TVH3 The Words for 15th September 2025

The Waterside, Paignton

Run No. 2094

Night & Day

HARE: Beeflicker

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest Stump, Wood-Lend, Sam, Beefy, Pisswell, AA, Smellie, Coldtits, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Base Camp, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End and long time absentee, Forrest's brother - Don Carlos

Circle

The recent trend of declining numbers was, mercifully, reversed this evening...... and this was in spite of the yellow weather warning. Hence all the twos, twenty two trusting souls arrived at what was, for me, a new On-Down.

Pocket Rocket welcomed all into the Circle for what he believed to be run number 2094. There were no dissenting comments, so run number 2094 it is.

Cheerio Beerio put out a shout for a £5 deposit for the upcoming curry night on 26 September. Cheerio also reminded us that Tuesday night is quiz night at the Tuckers Maltings Taphouse and that she would be there in the hope of entering a TVH3 team for the mensa prize.

Man-Pig put his hand up and asked for a volunteer to do the Words. In so doing, he was deemed to have volunteered himself. "Drat and double drat", or Words to that effect.

The Hare then gave the usual spiel about the trail. Or, rather, unusual spiel about the trail.

"There is a Walkers', Shorts' and a Longs' trail. The Walkers is (silence) miles. The Shorts is (silence) miles and the Longs is (silence) miles. Left out of the pub car park".

Suitably uninformed the pack turned left out of the car park.

Trail

The wind was still brisk and the sun low in the sky. This was going to be a trail of two halves; a daylight trail followed by a nightime trail. I hope we all brought our torches replete with charged batteries.Beeflicker had obviously put a lot of thought into this trail. He also stayed with the Longs for the whole trail re-laying marks that had been washed out from a downpour earlier in the afternoon. Despite being a town run, there was a fair amount of off road, including virgin territory.

 

So who went where?

 

The longs comprised Beefy, Wood-Lend, Man-Pig, Pisswell and AA with the Hare sweeping/re-laying. I have little idea where the Shorts and Walkers went or who was in each group.

 

Down Cliff Park Road and past where I had planned to park - 3 hours = £4.70. Feck that! I'll park in the pub car park. Under the railway bridge and our first check at the southern end of Goodrington Sands. Beefy leading, marks intermittent, Wood-Lend following. 

 

On trail and past the Inn on the Quay and then a pleasant surpise. Wood-Lend spotted beach art at the northern end of Goodrington Sands. It was very well executed and reminded me of Maori tattoos.

Two checks in rapid succession had us upwards and onwards around Roundham Head, turn right at the Harbour Inn, under the arch by the Harbour Light and along to the bar at the Vue Cinema and the Walkers & Shorts/Longs split. 

 

The Longs headed north towards Oldenburg park but not as far as the Polsham Arms before losing marks. In fairness, this was the only time that we were off trail so good work by the Hare in replenishing the marks. 

 

Past the spinning Wheel where we rejoined the Walkers' and Shorts' trail passing the Talk of the Town and Henry's Bar (South Devon CAMRA town pub of the year 2023). Left at the Queen Victoria and onto a check. Beefy finds the trail passing close to the Co-Op funeral directors and a quick thought of our dear Migman's final journey. The trail then passes the Lime Tree; a good old bikers' pub now, sadly, closed.

 

From here on inn, recollection became almost impossible as the remainder of trail was bereft of pubs. No Compass Inn or Sun Tavern to guide us - street names are so instantly forgettable.

The Hare rejoined the three FRB's near the Lime Tree. "Is anyone else on the Longs?" enquires Beeflicker. The uniformed Pig says "No". The informed Beefy imparts that Pisswell and AA are, indeed, following in our footsteps.

 

Up Totnes Road towards the Zoo (no alcohol served at the eateries in the zoo from memory) before the final L/S split where the Shorts veered off towards Dartmouth Road. 

 

For the Longs, an arrow has us into Primley Woods for a lovely loop on virgin territory, returning whence we came. We exited the woods at exactly the same moment as mother & daughter, Pisswell and AA, commenced the Primley loop.

 

The Longs continued their trek up towards the Zoo veering left and up Battersway Road thus avoiding the temptation of Harley's Bar only a few yards yonder. 

 

At Brixham Road the marks took us left and through Tweenaways Cross heading towards McDonalds and KFC (no beer). Another left and onto Roseland Drive. Beefy and Wood-Lend had stolen a 150m lead but were still in sight as they turned onto a footpath just before Sturcombe Avenue. The footpath crossed three roads, past Roseland School and entered open fields to the west of Clennon Valley. 

 

The Hare had promised us some off road and here it was. Two fields popular with dog walkers gave way to a slighty slippery descent through scrubland to the Western side of Clennon Valley.

 

Soon we were on a wide white gravel track passing two duck lakes to our left. We exited the valley at Clennon Valley leisure centre before turning right and the final ascent up Dartmouth Road and back to the On-Down.

 

What a lovely run - even in the dark. A good old leg stretch a tad short of 7 miles but still back in the pub car park before 9pm....perfect!

 

Down-Downs

The Walkers and Shorts are just finishing their scoff as the Longs enter the pub. Great timing. A brief chat between the RA's has the Pig draw the short straw. 

 

Forrest has been hoarding again and has not one, but two, awards. Regrettably, he has no stories but he does have a brother - Charlie aka Don Carlos. Carlos has come all the way from Kenya just to be with TVH3...again! Hence the well travelled Don Calos received the first Down-Down. Don Carlos lives in Kenya and entertained us with his own Down-Down song - in Swahili I assume.

Now, the RA had heard a story about Don Carlos whilst on trail. It was such a good story that the RA buttonholed Don Carlos before he'd had time to return to his seat.

"Don Carlos. Would you inform the Hash as to the purpose of your visit to the UK and the means by which you arrived in the country?"

Don Carlos has arrived in order to celebrate Forrest's 70th birthday. He'd arrived in a huge cardboard box with a bona fide DPD delivery label addressed to Forrest but at Mucking Fuddle's address. Mucking Fuddle phones Dad and asks him to come round and pick up his huge parcel PDQ because it's taking up a lot of room and she wants it gone. Forrest duly turns up and starts cutting into the parcel tape with a Stanley knife. In a Marilyn Monroe birthday cake moment Don Carlos springs out of the box. Forrest nearly faints and then says, "I never ordered that!"

Inevitably, there is a DD for the 70 year old so it's all the right notes but not, necessarily, in the right order. Whilst the cacophony continues, Pisswell rushes to her car to get the Birthday Hat.

The third Down-Down. "Does anyone have an Award and/or story?"

Yes. Beeflicker has both. He has the helicopter jockey hat which he awards to Beefy for helping him with his pump. I think the issue was a slow leak on a car tyre.

The RA is interested as to what type of pump was utilised.

"An electric one with a USB connector" advises Beefy.

"Not a Robert Chartrum manual pump?" queries the RA.

All are puzzled, with the exception of a rather red faced Well Hopped who is giggling away to herself merrily.

Shame on you Well Hopped, as our blushing Harriet is obviously aware that it is a vacuum appliance that was advertised in glossy magazines during the 70's. It is, allegedy, a surefire means of enlarging a gentlemen's ummm, errr....manhood and is powered by a bicycle pump ("not included" states the advert).

A note for the penile enlarger user.

The final half of ale. There are no stories but there is another well travelled returnee. It is AA (pronounced Arrrrrr). She has moved from Portugal to Canada - Alberta to be exact. The RA asks if she's seen any Big Foot since she's been in Canada. A little perplexed she answers "No".

"What about Mounties?" Puzzlement remains.

"Any policemen with red coats on horseback?"

"No", queryingly and increasingly alert I can see her thinking, "Where are we going with this?"

"Are you sure that you've come from Canada?"

Eventually the final half does go the AA; "Here's to the befuddled traveller...."

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Bayhorse, Ashburton. Our Hare is Beefy. Park in the main car park and circle up outside the pub. The On-Down is a wet pub so bring your own scoff if you need feeding.

 

On-On to next week, MP