TVH THE WORDS by Beefy

 

Words for Teign Valley Hash #2122, Monday 30th March 2026 

Awards night, at Devonport Arms, Paignton.

Hares: Wigwam and Bobbiball.

 

6.28318 radians:

Wigwam, Bobbiball, Piltdown Man, Georgie P'Orgy, Satnav, Coldtits, Slip On Me, Wet Fart, Bee Flicker, Able Semen, Bass Camp, Threesum, Pocket Rocket, Strap On, Pisswell, Broken Man, Soapy, Melon Picker, Man Pig, Ollie, SMEllie, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Hornie, Pork Torpedo, Rent Boy, U Bend, Swinger and Beefy.

Late arrivals: Warm Front and Psycho. 

 

On the pavement, at a seemingly uninteresting crossroads, in an ostensibly unloved backwater of an otherwise too busy seaside settlement in South Devon, Piltdown Man called for order and for a Circle to form. He used the word "please" and twenty nine hashers formed a polygon of sorts, much to the bafflement of the occasional passer-by.

 

Our GM welcomed us to Hash number 2125 (it was 2122). He mentioned, also, returnees in the form of Satnav, Broken Man, Rent Boy, Ollie and, of course, Wigwam. Other, short-term absentees included Hornie, Pork Torpedo, U Bend, Bass Camp and Threesum.

 

The Hares, Wigwam and Bobbiball, gave us their spiel (which I didn't hear as I was wandering around taking photos). "You'll be back in an hour!" was what I heard and that was all I needed.

 

The Trail:

So, "On on that way." and we were sent up Elmbank Road (coming the other way were Psycho and Warm Front, in a car) to a left turn onto Totnes Road, crossing it to enter Primley Park. The Longs parted company with the Shorts, for loop around the meadow, to rejoin them on a climb to a Check, where we found Wigwam who gave us the tip so, we were On left, along Primley scramble and up through the woods. A couple more checks brought us out onto the green at the top of Primley Park. Pisswell, Man Pig, Well Hopped and Swinger, all had seen marks on the path which led out on Westleat Avenue where we encountered a very relaxed-looking Bobbiball who would follow the Shorts, I believe. 

 

On on along Clifton Road and a check sent us left into Winner Hill Road which, in turn, descended onto Winner Street where, in centuries prior , the salt spray of a rough high tide might well have made contact with you. Bearing left, we headed for the junction with Colley End Road and past the former laundrette (which I used for three years), into Colley End Road and Colley End Park.

 

The Trail took us to Monastery Road, Berry Drive , Berry Road and back onto Colley End Road. Next, there was a right into into Copley Close leading to Foxhole Road and we emerged at, and crossed, King's Ash Road to follow Luscombe Road until we reached Queen Elizabeth Drive. The Longs and Shorts divided here. The Longs quit Q.E.D. for Trelissick Road and went onto Lutyens Drive until a left turn took us through a pedestrian gate which gave onto the Westerland Valley Country Park. It was getting dimpsy by now and I was trying to take a photo of the post-sunset skyline to include the Beacon Hill masts. Bee Flicker and Man Pig were ahead of me at this point so, I was pleasantly surprised to hear a familiar Harriet's voice ring out across the field. "Evening!" called Warm Front and emerged from the enclosing gloom to join me. 

 

We ran on and chatted until we caught up with Man Pig and Bee Flicker, who were walking. By now, we were back on the Shorts and following Great Parks Lane. Bee Flicker joined us and we ran the narrow path which brought us back to the ring road. We dodged the traffic at the PeLiCon crossing to run up Waterleat Road where, who did Warm Front spy but Strap On, one of the twain she had scared witless, last week, with her needlessly loud "On" calling; it didn't work this time. On to Totnes Road, which we crossed to join Penwill Way and a sharp left into Hayes Road with the"OH" marked as well as all the Trail marks we encountered on the run. I tried to keep pace with Warm Front as we dashed down the road back to the Devonport Arms.

 

The On-down.

When I arrived back at the car to get changed, Well Hopped and Swinger were on the way to the On-down so, we exchanged a few words before they left me to carry on. Meanwhile, Psycho returned to her car and we walked down the road together and entered the pub to see no familiar faces at all. The company present looked around at us and, as one, directed us to another door, this with a makeshift "No entry" sign stuck on it. Feeling slightly unnerved by this, Psycho, nevertheless, pulled open the door. It was like gaining entry to your regular speakeasy: a secret room, full of your favourite people enjoying the atmosphere and each other's company. A great selection of food was on offer, paid for by the Hash.

The Down-downs. (What happened was...)

 

Wet Fart gave his hat to Bobbiball for, I think, riding his bike around the Trail. Bobbiball had to drink his beer from his own shoe.

 

Warm Front produced the hat she had gained the previous week to donate it to the worthy cause in the form of SMEllie who had, unsurprisingly, been caught in a loop of dots and arrows where escape velocity had been attained only with assistance.

 

The Hares were rewarded with a beer...tainted by drinking it through their own sock! Whatever next?

Poacher drank a beer for being a returnee: he must have been thirsty as i have seen him refuse beer in the past.

 

An organised fight broke out amongst the rest of the returnees and, it seems, Mrs Sheen was the winner but, passed her beer to Wigwam. It was a confusing but entertaining event.

 

The Awards were as follows:

Hasher of the year: Bee Flicker;

Harriet of the year: SMEllie;

Hash of the year: Pisswell;

S/S of the year: Roger the Lodger;

On Down of the year: Pisswell;

Newcomer of the year: Tongue and Groove;

Get A Life: Beefy;

Story Teller: Man Pig.

Thank you, Wigwam and Bobbiball, for a great Trail and an entertaining evening all round.

Here end the Words.

Next week: The Bridford Inn with Forrest Stump.

 

Thanks go to those who voted for my award: you may have a point.

On on,

Beefy.