TVH3 The Words for 29th August 2022

Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell Run No. 1932

HARES: Shitfaced & Cheerio Beerio

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Cheerio Beerio, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Bluebird, Hotlips, Zoot, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Coldtits, Teapot, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Beefy, Pisswell, Ernie, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Poacher, Mouldy Dick, Rent Boy, Just Cumming, Rise 'n' Shine, Teararse, Mateus Rose, Flying Pig (Stupedo Torpedo), Manhole (from Mexico), Pulp Fiction and U Bend.

 

The Circle

Bank holidays can be a bit hit and miss regarding turnout. About 20 years ago, McWot set a trail on the August bank holiday which attracted a single hasher. Such was not the case on this evening as the number eventually swelled to 32. This included returnees Rent Boy, Mouldy Dick, Poacher, Flying Pig, and Just Cumming plus a visitor, Manhole, all the way from Mexico.

 

Shitfaced fibbed and said that there were a Walkers', Shorts', and Longs' trails of 3.5, 4.5, and 6.5 miles respectively. There were three Long/Short splits. The Walkers would have to follow the Shorts' trail until they came to a "W" - self-explanatory. There were more porkies regarding what you should do if you pass a pub i.e. go in and T-Humper will give you a drink.......hmmmmmmmmm!

 

Smellie needed hares for early October and Man-Pig gave a positive update on how Doris was getting on at Croft Lodge care home in Teignmouth.

 

Finally, Soapy gave details of next week's hash in Bovey Tracey. It would be a red dress run in memory of departed hashers with all collection proceedings going to the mental health charity - SHOUT.

 

The Trail

Cheerio Beerio had been seen out and about, with the kids, on Sunday lunchtime. She was carrying a water bottle full of flour. She was dutifully laying the Shorts' trail with the assistance/hindrance of Darcy and Evie. The Longs would have to wait till Monday to get laid.

Bluebird, Flying Pig, and Poacher led the charge down the footpath next to the pub and onto Newton Road. After 100 yards, we came to the first Long/Short split at the bottom of Coffinswell Lane. The Longs looped up Coffinswell Lane, along Bushmead Avenue, and then down Priory Avenue to rejoin the Shorts and Walkers on Newton Road.

 

The second Long/Short split took the Walkers and the Shorts along Cole's Lane whilst the Longs carried onto the Barn Owl and returned to the village via Aller Road and the Old Newton Road.

 

At the narrows, the trail bore right and up onto Maddacombe Road and the final Long/Short split at the car park for Kerswell Downs. The Longs embarked on the third and last loop; along Maddacombe Road, under the railway bridge, left at Maddacombe Cross and onto Bickley Road where we caught up with Poacher. No marks at the entrance to Whilborough Down so it was carry on along to Bickley Mill Inn. Here an arrow took us left and up Mill Lane and into North Whilborough.

 

A left and a right had us join up with the Shorts' trail which followed Whilborough Road to our first check on Moles Lane. It had already been kicked out - straight across and down Gourders Lane and then left along Edginswell Lane and back onto Yon Street.

 

At this point, we caught up with Joystick's son, Flying Pig, who appears to have changed his hash name to Speedo Torpedo. But where was the Bird? Still not in sight....the cheating FRB - but later denied by the recovering athlete who purported to have been on trail the entire evening.

 

A simple run down Yon Street and right at the first bridge and the "On home" up Rose Hill and along Fore Street and back to the pub. 5.36 of your English country miles recommended to be washed down with several pints of Yellow Hammer.

 

The Down-Downs

Thank the pub for the beer.

What did we think of the trail? Too flat. Too hilly. Too short. Too long. The usual really.

 

Smellie had the Hashshit shirt and two stories. The first was about a senior hasher who lured a young harriet off trail and into the woods - Arkangel and Just Cumming.

 

There was a second story. This one concerned Horny giving Pork Torpedo directions as to where to park his van. Now, Pork Torpedo's works van is very big and bright. The village is very small. Nevertheless, on finishing the trail,Horny couldn't remember to whence she'd directed Pork Torpedo. Cue a love ditty from Pork Torpedo on marital bliss!

 

Arkangel had a virtual award to give away. A story from about 3 weeks ago about woodland chicken which turned out to be a colloquialism for magic mushrooms. A down-down for Slip-on-Me accompanied by a highly inappropriate, "She's a little flat chested but all right".

 

Hot Lips had an actual award (Viking horned hat) from a fortnight ago. There unfurled a story about how he's having difficulty running due to knee problems. His new acquaintance from Mexico, Manhole, piped up. I know all about that. I have a fat friend who suffers from the same!". So there we have it. How to win friends and influence people. A down-down for Manhole for being a tad insensitive to her host!

 

One last half to award. In the absence of a hat to give away Man-Pig awarded Soapy a down-down for the premature announcement of his death!

 

POSTSCRIPT by BB

It is horses for courses when it comes to trails and Cheerio Beerio's offering proved ideal for me. The marks were clear and intuitive and for the longs, all on beloved tarmac. Conversely, it was anathema for dear old Poacher but he never complained, bless him. 

 

The absence of checks - one on the long and three reportedly on the short - was also right up my street. When I came upon the solitary check, I was most relieved to find that the shorts had kindly kicked it out and I was able to continue unhindered. My comment to the hares: 'Lovely jubbly!'

 

An amusing theatre in the hash-friendly Nellie occurred. I had asked for a pint of Yellowhammer and having supped half of it, requested a top-up half. The landlord frowned and said: 'I can't do it, you're drinking Legend!' His lady wife realized her mistaka and I had to defuse a possible argument between them (the landlord had heard me ask for a Yellowhammer and was berating her indoors) by coming clean. 'I thought it tasted a bit rich for Yellowhammer and what a wally for not noticing the colour difference!' One Pillock point awarded. 

 

Thanks, hares, a great evening and the icing on the cake was that the injury might be healing at last.

 

Beefy and Pisswell missed the circle but made the trail and pub.

 

Man-Pig was right to query why he hadn't overtaken the Bird, but the absence of checks and trail configuration were against him this time. I did not short-cut - as is my wont - and made the full trail, much to my surprise.

 

Next week

Lower car park Bovey Tracy with Hare, Soapy. This is a red dress run in aid of SHOUT and a memorial run for hashers who are no longer with us. the on-down is The Dolphin.

 

Thank you all, and goodbye from Man-Pig and the Bird.