Thanks to Beefy for laying a trail that could only be described as 'the big tease.' An anticlockwise route around the bounds of Ashburton, 5 long/short splits gave plenty of opportunity to take a quick route home (more on that later), and with a long run of 11km (though some made 14km), down downs aplenty, new hash names, and welcome back to returnees Erection and Manopause. This one had it all.
Friday, 26 September 2025
Words for hash #2095 by Judge Mental
Who was there:
Able, Beefkr, Erection, Forest, Georgy, Hornie, Beefy, Judge, Manopause, Melon Picker, Missinn, Missmash, Pisswell, Piltdown, Pocket Rocket, Pork Torpedo, Smash, Strapon, Strap dancer, Warm Front, Wet Jonny, Woodlend, Sam and Harry [jungle bunny]., Judge Mental
Pocket GM introduced the hash, reminding all about the curry night next Friday. I am sure Weatherspoons featured in the announcement too!
Determined not to lose sight of his staff for fear of thieving hash-dermeanours, he ran with it all the way round. Like a sword in each hand, and hair like a viking warrior, who would dare mess with this Rocket!
The length of the hash and various long/short splits clearly took some planning and laying, as the whispers of concern for Beefy grew louder as he stumbled over his words to describe what was before us. Was the trail laid with chalk or flour? Was it 3 and on? How many splits? Which way first? The poor chap seemed exhausted before we started. Confession enlightened he had re-run the route in chalk, for fear the flour had already been kicked out.
Start we did, heading away from town centre, and quickly veered to the right though locals' well walked fields, back to the North East tip of Ashburton, before looping into Bore Wood. The first long climb led us up and away from the town.
I have learned in hashing terms, that if you don't see a flour mark for half a mile, something's probably gone wrong with your powers of observation, rather than the trail itself. Myself, Miss Inn, Pocket Rocket, Wet Johnny and Pisswell scratched our heads. Pisswell shot off down a lane, while the rest double backed with Pocket mumbling 'yes I think I may have seen a mark just down here by the stile.' Sure enough we found the stile, found the mark, and not before calling back Pisswell, we resumed the trail, On On!
Wet Johnny took a short, leaving Miss Inn running solo following overgrown hedgerows, Pocket's 6th sense came into play as he was certain we were being followed. Sure enough Man Pig joined this group, while Piswell and Pocket dropped off the pace and were not seen until the pub. More on that later.
As I write this I have to confess to not having a clue where exactly all the long/short splits occurred, who took them, and how many variations of the same hash were possible in one evening. But through darkening streets and paths we strode, head torches straining to find the marks, then like an archangel at the crest of a hill, Beefy appeared, to keep us on track, counting off his hashers one by one. On On.
The route led its way back towards Ashburton, and with the Bay Horse virtually in sight, and the promise of wet refreshments, when lo and behold another long /short split. How cruel. What a tease. Without a word, we headed on the long, away from town (again). Inside, if I'm honest, I was grumbling just a little!
The route ended along a section of old railway line (so said Man Pig), before weaving through town to return to the Bay Horse
While all were sinking their pints and enjoying the warmth, Pocket Rocket and Pisswell finally arrived, Pocket clearly suffering from his own 14km run to celebrate his 50th hash and longest long. His staff, once a sword in two hands, now served as walking poles on his final legs home!
Down Downs
Beefy - In the boot for a bootiful trail
Pocket Rocket - for achieving his first 50 runs, and completing the long.
Warm Front - for suggesting Beefy's backup chalk marks resembled hieroglyphics.
Strap Dancer - for presenting herself at a hash with virgin shoes
Able Seaman - for achieving her 1000th hash run.
Erection - for wearing a hat that didn't fit, so Pisswell suggessted he drink out of it!
The mess on the floor was the perfect position for the naming of Harry, Brenda's (Pisswell) son. He appears every year for a month or 3, then disappears back to the jungles of Borneo. 'It's only an hour from Singapore' he says, omitting the 10 hour route through tracks that Ordnance Survey could not describe.
Now named for hash purposes only - Jungle Bunny! Hopefully we'll see him again next Spring.
I do solemnly swear and affirm that the events described herein are as best as I can recall.
Judge Mental
Saturday, 20 September 2025
NEW PUB!
Run #2095 Monday 22nd September Circle up 7:15 pm from adjacent to the Bay Horse Inn, 64 North Street, Ashburton TQ13 7QG with Beefy.
TVH3 The Words for 15th September 2025
The Waterside, Paignton
Run No. 2094
Night & Day
HARE: Beeflicker
Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest Stump, Wood-Lend, Sam, Beefy, Pisswell, AA, Smellie, Coldtits, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Base Camp, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End and long time absentee, Forrest's brother - Don Carlos
Circle
The recent trend of declining numbers was, mercifully, reversed this evening...... and this was in spite of the yellow weather warning. Hence all the twos, twenty two trusting souls arrived at what was, for me, a new On-Down.
Pocket Rocket welcomed all into the Circle for what he believed to be run number 2094. There were no dissenting comments, so run number 2094 it is.
Cheerio Beerio put out a shout for a £5 deposit for the upcoming curry night on 26 September. Cheerio also reminded us that Tuesday night is quiz night at the Tuckers Maltings Taphouse and that she would be there in the hope of entering a TVH3 team for the mensa prize.
Man-Pig put his hand up and asked for a volunteer to do the Words. In so doing, he was deemed to have volunteered himself. "Drat and double drat", or Words to that effect.
The Hare then gave the usual spiel about the trail. Or, rather, unusual spiel about the trail.
"There is a Walkers', Shorts' and a Longs' trail. The Walkers is (silence) miles. The Shorts is (silence) miles and the Longs is (silence) miles. Left out of the pub car park".
Suitably uninformed the pack turned left out of the car park.
Trail
The
wind was still brisk and the sun low in the sky. This was going to be a
trail of two halves; a daylight trail followed by a nightime trail. I
hope we all brought our torches replete with charged batteries.Beeflicker
had obviously put a lot of thought into this trail. He also stayed with
the Longs for the whole trail re-laying marks that had been washed out
from a downpour earlier in the afternoon. Despite being a town run,
there was a fair amount of off road, including virgin territory.
So who went where?
The
longs comprised Beefy, Wood-Lend, Man-Pig, Pisswell and AA with the
Hare sweeping/re-laying. I have little idea where the Shorts and Walkers
went or who was in each group.
Down
Cliff Park Road and past where I had planned to park - 3 hours = £4.70.
Feck that! I'll park in the pub car park. Under the railway bridge and
our first check at the southern end of Goodrington Sands. Beefy leading,
marks intermittent, Wood-Lend following.
On
trail and past the Inn on the Quay and then a pleasant surpise.
Wood-Lend spotted beach art at the northern end of Goodrington Sands. It
was very well executed and reminded me of Maori tattoos.
Two
checks in rapid succession had us upwards and onwards around Roundham
Head, turn right at the Harbour Inn, under the arch by the Harbour Light
and along to the bar at the Vue Cinema and the Walkers &
Shorts/Longs split.
The
Longs headed north towards Oldenburg park but not as far as the Polsham
Arms before losing marks. In fairness, this was the only time that we
were off trail so good work by the Hare in replenishing the marks.
Past
the spinning Wheel where we rejoined the Walkers' and Shorts' trail
passing the Talk of the Town and Henry's Bar (South Devon CAMRA town pub
of the year 2023). Left at the Queen Victoria and onto a check. Beefy
finds the trail passing close to the Co-Op funeral directors and a quick
thought of our dear Migman's final journey. The trail then passes the
Lime Tree; a good old bikers' pub now, sadly, closed.
From
here on inn, recollection became almost impossible as the remainder of
trail was bereft of pubs. No Compass Inn or Sun Tavern to guide us -
street names are so instantly forgettable.
The
Hare rejoined the three FRB's near the Lime Tree. "Is anyone else on
the Longs?" enquires Beeflicker. The uniformed Pig says "No". The
informed Beefy imparts that Pisswell and AA are, indeed, following in
our footsteps.
Up
Totnes Road towards the Zoo (no alcohol served at the eateries in the
zoo from memory) before the final L/S split where the Shorts veered off
towards Dartmouth Road.
For
the Longs, an arrow has us into Primley Woods for a lovely loop on
virgin territory, returning whence we came. We exited the woods at
exactly the same moment as mother & daughter, Pisswell and AA,
commenced the Primley loop.
The
Longs continued their trek up towards the Zoo veering left and up
Battersway Road thus avoiding the temptation of Harley's Bar only a few
yards yonder.
At
Brixham Road the marks took us left and through Tweenaways Cross
heading towards McDonalds and KFC (no beer). Another left and onto
Roseland Drive. Beefy and Wood-Lend had stolen a 150m lead but were
still in sight as they turned onto a footpath just before Sturcombe
Avenue. The footpath crossed three roads, past Roseland School and
entered open fields to the west of Clennon Valley.
The
Hare had promised us some off road and here it was. Two fields popular
with dog walkers gave way to a slighty slippery descent through
scrubland to the Western side of Clennon Valley.
Soon
we were on a wide white gravel track passing two duck lakes to our
left. We exited the valley at Clennon Valley leisure centre before
turning right and the final ascent up Dartmouth Road and back to the
On-Down.
What
a lovely run - even in the dark. A good old leg stretch a tad short of 7
miles but still back in the pub car park before 9pm....perfect!
Down-Downs
The
Walkers and Shorts are just finishing their scoff as the Longs enter
the pub. Great timing. A brief chat between the RA's has the Pig draw
the short straw.
Forrest
has been hoarding again and has not one, but two, awards. Regrettably,
he has no stories but he does have a brother - Charlie aka Don Carlos.
Carlos has come all the way from Kenya just to be with TVH3...again!
Hence the well travelled Don Calos received the first Down-Down. Don
Carlos lives in Kenya and entertained us with his own Down-Down song -
in Swahili I assume.
Now, the RA had heard a story about Don Carlos whilst on trail. It was such a good story that the RA buttonholed Don Carlos before he'd had time to return to his seat.
"Don Carlos. Would you inform the Hash as to the purpose of your visit to the UK and the means by which you arrived in the country?"
Don Carlos has arrived in order to celebrate Forrest's 70th birthday. He'd arrived in a huge cardboard box with a bona fide DPD delivery label addressed to Forrest but at Mucking Fuddle's address. Mucking Fuddle phones Dad and asks him to come round and pick up his huge parcel PDQ because it's taking up a lot of room and she wants it gone. Forrest duly turns up and starts cutting into the parcel tape with a Stanley knife. In a Marilyn Monroe birthday cake moment Don Carlos springs out of the box. Forrest nearly faints and then says, "I never ordered that!"
Inevitably, there is a DD for the 70 year old so it's all the right notes but not, necessarily, in the right order. Whilst the cacophony continues, Pisswell rushes to her car to get the Birthday Hat.
The third Down-Down. "Does anyone have an Award and/or story?"
Yes. Beeflicker has both. He has the helicopter jockey hat which he awards to Beefy for helping him with his pump. I think the issue was a slow leak on a car tyre.
The RA is interested as to what type of pump was utilised.
"An electric one with a USB connector" advises Beefy.
"Not a Robert Chartrum manual pump?" queries the RA.
All are puzzled, with the exception of a rather red faced Well Hopped who is giggling away to herself merrily.
Shame on you Well Hopped, as our blushing Harriet is obviously aware that it is a vacuum appliance that was advertised in glossy magazines during the 70's. It is, allegedy, a surefire means of enlarging a gentlemen's ummm, errr....manhood and is powered by a bicycle pump ("not included" states the advert).
A note for the penile enlarger user.
The final half of ale. There are no stories but there is another well travelled returnee. It is AA (pronounced Arrrrrr). She has moved from Portugal to Canada - Alberta to be exact. The RA asks if she's seen any Big Foot since she's been in Canada. A little perplexed she answers "No".
"What about Mounties?" Puzzlement remains.
"Any policemen with red coats on horseback?"
"No", queryingly and increasingly alert I can see her thinking, "Where are we going with this?"
"Are you sure that you've come from Canada?"
Eventually the final half does go the AA; "Here's to the befuddled traveller...."
Next week
Next
week's Hash is from the Bayhorse, Ashburton. Our Hare is Beefy. Park in
the main car park and circle up outside the pub. The On-Down is a wet
pub so bring your own scoff if you need feeding.
Friday, 12 September 2025
WATERSIDE INN at Goodrington
Run #2094 Monday 15th September Circle up 7:15 pm from the Waterside Inn Goodrington TQ4 6ND with Beeflicker.
Pre order food in pub before trail - on table by 9pm.
Hard
to believe that we were last at the Waterside Inn way back in 2016
(#1668). A beautiful location with spectacular views across the bay.
PUB MENU
Saturday, 6 September 2025
KESTOR INN
Run #2093 Monday 8th September Circle up 7:15 pm from the Kestor Inn, Manaton, Newton Abbot TQ13 9UF with Poacher.
Friday, 5 September 2025
RUN #2092 WORDS by Pisswell
Fingle bridge on Teign valley waters
Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water
Who cheated and walked over the bridge?
Soapy plus the inflatable penis, Melon Picker, Warmfront, Beeflicker with the inflatable toucan, Pocket Rocket, Georgie P’ Orgy, Piltdown man, SMEllie and Coldtits.
The circle: The GM welcomed everyone to hash number 3078 or something. SMEllie and Coldtits asked to go to the loo! And then SMEllie asked for hares for October.
The hare: Pisswell had laid 3trails L5,S3.5,W2m, laid both sides of the river.
The hare had requested swim/running wear and inflatables and head torches as it would be dark under the trees. She was planning fairy lights and a sweetie stop. There would be a river crossing for all, made easier to cross by placing a washing line to dry Pisswells wet socks!
No pubs open so down downs on the hare and BYO picnic
Verse 1 -see music for tune of Bridge over troubled waters!
When you're weary
Of my trails
When they are all too far,
A new plan can’t fail!
Swim on the side
Oh, when trails get tough
And marks just can't be found
[Chorus]
Fingle bridge on Teign valleys waters
There we’ll drink down downs
But the pubs they are closed to taunt us
We can’t buy a round!
[Verse 2]
Small lanes driving there
Did you cross the bridge?
You’re going up the Teign
Longs up on the ridge
Beneath Drogo
Sharp, then Hunters tor
A view you can die for!
[Chorus]
Fingle bridge on Teign valleys waters
I was swimming there
Eating sweets and inflatables too
Tou-can ride the weir!
[Verse 3]
Shine on, twinkly lights,
torches on
Your time has come to shine
On bats, we came upon
See now it’s cold
Oh, we need to change
The picnic for Drewe arms!
[Chorus]
Fingle bridge on Teign valleys waters
River bank won’t do
Gate crash pub , so that Kirton hashers
Share their on down too!
Out takes:
Well done those who braved the long journey! For those who were daunted, it is not in fact in Scotland but it is equally as beautiful.
Well done the river crossers. Thank you to Beeflicker for bringing Pisswells washing in.
Well done the swimmers who rode the rapids on inflatable animals in the dodgy dark water, with bats entangled in their hair!
Well done the inflatables for staying firm enough to hold throughout!
What actually happened en route?
The longs gate crashed Kirton H3 Sweety stop and ran along side their trail up by Drogo. Therefore, we decided we could also share their on downs, at the Drewe arms. The pub had refused us as they were closed on Mondays, but had opened especially for them! So we ate our picnics and cucumber sandwiches and Pocket ate his own body weight in chicken korma roll!
Down downs:
Thank you to Kirton hash for giving us somewhere warm to go
Thank you to the hare and Coldtits for providing the beer.
Down downs …
…to the hare for a shitty trail
Coldtits awarded the helicopter hat to Soapy for bringing her enormous inflatable penis!
…to Beeflicker for riding the waves and weir on his inflatable Toucan.
…To Warmfront for rushing of when her GM was hanging by just a handhold off the View point at Hunters tor!
…to Pocket Rocket for attempting the long and surviving the above ordeal, and for eating his own body weight in his picnic hamper!
…to Coldtits for being unable to navigate her boat down through the river Teign using just Strava
…to Melon Picker for looking after Soapy’s inflatable and never feeling deflated despite the other walkers going off and leaving him!
Thanks for coming GP and PDM
…to Smellie for battery failure and relying on Coldtits other battery operated item!
Think I might have made a bit up but that was the gist of it! Although we were exhausted and tiny by the end (only eight), we had had a great time and a lot of laughter and fun. Thanks guys x
Next week:
Preacher at the Kestrel, Manapig.
Sorry autocorrect…..Poacher at the Kestor, Manaton.
On on x
Saturday, 30 August 2025
FINGLE BRIDGE - a return after many a year
Run #2092 Monday 1st September Circle Up 7:15 pm from Fingle Bridge, Exeter EX6 6PW with Pisswell. Bring a picnic and BEER!
Words for run #2091 by Judgemental
A chorus of 'Great Hash' even before the Great BBQ, satisfied the hash group who met at the Park Inn. A favourite start and end point for TV3H, this evening did not disappoint. Before we get into the silliness of it all, big shout out to Hornie and Pork Torpedo celebrating 24 years of marriage, and a down down to boot!
Piswell was happily boasting about her marathon run earlier in the day (not really a marathon), but made sure the news was heard by all. Good to see Mr Harry Bostom making his annual hash appearance, in customary woolly hat worn only by those living in warmer climes! Reminders of up and coming social events were the subject of the notices, followed by a long ramble by tonight's hare of a solo lay, something about marks on the right, but might be on the left, normally 3 and a stop if I could be bothered, was the jiste of Shit Face's intro. The hash had heard enough and was ready to go.
Meanwhile 2 young virgin's were presented to the group (that does not sound good!), but Cheerio Beerio (mother of the 2!) came to their rescue and their brand new summer trainers were spared the customary dusting.
Back to the main event: Bee Flicker, Pocket Rocket and others set off at a great pace, believing the BBQ would be their reward. Others followed including Judgemental, MissInn and PissWell, happy to settle at a slower pace, full of confidence the BBQ definitely would be their reward.
Right out of Park Inn, following the road over the railway, before swinging right onto Church End Road. looping left onto Foredown Lane, right onto Maddacombe Road, and over one of various bridges spanning the A380 South Devon Highway. No time to stop and wave at traffic or other silliness a bunch of grown ups on an evening run would do, the route took us on a long stretch through Kerswell Down Plantation. Good pleasant trail running in dry conditions, plenty of fallen tree trunks to climb over, or crawl under. The trail opened up into a field. Judgmemental; missed the first of 3 arrows and had to be called back by MIss Inn. Clearly he was after the BBQ!
Running to the edge of North Whilborough and down Whilborough Lane, the route came to a cross roads, This delayed the front runners (ha ha!), Bearing left, and following the road down and cross the A380 again, meaning that the BBQ was getting closer. Better still, the route went over the railway line again. Another short hash. I could almost smell the burgers. But oh look - this is better?
A sweetie stop in Cheerio Beerio's sun trap garden. Should we have climbed through the recently planted (?) hedge to reach the sweeties? Who cares! The juice was guzzled, and the sweets were prodded and poked, not wanting to spoil appetites. Cheerio mentioned her neighbour - the one and only Man Pig, his palace high on the hill! Rebellious thoughts of climbing the security fence and splashing in his pool have been noted for a future occasion....
On on again, but which way? No arrows out of Cheerio's Place. A lucky guess, we went up the hill for hash run part 2 - The Urban Escape! A gradual climb up to the Primary School, was worth the views looking left out towards the moors. Down again, and over Newton Road, and letting out noses lead us back to the Park Inn. Hurrah!
With pints in hands and outdoor lounge seating to comfort weary legs (don't forget poor Pisswell had already done a 'marathon'), our host served a BBQ for all to enjoy - a £5 bargain. Thank you
Down Down's
Shitfaced was nominated for picking an argument with our host about the readiness of the burgers and the absence of the chips. Clearly ruffled, the host remained calm and chips were presented. Only afterwards did I learn that our host, Park n Ride,was Shit Face's father!
Pocket Rocket was nominated for nearly completing the Long! But not quite!
Hornie was nominated (2nd Down down of the evening) for becoming a blood sister with Pisswell. Don't ask for too much detail!
Returnee gentleman hasher Oli was welcomed back with a Down Down
Judgmental 
Saturday, 23 August 2025
BANK HOLIDAY BARBIE CHEZ SHITFACED
Run #2091 Bank Holiday Monday 25th August from the Park Inn, 15 Cole's Lane, Kingskerswell TQ12 5BQ with Shitfaced. BBQ with money in the pot 
RUN #2090 WORDS by SOAPY
Words for run number 2090.
My turn to write the words this week - important to Archive……
What they saw upon the trail and a list of who was there,
how it was laid, and where it went, is all you really care.
Also, to make the absentees that night wish that they had come
Instead of staying home alone, all bored and feeling glum.
Well, on Monday 18th of August, off to Galmpton’s Manor Inn
With a bucket full of apples (that I didn’t want to bin)
I tried my best to distribute, but only a few did take!
Just think of all those pies and cakes or crumble you could make!!
I digress – apologies, back to the task in hand,
UBend was the hare tonight and told the trail he’d planned
3 Long/Short splits, 3 blobs and on and walkers route in flour
If you find the trail and don’t get lost, you’ll be back within an hour!!
Well…….. We all set off together, united from the start
Checking for 3 blobs and on, towards the River Dart.
We came across the 1st L/S split, and the shorts my legs did send
Cheerio Beerio not far behind accompanied by UBend.
Pizzwell and Miss Inn took the long, as I think did all the rest
Except for all the walkers who are injured (or past their best).
Up a steep hill, then down I ran, towards muddy Galmpton creek,
Where, in the Dolphin boatyard, I saw a car that was unique.
It was painted like a narrow boat - a porthole on the side,
A clever combination, I was hoping for a ride.
But the tide was out, and I had to run along the shingly beach
(Where I saw another apple tree – thank goodness out of reach!)
At the end of beach a footpath took me inland and On on
Looking back for Cheerio and UBend, I noticed they had gone!
I followed blobs up the steep hill along lower Greenway walk
Tried calling “Onon” as I ran, but as exhausted couldn’t talk.
I crossed a road then through a wood, into field and spot a cow
Hare said they weren’t there before, but they sure were there now!
Bearing left through Greenway gardens I recognised the view
But instead of our old familiar log, a wooden bench in lieu!
I took a photo of the river, with Dartmouth set behind
Such a lovely vista of water and the sky combined.
This was a field we’d run through, on our ‘Grand Day out’ before
I reminisced of ‘Wensleydale’, then set off again once more.
This was when it all went wrong (well, at least it did for me)
Do I go through the kissing gate, or turn right at the tree?
I saw an arrow pointing on, or a cross? I couldn’t tell
No one to ask - I made a choice, to go downhill as well.
I saw no more marks as I ran on road, speeding up and fast
Until I joined another road, Pizzwell and Miss Inn went past.
We were lost - the three of us, and flour there was a lack
I decided to go on down the hill, but they wanted to go back……
and do the bit up through the woods, they’d missed the stunning view.
but ahead of me, on up the hill was a hasher’s form I knew.
Sweat was streaming from his brow and steam blew from his ears
Piltdown man was trudging on with a mirage thought of beers.
He was the inspiration that I needed, to keep my heart from sinking
At last I reached the Manor Inn, where the walkers all sat drinking!
One by one the longs came in, plus Cheerio and the Hare
Mash and Miss Mash had to leave, but Pizzwell still not there!
Dark outside without a torch, whatever were you thinking?
You missed the down downs at the pub, the social side and drinking!!
Hornie and Pork Torpedo turned up late, both not feeling right
But wanted to support the Hare and join in the fun tonight.
Down downs were awarded to: The Hare for confusing torches with the sky
And, Cold Tits for hiding round the corner, (I’m still not quite sure why?)
Think she forgot her trainers, but managed to still run………
In her ‘office shoes’ - That is commitment its supposed to be good fun!
Melon Picker got his 1,000th run badge – he’s gotta getta life
Perhaps he oughta spend more time concentrating on his wife!!!
Well, I think that’s just about all I can say – sorry it’s all about me
But when your hashing on your own - Theres not a lot you see.
Thank you UBend for the scenic trail, my Strava didn’t moan
‘cos through woods and open fields you run much faster on your own!
Soapy xx
Onon to next weeks trail at the Park Inn Kingskerswell.
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