MAGIC ARROWS AND A STEWARDS ENQUIRY

by Man-Pig - supported by the Bird

TVH3 Run No. 1898 3rd January 2022 

 

VENUE: The Old Manor Inn, Preston, Paignton

 

HARES: Bobbiball & Man-Pig

 

HOO WUZ THERE?: Bobbiball, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Bluebird, Only Here for the Beer, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Melonpicker, Soapy, Strap-On, Mrs Strap-On, U-Bend, Beefy, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Big End, Well Hopped, Gaga-4-it, Coldtits, Rambo.

 

WHO WUZN'T: Not a bad turnout for the first run of the year

 

THE CIRCLE

Bobbiball droned on for a bit without imparting too much knowledge. A Walkers' trail of about one and a half miles; Shorts maybe 3 1/2 miles and Longs about 5 1/2 miles......maybe? Then there was some confusion as to the first Long/Short split on exiting the pub car park. The Hares had, initially, differing opinions on which way the Shorts went. Then they agreed and then they changed their minds. All very reassuring.

 

THE TRAIL

The Longs turned right out of the car park and headed towards Oldway Mansion; all two of them.....Beefy and Man-Pig. The Walkers and the Shorts turned left out of the car park with the Walkers pretty much following Bobbiball back to his abode for a mulled wine and nibbles stop.

 

Having opted for the Long, there is little I can say about the Shorts until we caught up with them some 25 minutes later. The Longs ducked and weaved around Oldway Mansion before traipsing down Lower Polsham Road, traversing the skate boarding park and ending up at Marine Parade heading towards Torquay and Hollicombe Beach.

 

At the end of Marine Parade, we came across Horny, Pork Torpedo, Soapy and Melonpicker who were doing their own trail. Beefy and I followed the marks inland and up an unadopted road by the name of Hollicombe Lane. A check at Cockington Lane took us up Upper Headland Road before crossing Preston Down Road. The marks took us along Lower Penns Road and the entrance to Preston Park.

Ahead of us torchlight. Lots of it. The Shorts. At almost the highest point in Preston Park a check caused much confusion near Mercer Close with the trail almost coming back on itself. A slippery descent ensued as all entered the woodland of Occombe Valley. It wasn't long before we came to a Walkers/Long and Short split.

 

The Walkers went left and down onto Coombe Road whilst the Longs and the Shorts continued their slide deeper into Occombe Woods. Quite a long while later, atop a slight climb, we came to the second Long/Short split. The Shorts had a quite steep descent to the stream whilst Man-Pig had a lonely slog to the head of the valley in a futile attempt to catch up with Beefy. Or not so lonely as it turned out. For there, ahead of me, were two head torches. I could also hear Beefy calling. However, the head-torches were on a track slightly below me....not part of the trail. It turned out to be Smellie and Strap-On who thought that they were on the Shorts. I took them around the Longs but never did catch up with Beefy until the drinks stop.

 

The Longs trail looped around the top of the two streams that enter Occombe Valley and it wasn't long before we rejoined the Shorts' trail. This latter part of the trail had us on a long slog up a footpath that runs behind Greenpark Road and ends near Kestor Drive. This uphill slog was taking its toll on poor old Smellie who was puffing and panting the whole way up. How she enjoyed the respite of the descent down to Bobbiball's and the reinvigoration of his mulled wine. This descent took us first down Greenford Road, then left along Cranford Road and right again for a long downhill along Albany Road. A final left turn had us at Bobbiball's drink stop on Celia Road.

 

Suitably refreshed, the trio of Smellie, Man-Pig and Strap-On clambered down the steep steps at the end of Celia Road and then left onto Shorton Valley Road. This got a little confusing as we were now running against the marks for the Walkers' trail. To Smellie's relief, it was all downhill now in pretty much a straight line down Coombe Road and back to the Old Manor, passing U-Bend on the way.

 

TITILLATION OR AGGRAVATION?

And now, a Bluebird ballad to titillate or perchance aggravate, Oh Dearly Beloved:

 

Lonely was the furrow plough'd and ghastly was the pace

No hasher seen the evening long but smiley was his face

Entered he Paignton Parkfield grounds, the village of the damned

Round and round and back and forth, Shirley an excursion most unplanned

Der Panzer stop to refuel was his destination bound

Oh lackaday, oh dismal day, it could not be ruddy found

Close at hand ye olde Preston inn and salvation Shirley m'dear

The just reward, need you ask, a pint of Doom Bar beer!

 

No? Well please yourselves then.

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

Once more, no physical awards to award and a stewards enquiry has been convened to identify the miscreants. The hashit shirt remains languishing in some mystery kitbag at Cheerio Beerio's gaff. I cannot preach as I had a previous model interned behind my outside shed drier for two years. Once discovered, it was a write-off as the rats had got at it. Sigh..

 

The Jester's horn-ed hat was last seen being awarded to Roxanne on #1891 whereupon the trail goes cold. Base to Roxanne: Are you in receipt, Roxanne? Over.

 

Our esteemed and missed RA organizer, Teapot, always kept the house in order. A quiet word to awardees after the DD's to see if they were returning the following week or, if not, to give the award to Teapot for safekeeping.

 

Here endeth my sermon, Oh Dearly Reliev-ed.

 

But back to the DD's: Usually reserved for last - the thank you drink for the hares - but the cry went up and the disparate - some say desperate - duo were immediately summoned. Well, Bobby anyway as Man-Pig was already in situ as the RA presiding.

 

Well Hopped mentioned 'Magic arrows' appearing on trail and Man-Pig knew the game was up. Deja vu the Highweek Inn as Pork Torpedo recited his 'Dumb Cum' ditty.

 

SM Ellie and Strap-On were reported for being on the long trail which seems a bit curious as they both should have been anyway. But never mind, since when have awards ever been sensible?

 

Merely magnificent these days and looking as fit as a butcher's dog, Strap-On poured himself into slimline Forrest's Old Guys t-shirt for his downdown showdown with Ellie.

 

Not sure how U Bend escaped a penalty DD as he was seen indecorously (hash circles that is) sipping what looked like a cup of coffee... WHAT?

 

POSTSCRIPT

Well done the hares in laying what is invariably a quiet first hash of the year. After being housebound all over Christmas and the new year, I risked it and went as a biscuit to support my local Rottenführer. The company - as always - was congenial and the Doom Bar tasted great.

 

Only Here for the Beer somehow had wangled a lift from mein Großmeister (Shitfaced you fools) and was sampling the Sharp's Sea Fury 5.0 abv with gusto.

 

I had a fine time as well, thanks MP and Bob.

 

On-On to next week's Hash; Piltdown Man's at the Devon Arms Hotel, Teignmouth.

 

ON-ON from the Pig and the Bird