TVH3 The Words for 6th February 2023

by Man-Pig

 

The Manor Inn, Galmpton

 

Run No. 1955

 

HARE: U-Bend

 

Who wuz there: U-Bend, Man-Pig, Threesum, Slip-on-Me, Satnav, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Smellie, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Ernie, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Fallen Woman, Coldtits, Big End, Well Hopped, Ned, Teapot & Mouldy Dick (yes - you read it right - Mouldy!).

 

The Circle

No Shitfaced this evening so the Hare, U-Bend, doubled for Shitfaced (hard to believe, but true). Numbers were a little down; perhaps because of the change of venue on Friday night - I do hope that no-one went to the Atmospheric by mistake as they would find it shut on Mondays till 15th April! The road closure on the main road between Paignton Zoo and Churston probably didn't help matters either and, to cap it all, it was rather chilly. 

 

Nevertheless, we had 19 runners/walkers and 1 drinker at the start. However, by the time we had finished the trail the pack comprised:

 

20 runners/walkers

1 hobbler

1 drinker

"How so?" you ask. Read on.

 

U-Bend explained that there was a Long and a Short trail plus the option of two Walkers' trails - a half mile walk or a one and a half mile walk.

 

"Are there any Walkers?"

 

Teapot, now recovered from a bout of covid, and Ablesemen were the only takers for the Walkers' trail(s). The Longs would be about 5 and the Shorts about 4 miles.

 

"Go".

The Trail

 

Misdirections from the Hare in the car park had Man-Pig, Smellie and Pisswell heading towards the windmill on Galmpton Common only to be called back. The rest of the pack were checking it out down Greenway Road. After an early check, we continued down and then up Greenhill Road to the Wakers/Long-Shorts split at the junction with Coombe Lane. The Walkers carried on up Greenway Road and, I assume, turned right down Mill Lane. The Longs and the Shorts turned left and then right onto the uphill track known as Greenway Walk but is, in fact, called Coombe Lane. At it's zenith, there was the first of the two Long/Short splits. The Shorts went right whilst the Longs went left, completing a half mile loop before coming back on themselves and rejoining the Shorts. Accurate marks ensured that even a contraflow system didn't confuse the easily befuddled Longs.

 

I had been a bit tardy at the start and didn't see any lights in front of me on the first Long - not that I'd ever expected to catch up with Beefy and Wet-Johnny. However, crossing open fields I looked back to see two torches some 200 yards behind me. One was definitely Pisswell and the other would probably have been the late arriving Ernie.

 

Back on the Shorts, the trail followed a public footpath downhill. This rejoins Greenway Road just above the Greenway railway tunnel - although you would only know this by looking at a map. The marks were clear and took us down, past Maypole, and right into the Greenway estate - famous for being Agatha Christie's home. At the rear entrance to the estate, I caught up with Threesum, Satnav and Piltdown Man.

 

The trail then took a right across an open field high above the River Dart. Had it been a summer run the view would have been spectacular. Here I caught up with the Hare before the trail entered Down Copse and the track that descends down to Greenway Road again; this time at the entrance to Greenway Tunnel near Greenway Halt on the Paignton to Kingswear steam railway. Arrows took us straight across to follow a public footpath down a steep open field. At the bottom, I could see torchlight and hear Beefy calling. Soon I'd caught up with Coldtits. This was where we had to jump across small stream and exit onto an old track that skirts around the bottom of Brim Hill. This track meets up with Mill Lane - the Walkers' trail - but the Walkers had long since gone.

 

Eventually, the dirt track gives way to tarmac as we headed downhill and to the second, and final Long/Short split at Galmpton Creek. Here I caught up with a hobbling Beefy. A twisted ankle in Down Copse - ouch. Beefy sensibly elected to go Short. To my left, on the other side of the quay, I could see a solitary torch. This was Smellie just about to commence the uphill trek which follows a public footpath across two fields before ending at Stokegabriel Road. A quick "Hello" and "Goodbye" to Smellie as I made my way up to Stokegabriel Road where an arrow had us going right and down Port Hill for a straight run back to the On-Down.

 

At the bottom of Port Hill, I met up, again, with Beefy. At least he was still moving. It wouldn't take long to get cold with the temperature hovering just above zero - but we were almost home.

 

The Down-Downs

Amazingly, and despite lower than usual numbers, three awards were within our midst. Additionally, we had gained Ernie who had arrived late but had completed the trail on his own without issue. This is always the sign of a good lay when a solitary hasher can navigate his way around without too much trauma. We had also gained Coldtits en-route but I am sure that she wasn't present in the Circle.

 

Ladies first. So Piswell stepped up to award the Baby Bat Hat. There was no long story or introduction. The bat (and hat) went flying towards Manopause, very nearly knocking his (3rd) pint over. His misdemeanour? Turning up for the beer and not the trail. A note for the beerfly.

Next up was Beefy. He had the jester's hat and he had a story; the story of a frustrated individual impersonating a disgruntled NHS worker. With overtones reminiscent of Basil Faulty beating his broken down Austin 1100 with a small branch, this Harriet was having a problem of her own. On reaching a gate which would not open she was heard to cry out, "Right. I'm beginning to lose my patients with you now!"

 

A note for the "Non-Doctor" as Smellie took her punishment.

 

The final award was from Man-Pig. It was the Turkish wedding cap. This he simply gave to Beefy on the occasion of the first time that the Pig had overtaken Beefy. In fairness, this feat of athleticism had only been made possible by Beefy having turned his ankle in the woods. There followed a silly little dance by the Pig whilst he lifted his hash shirt to reveal a Scotland RFU T-shirt underneath....and some inane comment about the Calcutta Cup.

 

We were just about to thank the pub for the beer when Teapot stepped in:

 

"Not so fast. We still have an award".

"We do?"

 

Teapot went on to explain that Mouldy Dick was gracing us with his presence because it was his birthday the following day. As per usual, all the right notes in the wrong order. However, we'd run out of beer. The look of disappointment on Mouldy's face was a picture to behold as he downed two thirds of a pint of water.

 

That concluded matters for the evening....or did it? Just as the tail enders were about to leave the ever welcoming Manor Inn, a member of the bar staff handed the Pig a cordless phone.

"Err. What's going on here?" I thought.

 

"Hello. It's Smellie" Have I left the Jester's hat in the pub?"

 

Before we even had the chance to scour the bar area for the missing item of headwear there was:

 

"OK. I've found it!" over the phone. I rather suspect that we have one of the Down-Downs already assigned for next week!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at Forde Social Club, Newton Abbot. Our Hares for the evening are Soapy and Melonpicker. As it is the eve before Valentine's Day the Hares ask that we all wear something red or pink.

 

On-On to next week!