TVH3 The Words for 28th November 2022

 

As posted on Facebook by Beefy:

by Man-Pig

 

Tucker's Taphouse, Tucker's Maltings, Newton Abbot 

 

Run No. 1945

 

HARE: Wet-Johnny

 

Who wuz there: Wet Johnny, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Arkangel, Cheerio Beerio, Hotlips, Zoot, Ollie (Hot Lips' son), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, AA, Raff-as-Fuk, U-Bend, Fallen Woman, Able Semen, Slip-on-Me, Melonpicker, Soapy, Pork Torpedo, Horny, Big End, Ned, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Strap-On, Broadshit, Scott (virgin), Wetfart, Amy & Bobbiball (pub only.)

 

The Circle

Announcements were almost exclusively about money. Fallen Woman wanted money for the Brixham fancy/Christmas dress fish'n'chips run on 12 December. Shitfaced wanted money for the TVH3 Christmas party on 10 December. Man-Pig didn't want money but a volunteer for the Words....usual response.

 

Smellie didn't want anything as she wasn't there to do the Hareraising; her train was running late apparently. But not as late as her train to Brixham for the South Hams pre-Christmas bash. Oh no, that train was running 70 years late!

 

Nevertheless, Shitfaced confirmed that all dates were available in 2023. It was unclear as to whether this referred to Smellie's availability to go on a date, or opportunities for hashers to get laying! Sign up quickly to avoid disappointment.

 

Over to the Hare. Wet-Johnny explained that there would be a common bit of trail on both the outward and return legs. Hence don't be surprised to see dots on both sides of the track, cycle ,path, road etc. There was a Longs', Shorts', and Walkers' trail. There was also a sweetie stop. Longs' could be 5 or 6,, Shorts' 3 and Walkers' 2 miles.

 

The Tap House does not do food but feel free to visit takeaway Ali and Ali's kebab shop. I never knew Cheerio had so many strings to her bow. Big portions assured.

 

The Trail

Whatever Wet-Johnny had in store, it was bound to be better than last week's abomination. As it turned out, all of this evening's hashers managed to make one of the laid trails. Even if it took one lone hasher till 9.45 to return to the On-Down.

 

The Longs were sent back towards takeaway alley before turning left under the railway bridge and heading for Brunel Industrial estate. As we passed under the bridge, a Mercedes AMG 55 E-class estate roared through. What an echo from the 5-litre V8.

 

The Long proved to be a loop through the industrial estate. This took us down to the banks of the Teign estuary before rejoining the Shorts' and Walkers' at the new bridge that takes pedestrians and cyclists onto the newish (about 12 years old now) cycle path that runs alongside the eastern edge of Newton Abbot racecourse.

 

Beefy was running ahead and taking photos. Pisswell was a little slower than usual as she was still recovering from a bicycle accident. Returnee Broadshit and virgin Scott were near the tail end of the Long with ex-virgin Amy not too far ahead. RAF (Raf as Fuk) was long gone.....never did see AA either!

 

Along the back of the racecourse, I overtook Smellie who had had to catch the train from Teignmouth to make this week's hash in Georgy Porgy and Piltdown's absence. Piltdown is pretty poorly with flu.

 

At the second Long/Short split, I just passed Ablesemen and Slip-on-Me before the paths of the Longs' and the Shorts' diverged. 

 

Heading towards the Passage House Hotel, I passed the demon duo of Wetfart and Melonpicker, soon followed by the trio of Roger the Dodger, Well-Hopped and Ned.

On we coursed through the Passage House car park and onto Hackney Lane before the final Long/Short split.

 

The final Long was a long loop that followed the public footpath towards the Teignmouth Road. This crosses two fields and then a dogleg across Teignmouth Road and onto Coombeshead Road.

 

I passed Arkangel in the first field. That would be the last that I, or anyone else from the Hash, would see of him till 9.45!

 

In the far distance, along Coombeshead Road, I could make out flickering torchlight. Someone quite quick but I couldn't quite make out who. But I did recognise the top. It was the Hashshit shirt. This must be ex-virgin Amy dutifully adorning the Hashshit shit on only her second Hash!

 

The trail took us onto the footbridge over the A380 and into Kingsteignton. The trail then turned left down Vicarage Hill before an arrow had us turning right and up Longsford Lane.

By this time, I had caught up with Amy. Another 600 yards and another arrow had us going left, crossing Longford Lane and running up Golvers Hill Road. This exited just behind the car park to the Bell Inn.

 

An arrow had us crossing Fore Street and running down Church Street with the leat running along one edge. Into the churchyard where Beefy was, once again, on photographic duty. Two snaps later, we were back on trail and following the footpath that crosses Greenhill Way and back into Hackney Marshes. 

 

It wasn't long before we arrived back at the junction of the second Long/Short split. Here Wet-Johnny was merrily handing out Cadbury's Celebrations and also ensuring that no-one went around the trail again!

 

Then it was back up the cycle path next to the racecourse where we had been some 25 minutes earlier. We passed Ablesemen, Slip-on-Me, Melon-Picker, Rodger the Dodger, Ned and Big End for the second time.

 

At the far side of the new bridge over the canal, there were two "OH" signs clearly pointing back towards the canal and the shortest route back to the On-Down. But hold! What's this I spy in the yonder distance? 'Tis Wetfart re-entering the Brunel estate in the direction of Sainsburys.

Before you could say "ex-virgin", Amy, Beefy, and I were back at the cars. A quick run. It was only 8.30 but excellent marks kept the pace up.

 

The Down-Downs

Man-Pig led the evening's proceedings but couldn't remember if he'd thanked the pub for the beer...or had Wet-Johnny bought it? Nevertheless, awards were thin on the ground but, as Amy had worn hers all the way around, she was first up to give it to someone equally deserving. Not sure what "story" she came up with although she started with,"Once upon a time.....".

 

Ultimately, the Hashshit shirt went to Wet-Johnny for an excellent trail. Removing his shirt was a revelation. It looked like a huge chest merkin. Accordingly, a note for "Ryan Giggs"!

The birthday cake hat had been returned from Polyfella's run from Teignmouth rugby club. Pork Torpedo awarded this to U-Bend for huffing and puffing his way around the trail. "I was trying to catch you up!" wheezed U-Bend. A short ditty from Pork Torpedo's extensive repertoire ensued.

 

No more awards but two half pints of Edwin Tucker's prize winning beer to give away. Shitfaced dropped Smellie in it for being late and missing the circle. Smellie didn't want a down-down as she's got the Ofsted inspectorate at her college for the next four days.

 

"Please don't give me one", she pleaded. This made matters ten times worse and Pork Torpedo came up with something that ended, ".....so stop your whingeing and get back in the kitchen".

The final half went to Wetfart for ignoring the very large "OH" marks and embarking on an alleged shopping trip to Sainbury's. 

 

However, when he got there they'd sold out. This was because Cheerio-Beerio had got there first.

 

Is this what the hash has come to? An excuse to do your weekly shopping? I blame Smellie....she started it!

 

However, this wasn't quite the end of the evening. We weren't all present and correct. Someone was missing. It was Arkangel. 

 

Slip-on-Me wondered if he'd taken a tumble into the canal. A seriously concerned Wet-Johnny dragged Man-Pig into the car park to ID his Honda Jazz...still parked. Hence he was still out on trail.

 

Wet-Johnny dutifully started checking back towards the racecourse. Fortunately, within a few minutes the single torch of a lone hasher could be seen heading towards the "On-Down".

Just like a horse will always find water, a Hasher will always find a pub.....sometimes it's even the On-Down!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from The Abbey Inn, Buckfastleigh with Pisswell Haring.

 

On-On to next week!