A WARM WELCOME FROM TVH3

Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT YOUR FIRST HASH

Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

NEWCOMERS TO THE HASH
Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

SHERPA POLLYFELLA STARS ON THE EIGER SANCTION & A HALF-GALLON OF DOWN-DOWN BEER!

TVH3 The Words for 13th June 2022

The Ness Car Park, Shaldon - Run No. 1921
 
HARES: Swinger and Well Hopped
 
Who wuz there: Swinger, Well Hopped, Shitfaced, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Arkangel, Smellie, Manopause, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Rambo, Broadshit, Polyfella, Ernie, Teapot, Bobbiball, Kermit, Well Hopped's dad, Ned, 3 virgins (James, Paul +1 who are all related to the hares), Karl, Always Desperate, a lot of Morris Dancers!
 
THE CIRCLE
We circled up in a near-empty Ness car park. Despite the acres of space, Bobbiball still found it impossible to park die Panzerkampfwagon in a single parking bay. Subsequently, he found it equally impossible to complete the Walkers' Trail making him an official SCB. That aside, Shitaced welcomed all to the hash. Smellie, fresh from scribing last week's Words, now took on the mantle of recording attendees in Piltdown's absence.
 
The only announcements comprised next week's run. This will be another Pisswell extravaganza. From memory, I think we will be parking up adjacent to Sousson's Plantation which is quite near Grimspound - expect virgin territory. The exact details will be on the Facebook page.
 
Next Shitfaced welcomed three virgins to the hash and Teapot duly anointed them with flour. The first virgin got somewhat confused with the names of who had made her come. Was it Julia or Holly?.....not names recognised by the hash. The subsequent two virgins, James and Paul I think, learned quickly - "It was Well Hopped that made us cum"......that's better.
 
Swinger gave a brief description of the trail. Longs about 5 1/2; Shorts 4; Walkers, maybe 2 1/2. Forrest then wanted to know about Long/Short splits but Swinger was having none of it, "You'll have to find out for yourself".
 
THE TRAIL
The Shorts headed straight up the long steep hill that runs at the edge of Shaldon Golf Club. The Walkers were instructed to stay put - temporarily. The longs were directed, perplexingly, downhill past the Ness Hotel. The trail then looped up and around the top of the Ness before dropping down to rejoin the Shorts back near the car park.
 
Just before arriving at the golf course, we came to the first Long/Short split. Wet-Johnny was checking straight on and up towards the Torquay to Teignmouth Road whilst Pollyfella checked out the edge of the golf course. Bluebird, in Beefy's absence, had assumed the role of Hash Flash. "On-On" was the call from Pollyfella.
 
Once past the golf course, we came to the first split. But, if my memory serves me correctly, not the normal split. This was a Longs'/Walkers' split. Were the Walker's really doing the Long or is this amnesia?
 
A few yards of leafy path and - dismay. For there, in front of us, was a steep uphill expanse. Pollyfella was already 200 yards ahead and going strong. Bluebird was on camera duty just in front of me and Wet Johnny not far behind. I attempted to run but at the halfway point I gave up. Bluebird was keeping up with me by walking! At the summit, we looked back. The Penners were not far behind, Manopause and Erection. Just in arrears of them were Ernie and Broadshit and I think Swinger may have been sweeping with returnee Karl.
 
Out onto the A379 for a short while before dropping back onto the South West Coast Path heading southwest towards Labrador Cove. The marks then took us back onto the A379 where we crossed the road and ascended up to a check near the beacon. This had already been kicked out by Pollyfella who was now out of sight somewhere down Butterfly Lane (a corruption of Better Flee (the gibbet) Lane according to local historian, Bluebird). This is a track and we were now off-road.
 
Pollyfella checked left at the junction with Millen Lane and was not seen again until the pub. Wet-Johnny checked ahead, continuing along Butterfly Lane. We're "On" we called back to Pollyfella and received the expected response of, "On-On"........even if you weren't.
 
At the end of Butterfly Lane, an arrow took us left towards Stokeinteignhead and then, very soon, a check at the top of Dagra Lane. Man-Pig kicked it out even before Wet-Johnny called it "On".
After 400 yards, we arrived at another check at Pegwell Lane. The Pig checked down Pegwell Lane but it was not long before Wet-Johnny was heard calling "On" as he descended down Dagra Lane and onto Coombe Road.
 
An arrow guided us right towards Shaldon but then we arrived at a check at the junction with Higher Ringmore Road......not kicked out but Wet-Johnny was running back to do the necessary just as the Pig arrived. Once kicked out, it was into Ringmore and virgin territory for me. 
 
Eventually, an arrow and we were on a short track called Waterworks Lane. This rejoins tarmac at the junction with Lambert's Lane which then drops down to Coombe Road, but not before changing its name to Pepper Lane and then Salt Lane as we descended.
 
Wet Johnny was now out of sight. Despite excellent marks, the Pig took an unscheduled detour and had to retrace his steps - or should that be trotters?
 
The trail now followed the banks of the Teign. At the southern end of Shaldon Bridge it was straight across and down Riverside passing the back of the London Inn (this was originally planned as the On-Down but was even further from the Ness car park). Onto Marine Parade where I passed Teapot who, amazingly, had managed to park almost outside the Ferryboat Inn. 
 
Next, we passed the Black Bess Morris Dancers where Kermit was enjoying a pint and not having set foot on trail!
 
Finally, the last trek 400 yards uphill to the Ness car park. A very relaxed Wet-Johhny was waiting for me. He certainly didn't look like he'd just done 5.15 miles!
 
What a fantastic trail. Especially so when considering that it was Swinger's virgin lay and probably only Well Hopped's third or fourth trail. A job well done. Congratulations....you can lay again!
 
ADDITIONAL USELESS INFORMATION & TRIVIA
The Birdman of Maidencombe (2022) was finally tempted out of his nest by the very proximity of the trail and On Down. 
 
Waiting at the top of his road, the Bird heard a low rumbling sound just before Der rottenf├╝hrer's Panzer burst into view, accompanied by a billowing black cloud of diesel fumes - The Eagle Has Landed (1976), Rock on Tommy! [Shirley sic Bobby Ball] ..
 
With the Bird terminally injured - It's Tough to Be a Bird (1969) - and Bobby riddled with an assortment of ailments, it was nothing short of a triumph for the desperate duo to make the Ness chariot tether. A useless right shoulder (shell fragments from Normandy) forced Bobby to slew the Panzer sideways into the parking bay - ignoring the torrent of abuse being hurled at him by the Grand Master and Forrest Stump, both fearful of being run down.
 
But Never Mind the Buzzcocks, adventure Shirley awaited on Swinger's virgin lay - but only if the fragile fuselage would hold up..
 
'I'll know after fifty yards if it's a goer Bobby, if not I'll Be Back.' (The Terminator 1984 you fools)
The inevitable climb south from the Ness House commenced with Sherpa Pollyfella spearheading the FRB's. A suspicious little huddle of walkers was encountered dithering just below the Pitch and Putt course. 'It has to be this way,' squawked the feathered one, though for some bewildering reason, Wet Johnny veered off to checkerido.. sigh.
 
Pollyfella knew it and the Bird knew it, the Himalayan slopes beckoned. Looming into view was the awesome and intimidating climb to the Labrador bends, high above in the clouds on the A379 corniche.
Sherpa Pollyfella was a hundred yards to the good in front, but on that gradient it was as good as a quarter of a mile. The Bird tipped his baseball hat in homage to the mountain goat who actually maintained a running gait to the top... Whoa!
 
The pain and suffering on the pack were pitiful to see - BroadS, fresh from his Buckland Bounder 6 miler on Saturday, led the Penners Manopause and Erection, both palpably unsuited to mountain climbing. Binoculars were needed to identify the rest of the pack just embarking on the alarming ascent.
Usual running buddy Man-Pig stole a march whilst I filmed the spectacular Eiger Sanction (1975) and that effectively was that.
 
Down Better Flee lane fled the Bird in vain pursuit. The last L/S split appeared at the bottom of the rutted country lane and old habits Die Hard (1988) as I turned onto the long briefly before sadly reining back onto the short.
 
Passing the Ferry Boat Inn at exactly 4 miles, the dashboard was awash with red warning lights. The sight of hashers reclining outside the pub made the last climb to the car park even harder.
I came, I saw and, most importantly, I got round! Thank you Swinger and Well Hopped!
 
THE DOWN-DOWNS
A spin of the coin decided the RA - Man-Pig.
 
Man-Pig was still recovering from having paid a staggering £5.40 (how much?) for a pint of Beavertown Neckoil (tasted like lemonade!) when Teapot arrived with excellent news. The pub had more than excelled by donating a full 4 pints of Tribute for the Down-Downs. Thank you Ferryboat Inn.....most generous and very gratefully received.
 
1st Down-Down: Smellie was going to award the horned hat to Shitfaced for being the Pied Piper of Hamlyn leading eight SCB's but Shitfaced had already gone to pick up his son. 
 
Always have a Plan B so Smellie selected dear old dad (Well Hopped) instead - a note for the inconsiderate father (which self-respecting Dad would let their daughter work in a brewery?)
 
2nd Down-Down: Teapot gave the Hash shirt to pink teeshirt attired Kermit for decamping immediately to the pub but making the error of trying to hide from onlookers - a note for the Pink Panther, please.
 
3rd Down-Down: No more physical awards to hand out. Nevertheless, Bobbiball got a Down-Down for pathetic parking - a note for Reginald Molehusband that transcended into the usual, "Bobbiball, Bobbiball, Bobbiball etc...." Never mind, as a result of being the driver, BB was topped up by Bobby's pint.
 
A BEER TOO FAR (2022)
Still far too much beer to give away. Were there any more stories? A civilian piped up, "I am Almost Desperate*. I used to run with you years ago. I never completed a run and have the badge to prove it". 'Come forth for a DD', implored Forrest but he made a beeline for the bar.
 
Bobbiball was put in the frame yet again and nominated for failing to complete the Walkers' trail but escaped a double down-down. 
 
Arkangel came to the aid of the party by dobbing Forrest in it for directing him to the toilets. Forrest called his own down-down with: 'Here's one for the urinals!' B'BOOM!
 
Finally, the hares had their well-earned drink to the chorus of 'Hold it in your hand, Mrs. Murphy' though Well Hopped almost collapsed with a laughing fit en route!
 
All leftover beer was kindly distributed by Forrest.
 
Thank the pub for the beer! Despite a fantastic 4 pints of Tribute contributed by the pub, the absent-minded RA forgot to thank the pub! 
 
I did, however, on several visits to refuel, thank Matt the landlord and Matt the barman for their hospitality.
 
* Actually Shaldon and Stokeinteignhead councillor Chris Clarance which might explain his reluctance to take a public Down-down.
 
NEXT WEEK
Sousson's Plantation near Grimspound, Dartmoor (not too far from the Warren House Inn). Exact details to be posted on our Facebook page.
 
Now it's Time to go home, time to go home, Man-Pig and BB are waving goodbye, goodbye..
On-On to next week!

MISMANAGEMENT UPDATED AGPU APRIL 4 2022

Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M U Bend
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Pisswell
Trail Raiser Rambo
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec Wet Johnny
Web /Web Master Bluebird

HASH SUBS 2022

This years membership, which is due now is £25 Alternatively you can pay £1 per week when attending. Samantha Zimbler Hash cash Threesum. On line payments Account name: TEIGN VALLEY HASH House Harriers Sort Code: 55-70-01 Account number: 69068186 Reference: your hash name

TVH3 HABERDASHERY LINK

JESSE'S DD FROM THE TALLY HO!

EXPLANATION OF ARCHIVE TVH3 SITES

GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.

Fukarwi

Fukarwi

REARENDER

REARENDER

TEAPOT

TEAPOT

SOAPY

SOAPY

MOULDY DICK

MOULDY DICK

MELONPICKER

MELONPICKER

FALLEN WOMAN

FALLEN WOMAN

DORIS

DORIS

BROKEN MAN

BROKEN MAN

ARCHANGEL

ARCHANGEL

ABLE SEMEN

ABLE SEMEN

Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

FOR TVH3 HABERDASHERY CONTACT ZOOT

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