Run #1848 Monday 12th October from Lawns End Park, Bishopsteignton with hares Coldtits and Polyfella
Forgetting
the turn-off was Forder Lane, I spent some time exploring Cockhaven and
Church roads looking for the elusive Lawns End Park, finally having to
ask directions from a dog walking local. Par for the course..
But there at last was the haven of the circle up chariot park with wartime blackout restrictions still in operation.
Shadowy hashers picked out:
GM Shitfaced, Piltdown, Georgie, Teapot, Coldtits, Polyfella, Beefy, 69, Fukarwi, ManPig, Strap-On, Pisswell, SM Ellie, Wet Johnny, Erection, Ravi, Roxanne, Harry + 2, Artful Dogger, Big End and red led Ned, Well Hopped, Screwed and Bella.
GM Shitfaced, Piltdown, Georgie, Teapot, Coldtits, Polyfella, Beefy, 69, Fukarwi, ManPig, Strap-On, Pisswell, SM Ellie, Wet Johnny, Erection, Ravi, Roxanne, Harry + 2, Artful Dogger, Big End and red led Ned, Well Hopped, Screwed and Bella.
I
tried unsuccessfully to get an autograph from Strap-On who has just
been unanimously voted the TVH Slimmer of the Century. He is about to
embark on a Covid-controlled tour of Torbay to promote his new range of
SlimJim© menswear.
Inky
black Circle summoned were the motley throng and the usual pleasantries
dispensed by the Grand Master before the glad tidings of the evening's
jollities were announced by the hares. Two L/S splits with a
cautionary warning about something tricky in the closing stages - but
the Birdbrain was still adjusting his newly acquired ACME main beam head
torch and paid scant attention. It was a decision he would have cause
to regret in about fifty five minutes time...Oh Dearly Just an Accident
Waiting to Happen..
Polyfella
pointed towards the entrance to the park and the extravaganza was
underway with Artful, turbo spluttering, careering the Wong Wei and
having to be recalled. Misgivings - later to be justified - about the
wisdom of wearing road racing flats were to the fore as the grass was
wet and slick but Shirley the tarmac beckoned Becky.
A
horse is a horse of course of course* and the main road could be
sighted in front of that supreme slimmer Strap-On, proudly leading the
pack, but the luxury was to be fleeting as we turned for the river, Oh
Dearly Having a Sinking [sic] Feeling...
An
obstacle course of rocks, piles of seaweed and assorted horrors were
encountered as we lurched along the banks of the Teign. The sheet of
galvanized metal nearly ended the game before it had really started. In
the distance, Artful had regained the lead and was nearly out of third
gear on the awful terrain with the Assassin** purring along in stealth
mode close behind. Beefy, meanwhile, was taking snaps of the Teign,
tourist style, and had little interest in getting involved with the
frenetic pace.
Up
the little known Jack's Patch lane under the railway to be met by
Polyfella, standing guard on the busy main road and who was making sure
that there was no hasher roadkill on his watch. Teapot had stolen a
march on most (card marked?) but looked quite perky and good to go.
It
was then a case of ON ON up and up - and up some for two kilometres
until the summit of Mt Doom was reached, some seven hundred feet above
the glistening Teign:
πΌπ£π π©πππ§π π©ππ π₯ππ€π£πππ§π¨ π¬ππ§π π€π§πππ§ππ
ππ€ π₯π§ππ₯ππ§π π π‘ππ«ππ‘ π₯π‘πππ
πΌπ£π ππ£ππ§ππ«π π π‘ππ¨π©ππ£π π§πππ€π§π
ππ π©πππ¨ π©π§ππͺπ’π₯π π€π π©ππππ§ π§πππ .. No? Well I think I need a shot of O2 at this altitude.
.
Ah,
blessed tarmacadam followed as a reward for our heady endeavours as
Beefy and the Bird sauntered steadily along to the final L/S split and
if I knew then what I knew afterwards, I would Shirley have heeded
Polyfella's advisory, given so long ago at the circle..
Taking
the wise option were Screwed and Bella with Roxanne and tiny crew in
attendance, but on reflection, perhaps the tinies would have enjoyed
themselves on the hilarious helter-skelter Harry...
But
never mind, In the Heat of the Night (1967 recommended viewing) a
hasher has to do what a hasher has to do and saluting sharply the
touring duo embarked on what would be for some, the fateful final
frontier...
πππππ
ππππ πππ ππ π πππππ ππππππππππππ while
sales staff attend the stalls with refreshments (you Shirley will need
them). A short feature might keep you entertained***:
ππ’πππ¬ πͺπ’ππ'π¦ ππ₯πππ
The
Gun Dog vas relaxing und der brown haze swirled down upon a soporific
Bobby Woll und he began to dream a fitful dream...so ACHTUNG Baby****
In
some far-flung Bavarian bierkeller sat a dejected rottenfΓΌhrer. He'd
had a bad day in der Panzer and had come out for ein or zwei biers. An
assortment of life-size cardboard cutout caricatures were arrayed to
keep him company including the notorious Blauer Vogel. Entering stage
left vas Doris to have her mandatory pint of Guinness. 'It must be a
dream,' mused the celebrated tank gunner but the apparition downed der
Guinness and turned to depart with a wistful 'I'll see you
sometime...'
It
was all too much for Bobby, now suitably saturated mit dem Gun Dog and
he rose unsteadily with glass in hand to give a reverse rendition of
Der Panzerlied..
'Ve'll meet again, don't know vere don't know ven but I know ve'll meet again vun ..'
'Enough!'
cried the management, 'Ve, I mean we will have no singing in this
establishment.' Disappointed, the rottenfΓΌhrer did desist but muttered
'I vill be back - in mein Panzer...'
'ππππ
ππ πππππ, ππππππππ πππ ππππ!' 'Oh BB, thank
goodness, I was having this strange dream, let's go home...'
And now,
ππππ ππ πππ ππππ ππππππ
A familiar junction materialized on the Humber Road and a check - is it right to the Red Rock brewery or left?
Wet
Johnny couldn't find any more than a single dot, brewery side and a
quarter of a mile along the other choice yielded a similar result. We
had tarried some time and lights appeared from astern - ManPig and
Fukarwi with Artful also resurfacing after taking some strange scenic
route.
As
usual, Manpig seemed to know where we were and what route to take. It
transpired it was left along the Bird abandoned route... sigh
What climbs high above Bishopsteignton must Shirley descend back down into:
πππ
ππππππππ ππ
πππππππ πππππ and the Bird knew
immediately that he'd got trouble, right here in River City, with a
capital T that rhymes with P that stands for pool.
Hashers
a half mile away heard the death screech as the Bird fluttered and slid
to destruction down the near vertical mud slide. It was just as the
Idiot had feared, the road racing flats had less grip than a pair of
roller skates and I know what you're thinking Fukarwi - Whatamis.....
The
once majestic road running prairie chicken was swiftly reduced to a
dead duck in a thunderstorm, but wait, what do I hear? Why it's my old
running buddy ManPig, I'm sav-ed Shirley.
But
there was to be no salvation here m'dears as ManPig, with a sneer and a
cruel glint in his eyes, swept past, Oh Shirley Shed a Tear for the
Dead Duck..
Meanwhile,
a little farther down the slide of death, poor Georgie had taken a
tumble but a damsel rescuing knight was at hand to give comfort and lend
assistance - one Wet Johnny, such a gent and Georgie sends her thanks.
Fukarwi
came across a hasher clinging for dear life to the chain link fencing
and babbling like an idiot. 'You won't leave me to die out here, will
you old friend?' Gently did Fukarwi lead the car crash back to the
darkened row of chariots and a total rebuild.
*Mister Ed - great tv series early sixties.
**Wet Johnny you fools.
***I pray indulgence from some and give apologies to same.
****U2
ππππππππππ
Yes,
Coldtits and Polyfella, you know that we loved the trail! It kept a few
of us guessing and there was never a dull moment out there. I really
should have listened to you, Polyfella, but I can laugh about that mud
slide now!
Departing
(the way I should have entered), I saw a runner coming along the main
road. On passing, I realized it was Artful Dogger! Clocking up over
seven miles and possibly straying off trail the same number of times,
this was probably his last run until the End of Days (1999) or December
anyway.
ON ON to next week and Station Road CP, Bovey Tracy TQ13 9AL with hare Beefy. Non Down is wherever you want: "Decide for yourself."