AGPU, WORDS AND NEWS ROUND UP PLUS (for the first time) FACEBOOK COMMENTS

 

TVH3 The Words for 13th April 2026

The Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell

Run No. 2124

AGPU & " I do like to live beside the seaside"

HARE: Beeflicker

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Archangel, Coldtits, Warmfront, Ablesemen, Wetfart, Slip-on-Me, Miss'ing, Threesum, Bass Camp & returnee - Shitfaced

Circle

 

The AGPU should be quite an important event for all Hashers. It is your opportunity to tell the committee what they are getting right and what they are getting wrong. You can even put yourself forward for a position should you be so inclined. It was, therefore, with some disappointment that only 17 were present for the AGPU. The pub had opened especially for us and given us exclusive use of the lounge bar. Just as disappointing were the number of takers for food; a solitary three. 

 

The Pig had guessed that 12 would be eating and the pub had prepared a casserole to cater for such numbers. It was with some embarrassment that the Pig entered the pub to impart the news that TVH3 must be on a group diet as there would only be three scoffers. After, having so delivered bad news regarding the trough, worse was still to come. On returning to the Circle he was told that he had been volunteered for the Words (Note to self....never leave the Circle).

 

In Smellie's absence, and as the scribe had already been press-ganged, there was only a single announcement. This was in respect of Desperate Housewife's funeral the following day. Wetfart advised those present of details for both the funeral and the wake. Teapot would be delighted to see as many Hashers as possible, and in Hash gear if they so wished.

 

Then it was over the the Hare, Beeflicker who advised that, given that the AGPU would be taking place, the trail would be relatively short. However, do not be fooled. It would also contain fishhooks as well as back checks.

 

Trail

As promised, the trail was indeed shorter than usual but none the worse for it. In fact, it delivered some spectacular views over Coffinswell. From the high point on the footpath section of Coffinswell Lane some could even see the sea....amazingly. Beefy's beautiful photos of the Devon countryside were quite stunning.....but only if you edited out the light pollution from the Hashers' dayglo jackets.

 

The trail started with a Long & Shorts/Walkers split. The Walkers headed up Fluder Hill and then down Daccombe Mill Lane. The Longs and Shorts (Beeflicker, Man-Pig, Warmfront, Beefy, Pisswell, Forrest & Archangel) were directed down the narrow ginnel and onto a check on the Newton Road. There was another check at the corner of the The Sloop/Hungry Horse which found us ascending Coffinswell Lane past Kingskerswell Primary School. Here we encountered the 17th Hash attendee. Miss'ing had decided to park her car safely away from the pub. She saw a hash mark and simply waited for the hash to come rushing by! Miss'ing was almost knocked for six by the pressure wave of the approaching FRB's. This was repeated 2 minutes later, but from the opposite direction. The FRB's had ran into the first fishhook and were now dashing back to the Hare as previously instructed.....whoosh!

 

Just past the fishhook, we arrived at the first L/S split. The Shorts carried straight on and onto Willowpark Lane near Coffinswell church. The longs took the left fork arriving at a check at the path's highest point on Kerswell Hill next to a gnarly, ancient oak. This is a fantastic tree as it has a split at its base forming a small cave...almost big enough for Warmfront.

 

The trail continued into Coffinswell and the inevitable check. The Longs went right towards the Linney before diverting right, past Only Here for the Beer's former abode. We ran into the Walkers (Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgy) just before another L/S split had us on Underway and arriving at a check at the footpath that runs along the Aller Brook. We inevitably embarked along the footpath that runs beside the brook to encounter the bizarre spectacle of an enamelled steel bath, replete with taps and full of water. It is a makeshift thrust block and has always been there during my 30 years in Kingskerswell. Given the stupidity of the Hash, I am amazed that a Hasher hasn't jumped in for a quick wash.

 

Oh dear, and now the hill. We turn left out of the footpath and join the Walkers trail up Willowpark Lane to its junction with Fluder Hill and Kerswell Road. We overtake Piltdown Man and Georgie Porgie for the descent down Fluder Hill; we pass Threesum and Bass Camp on the way. The Longs arrive back at the pub at 8.20 and, for the first time in ages, we arrive back before the Walkers and all are back in daylight!

 

Thankyou Beeflicker for a short but beautiful trail. It was well worth the run - as evidenced by Beefy's photos on the FB page.

 

Down-Downs

The Down-Downs commenced and, indeed, finished before 9pm. Forrest assumed the mantle of RA for the evening and started by thanking the pub for opening for us and for the beer. Then he enquired as to whether anyone had any awards from previous weeks, years or decades.

 

Shitfaced comes forward with a policeman's helmet that no-one's ever seen before. However, he does have an amusing story to regale. It concerns a strange voicemail:

"Hello Shitfaced. I've left my spare leg in the hire car. The owner of the vehicle hire place lives in Kingskerswell. I've asked him to drop it off at the Park Inn. I only noticed that I'd left it behind when I got out of my car and fell over".

 

Obviously a note for Forrest Stump whilst he dispatched the first DD.

 

Next up for a DD is Warmfront. Her misdemeanour? She'd only just got back from France where she'd entered a cross country race....and won. She was spurred onto glory in her pursuit of another female runner who she was determined to beat. Imagine her surprise when she passed her female competitor only to be acknowledged with a bearded grin! "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

On the continuing subject of short-sightedness one of our Harriets commented on how beautiful the view was of the lake above Coffinswell. "I've never noticed it before". The "lake" is, in fact, a new solar panel farm installed across two south facing fields above Coffinswell. "Here's to the short-sighted one" Pisswell.

 

Next, the Hare gets a a half pint of water for being the Hare and delivering a short, quick, scenic and thoroughly enjoyable run.

 

The final half of ale is looking for a taker. Continuing on the theme of beautiful views or, in this case not so beautiful views, Beeflicker has a story. A Hasher has had to attend to to the call of nature and he's not being too discreet about it either. The miniature pocket python is flailing all over the place. He's weeing on the bushes, on his trainers and then the Hare's trainers. This is just as a he turns around to admire a field full of "yellow bluebells" and did anyone else notice them? Errr, no Forrest. The bluebells are, um, blue! Another note for "John Thomas".

 

Where are we next week? Piltdown Man says it is his trail from The Kents, Torquay. Beefy says that it is his trail from The Rugglestone Inn car park. A frantic reaching for phones adjudges Beefy as the winner by a nose and a whole week.

 

AGPU

It is not even 9pm and we push onto the AGPU. This starts with Threesum advising us as to the financial health of the Hash. We had £2,200 this time last year and £1,800 now. Hence, healthy but not as healthy as last year. There are only 21 fully paid up members this year.

 

Zoot has stood down as Hash haberdashery and Georgie Porgy has volunteered to fill her shoes - well done. Cheerio Beerio would like to stand down as social sex but will stay on if no-one wants to take it on. No-one does so Cheerio is social sex for another 12 months....excellent. All other incumbents are happy to remain in post so it is over to the single bone of contention - the time at which the DD's take place.

 

This has already been discussed on by the committee via the committee whatsapp group. Threesum and Bass Camp assert that membership is down because the DD's are taking place too late at night (circa 9.30) and Hashers are complaining because they want to get home. Man-Pig queries if the real issue might be the time delay between when the Walkers arrive back at the pub and when the Longs arrive back i.e. by the time the Longs arrive back the Walkers have had their pint and a meal and are ready to go home save for the DD's. If this is the case the obvious solution is to make the Walkers' trails longer.

Threesum assures us that it is the absolute time at which the DD's take place that is the issue. The finger appears to be pointed at the Hares for setting trails that are too long. In truth, there are a number of issues that contribute to DD's taking place at 9.30 including:

 

1. Never starting at 7.15

2. Time lost at sweetie stops

3. Now having dedicated trails for the walkers, Shorts and Longs

3. Waiting for the Longs to get back or do the Walkers get back too early? 

 

As a case in point, Man-Pig explained that if we run from the King Bill in Totnes, the Walkers do not need to get changed after their walk. They simply go straight back to the pub. However, the runners need to spend 5 minutes returning to their cars in Victoria Road car park; spend 10 minutes getting changed and another 5 minutes walking back up to the pub. Hence the runners are a further 20 minutes later than the Walkers.

 

4. Waiting for lost Hashers to return

5. The absence of an RA from the Walkers or Shorts who could proceed with the DD's in the absence of the Longs

etc etc

 

Threesum was adamant that the DD's should start at 9pm. Man-Pig considered 9.15 a more realistic goal. A lively debate ensued which effectively pitched the Longs (i.e. the Hares) against the Walkers. The Pig mused that perhaps the Drinking Club with a Running problem was morphing into an Eating Club with a Walking problem. 

 

The obvious solution would be for more of the Walkers to come forward to lay trails. The stats for last year reveal that 80% of last year's trails were Hared by someone from the half dozen or so Hashers who regularly do the Longs.

 

Ablesemen stepped in to cool the situation by stating that everyone should thank the Hares for all the hard work that they put in throughout the year. Wetfart recalled the DD's taking place circa 9pm in years gone by; a time that was reaffirmed by Teapot after Desperate Housewife's funeral yesterday.

The absence of a RA from the Walkers was addressed by making Shitfaced an RA. Those gathered agreed to minimise announcements in the Circle and aim to get underway by 7.20 every Monday. 

 

I think that the general consensus was that the Hares should always enjoy full discretion as to the length of trails and the nature of the terrain whilst also endeavouring to get the pack settled into the pub for DD's nearer to 9pm rather than 9.30.

 

Desperate Housewife's funeral

There was a big turnout for Desperate Housewife's funeral yesterday which resulted in a significant proportion of the congregation having to stand throughout the service. A large number of those in attendance were from Sally's previous work with both the council and the police. Both TVH3 and Ashburton Hash were represented at the funeral, some in Hash attire. We hope that this brought some comfort to Teapot and his family.

 

Half a dozen Hashers attended the wake and it was somewhat humbling that the first group of mourners that Teapot wanted to sit with was the Hash contingent. We had a good old chat about the old times. I guess that the funeral and the wake went about as well as could be expected under the circumstances and we all look forward to seeing Teapot again soon.

 

Threesum has organised a card on behalf of the Hash and she was due to drop it round to Teapot's house today (Thursday). Teapot asked that there be no flowers from mourners. Instead, he requested that donations be made to a local South Devon charity called Children and Families in Grief (childrenandfamiliesingrief.co.uk). Donations do not need to be referenced but it would be in memory of Sallyanne Metcalfe.

 

Sally was a beautiful young woman with a natural ability to light up the Hash when she did make an appearance. She will be missed by all who knew her - RIP.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Rugglestone Inn car park, Widecombe-in-the-Moor. Our Hare is Beefy. Although the evenings are getting lighter, bring a torch!

On-On to next week. MP

 

FACEBOOK COMMENTS ON AGPU

 

Tony Perkins

Probably irrelevant to current hash membership but here's my three pence worth on DD times.

Point one.

When I started with TVH3 back before mobile phones, the hash kicked off at 7:30 not 7:15 but still the enginuity of the shares managed largely to have all of the pack back in the pub by 9pm at the latest.

Point two. More people were inclined to stay for two or three beers, more than current legislation allows.

Point three.

Walkers had no designated trail but just headed back to the pub in time for 9pm downdowns.

Point four.

I'm blowing my own trumpet here. A sign of a good trail was that the longs and shorts should finish the trail in reasonable temporal proximity. As they did at The Devenport Arms.

Point five.

It appears that there is an athletic cabral who see an 8 mile run as acceptable whilst the average hasher of old, ie over 60, welcomes anything from 4-6 miles. This is achievable if the trail is adequately planned and executed with loops, Back checks and long short splits.

So in essence I postulate that it is the responsibility of the hare to ensure the pack, with the exception of lost members, arrives back in the pub in good time for whatever time is designated for the DDs.

Bon chance, mes amies. A bientot.

Wigwam

Jez Knight

Tony Perkins we don't see eight-milers unless you include Bluebird's nine mile Short, a few years ago, where the Long was a "Spinal Tap amp" special.

Usually, I try to run, or pedal, to the Hash for extra miles and and it is thanks to the Hash that, at approaching 59 years old, I am the fittest I have ever been. I like to think, though, that I keep my Trails to a manageable distance for all, with the focus on them being pleasing to the eye as well as the feet. (They are shorter when the Trail is remote from the On-down.) Recent talk is making me doubt what I do as, probably, I fall well short of the standards expected by the Hash cognoscenti. It is said that action speaks louder than words but, inaction speaks loudest: I'm not expecting much of a turnout on Monday. I don't mind as a smaller group can be more fun and, I don't lay Trails to get tee shirts, anyway.

It was good to see back. I was hoping you would be around far a while longer.

On on.

 

 Calum MacIntosh

Jez Knight Ah! Yes! The trail that I laid jointly with BB from The Park Inn 2 or 3 years ago...pushing on 9 miles I think. I don't recall if this was officially a BB trail or a Shitfaced "friends" trail. The unfeasibly long trail was partially down to the Bird and the Pig arriving at what we thought was a public right of way but which turned out to be private land with a locked gate! This added an unplanned 2 miles to the trail....sorry. I do not know where Wiggers gets the 8 mile figure from. In my 30 years with TVH3 I can only recall 2 trails in excess of 8 miles - mine & Bluebird's being on one of them. On that occasion I recall arriving back at the pub at about 9.35 only to have Shitfaced bending my ear about the time and pushing on with the DD's - which I did.....immediately and as ordered! Almost all of the hashers disappeared as soon as the DD's were complete. Thus, after having run 6 miles laying the two Longs' loops and a further 9 miles sweeping the Longs, I found myself pretty much alone in the pub. I hadn't been afforded the time to have a wash, a pee or get myself a glass of water let alone a beer. So, I went home dirty, sweaty and thirsty. Not what I had anticipated. Instead, I had visions of quaffing a well-earned beer. Alas not to be. Now, there will be some members of TVH that will say, "Serves you right Man-Pig for laying such a long trail", others might say, "Well done. A really good leg stretcher". As the saying goes, "You can please all of the people some of the time. You can please some people all of the time. But you can't please all of the people all of the time". It is also worth recording that, whilst an 8 miler is a rarity at TVH3, they are not uncommon in SH4. Beefy usually posts his Strava record for the trails on the TVH3 FB page. I think that one would find that most Longs are in the 5.5.to 6.5 range. Regarding run time, I sometimes mention the time that the Longs arrive back at the On-Down in the Words. There are not many occasions when the Longs have been back after 9pm.

 

Derek Weeks (Beeflicker)

 

1stly thank you for the words man pig, was an enjoyable ready and so pleased you enjoyed the trail,

2ndly, sorry indidnt have food, 2 huge bills literally wiped me out

And lastly, I think for me, when I lay a trail which I lay a majority of, I will go forward laying a shorts and longs, of 4 and 6 miles, I won't be laying a walkers, i will lay the trails how i always have, making them enjoyable and worthy of doing. I will not be listening to any complaints about my trails from people who don't stup up and put their name down to lay trails. It is always the same people who are relied upon and this is unfair on the hares as they don't get to enjoy the hashing as it should be enjoyed. This is meant to be for all to enjoy but not all of us get to enjoy it as we should.

 

 Yvonne Burton

A good trail is a proper hash, to be laid with many circles and check backs. No arrows unless you are dividing shorts and longs, or maybe a dangerous road to cross?. A 5/6 mile trail should be completed by 1hour 30mins, for the longs, hence back well before 9.00am for dd's!