A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

Saturday, 10 August 2024

TVH3 The Words for 5th August 2024

Trenchford Reservoir followed by the Dolphin Inn, Bovey Tracey
 
Run No. 2032
 
'IN THROUGH THE OUT DOOR'
 

 
 
HARE: Forrest Stump
 
Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Perry, Mitch, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Cheerio Beerio, Puddle Plopper, Tinkle Toes, Archangel, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Fukarewe, Ernie, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Coldtits, Warmfront, Psycho, Runner Bean, Melonpicker, Soapy, Poacher, Justin & Dylan, Eliza, Jonathan, Andy, Miss'Ing, and virgins Sarah and Beth
 
Circle
In the absence of our GM, Shitfaced, U-Bend presided over the Circle. U-Bend started as he meant to go on, namely by welcoming returnee Warmfront. The only error here was that Warmfront was running (read scoffing) with TVH3 last week. 
 
Then U-Bend welcomed visitors Beth, brought by Miss'Ing and Sarah, brought by Andy to Run number 2033. it is Run number 2032. Both virgins were indoctrinated with a light dusting of flour.
 
Smellie repeated last week's update on Hare Raising i.e. that there were only three spots to fill before the end of the year.
 
A very brief update from Wetfart on Teapot. Teapot continues to make slow progress and progress of any sort is good. Long may it continue.
 
So over the the Hare. We were going to be treated to both a Longs' and a Shorts' trail. There would be two Long/Short splits with "sweeties" at each split. The first/last parts of the in/out trail are the same so there are marks on both sides of the track. The marks are laid in sawdust. I didn't hear any mention of distances. Oh, and as a post script, yes there is a Walkers' trail.
 
"Check it out".
 
Trail
A tightly clustered pack headed out of the car park and soon picked up the trail. At the first check, Poacher dropped down towards the path that leads to the pumping house whilst the Pig carried straight on with Runner Bean hard on his shoulder. 
 
Another check was encountered at a small footbridge that crossed to the east of Trenchford reservoir. The Pig carried on up the west side and found a couple of rubbed out and indecipherable marks and then three dots. "On-On".
 
Following the Pig, were Pisswell, Eliza and Fukarewe. Not following were the rest of the pack. The marks were pretty much in the centre of the path so nothing to worry about.....except:
"Why hadn't Warmfront, Runner Bean and Psycho caught up".
 
The reason was that they had crossed the foot bridge to find a check and a trail....the correct outward trail.
 
Meanwhile, the Infamous Four carried on in blissful ignorance. We were all quite chuffed with ourselves. FRB's! That'll teach the Topiary Twins to have seconds of strawberries and cream.
It wasn't long before we came to a smaller footbridge at the top of Trenchford Reservoir and more marks.
 
We climbed through the woods towards the junction of Tottiford and Kennick reservoirs. However, now the marks were on our left.
 
We kept on trail, checking out the checks and kicking them out in the right (wrong) direction. 
 
A check at a small road had us bear due north. The fact that no-one was behind us was just beginning to bug us. Sure enough, at the next T-junction two big arrows were pointing the way we'd just came. We had obviously come out on the in trail but we were still on trail.
 
We took a right and rejoined the west bank of Kennick reservoir near the fishermen's hut/clubhouse.
Coming towards us was Smellie doing the Walkers' trail closely followed by U-Bend. These were the only two Walkers that we came across. 
 
A little further on, we came across a tupperware box full of sliced oranges. This must have been at Walkers/ Long & Shorts split. It was still full of oranges so we guessed that the Longs and Shorts had yet to pass through.
 
We could hear calling from the other side of Kennick reservoir and Man-Pig saw a Hasher wearing orange in the far distance.
 
"Are you?"
No reply.
"Are you?", he called again.
 
Still no reply and the Hasher wasn't moving.
 
We crossed the causeway to the other side of the reservoir to confront our deaf Hasher. Had he got blocked ears like me last week? As we got closer, the cause of his deafness became apparent. The Hasher was, in fact, an orange life buoy. That would also explain why he hadn't moved! Whatamistakatomaka!
 
The trail followed the eastern bank of Kennick reservoir up through Laployd Plantation and to the second Long/Short split at the north end of the reservoir. We looked for more oranges. There were none. It was getting decidedly dipsy, especially under cover of foliage. The Short looked tempting but Pisswell convinced us to do the Long. At the back of my mind, I had visions of the Blackenstone Rock.
 
We pushed on along a relatively unused track and up to Laployd Barton. Here we hit road and took a left and proceeded uphill. This was looking suspiciously familiar. Sure enough, within 5 minutes we were past the Blackenstone Rock and at a back check. No surprise there. 
 
Atop the rock were some Hashers including Ernie. Aerial guidance assisted our route up to the rock. It was an ideal photo opportunity from the summit of the Blackenstone before our descent and the last orange stop.
 
Now it was a straightforward run back down to the reservoir and a backtrack along the trail whence we started. 
 
Forrest passed us in his truck and asked if anyone wanted a lift....it was getting decidedly dark. But we are Hashers and we eat plenty of carrots for times just as these. We politely declined the offer of a swift return to the car park and retraced our steps.
 
Fortunately, Forrest had remarked our incorrectly kicked-out marks in the right direction. It was so dark that Eliza illuminated the route with the torch in her mobile phone.
 
In no time we were back at the car park. I asked Fukarewe if he'd like his Hashshit shirt back from last week.. He replied:
 
"No thankyou Man-Pig. I think you'll be keeping it".
 
Down-Downs
We eventually get back to the Dolphin at 9.35 and it is dark. Inside the pub, the layout has been rearranged slightly.
 
The raised dining area to our right has gone. It is no longer raised and it had been replaced with a snooker table. 
 
The net result of this was that our Hashers were split between two large tables either side of the entrance door. Additionally, and this was a first for me, there were (occupied) chairs at the bar which made it nigh on impossible to order a beer from the entrance side of the bar.
 
Forrest had tried securing some free Down-Downs when booking the pub. Alas, this now seems to be a thing of the past for the Dolphin. Despite this, Forrest bought the Down-Downs and the show goes on.
Man-Pig is RA'ing.
 
"What did we think of the trail?"
"Lovely" and "Too short" seemed to be the order of the day.
"Are there any awards from last week?"
 
Fukarewe has been reunited with the Hashshit shirt, but not for long. He is chomping at the bit to reveal the story of the short sighted Pig and his conversation with an orange life buoy.
 
"A note for the short sighted one" as Man-Pig despatches his DD.
 
Next up is Ernie who is really keen to offload the turd hat. This he awards to our reserve GM U-Bend. This is for welcoming everyone to Run no. 2033 when it is Run no. 2032 and, additionally, describing Warmfront as a returnee when both he and Warmfront were at last week's Hash.
 
"A note for the short sighted one number two".
 
There are no more awards but there are two stories. The first is about a Hasher who did the whole trail whilst leaving his hatchback in the car park with the tailgate up. That was Piltdown Man. 
 
The other is about lost property. Coldtits has found a set of car keys. They are Land Rover keys. Smellie looks at Man-Pig who pulls his keys from his pocket. All eyes turn to Slip-on-Me.
"Where were they found?"
 
"In the Ladies".
In a decibel race there is only one winner - Slip-on-Me. Case closed.
A note for, "Les cles perdu" (the lost keys).
 
Finally, it would be somewhat remiss if the Hare were not to receive a thoroughly deserved Down-Down. A long and excellent trail laid single handedly and he paid for the Down-Downs.
 
A note for, "The Pissy Hare". Forrest said that he wouldn't lay another trail unless he got a Down-Down.
 
Down-Down duly delivered. Thankyou.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from Torquay Rugby Club. Our Hare is Cheerio Beerio.
I wonder what position she plays in? Keep your answers to yourself.
 
On-On to next week. MP

Saturday, 3 August 2024

RESERVOIR DOGS THIS MONDAY

 

Run #2032 Monday 5th August circle up 7:15 pm from the main car park at Trenchford Reservoir with Forrest.
What3words: squirted.menswear.quarrel
On Down: Dolphin Hotel, 1A Station Rd, Bovey Tracey, Newton Abbot TQ13 9A
 

 
 

TVH3 The Words for 29th July 2024

The Court Farm, Abbotskerswell

Run No. 2031
 
Summer's Here - Strawberries & Cream washed down with a Pimms
 
HARES: Strap-On & Ernie with refreshment stop manned by Ernie's missus & grandchildren
 
Who wuz there: Strap-On, Ernie, Dawn (Mrs Ernie) & grandchildren, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Bluebird, Cheerio Beerio, Archangel, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Piddler, Fukarewe, U-Bend, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Coldtits, Warmfront, Psycho, Satnav, Wide Receiver, Eliza, Devon and virgin - Jonathan plus, for the second week running, returnees/visitors Wigwam and Mrs Sheen
 
Circle
For some reason the Circle seemed to take forever and there weren't even very many announcements. It was Teapot's birthday on Sunday and we all wished him well and a speedy recovery.
 
Smellie only needs Hares for three trails between now and the end of the year. What a hair-razor!
The flightless one was back in action. As Bluebird is also the web spider, Shitfaced encouraged him to promote the forthcoming TVH3 40th away weekend in a more prominent manner.
 
Cheerio Beerio put in a plug for a Wednesday night wet T-shirt competition under the guise that it was a Hash kayaking trip along the Teign estuary. Tuesday's kayak sales in Newton Abbot rose 300%.
 
A couple of Hashers broke hash protocol by leaving the Circle to re-park their cars, having originally parked them in the resident guests dedicated parking area - Cheerio Beerio and Piltdown Man.
No such qualms from Archangel who left his car parked in the middle of the guest parking area. He'd already got his kayak on the roof. Maybe he was hoping for a sneak preview? "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours" (Antoine from Eurotrash).
 
Eventually the Hares got to give their brief.
 
"Walkers' about 2.5 miles. Shorts' 4'ish. Longs' maybe 6 to 6.5 miles. There is one Long/Short split and a peculiar view point. Oh! Plus a refreshment stop".
 
Trail
The trail took us out of the car park and right up Wilton Road for a short distance before turning right again and up Court Road to our first check. This is the first time that I recall taking this route out of the Court Farm car park.
 
The obvious route was down a footpath that ended with steps down onto Slade Lane.
 
The marks now had us running up Odle Hill and turning into the light industrial estate at the Old Cider Works. This was virgin territory and I had no idea that this was an old lane and a public right of way onto Manor Road.
 
Outside one of the units was a Suzuki Bandit frame with USD forks; an abandoned chopper project perhaps - the forks maybe useful on Strap-On's Ducati street fighter project.....just a thought.
 
A check had us climb up Firestone Lane and then drop down Stoneman's Hill to the Walkers'/Long & Shorts' split at the cemetery.
 
The Walkers proceeded left down Coach Road and to the refreshment stop. For the Longs and the Shorts it was through the cemetery and across the Totnes Road.
 
Arrows then had us running towards Newton Abbot before being diverted down a raised pathway exiting at Bunting Close. 
 
Back on the A381 for a short while before another arrow and we were dropping down a grassy footpath, over a small footbridge and into Lang's Copse...and a check. In fact, quite a confusing check as I managed to catch up with the FRB's, Beeflicker, Warmfront, Psycho, Well Hopped, Pisswell and, amazingly, Bluebird.
 
I followed Pisswell up a steep bank as all the other possible routes had been checked out....allegedly. This was only to hear, "False trail" as we back tracked to the kicked out check and started again.
Someone asked if I'd seen Fukarewe who had gone AWOL. "No". I hadn't seen him. I'd been pretty much on my own since leaving Abbotskerswell. I thought the marks were pretty good so the mystery of the missing Fukarewe remained , for the time being, unsolved.
 
Inevitably Beeflicker found the trail and called "On-On" whilst Warmfront rebuilt the check and kicked it out in the wrong direction....... again!
 
We headed west on the high track above the River Lemon towards the ford below Emblett Hill.
Soon we came to the View Point. This was a fenced off piece of track above an old quarry know as the Puritans' Pit. It is a deep fall into this quarry and I recall running past here, in the dark on a winter's Hash, in the days before it was fenced off! 
 
Recently a cross and an explanatory plaque recording the story of the Puritan's Pit had been erected here; certainly within the past two years. It heralds back to the time when puritans were persecuted. I am assuming that this was about the same time as the Mayflower and the pilgrim fathers settled in North America in 1620.
 
Having read the history it was time to push on. At the ford I thought that we would turn left and up, past the water treatment works, towards Ogwell Green. No. It was right and wet feet time as an arrow directed us into the Lemon. Well, those of us that were foolish enough to follow the arrows when there is a perfectly good bridge just to the left.
 
Another check and we were running up the broad track (Ogwell Mill Road) past Bradley Barton. The dry footed Bird glided silently skyward and then, what's this, a road block? All the FRB's had stopped. A backckeck perchance? No. It was the lost Fukarewe running towards us!
 
Somehow he'd got off trail, then on trail only to find that he was now running it in reverse. After a quick chat and some directions, Fukarewe decided that he'd complete the trail in reverse. A decision that he'd come to regret. If he thought he was lost now he'd be reassessing his position by the time that he got to the Jolly Sailor at East Ogwell. 
 
Amazingly, the unfit Bird extended its ailerons, accelerated and took off [sic] not to be seen again.
At the end of Ogwell Mill Lane, the majority of the FRB's were out of sight. It was just myself and Pisswell at the tail end of the Longs, or so we thought. Unbeknownst to us, the injured Smellie (acquired a foot infection in Croatia) was assiduously following the marks and was only half a mile behind us.
 
Another arrow and we followed dots all along and down Barton Drive. Would we be veering left and up to the mobile phone microwave transmitter at Broadlands? No. 
 
At the bottom of Barton Drive the marks took us right and along Hunterswell Road and into Bakers Park. Up to the A381 then left and across the road and up the public footpath to the refreshment stop at St Mary's Church.
 
And what a refreshment stop it was.
 
We were all treated to bowls of fresh strawberries (with or without cream) and a glass of Pimms. The sun was out. The views were lovely and we weren't that far from the On-Down....serene.
 
In fact, it was such a lovely refreshment stop that the Topiary Twins helped themselves to seconds....you'll put weight on you know.
 
Suitably refreshed, we crossed to the east side of Coach Road and onto the public footpath past a farm and across two large, and usually boggy, fields up to Stoneman's Hill once more. 
 
This time we were not backtracking down Firestone Lane but continuing along Stonemans' Hill. I was running along with Psycho and a strange conversation ensued.
 
"Did you enjoy the drink stop?", I enquired.
"Yes. I had too sex."
Did I hear her correctly? What is she on about? Now, I do have a blocked ear and I am totally deaf in my left ear. As frustrating a this is, it does have some advantages i.e. I now have an excuse for not paying any attention to Mrs Man-Pig. But what is all this about "sex". It didn't make sense.
"Two sex?"
"Yes. It was so good I had two sex".
"Who with", I thought. Did I miss something? I was bamboozled.
"Two sex" I said again.
"Yes. So did Warmfront".
I really do need to get this ear syringed.
"Two sex!?"
Very loudly, "Two sets of strawberries and cream!"
 
All of a sudden we had turned right and along the fenced in footpath that leads to Manor Road back in Abbotskerswell. Then it was right and down Priory Road and back to the Court Farm. 
 
But not everyone was back. Smellie was just behind us as it turned out but there was no sign of Fukarewe or our virgin Jonathan.....not for the next 45 minutes anyway. However, by 9.45 we were all accounted for - even if Fukarewe had clocked up just under 10 miles!
 
Down-Downs
Despite still getting over a problem with his swollen nuts - all 20 of them, Man-Pig assumed RA duties for the evening. First was to thank the pub for the beer*.
 
"So. What did we think of the trail?"
 
A fantastic refreshment stop seemed to be the main theme and indeed it was. in fact it was so good that some of our Harriets had seconds. You know who you are you teletubbies you. Other, more seasoned hashers, merely settled for a second glass of Pimms.....so refined.
 
First up with an old award was Ablesemen. Able has the Turd Hat. It must go to a Hare for such an excellent trail and drink stop but which one? Only one way to find out. In a Cinderellaesque re-enactment Able makes each Hare wear the hat. It is a perfect fit for Ernie.
 
"Here's to the Shithead he's so blue........"
 
Next up with a story is a hoarder. It is U-Bend with not one but two awards, the Dickhead Hat and the Jester's Hat. 
 
U-Bend was on the Shorts' trail and running with Piddler and Cheerio Beerio. U-Bend was clearly not paying attention and only getting a part of the conversation between Cheerio Beerio and Piddler. U-Bend hears Cheerio say:
 
"I don't care what you call yours. Mine's called Dave and it's long haired" (these days....really? - ed).
Now the conversation was about sausages - well, sausage dogs actually so U-Bend may have put two and two together and got five on this occasion. 
 
Nevertheless, the Hats went to Cheerio and Piddler accompanied by, "Here's to the sex pests. They're so blue".
 
Piltdown Man has the Hashshit shirt. He also has a notebook of misdemeanours as long as his arm and he starts to reel them off. First he advises that he has been wearing the said shirt on trail and it is nice and sweaty. The list starts with:
 
1. Georgy Porgy getting caught short on trail and nearly needing the Hashshit shirt for mopping up operations.
2. Numerous Hashers getting lost
3. Man-Pig's nut problems along with a puncture
4. Cheerio Beerio exiting the Circle to move her car (no mention of Piltdown doing exactly the same!)
and finally the winner by a mile...or an extra 4 miles as it turned out.
5. Fukarewe gets the Hashshit shirt for going off trail and then rejoining the trail but electing to do it backwards. Not content with running it counterclockwise he gets lost again and ends up in East Ogwell...... a total of just under 10 miles! How did you get your name again?
"You're stupid. You're stupid. You're so damn dumb. If your Mother hadn't been there you'd be a lump of cum".
 
Finally, we very nearly had a first in TVH3. 
 
Next month is our 40th anniversary away weekend. Over the past 40 years we have never lost a virgin on their very first Hash. However, it was 9.45 and our virgin, Jonathan, had not returned. Thankfully he arrived safe and well just in time for the final Down-Down. well done.
 
Next week
Next week's Hash is from Trenchford reservoir. Our Hare is Forrest Stump and the On-Down will be The Dolphin, Bovey Tracey. See the TVH3 FB page for the exact car park that we'll be using.
 
Footnote
Although the pub had offered to provide the beer gratis, Strap-On was a little embarrassed that there were so few takers for beer. So, our Hare actually paid for the Down-Downs on this occasion.
Thankyou Strap-On. An excellent trail with an unexpected and amazing Pimms & strawberries stop. Well done.
 
ON ON to next week! MP

Tuesday, 30 July 2024

TVH3 40 YEARS OF HASHING WEEKEND

TEIGNMOUTH RUGBY CLUB 30TH AUGUST 16:00 TO 1ST SEPTEMBER 01:00 

Full package includes: 

Friday night Pasty n chips, Red Dress run and camping 

Saturday Breakfast, picnic lunch, trail, 2 course dinner, Disco (Boggy) and overnight camping 

Sunday Breakfast, Hangover hash Sunday lunch Optional extra £13.00 If sharing tent or van it will be £57.00 per person for the weekend. 

Other options available are: Friday Night £7.50 food £12.00 camping per tent/van 

Saturday £40.50 for the day and night including breakfast on Sunday and overnight camping.  If sharing would be £34.50 per person. 

You can register here where you will also find bank details.

 file:///C:/Users/44731/Downloads/Flyer%20amd%20Rego%20for%20weekend%20-2.pdf

Sunday, 28 July 2024

 

ROAD CLOSURE FOR MONDAY'S HASH
In case you were not at last week's circle, Strap-On advised hashers that the main road out of Netwton Abbot would be closed near the Wolborough Inn.
Option 1 is to go down the Ashburton road and take the turn opposite Mile End garage car wash and go through Ogwell.
Option 2, go down Coach road or Priory road from Decoy and option 3 is to take any of the other lanes. 🙂

Saturday, 27 July 2024

COURT FARM INN THIS MONDAY

 Run #2031 Monday 29th July 7:15 pm circle up from Court Farm Inn, Abbotskerswell, Newton Abbot TQ12 5NY with Ernie and Strap-On.

 

Ausewell that ends well!

The Words for 22nd July 2023

from Ausewell Cross, near Buckland-in-the-moor.

Hare: Pisswell
 
Who wuz there: Piltdown man, Georgie Porgie, Wigwam, Mrs Sheen, Satnav, Soapy, Melon Picker, Zoot, Hotlips, Beeflicker, Cheerio Beerio, Forrest, Manpig, Squeaky bum, Rodger the dodger, Big End, Well hopped, Miss Inn, Shitfaced, Justin, Strap on, Strap dancer, Bobbieball, Fukarwe, Coldtits and Beefy (better late than never!) Ernie and his grandson Corie, Plonker, Runner bean, Eliza and her son Devon, Speedo (self invited and dropped off by Dad- Speedo pop!).
 
The circle:
Shitfaced welcomed returnees and newcomers. There was a short disagreement about who had invited a guest and could claim points for the Groomers award. The virgins were then anointed in flour as per protocol.
 
No Smellie and trails all pretty booked up.
 
Manpig said that Hat rack, a former hasher has recently lost his wife. Our condolences to the family.
The hare then discussed the scoff and sold off most of the remaining meals she had booked. She explained the trail as per usual woffle.
 
There were four trails. The dog trail needed humans to be kept on a lead, as the hare had seen two deer and there were nesting peregrine falcons in the valley below. A permit had been obtained from fountain forestry and a gate unlocked, to help prevent jumping dogs. Another gate would provide an alternative to a stile.
 
The walkers had a choice of two simple trails. ( in retrospect, ha ha!!)
 
The longs were about 6.5miles, but two avoidable loops at the splits would each cut off a mile, making the shorter result a better short trail.
 
There was a mobile sweetie stop by van as Pisswell had already run 10 miles.
 
The trail:
Tricky song, play it as you sing along if you can!
Boney M . - Rivers Of Babylon (Lyrics)
youtu.be
 
From the rivers near Buckland
By the rivers above the Dart
We circled up
Which way we went
To see commandments at Beacon.
By Buckland-in-the-moor
Are Ausewell rocks
You went up there
If you wanted more running.
Through the trees, hare
Hurried us away to Buckland bridge
Through trees, kept off the road
Guess what was in the pisspot
As we stopped for hash cake.
Then the split came
Into the woods and behind the church
If you were on the long.
No stopping to take a chocolate
There’s no quaint cottage box.
Twiddly bit
From the directions from the hare
And the dedication to get there
Virgin ground, permit came right
Here tonight.
Then we climbed up to the rocks
and the Buckland Beacon commandments
Not acceptable was the height,
Climbed tonight
When the GM stamped his staff
rocks split in two
The words revealed
More complicated than Manpig’s!
By this stage all went there
We all bowed down
Yeah, we wept
Whilst we read and recovered.
Twiddly bit
By the rivers of blood and tears
Scratches from gorse
Ye ah, been steep
But grassy track to Ausewell
So we headed to Welstor rock
Jumped wall with stile
We ran “on down”
To the Silent Whistle.
 
The outtakes:
The walkers were lost in about 5 minutes! Piltdown and Georgie Porgie were retrieved in a field, and then admitted to calling out a check back, when in fact a simple cross had been laid to avoid the walkers going left (into someone’s private field). Turn right and there was the trail!
 
She directed them up past the recently fallen tree, she’d pulled aside, so they then went up and missed the 10 commandments for a second time!
 
Pisswell returned to the start to find a little team of walkers having a picnic. She joined them for a while, giving up rounding up the injured, and instead giving them more sustenance and a chance to make up a plausible story!
 
Miss Inn was just down the road at the entrance to Beacon cottages. Others joined her including Shitfaced, who seemed exhausted and said he had been doing a lot of swearing with Pisswells name in the middle! In response, Pisswell sent him up the track, shouting go left, when in fact she meant right!
 
Heading down the road, Pisswell found more people at her main original sweetie stop plan. Hash cakes were on offer, Ausewell or Welstor rock cakes. Pisswell had made her own brew in the tea pisspot! Apologies to all the hashers who had been through the empty SS at Buckland bridge. (walkers fault delaying her!) The chocolate box cottages were minus the chocolates, which were also offered from the van.
 
By the return journey, most people were loaded with rocks (cakes), chocolate and Piss-cider to renter the woodland at Beacon cottages and begin the steep ascent to Buckland beacon.
 
Lots of moans later, some people did actually see the 10 commandments stones at the beacon! Though a few didn’t, no one was lost in the mist up there and the descent down from Welstor rocks was a lovely grassy track to the road.
 
The down downs
These took place at the Silent Whistle in Ashburton. Despite injury, Dodgy Forrest and his knee were persuaded to stay and RA.
 
He thanked the pub for the beer and asked if there were any awards.
 
Beefy awarded the hashit shirt to Piltdown man for confusing all the walkers and leading them astray. He drank to “ Hold it your hand, Mrs Murphy”.
 
The hare was moaned at for…too much shiggy, too many river crossings and mainly “too flat”. She drank her down down to “ Why was she born so beautiful…”
 
Wigwam and Mrs Sheen had a romantic double down down. Having happily been led astray as walkers, they then introduced the new “pretend to get lost and have a picnic instead route!” They drank to “Here’s to nitpickers, they’re so blue…” or something. (I can’t remember and so made that up!)
The water down down was left untouched.
 
Next week: Ernie and Strap-on at the Court Inn, Abbotskerswell. On on from Pisswell. X
Boney M . - Rivers Of Babylon (Lyrics)

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