BACK TO THE MOOR THIS MONDAY

Run #2030 Monday 22nd July Circle up 7:15 pm from the car park at Ausewell TQ13 7HL above Ashburton, on the Buckland in the moor road. What three words: ///lace.vacancies.sticking

On down is the Silent whistle in Ashburton, St Lawrence Ln, TQ13 7DD.

 

TVH3 The Words for 15th July 2024

The Devon Dumpling, Shiphay

Run No. 2029

 

U-BEND COMES UP SHORT

 

HARES: Pork Torpedo and Horny

 

Those gathered: Pork Torpedo, Horny, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Cheerio Beerio, Archangel, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Wetfart, Slip-on-Me, Wet Johnny, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Psycho, Soapy, Palmolive, Smash, Charlotte, Polyfella, Coldtits, Satnav, U Bend, Well Hopped, Big End & Ned, Bobbiball (pub only) returnees Wide Receiver and Ollie and virgin - Isobel.

 

Circle

Despite a poor weather forecast for 7pm, we were treated to a dry Circle followed by a dry run. There were the usual vehicular pirouettings in the car park as various Hashers squeezed large vans into small spaces but all eventually got parked with spaces to spare.

 

Announcements were fairly brief. Hotlips and Zoot had turned up to promote TVH3's forthcoming 40th anniversary weekend. A number of Plympton and Exeter Hashers have already signed up but TVH3 numbers are still relatively low

 

Wetfart made a briefer announcement regarding Teapot and then we had two latecomers. First we had Wide Receiver turn up in his 1978 MGB Roadster with an old fashioned black and silver number plate. I seriously doubt the legality of the old style number plates on a 1978 vehicle but WR assured me that they are legal. Our other latecomer into the Circle was Ollie. Good to see you both back.

 

I had thought that I had missed something on the TVH3 website as Soapy and Palmolive turned up in fancy dress followed by our Hares both dressed as rabbits. 

 

I was soon corrected that they were, in fact, Hares. Obvious really. As for Soapy and Palmolive, they just fancied dressing up......as did Beeflicker. Why he had come as an imitation Irishman with a red wig and matching beard I still don't know. Anyway, the Long and the Short of it was that I hadn't missed a fancy dress announcement on the TVH3 Facebook page. 

 

I did ask the whereabouts of Melonpicker. He has a bad back and Soapy has a big smile. Make of that what you will.

 

Wet Johnny has brought along his daughter, Isobel. It is her virgin Hash and she is duly called forward and into the Circle. 

 

Pork Torpedo is the only one with flour so he steps forward and places a gentle puff of flour on each trainer. Fortunately it is not wet so Wet Johnny will not be up till midnight cleaning it all off before it congeals to concrete.

 

The Hares/White Rabbits announced three trails. A Walker's of about three and a half miles; Mediums, about four and a half and Longs about six; the longest Long is the last one which will add approximately 2 miles to the trail. The sweetie stop would be quite early on in the trail so any Walkers not up to 3.5 miles, simply retrace your steps after the sweetie stop for a two miler. Simples.

 

Trail

I was to find out later, in the pub, that this is the first time that Pork Torpedo and Horny had even been to the Devon Dumpling let alone set a trail from there. So, for what is about to follow, may we be truly thankful for it was a lovely trail; a mixture of town and country, road and footpath and, inevitably in Devon, up and down.

 

We turned left out of the car park and within 25 yards came to the first of three Long/Short splits. The Shorts turned left up Yealm Grange and then took a footpath towards Dart Avenue. 

 

The Longs carried on up to a check at the junction of Exe Hill and Collaton Road. The trail now took a long loop all the way around Fowey Avenue only to rejoin Exe Hill and the Shorts. 

 

Next it was left onto Higher Edginswell Lane and then right onto Marldon Road heading for Hamelin Way.

 

The sweetie stop was at the ancient burial ground at Gallows Gate. For the past 4 or 5 years, this has been the favoured sleeping spot for one of our local tramps. I was rather surprised by the absence of a tent. Maybe he's on his hols? This was also the location of the second Long/Short split. The Longs were directed to the top gate and the Shorts and Walkers to the lower gate.

 

One check and a short loop later, the Longs were back at the lower gate and following the Shorts on a wide public footpath that went up and down and up and down again until we arrived at the final Long/Short split. 

 

The Shorts went left and down to the bottom of the valley whilst the Longs went right and up. This is lovely part of the trail. Initially, the trail followed the broad gravelled main footpaths. 

 

As we got closer to Cockington Court, the trail almost turned back on itself and was now in woodland. Soon we were dropping down some woodland steps into the car park at the back of Cockington Court near the craft shops.

 

Somehow, Smellie, Pisswell and Man-Pig found themselves at the back of the Longs........too much yakking and not enough running.

 

At the Drum Inn, we overshot an arrow and had to backtrack onto Cockington Lane. Turning into a public footpath at the bottom of the valley, we caught up with Archangel just as we arrived at a cross. A 10 foot check back took us up the edge of the valley on a path running parallel with Cockington Lane.

At the junction of Cockington Lane and Nut Bush Lane, the trail crossed over and onto Drake Avenue. I had thought that we might have run across Armada park but not this evening. 

 

Drake Avenue runs into Upper Cockington Lane and at its junction with Marldon Road (very close to the Gromit residence) the trail took us right along Marldon Road. This was only for about 100 yards as an arrow had us descending down Dairy Hill and back to the pub. Here we caught up with Slip-on-Me and Shitfaced.

 

The Devon Dumpling is just on the left at the bottom of Dairy Hill but this didn't prevent Smellie turning right until called back by Shitfaced.

 

Down-Downs

The pub had put on a veggie curry and a meat curry with rice and chips for the Hash at £7/head. It looked very nice. 

 

In the absence of Forrest Stump, and upon Pisswell's suggestion, it was decided that our stand-in RA, Strap-On, could do with some practice. So, once most had finished their scoff, it was onto the Down-Downs.

 

Strap-On started by thanking the Hash for the beer. He then asked if there were any awards present from previous weeks. 

 

Hotlips steps up with the baby cock hat (this hasn't been seen for ages....the hat, not the cock!).

Almost inevitably, the story involves large cars and small parking spaces and the driver's inability to cram it all into one space. A DD for U-Bend but NOT SO FAST. Our Hare wants the first three Down-Downs to be consumed simultaneously. What is PT up to? I fear that he has a cunning plan up his sleeve. Indeed he has as we shall soon see.

 

"Are there any more awards?"

 

Yes. Wet-Johnny has been running around all night with the Hashshit shirt on. At this stage, I am at the bar and can't hear what is going on. 

 

From what little I heard, there is still some lingering speculation as to how Beefy came to be wearing a splint last week and having his wrist strapped this week....self abuse? Nobody knows....not even Pisswell. Beefy gets his half pint of ale and is told not to drink it.

 

There are no more awards but Shitfaced has a story about a Hasher racing, and in a proper race!

"The guilty party is behind you".

 

Standing behind Strap-On is Bobbiball. Despite the improbability of Bobbiball racing anywhere there is a chorus of "Bobbiball, Bobbiball, Bobbiball". 

 

The looks of incredulity are well founded. Standing next to Bobbiball is Polyfella. He did do a proper race over the weekend and did rather well in it. I think it was a 5k or a 10k. Polyfella gets his half pint and is also told not to drink it.

 

Like a magician, Pork Torpedo reaches behind a chair and presents the "Speed-Drinker". This is a 1.2m long piece of 38mm x 50mm softwood with 3 plastic pint glasses screwed to it. The glasses have been equally spaced and the screws have been sealed with O-rings and silicone mastic. No leaks here. 

 

The three awardees are called up and they hold the device up in front of them. Pork Torpedo then pours their half pints into the pint glasses. This is going to be a simultaneous triple Down-Down.

 

The Hash is giggling away merrily, and for good reason. There is a very obvious fly in the ointment. One end of the device is being held by Polyfella. The other end of the device is being held by Beefy.

 

They both have the edge of their pint pots up to their lips ready for the "down-Down" command. In the middle, however, is U-Bend. Try as he might, the best that he could do was to get his nose upto the edge of the glass. This was a disaster waiting to happen until Satnav grabbed a bar stool for U-bend to kneel on. Ah, that's a lot better. So good, in fact, that not a drop was spilt. I wonder if the Speed-Drinker will get an airing at the Isca Roman Away Day in a fortnight?

 

The last half of ale has to go to the Hare. As the Songmeister will have his mouth full, Man-Pig is asked to lead the Down-Down song...."You're stupid. You're stupid...." By this time, the Songmeister has decanted his half into a cow's horn.

 

Always last to go if there are no drivers is the half pint of water. This goes to co-hare Horny. Again, the drink is decanted into the horn as our Songmeister gives us his rendition of "Love me tender......"

Horny doesn't really want the water and so ensues the largest spillage of the evening as Horny thinks that her bunny suit needs a wash.

 

A final "Thankyou to the pub for preparing a Hash curry for us" and we're off.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Ausewell Cross car park which is just north of Ashburton heading directly up to the moors. Another Dartmoor odyssey with Pisswell is in the offing. The On-Down has yet to be chosen. See the TVH3 FB page for updates.

 

ON ON to next week, MP.