TVH3 The Words for 24th October 2022

The Park Inn, Kingskerswell

iPood's 18th birthday hash - Run No. 1940

 

HARE: Shitfaced and "friend"

 

Who wuz there: Shitfaced, Man-Pig, iPoo'd, Archangel, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Slip-on-Me, Threesum, Pisswell, Soapy, Melonpicker, Teapot, Wetfart, Warmfront, Big End, Well-Hopped, Ned, Strap-On, Piddler, U-Bend, Hotlips, Zoot, Bobbiball (pub only) & pub staff Park'n'Ride and T-Humper.

 

The Circle

The circle commenced with Smellie reiterating her request for a Hare for 14th November - and thereafter - 5 slots left till the end of the year. Man-Pig requested a volunteer for the Words. No takers. Ah well!

 

Man-Pig described the trail: "Walkers' 3. Shorts' 5. Longs' 6. Judicious use of flour means that marks are few and far between. On the Shorts' trail, if you find yourself on a long, flat broad track - keep going. Ergo, on the Longs', if you find yourself going uphill on another wide track, as long as you're still going uphill you're on trail".

 

And with that, we were off.

 

The Trail (see map attached - courtesy of Streetmap)

Despite the forecast, the weather was dry and ridiculously mild for the time of year. A zig-zag through the village to the Hungry Horse/Clipper via a couple of checks kept the pack together.

Then it was up Coffinswell Lane, over the top, and into Coffinswell. Another couple of checks en route kept Warmfront and Big End busy whilst a late Pisswell caught us up. Another check by the Linney pub had the pack grinding to a halt before turning left and going uphill, past Connybeare and Blue Hills (the latter famous for its helicopter - regrettably now sold).

 

During this stretch, I had a conversation with Archangel and Melonpicker about the weekend's rugby. The Chiefs had so very nearly beaten Saracens on Saturday afternoon. But the weekend's highlight was Gloucester's Adam Hastings drop goal against London Irish.

 

Just before reaching the back road between Newton Abbot and the top of Torquay near Barton Hall, we came to the Long / Short and Walkers' split. The Longs went straight ahead and down a rutted track towards Haccombe House. The Shorts' and Walkers' tracked across a field to the Walkers'/Shorts' split. The Walkers' returned towards Coffinswell whilst the Shorts' took them down Long Lane and towards Centrax on the Milber trading estate.

 

Sweeping the Longs, I could see torchlight in front of me. This was just near the stone arch at Drum Cottage. I guessed it was Pisswell with Warmfront out of sight at the head of the pack. I was wrong. To my amazement, it was Smellie.

 

"Are you meant to be on the Long?" enquired the Pig.

 

"No".

 

"Well, you are now".

 

We continued on the Longs' trail past a couple of kicked-out checks. The single-track road between Netherton and Haccombe House is pretty straight and level. By the time we reached this road, we could see two torches and a blue glowing collar 300 yards distant. This was Big End, Ned and Well Hopped checking out the next junction. Despite offering an unmarked shortcut, Smellie elected to commit to the Long and kept up a pretty impressive pace. This, despite a continually slipping knee support.

 

For the next two miles, we could just keep the shadows of the leading torches within sight. At Netherton, arrows took us up the interminably long, and suitably named, Hiller Hill. This took us up to the Milber industrial estate where we rejoined the Shorts. As expected, all the checks had been kicked out by the Shorts who, by rights, should have been a mile in front of us.

 

By the time we dropped down into Kingskerswell, behind the quarry, we'd caught up with one of the FRB's - Pisswell. Smellie had done incredibly well taking on an unplanned Long for the first time in ages, and with a dodgy knee. Fortunately, there were no supermarkets en route this week to distract her!

 

Back in the pub, a headcount revealed an anomaly. Not everyone was back. It then transpired that Big end and Well Hopped had the kids for half term and had needed to get back to relieve the babysitter - probably Roger the Dodger. But still, one person missing - Archangel. Twenty minutes later, Archangel appeared. He had walked the Long! Well done.

 

The Down-Downs

Bat Hat from Hotlips to U-Bend for proposing a Threesome to well, err, Threesum, and Soapy; a note for the sex pest.

 

Horned hat from Slip-on-Me to iPoo'd for engaging her as the kitchen assistant; a note for Egon Ronay.

 

Smellie's hashshit shirt to iPoo'd on the occasion of her 18th birthday; all the right notes - not necessarily in the right order.

 

Final half pint to Shitfaced for being joint Hare.

 

Postscript

I cannot let Man-Pig's efforts be omitted from the words.

The advertized 'Shitfaced and friends' jolly hare trio failed to materialize as I was still laid low.

Man-Pig had planned both the long and short trails and had sent the maps to me, making my email to him all the more difficult..

 

With the GM marking the walkers' trail, MP took on both trails, sending an email after some three and a half hours stating that at least he had a couple of hours to recover before the circle.

Man-Pig then went round the six-mile long once more, before R A'ing proceedings from the Park. 

 

Undoubtedly, the hero - not now unsung - of the hour, as all will agree. 

 

You may not have had a downdown, MP, but rest assured, I will get you a pint next time.

 

Next week

Newfoundland Way car park, Newton Abbot with Hare Soapy. this is the Halloween Hash so fancy dress is mandatory. the On-down is the pub opposite the car park "12-21". Please order your food before the run.

 

On-On to next week. MP