HASHERS HAD IT ALL AT TINKLEY BOTTOM: A MEADOW MOWED, BBQ, A BARREL OF BEER, LADDERS & ROPED RIVER CROSSING

by Man-Pig

TVH3 The Words for 27th June 2022 - Tinkley Bottom

Run No. 1923

 

HARES: Forrest Stump & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Forrest-Stump, Man-Pig, Wood Lend, Fuddle & hubby Sam (not running), Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Arkangel, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Martin, TT, Satnav, Able Semen, Deep Semen, Fallen Woman, Broken Man, Slip-on-Me, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Pisswell, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Wet-Johnny, Erection, Coldtits, Rambo, Well Hopped, Ned, Piddler, Swinger, Swinger's friend, Dave (Cheerio's sausage dog), Trucker (guest appearance).

 

The Circle

Once more the Hash became the beneficiaries of Forrest's excellent hospitality and equally enjoyable trail. In true Forrest fashion, the meadow had been mowed, brazier fired up and barbecue facilities prepared for hungry and thirsty hashers. Did I say "Thirsty"? Best of all, Forrest had laid on a barrel of Black Tor Blonde at a meagre £3/pint....excellent.

 

Shitfaced welcomed all into the circle. This included some returnees, TT and partner, and some faces that I didn't recognise. I think these were Forrest's neighbours. Announcements comprised the notification of the venue for next week's hash and hash theme and a request from Man-Pig for a volunteer to do the Words.

 

In respect of the latter, there were no takers. Man-Pig then forgot to pressgang some poor unfortunate into penning this week's Words, so ended up doing them himself. What a fukwit.

Forrest briefly described the trail but was rather vague on distances. Yes. There was a Walkers', and at least three, maybe four Long/Short splits. Then there was some mention of a tree bearing a strange crop; a crop of carrier bags with tractors printed on them.

 

The Trail

Now, the Teign Valley has been pretty well-trodden by TVH3 over the years. There was always going to be the risk of running over the same old ground and the trails getting a tad repetitive. However, never fear. Forrest is a cunning old fox if ever there was one. His knowledge of the Valley is encyclopaedic and he also has a lot of land-owning neighbours. Some of them are Hash friendly, others not. So it was with delight that we learned that we would be running over some virgin territory. This, together with Forrest's ability to bamboozle hashers by reversing trails and running the same ground both in darkness and daylight, resulted in hashers failing to twig that they had covered most of the trail within the past 9 months - albeit in the dark.

 

The Walkers, Shorts and the Longs exited Forrest's meadow heading downstream along the River Teign. At the old Trusham railway station, the Walkers and the Shorts bore right and over Crocombe Bridge to commence the ascent up Warm Hill.

 

The Longs were taken on a short loop up Farley Hill then a check which took them right on a minor road towards Northwood Farm. This was before climbing over a gate, crossing the disused railway line, and returning to Crocombe Bridge along the banks of the Teign. Now, even this short loop was not without its issues.

 

The FRB's, comprising Beefy, Wood Lend, and Erection (no Wet Johnny as he is nursing a hamstring injury), had overrun a partially obliterated mark and had engaged in an unplanned canter down to the coachworks. Was this Pooke piracy? Who knows?

 

Back on trail, it wasn't long before we arrived at the Walkers' split from the Longs and the Shorts. This was at the lower reaches of Warm Hill. The Walkers would bear right and continue up to the bottom of Teign Village from where they would be the first to enjoy/suffer the virgin territory.

 

A little further up Warm Hill came the first of the Long/Short spits that would take the Shorts into Hennock. Further up Warm Hill again we came to a check at a minor crossroads. Arkangel made a beeline for Five Lanes by running through a cross whilst the FRB's followed the trail left and downhill only to be befuddled by a strange mark. So befuddled in fact that Wood Lend was on the phone to his Dad for some insider knowledge.

 

At this point, the Hare arrived. "What's a circle with a cross in it?" asked Beefy. "A back-check" came the Hare's reply. By this time, Deep Semen had found the trail rising up Shameface Lane. The FRB's now had swollen to include Swinger & friend, Ned, Well Hopped, Pisswell, Beefy, Erection, Wood Lend, and Deep Semen.

 

At the top of Shameface Lane, we arrived at another Long/Short split at Five Lanes. The Shorts were directed into Hennock whilst the Longs endured the interminable climb up a beautiful footpath up to Chericombe Cross and another check. By the time we got there, it had been kicked out by either Strap-On or Piddler after Smellie's hard work of doing all the checking. However, the kicking out wasn't too clear and could have had the following Hashers going down one of two roads. And this is exactly what was going on with the FRB's.

 

The Hare realigned the kicked-out section of the check and all FRB's were now on the long descent down Bell Lane and into Hennock. Outside the Palk Arms, another Long/Short split.

There was some thought of going Short until the Hare suggested doing the Long. Yes. It would be a little further but we would be going down a footpath last trod by TVH about 12 years ago and we would have the opportunity to find the elusive "Bag tree".

 

So it was that we all ran up the cul-de-sac that is Church Lane. Just past the church, a huge arrow took us through a five-bar gate and into what appeared to be someone's driveway. It was! However, it was also the route of a pretty underused public footpath. 

 

The beginning of the footpath was 6 feet high in foliage and brambles but it wasn't long before it opened up to provide a lovely viewpoint across the valley towards Tinkley quarry.

 

As the once visible footpath disappeared, it was time to keep an eye out for the "bag tree" that would get us back on trail. Conscious of keeping the countryside tidy, the bag was recovered and we continued a steep, and uneven, descent to the road and the next check.

 

It had already been kicked out uphill. We ascended the road to Brandiron Cross where an arrow took us downhill and through Teign Village.

 

At the lower edge of the village, a huge arrow directed us left and into the first of three fields. This was the virgin territory and we had now rejoined the Walkers' Trail. Despite quite high wheat and grass in places, the marks were good. The last field had us on a very steep descent to the bottom of Warm Hill.

 

We retraced our steps towards Crocombe Bridge but, before arriving at the bridge, a large "OH" and an arrow had us diverting into Trucker's field and the promised river crossing - of which there were two! If you fancied getting waist-high in water, take the Longs' crossing with the blue nylon rope. If you were a wuss, as were all of the back marking FRB's, it was the ankle-deep river crossing for us with a hessian rope for support.

 

Forrest had thought of everything. On the far side of the river, there were two aluminium ladders to aid our clambering back into Forrest's recently mowed meadow.

Trail complete. Now for a Black Tor Blonde - or two?

 

The Down-Downs

There were only two physical awards present from the previous two weeks but there were also some stories of misdemeanours en trail to recount.

 

First up was Smellie. She had the jester hat to award but nearly ended up giving it to herself as she was in some sort of a time warp.

 

Smellie started by describing a trail that she'd done the previous day! Eventually, the story unfolded of Smellie, Strap-On, and Piddler running together and coming to a check. Piddler, unchivalrously, suggested that Smellie do the checking whilst a recalcitrant Strap-on stuck firmly close to the check. A vote was called for and won by Strap-On for "Recalcitrant behaviour".

 

Next was Shitfaced. He recalled a story from the weekend about a boozy party and someone who had to be taken home by taxi. Worse still, the same person was sick in the taxi. The hat went to iPoo'd to a chorus of Chumba Wumba but retitled "Chunder Wonder".

 

Stories: Beefy had a story about lost property recovered from the previous week's hash. It was an item of clothing and Beefy removed his polo shirt to reveal a t-shirt with a photo of a leopard on it. "Any takers?". Yes. It was Rambo's. A memento of his recent holiday in South Africa and he hadn't even realised that he'd lost it! A note for the "Forgetful one".

 

One down-down left. Normally this would have gone to the Hare. not only for planning and laying the trail but also for his legendary hospitality. However, there was another contender. A virgin. Threesum announced that her partner, Martin, had actually done the Walker's trail. Now Martin has been coming to the Hash on and off for over a year but has never run.....until now. A very poor rendition of Madonna's, "Like a virgin touched for the dry first time....." had Martin downing his half of ale in double-quick time.

 

Thank you again Forrest for your hospitality and your cunning ingenuity. Even Beefy didn't realise that he'd been on most of the trail before; the cover of darkness!

 

Next week

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell. It is Independence Day in the USA and, accordingly, there is a theme for the evening: come dressed as something American. The American theme will extend to the food as well as burgers will be on the barbecue. Hares are Shitfaced and Bluebird.

 

On-On to next week.