TVH3 The Words for 17th October 2022

Teignmouth Rugby Club

 

Run No. 1939

 

HARE: Polyfella

 

Who wuz there: Polyfella, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Bluebird, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Wet Johnny, Wet Johnny's son, Wet Johnny's son's friend, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Coldtits, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell, Teapot, Wetfart, Warmfront, Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Ernie, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Fukarewe, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Hotlips, Zoot, Bobbiball, Mateus Rose, Rise 'n' Shine, U Bend, Swinger and Piddler.

 

The Circle

The circle commenced with Smellie requiring a Hare for 14th November. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words and, not for the first time, Bluebird was the agent of his own downfall. A spooky wave of his hand confirmed that he'd volunteered as scribe.....despite looking decidedly under the weather.

 

Polyfella was dressed as a Bavarian in aid of Oktoberfest, although Man-Pig thought he was promoting Swiss cheese and yodelling. 

 

The description of the trail was brief. Long 6. Shorts 4. Walkers about two and a half. Most importantly, there was a beer stop near the end of the trail, "Fill your boots!". Additionally, we would be waited on by a beer wench with "Big Jugs!" What more could the Hash wish for?

 

The Trail (Longs)

1939 "Oh dear. Oh dear." (King Charles III) The outbreak of war. And so it seemed for this auspicious run number as the first mile was undertaken at breakneck speed. Initially, Man-Pig led the pack left out of the rugby club and along the A379 towards the Shaldon Bridge where we crossed to the north side of the A379 and continued towards Newton Abbot.

 

Warmfront took the lead with photographer, Beefy, in hot pursuit. Man-Pig and Arkangel commented on how effortless Warmfront's running was as she disappeared into the distance. We almost overshot an arrow that took us along the footpath that runs along the edge of Broadmeadow.

 

The next mile was excruciatingly fast....well under 10 minutes. Warmfront leading along the narrow footpath where a dozen or so fallen fence panels had to be negotiated as well as criss-crossing the partially exposed cast iron water main that is supposed to be submerged below the path....but isn't! Beefy occasionally stopping to take a snap or two. Man-Pig running as hard as he could with someone breathing down his neck. This proved to be Wet Johnny with Big End a short way behind.

 

By the time we'd reached Coombe Way, the Pig and Big End were knackered. This was where the Walkers'/Long Short split was. The Walker's went right whilst the Longs' and Shorts' trails went left and uphill. Wet Johnny, son and son's friend had caught up and, after 500 metres, we came to our second check. A footpath to the right looked promising and took us up towards Ashhill Farm. Here we came to a Long/Short split with the Longs heading left, down Old Walls Hill and into the upper reaches of Bishopsteignton.

 

The marks were close and clear as we were directed down Radway Street and Radway Hill then right along Fore Street and up Clanage Street eventually arriving at another Long/Short split near the Old Commercial Inn. 

 

We carried on up Smith Hill where Warmfront ran out of electricity. "I'll have to run with you" suggested Warmfront to Big End. "Not at that f***ing pace you won't", thought Big End - but said nothing. His face was a picture. Man-Pig saved the day with a spare torch and that was the last we saw of Beefy and Warmfront till the beer stop.

 

The trail did a tight, conservative style, U-turn onto Teignview Road. As feared, arrows now took us up the steep footpath past Radway Farm and onto Humber Road. We entered the Humber Down plantation that runs along the edge of the road and then exited back onto Humber Road. A right followed by a left and then an arrow into White Copse and the picnic area where Bobbiball celebrated his birthday last year. The footpath looks entirely different by night. Lots of soft leaves and tree roots which are perilous when wet. Fortunately, tonight it was bone dry.

 

Leaving the woods we came across the Hare near the Golf Club; we were offered a shortcut which we declined.

 

A steep downhill whence we'd been, Old Walls Hill, before the trail took us left and into a field of cattle followed by a recently tilled and seeded field. Calls to the right of us. It was the Hare guiding us onto Shepherds Lane.

 

A long downhill took us to its junction with Coombe Way at Headway Cross. Left and downhill again along Headway Cross Road, past Slip-on-Me, Ablesemen, Mateus Rose and Rise'n'Shine and into the western outskirts of Teignmouth. Straight across and then right into Coombe Vale Road where we caught up with Archangel. 

 

At last an arrow pointed down some steps to a very welcome drinks stop at a period Victorian terraced property - chez Polyfella.

 

The final leg was a left at the bottom of the first flight of steps and the "On Home" marked at Westbrook Avenue. A great trail and, also, the fastest trail of the year.....Big end and I will take a while to recover!

 

The Trail (Shorts)

The four mile short (exact to the yard) was interesting for a number of reasons I would rather not relate.

 

My grateful thanks go to Hornie for assisting me when I was in some distress. Forrest and Perry accompanied me for the rest of the trail and we had our share of adventure. 

 

Exiting the field of cattle homeward bound, Forrest took what I thought was a false step and tumbled over, adding further pain to his back injury. As I went to help him up, I stepped into a hole and ended up alongside Forrest. The ground by the stile was pock-marked with holes and we called out a warning to Well Hopped as she approached with Ned. 

 

Through and around a crop field we proceeded and just before reaching the road, Forrest's ski foot got stuck in the mud but fortunately, he stayed upright.

 

Swinger passed us as we descended back into town and Forrest kept me going until we hit a cross which proved to be outside Polyfella's abode and beer stop. Quite a few hashers were already there and supping the Deck Hand.

 

There was another casualty. Piltown informed me that Georgie had taken a tumble and grazed both palms on the unforgiving tarmac. I trust it is not too serious and heals up without infection.

 

Bobby was not in the bar when I got back and, as he had my money, the Grand Master most kindly lent me his card to get a drink and some chips.

 

The downdowns were a bit of a blur but I enjoyed the atmosphere. I was very happy to get my Bluebird baseball hat back unharmed - thank you Pork Torpedo.

 

I have taken on board the wise advice given by Pork Torpedo and Archangel and will be more careful next time.

 

Thank you Polyfella for the trail and hospitality.

 

The Down-Downs

Fukarewe Bat Hat to Hotlips "Come inside"; Songmeister "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Pork Torpedo horned hat to Slip-on-Me "do you live here or are you just a charitable beer stop?" Songmeister, "She a little flat chested.....".

 

Pork Torpedo lost property to Bluebird (stuffed down his trousers).

 

Bobbiball almost to himself for mobile phone ringing in The Circle but trumped by Smellie's on trail trip to Morrisons for her weekly shop! Songmeister, "Wrap you lips around my meat....".

 

Last quarter of a pint to the Hare for an excellent trail and beer stop.

 

Next week

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell. IPood's "18th birthday. Hare, Shitfaced and "friends".

 

On-On to next week.