"THE AYES HAVE IT. THE EYES HAVE IT" by Man-Pig

Run #1888 Monday 1st November from the Devon Arms

 

HARES: Smellie's virgin lay assisted by Pollyfella and Coldtits

 

As incredulous as it sounds, this was Smellie's virgin lay!!! How on earth has she managed to get away with it for so long?

 

Nevertheless, the 10 year delay in laying a trail was more than compensated for in content. It included a great trail, a pub stop, a view point, a punch stop, a fancy dress competition, a rarely seen triple Down-Down for the Hare and, finally, a criminal investigation into who had had their hands all over Smellie's a**e during the course of the evening.

 

Congratulations to all who turned out in fancy dress...fantastic. The Park Inn contingent were clearly carrying on from Saturday night's Halloween Party in the pub and some of the outfits and make-up were simply brilliant. Well done.

 

Now, I have been told to keep the recount of the trail brief. In fact Coldtits has asked me to sum it up in Warmfront's own words, "Great trail. Well marked. I enjoyed it".....nuff said. However, for those that are maybe interested, this is where I think the trail took us. I offer the following:

 

Unsurprisingly, last year's Ladies' Grizzly Winner, Warmfront, led from start to finish. This despite having cycled over from Chudleigh for the occasion. The trail took us down Northumberland Place and to an early Long/Short split. The Longs continued across the Den and turned left on the Promenade.

We must have looked a bizarre sight to all non-hashers as we ran past them in our fancy dress. Warm front's waif like figure continued to move further out in front till we came to the next check at the end of the Promenade. An "On-On" guided us up and up and up East Cliff Walk and past a View Point that I am sure would have been spectacular by day!

 

Half way up East Cliff Walk, there was a second Long/Short split and I think this is where we may have parted company with the majority of the original Longs. The dedicated Longs continued up East Cliff walk and, by the time we reached tarmac, there was no more sign of the shadows of Warmfront's torch in front of me. But there were shadows behind me. This was Beefy catching me up. His biggest impediment though was his choice of headwear...a welding mask with skeletonised teeth painted on the front. This looked very impressive but it also meant that Beefy couldn't see a damn thing unless he was using a carbon-arc light as his means of illumination!

 

Somewhere behind Beefy was an injured Wet Johnny. No doubt Big End and Well-Hopped were also on the Longs (they Shirley were) so I'm guessing there were just the six of us on the long Longs.

Arrows took us right a few yards east along Dawlish Road before another arrow had us turn left and up Oak Hill Cross Road. This was another uphill climb onto Holcombe Down. It wasn't long before tarmac gave way to a farm track. I am sure that we've run down this in the past on a Poacher or Bluebird trail but I don't recall ever having run up it. The marks were good. In fact, suspiciously good, especially considering that it had been raining earlier in the day.

 

The reason for the "apparently fresh marks" was that the trail had originally been laid the previous day. So as to ensure that no-one would get lost, Polyfella had been out re-laying the Long from 5 to 8 pm. Fantastic dedication from the co-hare. Some of the marks turned out to be less than an hour old!

At almost the highest point on Holcombe down, we rejoined tarmac near Woodlands Farm. Our uphill travails were now rewarded with a two mile downhill, all tarmac descent back to the pub stop at the Kings Arms. The descent followed Woodway Road down to the A379/Dawlish Road where we caught up with the Shorts. By the time we reached the Kings Arms, the Longs had covered just over 4 miles.

There was still another Long/Short leg to do after the pub stop, rumoured to be about 3 miles but it would include the punch stop. However, a pint of Legend (they only had Jail and Doom Shirley) in the Kings Arms meant that I wimped out and took the Walker's route to the Devon Arms and the bit of a hoot that ensued therein.

 

Over to you Bluebird. Do not forget to mention the November challenge!

 

Thanks MP, I was hoping you had forgotten about that, but mention it I Shirley must. First I shall whet your appetites with Much Ado About Nothing:

 

The Bird lingered in that Twilight World betwixt life and death, loath to leave his beloved hashing haven.

 

Dishevelled was his plumage and grey his visage, was this the end of the Bird Shirley?

 

Please singalong with me - you know you want to - to the melancholy chords of Barbara Allen:

 

He turned his face unto the wall

And death was in him wellin'

"Goodbye, goodbye to my hashing friends all

Be good to Bluebird, please no weepin'."

 

Oh Yes, Dearly Beloved, the Bird originally had no intention of venturing out whilst he could not fly and he had already entered into sulk mode as his spiral into oblivion commenc-ed.

 

However, sanity was restored and salvation gained after a call from the Rottenfuhrer himself on Sunday. A lift in der Panzerkampfwagen vas too tempting to refusa und Der Blaue Vogel was back in the game.

 

A rummage through the refuse sacks provided the outfits for the Blues Brothers: Michael Myers and the werewolf gone wrong - both attired in the one-use disposable overalls - still in use after fifteen years.

Few can recall the infamous cabbage fight at the AGPU from the Keyberry yonks ago, believed to have been started by Blaster or was it Flip-Flop? An aggrieved Poacher shouting 'Oi, you haven't paid for them yet!'

 

But I digress again, you really shouldn't start me off - back to the Halloween Hash...

 

The Halloween roll:

GM Shitfaced, Piltdown, Georgie, Able, Triple Jump, Julie, Ali, Man-Pig, Bobby, BB, Beefy, Coldtits, Polyfella, SM Ellie, Screwed & Bella, Big End, Well Hopped, Forrest, Rambo, I-Poo'd, T Humper, Strap-On, Ann, Fallen Woman, 3Sum, Gaga4It, Warm Front, Wet Johnny, Manopause and BroadS giving a Dirty Gertie thirty Fancy dress hashers..

 

The de rigueur photo pose was eventually captured for posterity by a helpful pub goer, enabling Michael Myers to join the Halloweeners.

 

Various snippets were delivered to the Halloween huddle and duly were we dispatched for tricks or treats. The longs disappeared without the melancholy Bird who joined the shorts and walkers for a night tour of the sands.

 

Entertaining wild thoughts of flight, the feckless one attempted take-off speed along the promenade. Abject failure was the inevitable result and also ensured further demotion to the walkers' route much to the dismay of those in the immediate vicinity.

 

The climb out of town started the wailing. 'Where's the beer stop Bobby?' Able took the lead and led the Blues Brothers, Gaga4It and Ann onwards to their collective fate.

 

Rejoining the main road, the bizarre sight of the welding masked, butcher be-aproned Beefy hurtled past, closely pursued by a sinister black-robed figure clutching a Lee Marvin Paint Your Wagon topper.

Stumbling into the Kings Arms beer stop, a suspiciously large number of 'walkers' were already ensconced, giving rise to the awful thought that they had made their way directly to the haven withouta partaking of the actual trails. Oh cutta my lying tongue out, Shirley not..

 

The Lee Marvin hatted one had had enough and abandoned the long, admirably succumbing to the lure of the ale.

 

Also taking an early bath, Myers and Rambo headed for Finn McCools chippy to carb up and He who could get lost in a broom cupboard was shepherded back through a maze of alleys to the main event - the Devon Arms and Gun Dogs galore! Didulikethat? No, well...

 

The Chuckle Brothers were unleashed upon their captive audience as soon as the Star of the Show SM Ellie came through the door and I shall attempt to relate the hilarity that ensued. This will have to be from memory as time is pressing (I am currently painting my rusty fridge and the exercise is becoming tricky Oh Dearly rust priming, paint everywhere lovers everywhere)...

 

Straight man RA Forrest proved to be the perfect foil for outrageous double entendre comic Man-Pig.

I've seen a few Triple Downdowns in my time but never for a harriet and SM Ellie made hash history in not only being nominated but actually downing the three ales! Olé! olé! olé!

 

Coldtits was awarded a full supporting cast hare DD before a naming took place and words fail me, Oh Dearly Ribald and Rumbustious everywhere..

 

A telescope for bird-watching and fine (take your pick: Great, Blue, Coal, Long-tailed, Marsh, Penduline, Willow, Crested, Bearded) tits spotted were the gist of the delivery, but you had to have been there to appreciate the flow... sigh.

 

CHEERIO BEERIO was finally voted the hash handle to be given to Ali, she of the rosy cheeks and doll's make-up and those innocent wide eyes captivated as she swerved the beer as per her naming and downed a water with Forrest helpfully taking the beer instead.

 

The fancy dress prizes went to Strap-On (much needed wipes to remove the caked make-up), Fallen Woman for her witch costume and the star prize was for the professionally made-up T Humper (jointly with I-Poo'd I believe), both fine efforts - and everyone else who adagogo!

 

The title:  "THE AYES HAVE IT. THE EYES HAVE IT" a tribute to Gaga4It's novel necklace of eyeballs which lit up for even more allure.

 

Another personal favourite outfit was the ghoulish Grand Master's (two) masks and natty waistcoated get-up. I'm still in the dark as to the identity of a couple of hashers though I think they were Julie and Triple Jump.

 

Ahh, nearly forgot, after a Doom and three Gun Dogs (not driving Ha!) I was left vulnerable to accepting the November tache challenge with MP and Forrest... sigh So be it, game on but we've all agreed that Archangel will not be counted as it would be most unfair!

 

Phew! That's it and very well done SM Ellie and your assistants Coldtits and Polyfella for laying the trails and providing a great evening's entertainment for us.

 

ON ON to next week and Forrest's Firework frenzy from Tinkley in the Teign Valley - details to follow.