A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

A JETTY OF FEAR, PUTIN'S PIPELINE & TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NO HASHER

by Man-Pig
 
Run #1907 Monday 7th March from the Wild Goose Inn
 
HARE: Bluebird
 
Who wuz there: Bluebird, Shitfaced, Forrest Stump, T-Humper, Ipoo'd, Piltdown Man, Georgy-Porgy, Smellie, Only Here for the Beer, Melonpicker, Soapy, Teapot, Wetfart, Beefy, Pisswell, Big End, Well-Hopped, Well Hopped's dad, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Manopause, Man-Pig, Zoot, Hot Lips, Cheerio-Beerio (recovering from 40th birthday), Rambo, Ernie, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Piddler, Jacqui (Red Rock Brewery), Wigwam (via Zoom), Threesum, Ablesemen, Swinger, Polyfella, Strap-On and Mrs Strap-On, Slip On Me and Land Ho invitee Scenic Route.
 
THE CIRCLE
After an absence of two years, the Awards Night was back, but with a difference. This year the awards would cover both 2021 and 2022 due to the covid induced disruption over the past 24 months. Down, but never out, 36 hardy souls who have endured the ups and downs of the past two years turned up to endure Bluebird's trail. What could possibly go wrong? 
 
Normally the Wild Goose does not open on a Monday. However, as it was our Awards Night, they opened especially for us. 
 
Additionally, and in the absence of a chef, IPoo'd stepped in to furnish the Hash with chip butties and, for a select few, the "secret sausages"! 
 
Despite a Hash exclusive evening, the Wild Goose's car park soon filled up with Hashers arriving early to secure a parking space - including some who secured parking spaces that were too small for their cars - Forrest! The village hall car park was full too. I had been running a little late so plumbed for the Coombe Cellars car park. This meant a third of a mile trot back to the pub....just what one needs after the Grizzly!
 
Announcements were thin on the ground so it was pretty much straight over to the Hare for the lowdown on the trail. Inevitably, the trail would be short in order to allow time for both the traditional Down-Downs and highlight of The Awards.In true 'Allo! 'Allo! style Bluebird started by stating, "I veel say theez on li wonce". The Walkers and the Shorts would be .....well....shortish; 3.3 miles with a separate Walkers' trail of less than 2 miles. The Longs was 3.8 miles. "Look out for driftwood". This gave us an inkling that we would not be running inland to Stokeinteignhead. The Bird went on to explain that he had written verses on pieces of driftwood. If we could find, and recall, all the verses there was a prize! The prize would be bucks fizz and beer.....the latter being of no possible use to Cheerio Beerio.
 
THE TRAIL (or, time for a tide table?)
Left out of the car park and back down past the pub to the Newton Abbot - Shaldon road. No check so all turned right heading towards Coombe Cellars. At the turn-off to Coombe Cellars was the Walkers and Shorts/Long split. The Walkers and the Shorts turned left and down the lane to Coombe Cellars. The Longs continued up towards Shaldon - but not for much further. An arrow took us left and onto the entrance that leads to Hearn's field. This is the field that hosts various village events throughout the year. This includes firework night, classical music, plays and even opera! Culture in darkest Devon! Tonight it was eerily silent. Across Hearn's field to rejoin the Walkers and the Shorts in Combe Cellars' car park.
 
The trail then took us diagonally across the car park and onto the coast path. After 100 yards or so, an arrow directed all hashers through a five-bar gate and into a field. Here was the second Walkers and Shorts/Longs split. The Walkers followed the route of the public footpath. This is uphill and diagonally across this field before entering into a second field. The public footpath follows the western edge of the second field before rejoining the black stuff at the end of Cross Lane. 
 
We have been across these fields several times in the past. In the summer they are usually full of the Elephant Grass crop (Miscanthus), sometimes 7 or 8 feet tall. Tonight, the crops were just 2 inches high. 
 
At the first crossroads, the marks took all hashers downhill on a minor road that leads into the western edge of Combeinteignhead.
 
Meanwhile, back in the first field, the Longs and shorts skirted along the northern edge for about 100 yards before arriving at a check by a stile. Beefy checked further along the edge of the field which had now swung south only to rejoin the Shorts. The trail, in fact, continued over the stile and through 300 yards of woodland before dropping onto the foreshore below Netherton House.Wet-Johnny, the appropriately named Scenic Route, Erection, Manopause, Swinger, Polyfella, Piddler and Melonpicker were in front of me and Beefy, Pisswell, Well Hopped, Big End and Coldtits were behind as we scoured the foreshore for the elusive driftwood. Driftwood providing the words that would secure our rewards......hmmm, Bucks Fizz and beer.... but not necessarily at the same time.
 
Now, Bluebird is fond of referring to films and music that may have a passing relevance to the trail when he pens the Words. As we gingerly tiptoed along the edge of the foreshore, it soon became clear that we were on an incoming tide. This was not helped by a quite chilly westerly breeze. My thoughts immediately turned to Time and Tide by Whitesnake. The Bird had got neither quite right. He had laid the trail on Monday afternoon; a good 4 hours before high tide. Sure enough, all the marks were laid above the high tide mark. However, trees, rocks and other obstacles dictated that we all had to move ever closer to the water's edge to navigate them. It did cross my mind that the Dead Sea Scrolls, now recast onto driftwood, may well be on the high seas by now. 
 
Nevertheless, the doubting Thomas in me was stymied when we came to the end of the timber jetty at Netherton Point. On the first plank, written in yellow chalk, was inscribed the legend: "Jetty of Fear". One down, two verses to go.
 
By the skin of our teeth, Beefy, Pisswell and I managed to keep our feet relatively dry. But the tide was coming in fast. Back in the pub I learned that Well Hopped, Big End and Coldtits had not fared quite so well. [Note to Bluebird - buy some Tide Tables].
 
Almost obscured, to our left was a gap in the woods. This is the end of Hackney Lane, a track that leads down to the sewerage treatment works. 
 
It was high time that we turned inland, lest we grow webbed feet. A quick investigation of the track, by torchlight, revealed marks.Up Hackney Lane to the first junction where the stone and soil track gives way to a tarmac lane. For some reason flour had been superceded by green chalk and chalk arrows pointed us to the left and a steep downhill past Tuckett's Farm. What goes down must Shirley come up. And so it was. A short, but steep, uphill to the crossroads at Cross Lane to rejoin the walkers' trail. 
 
From here it was pretty much downhill all the way back to The Wild Goose.PS we never did find the other two verses but Wet Johnny at least got two out of three. We all missed "Putin's Pipeline" situated immediately in front of the large yellow sign by the gas pipe!
 
THE DOWN-DOWNS
Summoned first to the oche, Erection built a fine tale of woe to ultimately saddle Swinger with the Baby Bat Hat. Her crime? Scolding Manopause, Erection and the hare (who were having a nice little chinwag) for being slowcoaches. Grrrrr.
 
ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES
Wetfart strode to the front amid 'neighs' carrying the revered Homing Horse Head hat. An eloquent address indeed ensued, befitting a Roman senator, and even it's recipient was taken aback when he was awarded the horse's hat for being such a fool. B' Boom!
 
PIDDLER'S PROBLEM
Piddler was next but had a problem - he had put the hashit shirt on the bar and some rogue hasher had purloined it - the swine! After enduring a torrent of heckling, the shirt was located in the Idiot's prize bag and He who should not be nam-ed had to explain that it was Forrest who was the culprit. The story unfolded that Forrest had cunningly squeezed between two cars in the CP only to find he couldn't get out... sigh. Down down please.
 
CHEF SUPREME
ThreeSum produced the Jester's hat and a very well-deserved drink was given to I-Poo'd for her cheffing duties on this, our Night of Nights.
 
As a precursor to the main event, the Driftwood Challenge prize was awarded to Wet Johnny, Wet Johnny, Wet Johnny for discovering the elusive legends: 'Jetty of Fear' on the (very) rickety wooden pier; 'Putin's Pipeline' directly in front of the large yellow signage and 'Safari So Cruise' which even the hare had difficulty finding. Well done WJ!
 
THE CHERISHED AWARDS
Amid trumpet fanfares and ticker-tape, our MC Hammer Shitfaced got the show on the road - after strategically placing a smartphone to broadcast live to hashers' homes all over the planet - well Poland at least.
 
PROPER PLANNING INDEEDY
The amount of planning and preparation, the toil, sweat and tears all came to blinding fruition for this so eagerly anticipated event after languishing long in the Covid induced wilderness.
 
THE AWARDEES
Best newcomer: Cheerio Beerio
Best Hasher: Beefy
Best Harriet: Well Hopped
Best Hare: Pisswell
Best Hash: Forrest
Scribe: Man-Pig
On-Down: Jacqui at red Rock Brewery
Pillock of the Year: Bluebird
All round good egg (formerly the"Crusher Award"): Shitfaced
 
POSTSCRIPT
A brilliant night and greatly enjoyed by all - including the live streamed. After agonising over the wisdom of going round the Teign foreshore (I thought it would be tight), I decided, like the young man from Bengal to risk it and went as a biscuit only to find that Big End, Well Hopped, Ned and Coldtits got gobbled up in the hall by the furious incoming tide. My sincere apologies to you.
 
To be honest, I had not even considered getting any award on the night and was truly (most pleasantly) surprised to get my beloved Pillock shirt once more.
 
As for the awards, weren't they amazing? It was only getting back home that I discovered the work and expense that had gone into their delivery. The names of the winners were printed on each shirt (usually only the category) and there was a fine quality parchment with gold etched names accompanying the carton which enclosed a personalized beer glass - whoa! 
 
Our Grand Master - he of the manufactured Staff of TVH - had also burnt the midnight oil, producing bases for sundry horse shoes - the successor to Wigwam's yellow ducks (yes, Wiggy, they are still fondly recalled!).
 
Oh Yes, Oh Dearly Beloved, your Mismanagement certainly did you proud. HURRAH!
 
NEXT WEEK
The Park Inn, Kingskerswell with "Hare" (fellow cronies assist), Shitfaced. It is Shitfaced's 40th birthday and the Hare (well, Hare's Dad really) will be laying on a complimentary birthday barbeque. Bring an empty tum!
 
And finally, it's goodbye from Man-Pig and goodbye from me until next week. ON ON!

MISMANAGEMENT UPDATED AGPU APRIL 4 2022

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M U Bend
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Pisswell
Trail Raiser Rambo
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec Wet Johnny
Web /Web Master Bluebird

HASH SUBS 2022

This years membership, which is due now is £25 Alternatively you can pay £1 per week when attending. Samantha Zimbler Hash cash Threesum. On line payments Account name: TEIGN VALLEY HASH House Harriers Sort Code: 55-70-01 Account number: 69068186 Reference: your hash name

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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