Hospital. Miss'ing was FRB'ing with
Wet-Johnny and the Pig in pursuit.
Past
the hospital the trail did not a go-go and W-J and the Pig were called
back to engage in a loop around Rougement Avenue, Grosvenor Avenue and
Wallace Avenue; back onto Cadewell Lane to rejoin the Shorts going
down Water lane....a lovely and well hidden culture-de-sac [sic]. But
this was not before a lone cyclist had rode towards us shouting,
"On-On". Who on earth was this? Pisswell - as it turned out.
Surprisingly,
the Pig and Wet-Johnny found themselves FRB'ing at this point. More
perplexingly, they stayed there. I have no idea where Beeflicker was, or
even if he was doing the Longs? Shirley a week is long enough to
recover from the Grizzly......unless you're into face-planting? (see
the Pig for guaranteed ways to enhance your looks by adopting the
bitmac facial massage technique). The other usual suspects were also
absent. The Topiary Twins were missing so no chance of Psycho getting
an 8th consecutive Down-Down and Beefy was Haring. Hence some new faces
at the head of the pack.
At
the end of Water Lane, there wa a Long/Short split....or was it a
Walkers/Long & Short split? Can't remember. Don't care. We were
definitely on Shiphay lane for a while and then perhaps Lloyd avenue.
Anyway, in next to no time we were passing the Chineses takeaway on
Queenway before an almost invisible arrow had us enter the footpath that
separates the boys and girls grammar schools. We followed the marks
along the no-mans' land between the metal palisade fencing. The only
thought that crossed my mind was, "Would this fencing really perform a
secure barrier against jumping sperm?" There is a story behind this
query....and it is a true story (see me for details of incredulous
naivety).
Just
exiting the no-mans' land, we meet up with Beefy, Gromit and Gazunder.
Gromit has recovered well from his earlier, and undisclosed, fall.
We
are now in a loop around the edge of a small park and probably along
Raleigh Close and Grenville Avenue taking in a bit of Markham
Plantation....are we heading to Cockington? Another footpath across a
road and up Weeksland Road would be my guess and then up the steep
track that leads onto Staddons Lea Lane. Some of these paths look
familiar but I am not used to running them in this direction so I am
having difficulty placing myself...until....hallelujah....Nut Bush
Lane. A loop into a field parallel with Nut Bush City Limits and back
across and down the track past Armada Park.
At the lowest point, an arrow leads us into Armada Park. We now do three sides of a square around the submerged reservoir.
The
marks really are quite excellent and we are soon out of the park and
heading for Higher Edginswell Lane. A long descent followed by our
fourth Long/Short split of three?!
Back
up Fowey Avenue turn right at the garden gnomes and back onto Higher
Egdinswell Lane to retrace our footsteps back onto the Shorts. Then it
is a straight trek along Higher Cadewell Lane and "On Home" at Collaton
Road.
Looking
at the OS map, Beefy has done jolly well. He has very nearly had us
back on the outward trail by yards and he seems to have covered every
footpath in Shiphay. It's not surprising that he's clocked up 15 miles
laying it....fantastic.
Who says that you can't have a good Hash in town? Excelllent.
Down-Downs
Back
in the pub, it is evident that the birthday boy never actually made it
out on trail. He is a tad wobbly. Hence Shitfaced gets all the right
notes.....but not necessarily in the right order.
The
second Down-Down goes to the Hare. But not for Haring. This is for
delivering a wholly inaccurate pre-Hash briefing. We were all clearly
advised that there would be three Long/Short splits. there were, in
fact, four. Well, four for everyone except Smellie who, somehow, managed
to find five L/S splits. Both were called up front and centre - a note
for the mathematically challenged. Beefy also gets the only award
present, the Checking Chicken Hat.
Are
there any stories? Well Hopped has one. Unfortunately, she has had the
misfortune to be sitting beside our rather wobbly GM.
I
think the gist of the story was that Shitfaced had asked her, on four
occasions within 15 minutes, "Do you know it's my birthday today?" A
rather poor chat up line and I can't recall what we sang.
There is a half pint of water left but are there any more stories?
Pisswell
discloses that there were quite a few fallers on the Shorts' trail.
These included Ernie and Strap-On. Strap-Dancer confirmed that Strap-On
will sleep anywhere and at every opportunity....but cuddling up to a
sleeping policeman in the middle of the road...at night! How unwise. A
note for the Plod Lover.
Next week
Next week's Hash is the AGPU....so be there! Our Hare is, once again, trail laying supremo - Poacher.
On-On to next week, MP
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