TVH3 The Words for 21st November 2022

The Cridford Inn, Trusham (cancelled fireworks hash)

Run No. 1944

 

Alternatively, "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?"

 

HARES: Forrest Stump & Man-Pig

 

Who wuz there: Forrest Stump, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Cheerio Beerio, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Wet Johnny, Fallen Woman, Deep Semen, Strap-On, Warm Front and virgin Amy.

 

Preface

The weather forecast for the postponed bonfire and firework hash was even worse than that on the night of the originally penned 7th November. Accordingly, the Hares made a decision on the Sunday morning to cancel the fireworks and bonfire. Credit to Shitfaced and Bluebird for getting this information up on the TVH3 Facebook page within 20 minutes of having been contacted by the Hares.

 

Plan B was to move the On-Down to the Cridford Inn. Even better, was the fact that the very accommodating landlord, Paul, agreed to take Forrest's Roadkill stew and French bread and to serve it up at the pub. But what to do with the four dozen bottles of beer that Forrest had bought especially for the bonfire night at Tinkley Bottom.....Christmas raffle draw prizes?

 

Sure enough, we awoke to gale force winds and horizontal rain on the day of the Hash. Forrest had reviewed the weather forecast. There was a potential break in the weather at midday.

 

The Hares met at the Cridford Inn at midday, agreed a trail, and promptly set off to lay it. But where to put the marks? The soil was saturated, some stretches of road were more like streams than parts of the public highway network. Nevertheless, we persevered and got some sort of a trail laid; and all in dry weather. 

 

There was a Walkers', a Shorts' and a Longs' but the marks were saturated. These marks were going to be jolly difficult to see in the dark to be sure. The question was, who would turn up with such a foreboding forecast, further compounded by the late change of venue?

 

The Circle

As it turned out, fifteen hardy hashers made it to the Cridford Inn in good time to secure parking in the limited space of the pub's car park. Who was this turning up late? It was Warmfront....in a car! She usually cycles from Chudleigh. I don't think I've ever seen her in a car before. The reason became apparent as not one, but two blondes alighted from the chariot. Warmfront had brought her friend Amy for her virgin Hash. What on earth was she going to make of it?

 

GM Shitfaced called the circle to order. The only announcements were that Fallen Woman was collecting money for the fish and chips at her hash on 12th December. If Hashers hadn't got cash, she would provide her bank account details in the pub after the run. Additionally, Smellie advised that all dates in 2023 were now available for filling. Nobody wanted to do the Words and, as it transpired, only two Hashers managed to find and complete any of the three trails!!!

Forrest Stump advised that the pub would be serving his Roadkill stew at £5 a head, and then we were off.

 

Statistics

What should have happened:

1. Some Hashers should have done the Walkers' trail.

2. Some Hashers should have done the Shorts' trail.

3. The balance of Hashers should have done the Longs' trail.

 

What actually happened:

1. No trail: do not do any of the trail at all - Shitfaced decided to stay in the pub and drink beer until everyone was back. (1)

2. Walkers: do a bit of the trail, wander around a bi and walk back to the pub - this included Fallen Woman, Piltdown Man and Georgy Porgy. (3)

3. Shorts: start off slow; follow the Hare (assuming that he knows where he's going); overshoot a cross and carry on without marks for 2.1 miles before turning around and retracing one's steps back to the pub. The misled ones comprised Cheerio-Beerio, Strap-On and Smellie. (3)

4. Trying to make amends on the Shorts: as above but at least attempting to do the Shorts when we got back on trail. The culprits were Man-Pig and Pisswell. Even then they didn't complete the Shorts as a wet and chilled to the bone Forrest-Stump suggested making a beeline back to the pub. We didn't take much convincing. (2)

5. The Longs: just like the Shorts, the Longs fell into two categories. The first category was for those who just can't get enough of the hash and have to go the extra mile...or 3 miles in this case. In fairness, the shortsighted ones were on trail for over 50% of the time. They missed a check at the top of the lane that leads down to the notorious ravine. This meant that they carried on all the way down Farley Hill before looping round, uphill, to the pub. The long distance trio were made up by Deep semen, Beefy and Wet Johnny. (3)

6. The Longs, no deviations, 100% on trail all the time: this was Warmfront and Amy. Admittedly, Warmfront was on home turf (or should that be water?) but how on earth did they manage it? Congratulations. (2)

7. And finally, Forrest marshalling the Walkers and waiting for the lost Shorts makes a total of 15 all accounted for.

So, in summary, there were only two Hashers who managed to make it around any of the marked trails. Really, you couldn't make this up.

 

The Trail

Appalling. We will redo it again in the Summer when we can see what we're doing.

 

The Down-Downs

Forrest once again commenced proceedings by thanking the pub for the beer and for serving up his roadkill stew. Sterling service from a very Hash friendly pub. Thank you, Paul.

 

As the two hares are the usual RA's, we suggested that Fallen Woman might want to do the RA'ing for the evening. It just didn't register. We all smiled and giggled as we repeated the suggestion. No response. Fallen Woman was obviously in deep conversation with Pisswell and had no idea that she'd been nominated to RA. At the third time of asking, she refused. Much merriment all round.

 

Deep Semen had the Hashshit shit from the previous week. In true hash fashion, he opted to wear it around a very damp trail. I pitied the poor devil who was going to get this. Amazingly, despite leading the Shorts astray on my own trail for nearly four miles, I wasn't even mentioned in despatches.

 

Fallen Woman was the first potential candidate for stating that she was "....after a length", in the Circle. But it was not be. We had two officers from the meteorological office in our midst - Warmfront and Amy.

 

Before the run, Deep Semen had asked them if it was going to rain during the run? One said "Yes" the other said "No". Our virgin Amy got the wet Hashshit shirt on her very first run. I've never seen this before in thirty five years of hashing! Her misdemeanour, an incorrect weather forecast.

 

The Hares got the following two halves of beer. This time Fallen Women led the chorus of, "Here's to the Hares...."

 

One last half pint of ale to give away, but no awards and no stories. This despite Cheerio-Beerio's efforts to drop Man-Pig in the quagmire. Somehow, in a rather convoluted manner, Smellie got the final down-down for being foolish enough to follow the Hare and still get off trail. A rendition of, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy.....", which woke the landlord.

 

Unfortunately, by the time he appeared the last beer had been drunk. Otherwise he would have received it for his excellent hospitality.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Tucker's Maltings Taphouse, Newton Abbot with Hare Wet-Johnny. The Taphouse does not do food but will allow you to bring food in from takeaway alley which is just round the corner.

 

On-On to next week, MP.