HASHING HEAVEN AT HASH HQ - FREE FOOD GALORE! by Man-Pig

TVH3 Run No. 1897 27th December 2021 Pubathon Hash

 

VENUE: TVH3 HQ - The Park Inn, Kingskerswell

 

HARE: Shitfaced

 

ROLL CALL: Shitfaced, Hotlips, Zoot, Cheerio Beerio, Gaga-4-it, Fast Auntie Brenda, Laura/Lara (little elf), Arkangel (early), Bobbiball (late), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Strap-On, Coldtits, Man-Pig, Ollie & dogs, Floss (watching football)

 

IN ABSENTIA: loads

 

THE CIRCLE

Well, it was a small circle with only 12 actually on-trail. Instructions were brief. "Make your way down to the Hare and Hounds. Don't spend more than 20 minutes in the pub because we need to be at the Lord Nelson for 8.15 when food has been arranged. Then make you way to the Park Inn where more food will be available". All free of charge!

 

THE TRAIL

A simple walk down the main road to the Hare and Hounds for our first drink....and first misdemeanour of the evening; a hat was found in the pub just as the last hashers were leaving.

Some exited the Hare and Hounds by the front door and some by the rear door. We all regrouped to make the trek up Southey Lane to the Lord Nelson. On the way, Man-Pig and Coldtits decided to bang on Cinderfella and Miss Whiplash's door to encourage them to swell our numbers. No answer. Bah humbug!

 

On arriving at an incredibly hot Lord Nelson we enjoyed another beer and piping hot pigs-in-blankets. There was also a bizarre conversation involving men in fishnet stockings and the abrasiveness of the coarse wool used in kilt making. More on that later.

 

Finally a short walk back to TVH3 HQ for a couple of pints and the Down-Downs. Total distance, according to Coldtits' Strava: 2.44 miles and not a grain of flour in sight!

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

Yet again there were no physical awards present. Local Harriet, Cheerio-Beerio, was asked what had happened to the Hashshit shirt? "Oh. It's in the laundry". LAUNDRY! "Err....I mean laundry basket". After a lot of wriggling and squirming the final location was determined as being in a rucksack somewhere. That's more like it.

 

The first virtual Down-Down went to Shitfaced. This was for being the Hare and also for organising not one, but two pubs to provide free food. Even better, the free scoff could be washed down by draught beers that are all priced at a mere £3/pint until New Year's Eve at the Park Inn.

 

Arkangel would have got a Down-Down for being in the pub but declining to do the trail. In truth, he would have earned the long-distance award, even without completing the trail. This was because he had walked from Newton Abbot to the Park Inn to watch the 'Quins v Saints' rugby match. 

 

As Arkangel had built-up a 4-pint head start, he elected not to do the trail. Even more sensibly, he had vacated the pub prior to our return. He could see the writing on the wall....."another sesh if I'm not careful". Maybe we'll save this Down-Down till next week?

 

The second award went to returnee Ollie. For it was Ollie who had left his hat in the Hare and Hounds. Now, Ollie is a tad follically challenged. Accordingly, you would have thought that he'd notice straightaway if something was missing atop. Hence a note for, "Cold on top".

 

The third award went to Hotlips who went into graphic detail about his first experience of wearing ladies' fishnet tights. In the absence of any instructions in the packaging, he assumed that you just jumped into them, au naturel, and then donned your underpants Superman style. The net (get it?) result of all this was that he got his private bits uncomfortably entangled in the mesh - a les gills des poisons et les monofilament nets.....ouch! Accordingly a note for, "The trawler man".

 

The fourth Down-Down went to Cheerio-Beerio. Not for contemplating washing the Hashshit shirt, but for having the strength of a finger of Kit Kat. Poor Cheerio was full of cold and wanted to go straight home after the Lord Nelson but it did not take long for Hot Lips to break her will power and encourage her to complete the trail and make it to the Park Inn where she was suitably rewarded. For the first time in hashing history a WKD was awarded as a Down-Down. This was accompanied by, "Here's to Got a cold? Have a Kwik Krap!......"

 

There was one beer left. Had anyone seen anything on trail? No-one had seen anything but Shitfaced, and others, had heard something. The saga of Hotlips' encounter with some fishnet tights was augmented by Man-Pig's commentary of the pros and cons of going commando when wearing a kilt.

Apparently it all rather depends upon the grade of wool used in the kilt material. Most kilts are spun from a very coarse wool. Hence, in going commando, over the course of a full evening of Scottish Country dancing, this has the same effect as polishing one's helmet with 400 grade sandpaper......double-ouch! Hence Shitfaced led the rendition of, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy......"

 

Five Down-Downs. Yes indeedy. With only 12 people on trail, you had nearly a fifty-fifty chance of a Down-Down.

 

On-On to next week's Hash; Bobbiball's run from The Old Manor, Old Torquay Road, Paignton.

 

And, finally, wishing you and your families Happy New Year. Onto 2022 and the hope that we will finally be rid of the coronavirus and a return to some sort of normality.