AWARDS NIGHT
The Wild Goose, Combeinteignhead
Run No. 1959
by our Scribe of the Year Man-Pig
HARES: Man-Pig & Bluebird
Who
wuz there: Man-Pig, Bluebird, Shitfaced, iPoo'd, Cheerio Beerio,
Arkangel, Forrest Stump, Threesum, Soapy, Melonpicker, Polyfella (pub
only?), Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Satnav, Ablesemen, Beefy, Pisswell,
Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Piddler, Coldtits, Gaga-4-it,
Triple Jump, Teapot, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Amy (now Psycho).
Circle
A
very brief circle this evening as we needed to push on. This was in
order to get back to the pub. It was the annual TVH3 Awards' Night. The
pre-run spiel was, indeed, brief. Despite advance notice of there being
no food available at the pub, Shitfaced had arranged for iPoo'd to do
some cooking using the pub's kitchen. We were all going to be treated
to chip butties - courtesy of the Hash. Smellie desperately wanted
Hares for 27th March and 3rd April. I think Smellie secured, well
press-ganged, volunteers for these two dates in the pub afterwards.
Over
to the Hare(s). An unfortunate birth year meant that run 1959 had
fallen to Man-Pig to lay. This was irrespective of the fact that he
wasn't born in 1959. In many respects it was a less than ideal date to
set the trail as it was the day after The Grizzly. If we were to rely on
Bluebird's DOB to assign a trail we would need to borrow Dr Who's
Tardis and turn the clock back to the Edwardian era i.e. Edward the
Confessor.
The
trail had been laid earlier in the afternoon. Bluebird had done the
Walkers' and the Shorts' trails whilst Man-Pig had laid the loop for
the Longs'. Bluebird said that he would return in time for The Awards
but would not be doing the trail as he had to look after Mum. In his
absence, the Pig explained that tonight's trail would be short. There
was a Walkers' of circa 1.5 miles, Shorts' about 2 and the Longs' might
take it up to the 3 mile mark.
"Turn right out of the car park".
Trail
There
was virtually no breeze and the skies were clear. This meant that it
was on the cool side. The following day was going to be a full moon so
the landscape was bathed in a soft glow. The first part of the trail
took us on tracks that led high above Coombeinteignhead and totally
devoid of light pollution. In fact, if you turned your torch off, once
you'd acquired night vision it was possible to complete most of the
trail by the light of the moon.
A
couple of hundred yards out of the car park we came to our first
check. This had been kicked out to the right and we could see torchlight
through the trees as the pack climbed ever upwards to the
Walkers'/Long & Short split. Walkers' to the right, Longs' and
Shorts' to the left. The loop for the Longs' & the Shorts' had to
pass under a fallen cherry tree that almost blocked the track. When
setting the trail, the Bird commented that this might make a good photo
opportunity. Beefy duly obliged by snapping the two Grizzliers from the
previous day.
Upon
reaching the ridge, we came to another check. We were right at the
back of the pack and conducting ourselves at a somewhat leisurely pace.
It was not surprising, therefore, that the check had been kicked out.
But, by whom? In the absence of Wet-Johnny and a hobbling Beefy the
FRB's were likely to be Amy and Pisswell. The trail proceeded due north
back towards Combeinteignhead. The clear skies and full moon provided
lovely views across the mirror calm Teign estuary. Trains could be both
seen and heard as they clackety-clacked their way along the line that
follows the north bank of the estuary between Newton Abbot and
Teignmouth.
The
trail descended down a steep and uneven path and then some dodgy steps
behind Lilac cottage; a torch was necessitated at this point. At the
bottom of the steps, we came to the Long/Short split. Shorts turned
right and straight back to the pub. The Longs went left and found their
first check only some 30 yards away. This had been kicked out up
through the tiny hamlet of Westborough. The trail then followed the
lane upto Westcross and another check. This had been kicked out towards
Netherton House where we came across a back check. The pack only had
to back check 20 yards before picking up the trail on the public
footpath that leads down to Coombe Cellars.
The
trail followed an existing track through one field but, upon passing
into the second field the trail takes a 90 degree turn to the right.
However, none of the hashers chose to follow the flour. Instead they
ran straight on on what, in fairness, was a more well defined track.
Nevertheless, it was an unmarked track. The net result was an
additional 1km of running around three sides of two fields to arrive at
the gate that exits onto the foreshore. The same point could have been
reached in under 400m by following the marks! Never mind.
The
blobs of flour then guided the pack around the boat storage area and
up the narrow lane onto Shaldon Road. At the junction with Shaldon Road
there was no check....the blobs simply followed the road to the right
and downhill back into Combeinteighnhead. This should have resulted in a
trail of about three miles.
Perplexingly,
FRB Amy had clocked up 7.5km; nearly five miles. Where had she been?
Off getting herself a naming as we would soon find out.
Down-Downs
The
short trail meant that we were all back in the pub before 8.30.
Forrest decided to kick-off proceedings before the scoff came out so it
was straight into the Down-Downs.
The
first order of proceedings was to thank the pub for the beer and,
additionally, for opening up just for us on a Monday night. Now, there
is a little story behind the opening of the pub on this particular
Monday. It transpired that the pub had already been pre-booked by
Scenic Route on behalf of Haldon Hash. An exchange of phone numbers and
a couple of calls later, it was all sorted. Scenic Route kindly
deferred to letting TVH3 have the pub for its Awards Night. Thank you
Scenic Route and Haldon Hash.
The
first award went to a rather surprised Grand Master. RA Forrest rebuked
him for failing at the circle to congratulate the Grizzly campaigners
for their efforts the previous day.
Hashshit Shirt:
Coldtits had the shirt from the previous week. This she gave to Soapy
for finding a marble that had been lost on the trail - a slant on losing
one's marbles!
Jester's Hat:
Beeflicker was in possession of this item for having laid an excellent
virgin trail for TVH3 the previous week. Beeflicker had to cast his
mind back some two years to a time when Polyfella had missed out on a
Down-Down. A note for "The Forgetful One".
Horned Hat:
Strap-On, after putting Piddler in the frame for 'invasion of privacy'
coming to his local, the Court Farm, nominated Amy for the DD, citing
her extensive over-checking on the trail. This led to her having a
naming.
Naming:
FRB and part time stripper, Amy, had somewhat overdone the checking.
Nearly five miles covered on a sub three mile trail! How on earth did
you manage it? You must be a psychopath. And so it was as Forrest
christened "Psycho" in the time-honoured Hash tradition.
Run Badge:
someone was in line for a 50th run badge. The Pig suspected, wrongly,
that it was Strap-Dancer. The lucky lady was in fact Gaga-4-it who,
unfortunately, was on crutches. This rather hindered her despatch of a
half pint of water accompanied by "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".
Finally,
we gave a big thank you to the pub for accommodating us before we
settled ourselves in the restaurant area for The Awards presentation.
THE AWARDS 2022
Shitfaced,
appropriately attired as our MC, announced The Awards for the year
ending 31st December 2022 - ably assisted by Threesum. However, this
was before technical issues with wi-fi and software. Shitfaced had
planned to broadcast live, via Facebook, to, amongst others, Wigwam in
Poland; Mavis in New Zealand and bionic Bobby in Paignton. For some
reason, the system wasn't working on Shitfaced's iPhone and Beefy's
Android phone wasn't accessing the Facebook facility in the same
manner.
Shitfaced
introduced the awards with, "What a year it's been". This was in
reference to Rambo's passing...."a true hash legend". Shitfaced asked
Man-Pig to say a few words.
In
a nutshell, Rambo touched us all, especially with his encouragement to
push ourselves always a little further. How many of us over the years
would have even contemplated The Grizzly without Rambo's support? Not
many. Man-Pig also mentioned that it was almost the anniversary of No.
2's passing. They may be no longer with us but the people you really
care about always live on in your heart. So, in a way, they are still
very much alive in our memories.
It
was lovely to see a photo of Rambo at the Memorial Tree on The
Grizzly. Below the photo was Rambo's race number 69. The Grizzly
organisers did not issue it to a runner this year. It was still
reserved for Rambo and Rambo's memory; both apt and touching.
In true Oscaresque fashion, Shitfaced listed the contenders for each award before announcing the winner.
Hash of the Year (Best trail): this went to Pisswell for the Pisswell Farm Hash replete with Devonshire cream tea.
Hare of the Year: candidates comprised Wet-Johnny, Beefy, Man-Pig and Pisswell. The winner was Pisswell
for a string of excellent trails on and around Dartmoor. We really are
getting to the very best of what the Devon countryside has to offer on
these trails.
Newcomer of the Year:
prospectives included last years's winner, Cheerio Beerio, and the
FRB'ing striptease artist Amy........and the winner was....Amy (now Psycho)
On-Down of the Year: and an almost unanimous vote for Broken-Man and Fallen Woman's abode for the Christmas fish'n'chip night.....and that troublesome yard of ale.
Club Hasher of the year
(formerly the Crusher Award): this could have gone to Zoot for
organising Rambo's Celebration of Life. However, the winner was Ablesemen
- and jolly well deserved. Always in the background beavering away,
frequently unseen. But Ablesemen has been the unsung stalwart and
backbone of TVH3 for over 30 years. About time you had an award. Poor
Able was quite overcome with emotion. Something for your mantlepiece
ma'am.
Scribe of the year: there was competition from Soapy and singalong Pisswell but Man-Pig clinched it again - for interminable editions of War and Peace.
Hasher of the Year: Wet-Johnny, Man-Pig and Beefy were in the frame with Beefy emerging victorious.
Harriet of the Year:
maybe this should have been Lost Harriet of the Year? Bizarrely,
Erection was amongst the nominees for this award. But, emerging
victorious was Smellie.
Pillock of the Year:
I think the shortlist comprised Shitfaced for his gout, Forrest,
Man-Pig and Bluebird, well, for just being Bluebird. Almost inevitably,
and probably for being foolish enough to lay an 11 mile hash back in
the summer, our prize pillock was - BLUEBIRD. Never in doubt!
Next week
Next week's Hash is at The Park Inn, Kingskerswell with Cheerio-Beerio and Shitfaced.
Thank you all for coming.
On-On to next week.
