Lord Nelson, Kingskerswell Run No. 1932
HARES: Shitfaced & Cheerio Beerio
Who
wuz there: Shitfaced, Cheerio Beerio, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Bluebird,
Hotlips, Zoot, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me,
Wetfart, Coldtits, Teapot, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Beefy, Pisswell, Ernie,
Pork Torpedo, Horny, Poacher, Mouldy Dick, Rent Boy, Just Cumming,
Rise 'n' Shine, Teararse, Mateus Rose, Flying Pig (Stupedo Torpedo),
Manhole (from Mexico), Pulp Fiction and U Bend.
The Circle
Bank
holidays can be a bit hit and miss regarding turnout. About 20 years
ago, McWot set a trail on the August bank holiday which attracted a
single hasher. Such was not the case on this evening as the number
eventually swelled to 32. This included returnees Rent Boy, Mouldy Dick,
Poacher, Flying Pig, and Just Cumming plus a visitor, Manhole, all the
way from Mexico.
Shitfaced
fibbed and said that there were a Walkers', Shorts', and Longs' trails
of 3.5, 4.5, and 6.5 miles respectively. There were three Long/Short
splits. The Walkers would have to follow the Shorts' trail until they
came to a "W" - self-explanatory. There were more porkies regarding
what you should do if you pass a pub i.e. go in and T-Humper will give
you a drink.......hmmmmmmmmm!
Smellie
needed hares for early October and Man-Pig gave a positive update on
how Doris was getting on at Croft Lodge care home in Teignmouth.
Finally,
Soapy gave details of next week's hash in Bovey Tracey. It would be a
red dress run in memory of departed hashers with all collection
proceedings going to the mental health charity - SHOUT.
The Trail
Cheerio
Beerio had been seen out and about, with the kids, on Sunday
lunchtime. She was carrying a water bottle full of flour. She was
dutifully laying the Shorts' trail with the assistance/hindrance of
Darcy and Evie. The Longs would have to wait till Monday to get laid.
Bluebird,
Flying Pig, and Poacher led the charge down the footpath next to the
pub and onto Newton Road. After 100 yards, we came to the first
Long/Short split at the bottom of Coffinswell Lane. The Longs looped up
Coffinswell Lane, along Bushmead Avenue, and then down Priory Avenue
to rejoin the Shorts and Walkers on Newton Road.
The
second Long/Short split took the Walkers and the Shorts along Cole's
Lane whilst the Longs carried onto the Barn Owl and returned to the
village via Aller Road and the Old Newton Road.
At
the narrows, the trail bore right and up onto Maddacombe Road and the
final Long/Short split at the car park for Kerswell Downs. The Longs
embarked on the third and last loop; along Maddacombe Road, under the
railway bridge, left at Maddacombe Cross and onto Bickley Road where we
caught up with Poacher. No marks at the entrance to Whilborough Down
so it was carry on along to Bickley Mill Inn. Here an arrow took us
left and up Mill Lane and into North Whilborough.
A
left and a right had us join up with the Shorts' trail which followed
Whilborough Road to our first check on Moles Lane. It had already been
kicked out - straight across and down Gourders Lane and then left along
Edginswell Lane and back onto Yon Street.
At
this point, we caught up with Joystick's son, Flying Pig, who appears
to have changed his hash name to Speedo Torpedo. But where was the
Bird? Still not in sight....the cheating FRB - but later denied by the
recovering athlete who purported to have been on trail the entire
evening.
A
simple run down Yon Street and right at the first bridge and the "On
home" up Rose Hill and along Fore Street and back to the pub. 5.36 of
your English country miles recommended to be washed down with several
pints of Yellow Hammer.
The Down-Downs
Thank the pub for the beer.
What did we think of the trail? Too flat. Too hilly. Too short. Too long. The usual really.
Smellie
had the Hashshit shirt and two stories. The first was about a senior
hasher who lured a young harriet off trail and into the woods -
Arkangel and Just Cumming.
There
was a second story. This one concerned Horny giving Pork Torpedo
directions as to where to park his van. Now, Pork Torpedo's works van
is very big and bright. The village is very small. Nevertheless, on
finishing the trail,Horny couldn't remember to whence she'd directed
Pork Torpedo. Cue a love ditty from Pork Torpedo on marital bliss!
Arkangel
had a virtual award to give away. A story from about 3 weeks ago about
woodland chicken which turned out to be a colloquialism for magic
mushrooms. A down-down for Slip-on-Me accompanied by a highly
inappropriate, "She's a little flat chested but all right".
Hot
Lips had an actual award (Viking horned hat) from a fortnight ago.
There unfurled a story about how he's having difficulty running due to
knee problems. His new acquaintance from Mexico, Manhole, piped up. I
know all about that. I have a fat friend who suffers from the same!".
So there we have it. How to win friends and influence people. A
down-down for Manhole for being a tad insensitive to her host!
One
last half to award. In the absence of a hat to give away Man-Pig
awarded Soapy a down-down for the premature announcement of his death!
POSTSCRIPT by BB
It
is horses for courses when it comes to trails and Cheerio Beerio's
offering proved ideal for me. The marks were clear and intuitive and
for the longs, all on beloved tarmac. Conversely, it was anathema for
dear old Poacher but he never complained, bless him.
The
absence of checks - one on the long and three reportedly on the short -
was also right up my street. When I came upon the solitary check, I
was most relieved to find that the shorts had kindly kicked it out and I
was able to continue unhindered. My comment to the hares: 'Lovely
jubbly!'
An
amusing theatre in the hash-friendly Nellie occurred. I had asked for a
pint of Yellowhammer and having supped half of it, requested a top-up
half. The landlord frowned and said: 'I can't do it, you're drinking
Legend!' His lady wife realized her mistaka and I had to defuse a
possible argument between them (the landlord had heard me ask for a
Yellowhammer and was berating her indoors) by coming clean. 'I thought
it tasted a bit rich for Yellowhammer and what a wally for not noticing
the colour difference!' One Pillock point awarded.
Thanks, hares, a great evening and the icing on the cake was that the injury might be healing at last.
Beefy and Pisswell missed the circle but made the trail and pub.
Man-Pig was right to query why he hadn't overtaken the Bird, but the
absence of checks and trail configuration were against him this time. I
did not short-cut - as is my wont - and made the full trail, much to
my surprise.
Next week
Lower
car park Bovey Tracy with Hare, Soapy. This is a red dress run in aid
of SHOUT and a memorial run for hashers who are no longer with us. the
on-down is The Dolphin.
Thank you all, and goodbye from Man-Pig and the Bird.
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