TVH3 The Words for 6th June 2022 - The Horseshoe Centre, Heathfield - Run No. 1920
HARES: Beefy and Pisswell
Who
wuz there: Beefy, Pisswell, Shitfaced, Soapy, Melonpicker, Man-Pig,
Forrest-Stump, Hotlips, Zoot, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie,
Manopause, Wet-Johnny, Able Semen, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Piddler,
Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Wetfart, Teapot, Bobbiball.
The Circle
We
circled up in new territory - The Horseshoe Centre, Heathfield. This
used to be a tiny village primary school and Forrest was delighted to
tell us that he was one of their former alumni.
Shitfaced,
having recovered from his excellent method acting of Captain Jack
Sparrow, advised that the On-Down was The Star at Liverton. The food
was sausage and chips at a heady £6.80 a head.
Man-Pig asked for a volunteer to do the Words. Piddler volunteered Smellie whilst Smellie was still tying up her shoelaces!
Beefy introduced the trail. Marks were always on the right - except where they had been gone over by a lawnmower. Longs were about 5 miles. Longs and Shorts less!
The Trail - by S M Ellie
Arriving
a bit flustered at the circle somewhere Newton Abbotish (?) I managed
to inadvertently volunteer for the words while putting on my shoe. Damn!
Announcements
were made. Sorry, little recollection. I do, however, recall there
being confusion about what’s medium? A balti and 175ml glass of
Sauvignon Blanc. On a similar note, Beefy said there would be
yellowhammers on the trail. Oh goody, I thought!
Off
we set into beautiful countryside. The FRB’s shot off! Given the
current foot rehab status, I soon fell behind. Hey ho! That didn't last
long. I was soon joined by Piddler, who was following up my rear
[Shirley sic] and it was noted he had stopped moaning for the first time
that evening.
The trail was well marked and it was a lovely evening. Nobody to disturb my peace...
As
the trail progressed, it seemed that the rather lovely Long's were
rather short. Clocking only 3 miles, we passed the On Home marker. Damn
again!
As
my rehab feet were faring ok, I wanted more.
I had a cunning plan! Why
not run the walkers trail? Well as it turns out... That was the plan.
Anyhow. Funny that! All was well except somehow, we managed to do it
backwards?
Arriving
in some woods, I heard mention of Yellowhammer. Yay! A Beer Stop! I was
rather bemused by being told to listen. ‘It sounds like milk and bread’
Beefy exclaimed enthusiastically. No! Not Beer? It appeared the
yellowhammer was of the feathered variety! Damn.
As
we passed Georgie P, Piltdown. Soapy, Melon Picker, Zoot and Hot Lips
and most of the Walking Crew, they all informed us: ‘You’re going the
wrong way!’ Oh, the shame! Well, anyone foolish enough to follow me
deserves it!
Trekking
along a stunning riverbank, I heard a voice from above in the trees.
‘Look Grebes!' How did Coldtitz do that? And what are Grebes? Sounds
like an STD?!
Further
along the river, there was a photo opportunity to be had. Pisswell
joined us, making Piddler the thorn between the roses. (You’re welcome!)
We continued backwards on trail to the On Home.
Joining Piltdown and Georgie P In the car, we made bets on the final score. We caught the results. Boris remains in da House. Politics over and time for a beer at the Star.
Talk
at the table of the hash descending on a beer festival. One for Wet
Jonny! Then the expensive sausage debacle. We were instructed to eat up
to help out. Money in the pot. Threesome would have a turn!
The Down Downs
Able Seaman awarded the hare the birthday hat for the stunning trail that was enjoyed by all.
Soapy
ran out of options after her first choice had already gone home.
Finding Beefy taken, she opted for Teapot though I don’t recall his
misdemeanour. However, the down down receptacle nearly found an
alternative use as a barf bucket.
I
am happy to report that Teapot recovered himself well. Piddler was
awarded a 500 badge and almost a double down down for being distracted
on the trail.
S. M.Ellie was called up to help. (As the Word mistress I can be economical with the truth!) I can also report 'beaten by a woman' was chanted!
The
final award, now known as the Checking chicken hat, Wet Fart awarded to
Piltdown man for his navigation skills during the perilous journey from
Teignmouth. He gallantly delivered Georgie, myself and Choca safely to
the hash.
So
endeth the account, as much as I can recall. Many thanks to the Hare
for a beautiful and memorable trail. A great time was had by all!
S.M. Ellie
The Down-Downs - backup notes by MP
Forrest-Stump presiding:
1st
Down-Down: Able Semen gives the first award to Beefy for a lovely trail
on virgin ground and with wonderful vistas and wildlife.
2nd
Down-Down: Wetfart gives the Hashshit shirt to Teapot - can't remember
why. Hopefully, Smellie will remember. (Oh no she didn't!)
3rd
Down-Down: Beefy has the Horned hat to give away. I simply wasn't
paying attention. I can't remember who had it. Amnesia has set in....or
is it dementia?
4th
Down-Down: There is a 500-run badge to award. This goes to Piddler. He
didn't even want a whole half-pint so he wanted to share it with
Smellie; something about Smellie's rear. Anyway, there was a spare beer
so they ended up downing a half each.
5th
Down-Down: Finally there was a half-pint of water. I can't remember who
had it or for what. It may have been awarded to Beefy for a bit of a
cock-up regarding the food. Apparently Beefy had advised the pub that
they might expect to have up to 15 hashers wanting to eat. The pub had interpreted that as a confirmed order for 15 sausage and chips at £6.80/head!
The
upshot of all this was that Beefy initially paid for all the sausage
and chips as we didn't want to risk alienating the pub and blacklisting
TVH3 (this hasn't happened since the episode with Mavis and his exposed
undercarriage at the Cleave at Lustleigh).
The
sausage and chips were brought out on trays in any event after the
Down-Downs. Teapot partially explained what had happened and suggested
that we simply put some money in the pot to contribute towards the food -
which they did, generously.
The shortfall should be made up from hash funds as it was a genuine misunderstanding.
These things do happen to even the most experienced hashers as both MP and BB know only too well!
I
forgot that one of the awards was to Piltdown Man for not reading the
traffic report. There was an accident on the Teignmouth/Wear barton road
which caused Piltdown, Georgie and Smellie almost to miss the Circle. I
think Beefy made this award and it made to a chorus of, "Here's to the
misguided one etc....."
Next week
The Ness car park, Shaldon with the On-Down at the Ferry Boat Inn. Hares are Well Hopped and Swinger.
It's time to say goodbye from SM Ellie and goodbye from MP.
ON ON to next week!
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