Who was there:
Hare: Archangel,
Psycho, Miss inn, Big End, Well Hopped, Strap On and Strap Dancer, Roger the Dodger, Pisswell, Beefy, Wetfart, Slip on Me,Able, Warmfront, Smellie, Coldtits, Man Pig , Forrest, Fukarwe, Swinger, Pollyfella, Devin, Deep Semen, Beeflicker, Jo
Visitors from Germany: Roger, Elizabeth, Reiner
Visitors from Portsmouth: Ram, Duck Butt, Herr Flick
Returnees: Pocket Rocket, Cheerio, 3sum
The venue: Tuckers Maltings
The time was: 19:15
The date: 13/09/2026
With all the news recently about threats of WW3 you would think it was all just scaremongering but it wasn't, the Germans had landed and the boat people of Portsmouth had launched their assault on the bar at Tuckers Maltings. The air raid warning had been activated and everyone indoors evacuated to the outside where 34 people came on parade to face the hare, whereupon there was a huge explosion of flour all over the ground, the place was a mess, it was chaos.
Upon the orders of the hare to 'run, run for your lives', everyone went running in all directions, screaming and shouting, apparently from Pocket Rocket who limped away with his knee hanging off from the rest of his leg. The longs veered to the left, shorts and walkers to the right.
After running over no man's land and through the trenches, the longs came to the B&Q roundabout where we broke off and fought our way along the shores of the River Teign until we got to camp Brunel and a little slow jog through the ruins and slums before going off road into the dark and dangerous undergrowth where we came to a halt. There was a VP, the Germans and boat people were already there and had claimed the territory as now part of Deutchland.
It was here that Swinger had to be saved as she tried jumping in the river to escape the army of English who were arriving. Having taken this island, everyone continued along the shorts until we came to Angel bridge where Archangel was on station, directing the longs and shorts to the left and walkers to the right.
Warmfront led the charge along the shores of the Teign, taking us all nearly.to Shaldon. Something was wrong, there was no flour seen for an age. Pisswell got onto the comms and radioed through to the Angel who was somewhere disposing of tons and tons of high explosive flour. The Angel informed us we had gone too far so we headed back, well, apart from Pollyfella, Miss inn and Fukarewe who made their own route past the sewerage centre.
We headed back, Jo falling in the river and getting wet up to her neck with Pisswell trying to jump in after her, so Beeflicker had to rescue them.
We eventually found two huge arrows leading us into the jungle, how did we miss these you ask... well, we were following Beefy who was following Warmfront, so draw your own conclusions.
Upon exiting the jungle, we arrived at the third world area of Buckland where we were given our instructions to do some PT on the apparatus .... that's physical training Man Pig, not Personal Touching of Psychos T.i.t.s apparatus.
It was now so dark that everyone had their search lights on so they could see the way. After crossing the bridge over the A380 we did some back and forth of the trenches between the Teign and the carvery (this would have made a great beer and food stop). There was then some clear navigational directions for the OH through the slums of Brunel and back to the maltings for some well earned refreshments.
DownDowns were awarded to:
*Forrest for his big 90th birthday, good job he's deaf as the singing was atrocious.
*Ram for falling over not once, twice but three times due to forgetting his head torch.
*Man Pig for deciding that Psychos breasts were the apparatus he was going to work out with.
*Big End for looking after one of the boat people who had no torch, before. abandoning him in the dark.
And finally
*Archangel for an amazing trail, great turnout, virgin ground and for giving 34 people an amazing night.
On on
Beeflicker
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