It
was to be a big night for TVH as Piltdown Man was relinquishing his
tenure as Grand Master, leaving a vacancy to be filled - more on this
later Oh Dearly Bored Already but let us start at the beginning - always
a good idea..
The
run, the pub and the AGPU meeting, yes, Oh Dearly Congested, it was
going to be a hectic evening with TVH, so let's Rocknrolla...
So
many came to be amused and the pub car park was soon overwhelmed by
carbon spewing chariots. A dread rumbling in the distance became a roar
as Achtung Bobby Woll's Panzer hove into view. Furiously did hashers try
to flag him down but Bobby, with that trademark snarl, was not for
turning and hashers leapt for their lives as the Panzer trundled into
the car park. The Rottenführer was back in business..
The
Penners, just up the road, had hatched a cunning plan to enable them to
adhere to the PU part of the AGPU. Why, they would simply walk there
and Shirley Stagger back. They had a stroke of luck, however, as Only
Here was passing and they piled in the back of the open chariot to
arrive 'in style' Shirley - more on the return later...
Difficult
to see who was where Wally but I made out: Piltdown & Georgy,
Rambo & Doris, Winfield, Teapot, Beefy, Fukarwi, Coldtits,
Manopause, Erection, Wet Johnny (back from Bolivia baby), Hotlips &
Zoot, 3sum, SatNav, Twin Buffers, Polyfella, Pan Fart, Abscess, Anita,
Gosia, 69, Forrest, Sarah, Piddler, U Bend, Poacher, Klingon, SM Ellie
(still standing after Sunday's Beer Blazer 10 miler), Soapy & Melon
Picker, Able, Shitfaced, T Humper, I-Poo'd, Only Here, Compo, Mouldy,
Bobby Woll, Wiggers, Slip on Me, Sugar Puff, Camel Toe, BB, 5 virgins:
Gina, Joseph, Debs, Sue & Sarah - that's fifty and sorry if I missed
you in the mayhem Mavis. Archangel wasn't going to miss a PU and
arrived after the run.
The
very last question Oh Dearly Relieved by GM Piltdown was duly delivered
(Able taking the beer) and Fukarwi was summoned to divulge the
ingredients of what should have been a 'simple and short' hors d'oeuvre
trail - but the famously nam-ed one evidently hadn't read the script, Oh
Dearly Be prepared for an Epic...
Now
it's usually a day off for the designated hare for the AGPU as the
instruction from on high is: 'Take them out for half an hour or so and
get 'em into the pub quick...' but the FRB hare had other plans and was
about to go rogue..
FIVE
L/S splits and an ASS* stop - WHAT? Hash tradition hadn't just gone out
the window, Fukarwi had smashed the glass as well - I like it, I like
it and the FRBs and lordly longs lifted their eyes to heaven in thanks
for the deliverance from an evil [sic] manufactured shorty Shirley..
Fukarwi
had left nothing to chance Charlie and had planned the trail as if it
were a military operation which his detailed map bore ample testament.
The only question was - would it actually work Winfield?
The
hell hill out of Torbryan came as a Shirley Shock and soon strung the
pack out. It took quite an effort to rejoin the longs on Orley Common.
Decanting into the tightly twisting wooded trail saw Sugar Puff, Pan
Fart, Abscess, Poacher, Manopause, Compo and WJ to the fore. Though
temporarily missing, Beefy soon appeared on hitting the tarmac with
phone a snappin' Shirley..
Gaps
started to appear on the aching asphalt (for serial off roaders) and
Beefy the FRB scout surged onwards but with two passengers keeping him
in sight - one was well-known but the other was definitely not - Pan
Fart was really rolling tonight and it was a helluva eye-opener as he
skated away up an incline. At the end of the run, Pan Fart had been
promoted to the hallowed halls of the FRBs. Hallelujah!
At
about halfway the welcome cider and SS appeared, manned by faithful
Fukarwi's family - and again there was attention to detail with a table
neatly bedecked with the drinks and sweeties. We tarried for a chat and
breather in the sunshine before pressing onwards into the already
amazing trail and there was plenty more to come.
Arriving
late on the scene as stamina came into play, Polyfella joined the party
of Beefy, Pan Fart and the battling Bird and apart from going astray
late on, the church hove into view and we were home with a Magnificent
Seven miles in the bag Beefy. Holy moly and Olé!
Sweeping
the area for casualties or fatalities, Fukarwi came across one serene
soul, wandering lonely as a cloud. He pulled up and gently enquired whether
the delightful damsel required asistance or a lift back to base even.
The Latecoming Queen's answer was predictable and Fukarwi left Coldtits
to continue her merry way...the Lady was not for turning, No? Well..
The
Old Church House was heaving with hashers and there was no room to
swing a cat even if we had one. Hash grub had been laid on - gratis for
members otherwise two squid for the quiders.
In the absence of our RA sans pareil (reportedly Turkey exported?) Mouldy did the honours and the awards went thus:
Mon
May 13th it was our AGPU Run, No1793, from The Church House Inn
Torbryan with Hare Fukawe assisted by Prickly Bush and family. A great
sunny evening and trail, which led us around the scenic countryside,
woods lanes and fields, we had it all. Well done Fukawe.
The Offenders on this evening were:-
PILTDOWN MAN for finding a parking space almost in the next village!
PILTDOWN MAN again!well it was the last time and we will never have to rack our brains over one of his weekly questions ! ?
PAN FART this giant surprised Bluebird by leaving him in his wake! and is not going to waste his beer now either !
TWIN BUFFERS who at last after many years finally reached her 50Runs Badge but it may take that long to drink up!
PIDDLER always complaining so he had to drink water?
A
late AGPU meeting was convened in a tiny room (but adequate for our
needs) to the rear of the pub and the stop press headline was the
investiture of the new Grand Master of the Teign Valley Hash.
Congratulations my son, we now have a GM called Shitfaced! So let it be
written, So let it be done.**
Business
concluded, the hash dispersed, leaving the PU artists in situ but then
at 10:25pm the Last Orders was called - YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! but they
were and though drink-up time was permitted, it was a bit of a damper on
proceedings if I'm brutally honest with you Oh Dearly Not P***ed After
All, Jolly enough and just about lubricated were the Penners who
crammed into the last chariot in the car park and were ferried safely
back home. Happy days lads.
Well,
the answer to the question 'Would it work?' was a resounding YES
Fukarwi mate. A savage, scenic, seven miler on an AGPU evening? All that
hard work for us longs - we raise our glasses to you in honour! Pass
on our thanks to Prickly Bush, Pole Dodger and your daughter please.
* Shirley you remember: Alcohol Sweetie Stop!
** If you recall this from The Ten Commandments (Yul Brynner 1956) award yourself a banana Betty.
ON ON to next week and the circle up at Manaton CHURCH CP (TQ13 9UJ) OD: The Kestor Inn Manaton (Poacher) and don't forget that
Bobbiball
is having a 69 birthday party on Friday 17th May at 7pm at the Parkers
Arms Collaton St Mary Paignton Buffet and disco provided.
