A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

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FUKARWI FIVE'S FAMOUS FAILURE

Run #1765 Monday 22nd October: Teignmouth Rugby Club. Hare Wide Receiver

Was it just a dream? Oh Shirley lightning can't have struck twice in as many Mondays! After last week's 'Gone With the Long' trail at Stoke Gabriel, Part 2 was about to run its course down in the urban jungle of western Teignmouth. There are a few of you out there wondering how I'm going to (get out of this tight spot) relate this tale - well, it isn't going to be easy Eric.

A solitary car (the hare) was parked in the main car park when I arrived, but then the few became many as TVH arrived in some numbers. A more than respectable forty two was the final roll call, including Kermit + bike: 'I just wanted to see what was going on.'

It was tricky seeing who was there in the darkness but I discerned Teignmouth locals Coldtits and Polyfella, the alluring (to a number of male hashers I've heard tell) SM Ellie, Fallen Woman (minus Broken Man?), Ipplepenners Manopause and Roxanne, the Park mob, Rambo & Doris (who had walked down the hill) and the late arriving Only Here for the Beer/Shitfaced chariot, both occupants looking blank faced when asked about the mystery back up incident last week.

Forest advertised his upcoming Firework Night extravaganza and requested a volunteer to lay the trail, oh where are you Poacher when we need you? Satnav declared that the Christmas Draw tickets were now available and then Wide gave his spiel and off we went, with five of us blissfully unaware what was about to befall us Bertie..

The usual milling about outside the rugby club took place as the hare tried and succeeded in deceiving the pack. A rogue car driver with no lights came bearing down onto hashers trying to cross the road and Wigwam had a word with the oblivious driver and the lights were safely turned on.
The first L/S split was discovered at the bottom of Mill Lane and the longs commenced the steep climb led by local lad Polyfella with Grinder following. The first sign of something not quite right occurred when Grinder appeared running back down the hill. A tempting alternative route was the turn right into Fourth Avenue and a group of FRBs galloped - straight into the trap! With my new found fitness, I wasn't going to let Manpig and Fukarwi get too far in front, so I followed. A hundred yards on and the trail went cold, no dots, no crosses, no back checks. There we were, the five of us, Fukarwi, Manpig, Grinder, Roxanne and of course yours truly.

By the time we had retraced our footsteps back to the check, we found the road bereft of hashers, including the hare. Manpig was promoted leader of our tiny battalion and set about organising the Hunt for Red October*.

A magic moment in that hunt was the discovery of the Man Cave up a blind alley close by. It was a converted garage with open doors and a lit brazier cooking the barbie outside. We paused and gazed longingly at the happy group inside the gaily lit 'cave'. 'They've even got a woman!' cried one of our group, who, I now forget. It was only the Call of Duty that took us away to resume our quest.

Manpig is nothing but meticulous and he ordered a second check of all routes which finally yielded a glimmer of hope to the forlorn five. The route was past Teignmouth Hospital and eventually brought us back onto the main Bishopsteignton highway. Grinder, being fleet of foot, was sent on as scout but it was Manpig again who found the trail up a dark path and then the fun really began.

It was all too easy, a succession of kicked out checks in a straight line for about a quarter of a mile and then - wait for it - a cross. Back we went, carefully re-checking the kicked out checks but with the same result, all had two marks and then nothing. Eventually, we dropped down into Broadmeadow Ind. Estate, past the Sports Centre and back onto the main road. Fukarwi and I had a suspicion that Wide may have taken them over Shaldon Bridge and we congregated there to find Doris about to cross over to Shaldon for a swift one at the London Inn. Shirley she knew something? But alas, no and there our quest came to an inglorious end, dearly beloved and the Lost Boys tape reveals the following desperate quotes: 'I think we've missed something in the woods!' (Fukarwi). 'This is a first, even for us, we never ****ing found it!' (BB). 'How could we have gone so wrong so long?' (BB again).
On checking the map, I discovered that we had never got beyond 500 metres from the bar at any point in our run. Roxanne and Grinder had got into bad company indeed, accompanying the reigning Hash Pillock, a nine times Hash Pillock and a several time Hash runner up Pillock. Bad luck lads.

Back in the rugby club bar, surprise surprise, we found, as anticipated, the entire hash ensconced and swigging the Morland's Bitter 4.0 ABV (at £3 a pint a real hash pleaser) and all relating that they had no trouble finding the trail.
The management had very kindly put on that hash staple of bangers and chips (with 2 squid thrown in the kitty) for us although the U Boat commander would not have been happy with the chips Charles but never mind, all sins were forgiven, courtesy of the Morland's Bitter.

We missed out on the babbling brook, the sweetie stop and farmers and cows and bare breasted beauties (apparently) but we saw the Man Cave didn't we lads!

DDs
Manpig our usual RA politely gave way to Wide for the DDs:
Archangel (Pillock shirt) to Slip on Me for referring to Only Here for the Beer and Shitfaced as 'boys' which apparently they no longer are.
Wigwam (sans Horsey Horseface Hat) to Manpig for missing his DD last week.
Unknown awarder to Piddler for something about his 'girlfriend' on the trail (SM Ellie).
Wide Receiver (given subs. Checkin' Chicken Hat by double awardee Archangel) to Grinder who was colour co-ordinated orange with his oppo Deep Throat.

POSTSCRIPT
Fukarwi's Lost Boys quote of: 'It's been a great laugh though..' sums it up completely. We had a fantastic time at Stoke Gabriel and again tonight. Wide Receiver, as ever, was a true gent and remains my hash hero. Thank you.
*No? well please yourselves then.

ON ON to next week and the Seven Stars at Kennford ( EX6 7TR ) with Piltdown Man & Georgy P.Orgy.

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

NEW MISMANAGEMENT & CONTACT TELS.

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M Winfield mobile 07855355338
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Satnav
Trail Raiser Doris
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec T. Humper
Spider /Web Bluebird
Life President Pottsie
Vice President K C

HASH SUBS

HASH SUBS £25 and for your assistance you can now use the BACS payment system to pay please.
Details as follows.... Hash Account number 69068186 Sort code 55-70-01 NOTE you must use your HASH NAME as a reference. Many thanks Three-Some & Satnav

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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