by Man-Pig
Run #1908 Monday 14th March from the Park Inn
HARE: "Shitfaced" & friends!
Stentorian
sang the centurion atop the wooded valley and tormented were the
legionnaires of the Imperial TVH who toiled up the rocky and
treacherous incline. Oh Yes, Oh Dearly Deja Vu, there was a Bluebird
singing over the muddy cliffs of Coffinswell...
Who wuz there:
Shitfaced, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Archangel, Bobbiball, Forrest Stump,
T-Humper, Ipoo'd, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Only Here for the Beer,
Andy (newby from the Park Inn), Melonpicker, Soapy, Teapot, Wetfart,
Beefy, Pisswell, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Rambo, Fallen Woman,
Broken Man, Piddler, Triple Jump and Julie (apres trail), Ablesemen,
TT, Slip On Me, Floss (post run beer only). Informed that Artful Dogger
and Muttley were there as well.
THE CIRCLE
Historically,
this had been the St Patrick's Day hash and the Hare has been Irish
birthday boy Arkangel. However, this year the green tradition has been
usurped by the GM.....and for good reason. For it is Shitfaced's 40th
birthday on the 18th.
Now,
I don't know if the lofty status of GM has gone to Shitfaced's head,
but he has gone one better than the Queen. Her Majesty only hs two
birthdays a year. Shitfaced has three. Monday's run was birthday No.1;
Thursday is his actual birthday and on Saturday he has his official
40th birthday party at Forde Hall in Newton Abbot. Shitfaced welcomed
everyone into the circle.
Tonight
there would be a pre-birthday barbecue laid on, gratis, by the
birthday boy and prepared by Park 'n' Ride.....and how excellent it was
- replete with a gorgeous pavlova courtesy of Soapy. In addition to
the evening's free scoff, Shitfaced invited all the Hash to his
official party. This will take place at Forde Hall, Newton Abbot from
7pm till midnight on Saturday 19th March. Splendid.
Over
to the Hare(s). Shitfaced looked towards Man-Pig. Well, after all, he
did have a barbecue to organise! In fairness, Bluebird did offer the
services of himself and Man-Pig to help lay the trail at the end of
last week's Awards Night.
Man-Pig
described the trail whilst Bluebird disappeared in his car to, "do
something on the trail". Man-Pig advised that there were three
long-short splits and a short-walkers' split. The Walkers' would be
circa 2 miles, Shorts 4.5 to 5 and the Longs pushing on 7 miles....or
so he thought.
As
it transpired, Bluebird's, "doing something on trail" turned out to be
him morphing into a traffic warden. This was in order to knock half a
mile off the Shorts' trail. The Hare then recommended that, if the
Shorts didn't want too long a trail, just do the second Long/Short
split.
THE TRAIL
The
trail took us straight across the road from the Park Inn car park and
up the pedestrian alleyway and onto the first check on Park Road. After
quite a bit of checking, and an absence of marks, it was "On-On" left
and along Woodlands Avenue and the junction with Coles Lane. Another
check, barely visible in peach coloured chalk. On-right and up to the
A380; the main road which bisects Kingskerswell. Down towards the quarry
at Aller Brake and the first Long/Short split.
The
Walkers and Shorts climbed up Yew Tree Climb to Paraprick's pad on
Milber Lane before turning right towards Coffinswell. The Longs,
meanwhile, embarked on a 700 metre loop down the old A380 and then back
to Romany Jones' cafe via a track that runs parallel with the main
road.
Now
back on the Shorts' and Walkers' trail the Longs pushed on to the next
Long/Short split. This was at the end of Milber Lane at its junction
with Blackenway Lane. The Shorts and Walkers went right. After 100 yards
they arrived at the Shorts/Walkers' split. The Walkers went right and
dropped back onto the A380 just behind the garage that sells the camper
vans. It was then a simple backtracking of the outward trail back to
the pub.
SIREN (2016 horror)
The
Shorts went left and towards the centre of Coffinswell. After 300
yards, a large arrow directed them down a broad track called Kerswell
Lane. This then rises steeply to the top of Kerswell Hill where we
could see a very bright torch and hear (unmelodious) singing,
screeching, yodelling - call it what you will. This, unsurprisingly,
turned out to be the siren call of Bluebird luring hashers to their
fate.
In
reality, it was Bluebird correcting a trail laying error from earlier
in the day which had resulted in an additional, and unplanned, half
mile loop. In his new role as yodeller cum traffic policeman, he guided
Hashers to the top of Kerswell Hill where all were ushered left and
across the field at the top of Kerswell Hill. Coldtits and I followed
the harrowing sounds to the crest where Bluebird confirmed who had and
had not passed through beforehand. Quite a few Shorts had been through
including, surprisingly, Forrest Stump with Muttley. The usual FRB's
would still be on the second lang/Short split but no-one knew where
Piddler was. Was he on the Long? We never found out. (I forgot that he
was next on trail behind Forrest. BB).
In
daylight, this highpoint delivers a spectacularly picturesque view
over the village of Coffinswell. At nighttime, it additionally afforded
Bluebird a birdseye [sic] view of Hashers' torches proceeding through
the village.
After
crossing the field atop Kerswell Hill, it was a left turn and back
down the track known as Coffinswell Lane. Coffinswell Lane exits onto
Willowpark Lane near Coffinswell church. A right turn and continue
along Willowpark Lane to the final Long/Short split.
Meanwhile,
back at the second Long/Short split Beefy, Pisswell, Manopause and
Erection had climbed up Blackenway Lane to its junction with St
Marychurch Road. Here they came upon a peculiar mark - a circle with a
cross in it. Completey befuddled by this alien mark, they took it as a
Ha Ha and decided to run all the way back to the previous Long/Short
split in order to rejoin the Shorts' trail.
On
the way down Blackenway Lane, they came across Arkangel plodding
slowly uphill. They recounted the story of the mystery mark. Arkangel
explained that this was a back check. There would have been a turn off
somewhere near the mark which they had missed.
Unconvinced
by this explanation, the quartet continued down Blackenway Lane to
embark on the Shorts' trail. Arkangel, meanwhile, continued up to the
top of the lane. Twenty five yards before its junction with St
Marychruch Road, there is a galvanised steel gate on the right. In
truth, it is pretty concealed but it leads onto a public footpath
across the edge of a 150 yard wide field. On the other side of the
field is another galvanised steel gate. This exits onto Connybear Lane.
The trail then beared right, dropping into Coffinswell via another
footpath that runs infront of two large posh houses, before rejoining
the Shorts. Well done Arkangel. The only hasher to stay on trail for the
entire hash!
Back
at the bottom of Coffinswell Lane, Coldtits and I trotted first up and
then down Willowpath Lane to the final Long/Short split at the
junction with Daccombe Mill Lane. The FRB's had just caught us up.
Manopause and erection elected to follow Coldtits on the Shorts. This
part of trail went along the occasionally flooded, Daccombe Mill Lane
to Kingskerswell where it enters the village just above the Lord Nelson
on Fluder Hill.
Beefy,
Pisswell and myself opted for the Long which added just over a mile to
the trail. This took us upto the crossroads at the top of Fluder Hill.
If we had continued straight across the crossroads, we would have had a
fairly steep descent down to Kerswell Gardens. The Hare was not so
cruel. The trail took us right and along the crest of Fluder Hill before
the long descent back to the village. We were convinced that we were
the only ones to have done the final Long. But what was this in front of
us? None other than Melonpicker....a closet FRB!
Passing
the Lord Nelson on our right, we arrived at the village war memorial
where we came to a faint chalk "OH". This took us right and along
School Road and Coles Lane and back to the on-down and the barbecue
that awaited us.......if there was any left. There was!
Thanks
to Shifaced and Park'n'Ride for laying on the barbecue and thanks to
Soapy for a wonderful pavlova.....and the grand finale? Rum and raisin
and Baileys alcoholic fudge crafted by soon-to-be super chef, I'Pood.
Well done all.
BARBIE DOWN-DOWNS
A DOWN-DOWN OF TWO HALVES
I-Poo'd awarded the Jester's Hat to Birthday Boy Shitfaced - after he had his Birthday DD, they were only halves after all.
SHE'S L-U-M-B-E-R-E-D
Forrest,
his ears still ringing from the trail onslaught cacophany, nominated
the stentorian centurion but wary of being counter- downdowned, sensibly
lumbered Pisswell with the Hashit Shirt for flashing a light on
exiting the CP.
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
Delivering
the Baby Bat Hat was problematic as the Bird, perched atop a five
barred gate for much of the evening had Much Ado About Nothing as Will
would have whispered. However, there was a rumour emanating from the
Penners' beer table and, in desperation, the Bird flew [Shirley sic you
fools] with it.
Sorry, Beefy, old mate, they made me do it...
HORSE HAT CHELTENHAM BOUND
'Where's Ned?' enquired Wetfart who had sussed that the Homing Horse Head Hat was missing from the show.
Well neigh, it's a most special week - Cheltenham Oh Glory Be! and the horsey will be watching with me of course!
T Humper was awarded a 100 Run Badge and a celebration half to seal the deal.
ONE MILLION CALORIES B.C. (2022)
Another
Birthday Boy was brought forward for a celebratory drink - Come on
down Archangel please! And with that, the One Million Calories B.C.
(2022) creation was produced courtesy of Soapy and a few helpings were
dished out - but leaving the bulk of the calorie 'bombe' for the Grand
(now even grander) Master to demolish.... whoa!
NEXT WEEK
Teigngrace
car park near the river. The on-down is the Kings Arms, Kingsteignton.
Original Hares of Pork Torpedo and Horny are, unfortunately,
unavailable due to covid. It currently looks like replacement Hares
will be Forrest-Stump and Arkangel.
Don't forget Shitfaced's party at Forde Hall this Saturday.
And so it's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from me.
On-On to next week.
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