A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

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A TRAIL TO REMEMBER. LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE & THERE'S NO WELCOME AT THE INN

Run #1807 from Newbridge CP, OD the Tavistock Inn with Poacher & 69

Still faithfully recording, the tiny cam tumbled over and over in the savage river current, dashing against smooth rocks formed countless aeons ago.

A darker missive might have been composed, such were the unworthy thoughts that percolated my restless dreams of Monday night. I relived the awful moments over again in my tormented mind. 'I've got footage that you'd pay to see....Do I look like a Wally....Oh, it's gone, gone forever..'

Words nearly fail me. Fate's fickle finger struck once more Monday evening from the wicked wilds of Buckland in the Moor on the eastern tip of the miserable moor. Oh pardon me my melancholic words, but I fear that I have been made bitter by my tragic loss.
Nevertheless, I shall attempt to relate my sorry saga for those that were not there to bear witness to the calamity.

Being somewhat inconvenienced, and snigger you not, my dim recall of those at the car park of unrelenting doom herewith follows and my apologies for the inevitable omissions:

The Grand Master Himself and his faithful retinue of Parkies - T Humper, I-Poo'd, Getting Wet, Never Wet, Just Cummin' and Spike; Beefy sans equipment - another portent of doom, never happened before and he had to borrow the GM's phone to operate; Forrest with a chariot packed with relatives (of which denomination I know not) a tiny lad and, unless Forrest was pulling my leg, a certain broad in the beam gentleman (you never know if you may unwittingly cause offence and suffer repercussions later) allegedly hash-named Blondie Wonder - I know, but apparently he was thus nam-ed when but a tot...

I digress already, so back to the Players of this Shakespearean tragedy:

Soapy & Melon Picker, Pork Torpedo & Hornie, Piltdown & Georgy, Rambo & Doris, U Bend, Runner Bean, Ollie, SM Ellie, Wiggy, Bobby Brawl*, Archangel, Coldtits, Hagen Daz & Budgie Smuggler, Whisperer, Fukarwi, 3Sum, SatNav, Slip on Me, Only Here, Manpig, Teapot, a returning Dan with Ned, Winfield, Wetfart, Linda, Able, Hotlips & Zoot, various tiny tots and lastly, the authors of the dastardly deed most foul - Poacher and his side-kick 69. The official roll was called at four score so I haven't done too badly. BroadS was recovering from his first half marathon at Bridport on Sunday but the Penners and Pan Fart/Bush Baby are still missing in action - it's only been a fortnight but we miss you already.

The harbingers of doom continued to mount with Piltdown's pre-circle announcement that the car park was fee paying until 8 pm (WHAT?) and we could take our chances or cough up two squid. Not being a fan of feeding meters, whatever their calling, I repaired my silver chariot across the bridge and into the last free slot, reassuringly cctv protected, before dancing gaily (I was still full of misguided hope) back in time to hear the Poacher preaching to the unsuspecting - longs that is as the shorts were to get off scot-free and reportedly had a gay old time of it in the bogs and tick-laden countryside... Well, slappeth my wrist, I am still drifting into melancholy and we haven't started yet..

The hares were determined to keep the show together - to the point that we had barely covered half a mile after a quarter of an hour. We can all agree what Poacher's reaction would have been if this had happened to him on trail, but never mind, many liked the social togetherness and 'harmony' though the FRBs bit their lips and waited to be set free of their shackles. Mention should be made of Hagen Daz's lamentable call of on on when he had in fact only sighted two pieces of tissue paper - I wouldn't have dobbed him in but there was one close by with a horse's head hat lurking with narrowed eyes. I cannot name the miscreant as I fear he has it infamy [sic - obviously].
Eventually Poacher reluctantly relented and live laying, put the arrow down and the FRBs fled - only to be hampered by an iniquitous 'fish hook' with a 3. For those unacquainted with the hash legend, it meant that the first three hashers to reach the mark had to turn and go back to the end of the line. HA! That'll be the day... Poor Whisperer (playing the game, what a leg end) was heavily inconvenienced by the mischievous mechanism.

At the VP (was that you Wiggy atop the high rocks?) and pretty sketching courtesy of 69, we briefly paused before legging it out into the boondocks and a succession of checks with Beefy, Runner Bean, Ollie and Fukarwi doing sterling service checking them out.
The usual band of cronies - Fukarwi, Manpig, Runner Bean, Ollie, Beefy and Forrest were joined by Dan (and muttley Ned) who looks like a natural on only his second appearance. There was also a little lad prancing alongside us but who he belonged to escapes me. Close behind, Pork Torpedo and Pisswell were keeping up with the action.

A blur of rocky, fern strewn descent was negotiated with Beefy struggling with the settings on the GM's phone to get footage until the gentle babbling sound of water alerted us to the proximity of the Dart. And yes, there it was to our left and a shout from a scout [sic] struck horror into my soul: 'River crossing!' My heart sank [double sic] as I recalled the Galmpton creek disaster and the death of my Acme cam (great evening that). On closer inspection, however, it didn't look that bad and over we all waded without much trouble... BUT... we were only halfway across, an island strip dividing the river and the second span was the main one with faster flowing currents - oh dear, oh dear, remember that bad feeling I had before the run, Dan and Fukarwi?

The crossing looked a little gentler upstream and with a fearsome (some say stupid) battle cry of 'Do I look like a Wally!' I attempted a solo crossing. All went well until there was barely five metres left and that's where it went horribly wrong. A slight slip and in a vain attempt to keep the cam dry (no waterproof housing) I lifted it aloft as I went chest high, then the current swept me away and the cam slipped from my nerveless grasp to be lost forever in the black depths of the Dart.

'GONE, GONE, GONE!' came the anguished cry but the others had their own problems and barely noticed. Beefy was having a torrid time keeping the GM's phone from the same fate and assisting Pisswell at the same time. Pork Torpedo was making slow headway across a little further down and Runner Bean, Manpig, Forrest and Fukarwi watched helplessly from the other side as the saga unfolded.
It did get a little more serious as the current carried me into the middle of the river and the fast moving white water. Possibly sensing the danger, Ollie entered the river to make sure I wasn't swept away to join my cam in the hereafter. I would have been very worried if it hadn't been for some strong hashers close at hand.

Well, worse things happen at sea and eventually, we all made it safely to the other side and it was a pleasant but soggy run back to the chariots. A trail to remember indeed!

Our On Down at the Tavistock Inn fully lived up to the alarming Trip Advisor reviews and I can only say that the gentleman serving us was unable to comprehend what hashing was all about. Arriving a little late as parking was limited as Soapy had warned, hashers were queuing outside the entrance and there were disgruntled shouts as I called to Bobby to get me a pint (thanks Bob). The Ringwood brewery offering of Boon Doggle was a strange one, I wasn't even sure it was a beer but once sampled, it could have been a mistaka to mix with something else.

All beers were at a reasonable £3.70 agogo and when the Avocet was finished, the solitary bartender was unable to get another on tap such was the madding throng.

Teapot was not happy with his visit to the bar to ask for the down down drinks. We appreciated that we would have to do the awards outside but the management apparently would have preferred if we hadn't done them at all and the Hash had to pay for the drinks. Suffice it to state that we would not be going back to the Tavistock Inn anytime soon. However, top marks for the hares arranging a visit,
something different wasn't it? A lovely old inn and management aside, most enjoyable to sup a pint within its atmospheric walls .

There may not have been a welcome at the inn but TVH were unfazed by it all and partied as usual outside on the terrace. The trail will be remembered by me for some time and the hares can justifiably be proud of their efforts.

Poach and 69, despite my ramblings and rants, done for effect as you probably know, I really did have a high old time of it out there. What an adventure to treasure for my remaining days. The cam was on its way out anyway so an upgrade will be welcome. Thanks lads!

WINFIELD'S WISDOM & AWARDS
The pair laid a devious route with plenty of false trails almost leading us through bogs, then on up with many great views and down, to the river Dart, which Bluebird managed to drop his camera into while crossing!. On after to the Tavistock Inn where the real "Basil Fawlty" was reluctant to serve anything!
But a great evening in spite of all of this with the Awards presented to ....
No 69 Joint hare held responsible for all of the shiggy etc!
JUST COMING for trying to kill the ticks by peeing in the bushes.
SLIP on ME saying "i'll have some of that"...but not meaning a DD!
BOBBIBALL renamed "Wee Bobbi" at the Away Event.
50 Runs Badges awarded to T.HUMPER and I'POOD
Finally the young Hashers were named
CHECKMATE and GOLDEN BALLS
one who chose our RA to drink up for him!
Well done the Hares!

* Bobby's bloodshot eye prompting a comment that he had been in a fight.

ON ON to next week and Brixham Rugby Club TQ5 9ED (Wigwam & Bobbiball)

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

NEW MISMANAGEMENT & CONTACT TELS.

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M Winfield mobile 07855355338
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Satnav
Trail Raiser Doris
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec T. Humper
Spider /Web Bluebird
Life President Pottsie
Vice President K C

HASH SUBS

HASH SUBS £25 and for your assistance you can now use the BACS payment system to pay please.
Details as follows.... Hash Account number 69068186 Sort code 55-70-01 NOTE you must use your HASH NAME as a reference. Many thanks Three-Some & Satnav

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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