THE WORDS RUN #2096 by a press-ganged Strap-On

Who Was at the Circle:

Beeflicker, Big End, Well Hopped, Cheerio Beerio, Erection, ManoPause, Wet Johny, Piltdown Man, Georgy, Hornie, Pork Torpedo, Beefy, Man Pig, MissInn, Mishmash, Smellie, Soapy, Melon Picke, Smash, Roger the Dodger, 3Sum, Wet Fart, Strap-on

Late comers – Archangel Colt Tits

Circle

Piltdownman called order and mumbles something about this being Hash number two thousand and mmm,ooo,errr, something ish (maybe in need of elocution lessons)

 

In the absence of the GM Pocket Rocket (no doubt performing with his band, or perhaps just playing with himself — musically speaking, of course) Man Pig took over. Any announcements? Smellie requested for a Hare for Oct 27th (I think this has now been taken but I could be mistaken, so check future announcements on the FB page)

 

Manpig then tricked me into doing the Words (I’ll get my revenge) he then swiftly moved us onto the Hares to explain this evening’s trail. 3Sum advised a short of about 3 miles, longs about 5 with a number of ‘Hooks’, each should be run back to the Walkers who she & Cherio Beerio would be leading (they would know if anyone cheated). At this a shout of ‘a proper hash trail’ emitted from Soapy, so I’ve been Hashing now for all of 5yrs and only learnt this evening I’d been doing it wrong all this time.

On On out from whence we stood to the road and the 1st Check.

 

Arriving at the Check Manopause helpfully suggested I go left, I think Miss Inn went right, anyway the correct way was across the road past the Boat House’ bar and then on past the row of beech huts. Passing the walkers I did well not to trip over the lead of Ralph.

 

Along past the Beech Huts and despite my wheezing as I’m out of condition I could see the lights of Torquay over the bay (looks so much nicer from a distance). Then I find those leading the way coming back towards me as they had just turned at the 1st Hook and we all jogged back to the walkers where 3Sum advised to go back and past the Hook! At least I finally had some company. After this things went a little awry and we head down to the beach and along the beach we go despite no marks, Man Pig then appeared and led the way, aha he must know something we don’t so off we follow only to come across another Hook, well those in front did whilst Manopause, Big End, Well Hopped and a couple of others loitered by the road as there was also a check at this point. Back in the Park from where we had emerged 3Sum was on hand to send us back through the tunnel to the beach where Cheerio Beerio was looking after the ‘Sweety Stop’, said something about a nice place to admire the sunset but by my reckoning that was an hour past. Ralph of the ‘long lead’ was now off it amd digging his way to Australia

 

After some munching of sticks of Paignton Rock (from Blackpool but does that matter?) we set off up to the road and a little way toward Torquay where we turned left into some woods, the name of which I do not know. When we emerged from the woods, we entered a small play park where Miss Inn had climbed to the top of a slide but did not slide down, said Harriet wailed the rails are too tight and suggested Smellie try. Smellie felt that if she did the Fire Brigade would need to be summoned to lift her off, Aha the idea of a story for Down Down was forming here and was indeed used.

 

Off out of the park we found ourselves jogging along some streets (Cockington Lane maybe). Around here Beefy with another who I did not recognise on the longs passed and took a turn to the right for the Longs, for all of I’d say a millisecond I thought of following but fortunately that madness swiftly passed and I continued along the Shorts. So, I don’t really know how long the Longs trail was but since I drank a beer before they arrived at the pub it was the same as the shorts plus a pint

After a mainly down hill jog we turned left along Torquay Road where I actually passed Erection, progress indeed and then right into Seaway Road (passed the London Fryer which looked like it was doing a good trade) under the bridge and right again along Marine Drive and then finally right again back to the Embassy Tavern.

 

To the Down Down:

 

I had ordered the Cheeseburger and a Pint on Newcastle Brown as the Ales were not on, however for £10 a bargain.

 

Cold Tits arrived a little late and Shaken (not sure if she was Stirred) having taken a fall on arriving at the pub, I thought it traditional to take a fall when leaving but let’s not quibble. I think something a Shiner on the way, and I hope Cold Tits will be OK

 

Man Pig took up the reigns of RA having ‘Delegated the Words’

 

Any awards he enquires -Hornie had the Hashit Shirt having not reunited it with Soapy (I think that was the gist of her spiel). Hornie then awarded this to Manopause and I can’t remember for what but must have been well deserved. He dispatched beer as swiftly as I have ever seen.

 

Man Pig then produced a Badge and the usual game of guessing what number was on this, eventually he got the answer required of 200, so who could it be?? ‘Twas Well Hopped and so a beer was drunk swiftly (but not as Swiftly as the previous) to a ditty from Pork Torpedo.

 

Any Stories cries Man pig – I stand up and repeat the tale of the Slide. As Miss Inn was living up to her name of not being present in the pub it fell to Smellie to take the fall and downed the beer to another ditty from the Song Meister.

 

Man Pig led a cheer to the pub for having us, this having fallen of deaf ears we tried again, the lad in charge of the bar was oblivious to this whist arranging cutlery Man Pig moved on to award a beer to the Hares, 3Sum was well into her red wine and declined and well Cheerio Beerio is well known for avoiding beer they nominated Manopause for missing all recent Xmas parties – he then proceeded to consume said 2nd bee faster than I have ever seen.

 

So, these are my Novice words and apologies to any mishap or other I missed

To the seaside!

 Run #2096 Monday 29th September Circle up 7:15 pm from the Embassy Tavern, 3 Colin Rd, Paignton TQ3 2NR with Cheerio Beerio and Threesum.

Words for hash #2095 by Judge Mental

Thanks to Beefy for laying a trail that could only be described as 'the big tease.' An anticlockwise route around the bounds of Ashburton, 5 long/short splits gave plenty of opportunity to take a quick route home (more on that later), and with a long run of 11km (though some made 14km), down downs aplenty, new hash names, and welcome back to returnees Erection and Manopause. This one had it all.

Who was there:

Able, Beefkr, Erection, Forest, Georgy, Hornie, Beefy, Judge, Manopause, Melon Picker, Missinn, Missmash, Pisswell, Piltdown, Pocket Rocket, Pork Torpedo, Smash, Strapon, Strap dancer, Warm Front, Wet Jonny, Woodlend, Sam and Harry [jungle bunny]., Judge Mental

 

Pocket GM introduced the hash, reminding all about the curry night next Friday. I am sure Weatherspoons featured in the announcement too!

 

Determined not to lose sight of his staff for fear of thieving hash-dermeanours, he ran with it all the way round. Like a sword in each hand, and hair like a viking warrior, who would dare mess with this Rocket!

 

The length of the hash and various long/short splits clearly took some planning and laying, as the whispers of concern for Beefy grew louder as he stumbled over his words to describe what was before us. Was the trail laid with chalk or flour? Was it 3 and on? How many splits? Which way first? The poor chap seemed exhausted before we started. Confession enlightened he had re-run the route in chalk, for fear the flour had already been kicked out. 

 

Start we did, heading away from town centre, and quickly veered to the right though locals' well walked fields, back to the North East tip of Ashburton, before looping into Bore Wood. The first long climb led us up and away from the town. 

 

I have learned in hashing terms, that if you don't see a flour mark for half a mile, something's probably gone wrong with your powers of observation, rather than the trail itself. Myself, Miss Inn, Pocket Rocket, Wet Johnny and Pisswell scratched our heads. Pisswell shot off down a lane, while the rest double backed with Pocket mumbling 'yes I think I may have seen a mark just down here by the stile.' Sure enough we found the stile, found the mark, and not before calling back Pisswell, we resumed the trail, On On!

 

Wet Johnny took a short, leaving Miss Inn running solo following overgrown hedgerows, Pocket's 6th sense came into play as he was certain we were being followed. Sure enough Man Pig joined this group, while Piswell and Pocket dropped off the pace and were not seen until the pub. More on that later.

 

As I write this I have to confess to not having a clue where exactly all the long/short splits occurred, who took them, and how many variations of the same hash were possible in one evening. But through darkening streets and paths we strode, head torches straining to find the marks, then like an archangel at the crest of a hill, Beefy appeared, to keep us on track, counting off his hashers one by one. On On.

The route led its way back towards Ashburton, and with the Bay Horse virtually in sight, and the promise of wet refreshments, when lo and behold another long /short split. How cruel. What a tease. Without a word, we headed on the long, away from town (again). Inside, if I'm honest, I was grumbling just a little! 

 

The route ended along a section of old railway line (so said Man Pig), before weaving through town to return to the Bay Horse

 

While all were sinking their pints and enjoying the warmth, Pocket Rocket and Pisswell finally arrived, Pocket clearly suffering from his own 14km run to celebrate his 50th hash and longest long. His staff, once a sword in two hands, now served as walking poles on his final legs home!

 

Down Downs

Beefy - In the boot for a bootiful trail

Pocket Rocket - for achieving his first 50 runs, and completing the long.

Warm Front - for suggesting Beefy's backup chalk marks resembled hieroglyphics.

Strap Dancer - for presenting herself at a hash with virgin shoes

Able Seaman - for achieving her 1000th hash run.

Erection - for wearing a hat that didn't fit, so Pisswell suggessted he drink out of it!

 

The mess on the floor was the perfect position for the naming of Harry, Brenda's (Pisswell) son. He appears every year for a month or 3, then disappears back to the jungles of Borneo. 'It's only an hour from Singapore' he says, omitting the 10 hour route through tracks that Ordnance Survey could not describe. 

 

Now named for hash purposes only - Jungle Bunny! Hopefully we'll see him again next Spring.

I do solemnly swear and affirm that the events described herein are as best as I can recall.

 

Judge Mental

NEW PUB!

Run #2095 Monday 22nd September Circle up 7:15 pm from adjacent to the Bay Horse Inn, 64 North Street, Ashburton TQ13 7QG with Beefy.

Parking in Kingsbridge Lane CP off North Street (see map below). As reported in the words, the OD is a wet pub so bring your own if you require food.

TVH3 The Words for 15th September 2025

The Waterside, Paignton

Run No. 2094

Night & Day

HARE: Beeflicker

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Forrest Stump, Wood-Lend, Sam, Beefy, Pisswell, AA, Smellie, Coldtits, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Base Camp, Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End and long time absentee, Forrest's brother - Don Carlos

Circle

The recent trend of declining numbers was, mercifully, reversed this evening...... and this was in spite of the yellow weather warning. Hence all the twos, twenty two trusting souls arrived at what was, for me, a new On-Down.

Pocket Rocket welcomed all into the Circle for what he believed to be run number 2094. There were no dissenting comments, so run number 2094 it is.

Cheerio Beerio put out a shout for a £5 deposit for the upcoming curry night on 26 September. Cheerio also reminded us that Tuesday night is quiz night at the Tuckers Maltings Taphouse and that she would be there in the hope of entering a TVH3 team for the mensa prize.

Man-Pig put his hand up and asked for a volunteer to do the Words. In so doing, he was deemed to have volunteered himself. "Drat and double drat", or Words to that effect.

The Hare then gave the usual spiel about the trail. Or, rather, unusual spiel about the trail.

"There is a Walkers', Shorts' and a Longs' trail. The Walkers is (silence) miles. The Shorts is (silence) miles and the Longs is (silence) miles. Left out of the pub car park".

Suitably uninformed the pack turned left out of the car park.

Trail

The wind was still brisk and the sun low in the sky. This was going to be a trail of two halves; a daylight trail followed by a nightime trail. I hope we all brought our torches replete with charged batteries.Beeflicker had obviously put a lot of thought into this trail. He also stayed with the Longs for the whole trail re-laying marks that had been washed out from a downpour earlier in the afternoon. Despite being a town run, there was a fair amount of off road, including virgin territory.

 

So who went where?

 

The longs comprised Beefy, Wood-Lend, Man-Pig, Pisswell and AA with the Hare sweeping/re-laying. I have little idea where the Shorts and Walkers went or who was in each group.

 

Down Cliff Park Road and past where I had planned to park - 3 hours = £4.70. Feck that! I'll park in the pub car park. Under the railway bridge and our first check at the southern end of Goodrington Sands. Beefy leading, marks intermittent, Wood-Lend following. 

 

On trail and past the Inn on the Quay and then a pleasant surpise. Wood-Lend spotted beach art at the northern end of Goodrington Sands. It was very well executed and reminded me of Maori tattoos.

Two checks in rapid succession had us upwards and onwards around Roundham Head, turn right at the Harbour Inn, under the arch by the Harbour Light and along to the bar at the Vue Cinema and the Walkers & Shorts/Longs split. 

 

The Longs headed north towards Oldenburg park but not as far as the Polsham Arms before losing marks. In fairness, this was the only time that we were off trail so good work by the Hare in replenishing the marks. 

 

Past the spinning Wheel where we rejoined the Walkers' and Shorts' trail passing the Talk of the Town and Henry's Bar (South Devon CAMRA town pub of the year 2023). Left at the Queen Victoria and onto a check. Beefy finds the trail passing close to the Co-Op funeral directors and a quick thought of our dear Migman's final journey. The trail then passes the Lime Tree; a good old bikers' pub now, sadly, closed.

 

From here on inn, recollection became almost impossible as the remainder of trail was bereft of pubs. No Compass Inn or Sun Tavern to guide us - street names are so instantly forgettable.

The Hare rejoined the three FRB's near the Lime Tree. "Is anyone else on the Longs?" enquires Beeflicker. The uniformed Pig says "No". The informed Beefy imparts that Pisswell and AA are, indeed, following in our footsteps.

 

Up Totnes Road towards the Zoo (no alcohol served at the eateries in the zoo from memory) before the final L/S split where the Shorts veered off towards Dartmouth Road. 

 

For the Longs, an arrow has us into Primley Woods for a lovely loop on virgin territory, returning whence we came. We exited the woods at exactly the same moment as mother & daughter, Pisswell and AA, commenced the Primley loop.

 

The Longs continued their trek up towards the Zoo veering left and up Battersway Road thus avoiding the temptation of Harley's Bar only a few yards yonder. 

 

At Brixham Road the marks took us left and through Tweenaways Cross heading towards McDonalds and KFC (no beer). Another left and onto Roseland Drive. Beefy and Wood-Lend had stolen a 150m lead but were still in sight as they turned onto a footpath just before Sturcombe Avenue. The footpath crossed three roads, past Roseland School and entered open fields to the west of Clennon Valley. 

 

The Hare had promised us some off road and here it was. Two fields popular with dog walkers gave way to a slighty slippery descent through scrubland to the Western side of Clennon Valley.

 

Soon we were on a wide white gravel track passing two duck lakes to our left. We exited the valley at Clennon Valley leisure centre before turning right and the final ascent up Dartmouth Road and back to the On-Down.

 

What a lovely run - even in the dark. A good old leg stretch a tad short of 7 miles but still back in the pub car park before 9pm....perfect!

 

Down-Downs

The Walkers and Shorts are just finishing their scoff as the Longs enter the pub. Great timing. A brief chat between the RA's has the Pig draw the short straw. 

 

Forrest has been hoarding again and has not one, but two, awards. Regrettably, he has no stories but he does have a brother - Charlie aka Don Carlos. Carlos has come all the way from Kenya just to be with TVH3...again! Hence the well travelled Don Calos received the first Down-Down. Don Carlos lives in Kenya and entertained us with his own Down-Down song - in Swahili I assume.

Now, the RA had heard a story about Don Carlos whilst on trail. It was such a good story that the RA buttonholed Don Carlos before he'd had time to return to his seat.

"Don Carlos. Would you inform the Hash as to the purpose of your visit to the UK and the means by which you arrived in the country?"

Don Carlos has arrived in order to celebrate Forrest's 70th birthday. He'd arrived in a huge cardboard box with a bona fide DPD delivery label addressed to Forrest but at Mucking Fuddle's address. Mucking Fuddle phones Dad and asks him to come round and pick up his huge parcel PDQ because it's taking up a lot of room and she wants it gone. Forrest duly turns up and starts cutting into the parcel tape with a Stanley knife. In a Marilyn Monroe birthday cake moment Don Carlos springs out of the box. Forrest nearly faints and then says, "I never ordered that!"

Inevitably, there is a DD for the 70 year old so it's all the right notes but not, necessarily, in the right order. Whilst the cacophony continues, Pisswell rushes to her car to get the Birthday Hat.

The third Down-Down. "Does anyone have an Award and/or story?"

Yes. Beeflicker has both. He has the helicopter jockey hat which he awards to Beefy for helping him with his pump. I think the issue was a slow leak on a car tyre.

The RA is interested as to what type of pump was utilised.

"An electric one with a USB connector" advises Beefy.

"Not a Robert Chartrum manual pump?" queries the RA.

All are puzzled, with the exception of a rather red faced Well Hopped who is giggling away to herself merrily.

Shame on you Well Hopped, as our blushing Harriet is obviously aware that it is a vacuum appliance that was advertised in glossy magazines during the 70's. It is, allegedy, a surefire means of enlarging a gentlemen's ummm, errr....manhood and is powered by a bicycle pump ("not included" states the advert).

A note for the penile enlarger user.

The final half of ale. There are no stories but there is another well travelled returnee. It is AA (pronounced Arrrrrr). She has moved from Portugal to Canada - Alberta to be exact. The RA asks if she's seen any Big Foot since she's been in Canada. A little perplexed she answers "No".

"What about Mounties?" Puzzlement remains.

"Any policemen with red coats on horseback?"

"No", queryingly and increasingly alert I can see her thinking, "Where are we going with this?"

"Are you sure that you've come from Canada?"

Eventually the final half does go the AA; "Here's to the befuddled traveller...."

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Bayhorse, Ashburton. Our Hare is Beefy. Park in the main car park and circle up outside the pub. The On-Down is a wet pub so bring your own scoff if you need feeding.

 

On-On to next week, MP

 

 

WATERSIDE INN at Goodrington

Run #2094 Monday 15th September Circle up 7:15 pm from the Waterside Inn Goodrington TQ4 6ND with Beeflicker.

Pre order food in pub before trail - on table by 9pm.

Hard to believe that we were last at the Waterside Inn way back in 2016 (#1668). A beautiful location with spectacular views across the bay.

PUB MENU

 https://www.greeneking.co.uk/pubs/devon/waterside-inn/menu?utm_source=g_places&utm_medium=locations&utm_campaign=FG_menu

KESTOR INN

 Run #2093 Monday 8th September Circle up 7:15 pm from the Kestor Inn, Manaton, Newton Abbot TQ13 9UF with Poacher.

RUN #2092 WORDS by Pisswell

Fingle bridge on Teign valley waters

Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

https://youtube.com/playlist...

Who made it over the little narrow bridge? only Pisswell and her inflatable crocodile!!!!!

Who cheated and walked over the bridge?

Soapy plus the inflatable penis, Melon Picker, Warmfront, Beeflicker with the inflatable toucan, Pocket Rocket, Georgie P’ Orgy, Piltdown man, SMEllie and Coldtits.

The circle: The GM welcomed everyone to hash number 3078 or something. SMEllie and Coldtits asked to go to the loo! And then SMEllie asked for hares for October.

The hare: Pisswell had laid 3trails L5,S3.5,W2m, laid both sides of the river.

The hare had requested swim/running wear and inflatables and head torches as it would be dark under the trees. She was planning fairy lights and a sweetie stop. There would be a river crossing for all, made easier to cross by placing a washing line to dry Pisswells wet socks!

No pubs open so down downs on the hare and BYO picnic

Verse 1 -see music for tune of Bridge over troubled waters!

When you're weary

Of my trails

When they are all too far,

A new plan can’t fail!

Swim on the side

Oh, when trails get tough

And marks just can't be found

[Chorus]

Fingle bridge on Teign valleys waters

There we’ll drink down downs

But the pubs they are closed to taunt us

We can’t buy a round!

[Verse 2]

Small lanes driving there

Did you cross the bridge?

You’re going up the Teign

Longs up on the ridge

Beneath Drogo

Sharp, then Hunters tor

A view you can die for!

[Chorus]

Fingle bridge on Teign valleys waters

I was swimming there

Eating sweets and inflatables too

Tou-can ride the weir!

[Verse 3]

Shine on, twinkly lights,

torches on

Your time has come to shine

On bats, we came upon

See now it’s cold

Oh, we need to change

The picnic for Drewe arms!

[Chorus]

Fingle bridge on Teign valleys waters

River bank won’t do

Gate crash pub , so that Kirton hashers

Share their on down too!

Out takes:

Well done those who braved the long journey! For those who were daunted, it is not in fact in Scotland but it is equally as beautiful.

Well done the river crossers. Thank you to Beeflicker for bringing Pisswells washing in.

Well done the swimmers who rode the rapids on inflatable animals in the dodgy dark water, with bats entangled in their hair!

Well done the inflatables for staying firm enough to hold throughout!

What actually happened en route?

The longs gate crashed Kirton H3 Sweety stop and ran along side their trail up by Drogo. Therefore, we decided we could also share their on downs, at the Drewe arms. The pub had refused us as they were closed on Mondays, but had opened especially for them! So we ate our picnics and cucumber sandwiches and Pocket ate his own body weight in chicken korma roll!

Down downs:

Thank you to Kirton hash for giving us somewhere warm to go

Thank you to the hare and Coldtits for providing the beer.

Down downs …

…to the hare for a shitty trail

Coldtits awarded the helicopter hat to Soapy for bringing her enormous inflatable penis!

…to Beeflicker for riding the waves and weir on his inflatable Toucan.

…To Warmfront for rushing of when her GM was hanging by just a handhold off the View point at Hunters tor!

…to Pocket Rocket for attempting the long and surviving the above ordeal, and for eating his own body weight in his picnic hamper!

…to Coldtits for being unable to navigate her boat down through the river Teign using just Strava

…to Melon Picker for looking after Soapy’s inflatable and never feeling deflated despite the other walkers going off and leaving him!

Thanks for coming GP and PDM

…to Smellie for battery failure and relying on Coldtits other battery operated item!

Think I might have made a bit up but that was the gist of it! Although we were exhausted and tiny by the end (only eight), we had had a great time and a lot of laughter and fun. Thanks guys x

Next week:

Preacher at the Kestrel, Manapig.

Sorry autocorrect…..Poacher at the Kestor, Manaton.

On on x