Run #1835 Monday 24th February Wiggy's 69th Birthday Hash from Newtons Free House, Newton Abbot
Another wicked Wiggster Birthday Trail and you'd better beware when you go down to the woods tonight, t't't teddy bears everywhere...
But patience, mes Misérables munchkins, we'll get to the woods a bit later Shirley.
'Here is where we will be and car parking shouldn't be a problem'... Thus spoke the Wally and Shirley Chaos was her name when the Bat arriv-ed to take his assured spot in the upper car park - NOT! Jam-packed it was as were the roads roundabout and thereabouts. Forced to repair the Batmobile to Wolborough car park half a mile away, I wuz legging it back when Piddler picked me up. The Piddler was not taking no as an answer and found a space recently vacated, Oh Luck of the Irish.
Teapot called it at thirty five and I believe I can name the shigateers plus two for luck:
GM Shitfaced, Teapot, Piltdown, Georgy, I-Poo'd, T Humper, Soapy, Melon Picker, Artful Dogger, Plonker, Wet Johnny, Erection, Able, Coldtits, 3Sum, SatNav, Wetfart, Bobby Woll, Wiggy69, Poles Piddler, Fukarwi, Forrest, Popeye, Well Hopped, Big End, Fishbait, Small Fry, Archangel, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Manpig, Strap-On, SM Ellie, virgin, Gaga4It, Triple Jump, BB 37
Arriving a tad late for the circle (legged it back down to Wolborough CP to fetch the chariot) I missed some of the preamble but was in time for the Birthday Wiggster's spiel. Trails three there Shirley were - a long of 6.9 M, a short of 6.9 KM and a walkers' of 6.9 furlongs... No? Well that's wot he said, don't shoot the messenger please. Oh, nearly forgot, a SS somewhere along the way.
I suspected this might be a toughie (as was the Wiggster's wont on his Birthday ritual) the way that he smiled thinly and said: 'You longs are really going to enjoy the trail...' And we were pointed down the hill and released on our 'Almost no hills and nearly dry underfoot' trail... sigh
A large group of wannabe longs gathered at the first check: Manpig, Well Hopped, Big End, WJ, Erection, Artful Dogger, Plonker, Fukarwi, Forrest, Popeye, Fishbait, Small Fry, Strap-On and SM Ellie and it wasn't long before we hit the muddy slopes. It was happening fast out there and you had to react accordingly. Artful Dogger went sharply left calling ON ON as the main body of the longs kept smashing right. Fukarwi and the Bat followed the Artful speed machine but we came unstuck in Bakers Park and had to return to seek assistance from the Birthday Boyo. Well Hopped and Ned doggedly [Shirley sic] headed on out towards Bradley Manor before giving it best and wheeling.
Up to Wolborough Church we trekked and a horrible suspicion form-ed as I recalled 'Shoeless and Clueless on the Wig Wam Wiggle' exactly a year ago. It was there that the hash was led through the field forever known as the 'Slurry with the Flour on top'.
Well, Fukarwi, me old mucker [sic you fools] I was right, we did venture into the Slurry with the Flour on Top - even though there was a pernicious cross just past the deepest part....grrrrr. That was nasty Wiggy, really nasty.
Undeterred, the pioneers wended back to the church and there was quite a gathering awaiting the scouts' return.
Down the Coach Road it was - to the next 'minor' test. HA!
Manpig knew it and the Bat knew it - Killer Hill alongside Decoy Brake. Halfway up a wounded and half dead warrior lifted his head and entreated the gods on high: 'Is that all you've got Wiggy, IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT!'
Two tests down and just one more to gogo - the Teddy Bears Picnic in the woods...
By now, the longs were just that, strung out with mighty gaps between hashers and confusion, never far away return-ed heavily tinged with mud.
On a descent of hellish mud, Able and Gaga4It hove into view and appeared to be trying to scramble up a near vertical side of the bank though I couldn't see any form of path. They didn't seem to be on any part of the 'official' trail and were evidently intent on finding the exit from Doomsday Wood. Ladies, I would have stopped to offer assistance but I was having some difficulty navigating the trail myself as other longs (Coldtits, Popeye and Fukarwi to name but three) would testify.
Able and Gaga4It weren't alone in their Trails of the Unexpected* however, as an even stranger trail tale emerged post hash.
Wet Johnny and Plonker had also erred from the trail and had come across 3Sum who was mixing short and long trails and had somehow departed from the play grid. It was difficult to comprehend what was going on as the shorts and longs came charging out onto the trail from right angles. Then again, just as strange was Fukarwi, washing the mud from his legs although there was plenty more to come... sigh.
A veritable Piccadilly Circus was the flatlands of Bradley woods as WJ, Plonker, Artful Dogger, 3Sum, SatNav, Piltdown and Georgie converged with Fukarwi, Erection and the Bat. Shirley a triumph by the hare some four miles into the trail.
It was a relief to get onto tarmac and actually run but suddenly there was Wigwam at the SS wondering why we hadn't got there sooner... sigh.
Mention must be made of Coldtits who arrived in the pub as the DDs were taking place. She had tarried by the river (Lemon) crossing as she had heard the frog frenzy mating calls and taken some photos (one inserted below).
With apologies to W H Davies:
'What is this hash, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs and stare as longs at sheep or cows'.
No more surprises and gently did we glide back down the hill to the pubberino. Bobby was just entering sporting some fine bright white tennis shoes. 'I'll have a Spitfire Bob, see you in two shakes..'
Newtons Free House was ours to enjoy, tables and bar with Wiggy69 enjoying the fruits of his labour with that so well-earned beer.
The disco music was playing a favourite and the Bat went a dancing, completely oblivious that Fishbait was filming from the bar. You missed my best moves Shirley.
A great trail and I for one, was pleased as Punch to get round it and all that did are to be congratulated. It wasn't for the faint-hearted was it?
Quite a Night to Remember for 3Sum, Able and Gaga4It on their Trails of the Unexpected and they managed to go nearly as far as the longs in the end!
Well done Wiggy, old lad, and many more of these Birthday hashes to come!
*Didulikethat? No? Well...
WIGGY69 DOWNDOWNS directed by Fallen Woman
ERECTION (White Bat) for swerving round a hasher and slipping up.
DANCING BAT (Ceremonial Bat) awarded in absentia by Small Fry for diabolical parking.
FORREST (Hashit Pillock shirt) a revenge DD by Bobby Woll who had to have his hair cut after snide comments.
WIGWAM of course for his killer trail and 69 Birthday.
ON ON to next week and The Lord Nelson Kingskerswell (TQ12 5JB) 7:15pm with Hare Shitfaced
