TVH3 Run No. 1889 8th November 2021
VENUE: Tinkley Bottom, Teign Valley
HARES: Forrest Stump & Man-Pig
ROLL CALL:
Forrest Stump (chef), Wood-Lend (pyromaniac), Man-Pig, Shit-Faced,
T-Humper, iPoo'd, Just Coming, Piltdown-Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie,
Strap-On, Mrs Strap-On, Kermit & partner, Triple Jump, Gaga4It,
Anne, Julie, Cheerio Beerio, Able Semen, Fallen Woman, Broken Man,
Beefy, Pisswell, Coldtits, Rambo, Roxanne, Mini-Penners (3), Wet-Johnny,
Big-End & Ned, Well-Hopped, Swinger, The Last of the Homohecians
(returnee), Ernie (TamarH3), Warm Front, Arkangel, Only Here For the
Beer. A few missed in the firelight, my apologies.
IN ABSENTIA: Bluebird (injured) and Bobbiball (headache)
THE CIRCLE
A
fantastically mild and dry Movember evening welcomed TVH back to
Tinkley Bottom for what is becoming an established annual event,
Forrest's Firework and Roadkill Stew Hash.
The
weather had been so dry that no-one had any difficulty in parking in,
or exiting from, Forrest's freshly mowed meadow. The Circle
announcements comprised Shitfaced advising us that he had tickets for
the Christmas Party on Friday 10th December and that was about it. Over
to the Hare(s) i.e. Man-Pig as Forrest wanted to concentrate on
gastronomy or was that drugging the cat?
Man-Pig
announced that this would Shirley be a short trail for a change. This
was because we wanted to get everyone back for Forrest's famous roadkill
stew and the fireworks. Marks maybe a little confusing as Forrest had
laid his parts of the trail in almost invisible sawdust whilst Man-Pig
has opted for easy to see flour.
At
the Long and Short/Walkers' split, the Walkers would go uphill until
they got tired and simply turn around and return from whence they came.
At the next split, the Long/Short split, the Shorts would go up a
footpath that joined up with the Walkers' trail. The Longs would
continue uphill and follow the marks....or lack thereof. Walkers, Longs
and Shorts would all be returning via the outward trail - DO NOT GO
ROUND AGAIN! Longs circa 4 miles. Shorts nearer 3. Walkers - turn around
when you feel like it.
THE TRAIL
The
trail took us along the edge of the Teign in Forrest's meadow before
joining the track that runs in front of Forrest's friendly neighbours.
The
first check had Beefy going up towards Trusham only to find a cross.
Most hashers ran straight across and continued up the disused Teign
Valley railway line. Not surprising really as the check had been kicked
out in that direction. However, they all eventually returned as the real
trail took us over Crocombe Bridge, across the Teign Valley road, and
up towards Hennock.
At
Leigh Cross, the Walkers veered to the right and up to Teign Village.
However, the Walkers' mark was almost invisible having been in sawdust
and some Walkers, including Fallen Woman, missed it and carried on -
unaware that they were now on the Long and Shorts' trail. The marks
alternated between left and right depending on which way Forest was
driving at the time and this should have kept hashers on their toes.
A
little further up the hill, the Shorts trail led up a footpath to the
right whilst the Longs continued ever upwards to a check at the next
crossroads. However, the check had been partially sabotaged to look like
a 'C'. Most of the Longs correctly assumed that the trail continued
straight up. However, one Harriet, Swinger, followed the line of the
main road to the right. This meant that she arrived at the check at Five
lanes from the wrong direction having run through a cross!
At
the Five Lanes junction, there were a few hashers awaiting divine
guidance from the Hare. The Hare pointed them up the relatively obscured
public footpath that took them up to Chericombehead.
Strap-On
also advised that three hashers had carried straight on (towards
Furzeleigh Cross) and had not come back! Sure enough, a minute or so
later, Well-Hopped, Big End, Ned and another came cantering back having
encountered two crosses! All back on trail it was a simple climb to
Chericombehead Cross and another check.
For
the first time on trail, we were now embarking on a downhill. Down Bell
Lane on the descent into Hennock and the penultimate check just across
from the Palk Arms (temporarily closed due to illness).
Two
arrows directed us down towards Teign Village but, before reaching the
village, the last check had us climbing over a rather obvious stile and
traversing a field before exiting back onto the same road just above
Teign Village. Here I caught up with Rambo who seemed perfectly happy on
a simple trail. We elected to walk the last mile back to the bonfire.
We could hardly miss it, illuminating half the valley.
All safely back and accounted for, it was time for Roadkill Stew!
THE DOWN-DOWNS
The Down-Downs were temporarily delayed due to a logistics issue with the On-Down. Forrest had run out of beer!!!!!!
Man-Pig
donated his only bottle of Samuel Smiths IPA and Shitfaced liberated
two cans of Copperberg from T-Humper. Eventually we had four drinks to
award which were all a ghastly amalgam of beer and cider!
Triple Down-Downer of the previous week, Smellie, gave the Horse's head hat to Pisswell.
Apparently Pisswell had confessed to Smellie that she had asked Beefy
to buy her a strap on. Despite protestations that something had been
lost in translation, namely that the strap-on was in-fact a head-torch,
the Down-Down went to "Vibra-Girl".
Smellie
also had the Hashshit shirt to award. Her first choice had been Ernie
who had already gone home - presumably in his milk cart. Thus a story
ensued about a friendly moggy that had followed Smellie into the
bathroom. What a nice little cat, Smellie thought to herself. But then
the amorous moggy got a little too friendly. Had it been on the catnip
or had Forrest been drugging his pussy and plying her with homegrown narcotics? Accordingly a Down-Down to the "Pussy-Plier".
There
were no more awards to be allocated but there were two more
beers/ciders to allocate. "Has anyone got any stories?" the cry went
out.
Strap-On asked who owned a blue Honda Jazz as they'd left the keys in the driver's side door. Arkangel sheepishly came forward and a note was called for, "Grand Theft Auto".
One
Down-Down still to award and the Hare wanted to know who had kicked out
the first check in the wrong direction? There was a lot of girlie
giggling going on from the pair of Harriets that were sat on the bales.
Swinger eventually out-giggled Well-Hopped so it was a note for "The
Guy" on the hash nearest to Guido Fawkes' nacht.
The
Down-Downs completed, Forrest issued instructions to Wood-Lend to
commence the cornucopia of pyrotechnics. This consisted of a pretty good
display of what I'm guessing was a single box package brought along by
Able Semen. It went on for ages. There were a few rockets, but these
were 2018 vintage so I'm not sure that they all went off. And that
pretty much concluded the evening.
Many
thanks to Forrest for his hospitality, the Roadkill Stew and the
fantastic bonfire. At the end of the evening, the eagle eyed had spied
that some of the bonfire was burning with a distinctly green glow. I
think that there was some copper cable in there somewhere?
On-On to next week and Wet-Johnny's trail from the King William pub, Totnes....half way up Fore Street on the right hand side.
ON-ON
POST SCRIPT ACCOMMODATION PLEA:
Returnee, The Last of the Homohecians, has an Australian friend who is
returning to Australia via the UK after having spent time working
abroad. She has two dogs and is looking for accommodation for circa 3
months by which time the Australian authorities should be in a position
to let the dogs into the country. Additionally, has anyone got
Homohecian's contact details as I forgot to ask him for them!
