Welcome to the Teign Valley Hash House Harriers of glorious South Devon. You are guaranteed a warm welcome and a great hash experience. We are the 'Party Hash' and we run from pubs all over Torbay, Dartmoor and the Teign Valley every Monday evening at 7.15pm. Our trails are marked with flour, chalk or sawdust and take in woodland, streams, byways, bridle paths and rolling countryside. We cater for all abilities, you needn't worry about keeping up, a leisurely walk with others or a good paced run if you're fit - you choose. The run duration is anything from 30 minutes to an hour and the distance is normally between 3-6 miles depending on whether you decide to take a short or long trail. Your first run is free, so come along and give it a go! After the run hashers enjoy a drink and food in the pub. On many occasions, the pub will lay on a 'Hash Menu', food specially for hashers.


Starts soon after 7:15 pm each Monday.
The Grandmaster will gather the hash together in a circle and welcome Virgins & Visitors to TVH3 and inform the group of pertinent news or upcoming events.
Hares will announce details or the trail, number of long and short splits and regroups.

Down-Downs - sometimes at the circle but usually in the pub after the run. Hashers and harriets (lady hashers) have a half pint and under age hashers have a soft drink or water. If you are driving, just ask the RA for water.

A Down-Down is a means of punishing, rewarding, or merely recognizing an individual for any action or behavior. Once awarded, the downdown must be drunk without pause, otherwise the RA may take action!

Individuals may be recognized for outstanding service, or for their status as a visitor or newcomer.

Down-Downs also serve as punishment for misdemeanours real, imagined, or blatantly made up.

Such transgressions may include: wearing new shoes, pointing with a finger, or the use of real names rather than hash names.

Hash Names

The use of real names (nerd name) during an event is discouraged, and members are typically given a new "hash name," usually in deference to a particularly notorious escapade, a personality trait, or their physical appearance.

Members are named after attending the hash on several occasions or if something noteworthy occurs to prompt a naming.

Other hashers may share stories or observations about the individual, with the final name being chosen by general consensus from all suggestions put forward by the hash.

Completely new to hashing? Don't know what to expect? Worried, shy or nervous? You needn't be as all newcomers or virgins as they are known, will receive a warm welcome. When the hashers are called to make a circle - about 7:15 pm each Monday, the Grand Master will welcome all hashers and after various notices about forthcoming events etc are dealt with, he will ask if there are any visitors from other hashes or virgins present. You will be asked to come forward and be introduced to the hash. A tip to remember, don't wear new trainers as these are frowned upon by the RA (Religious Advisor) and will incur a sprinkling of flour over them. That's all there is to it and you can then step back and enjoy the run and the social get together after in the On Down (the pub). Whatever your pace, there are certain to be others who will keep you company along the trail. Walk, jog or run - it's up to you.
Hashing is all about making friends and having fun, so just turn up any Monday and have a go.

Tuesday 8 August 2023


 .......well, not quite - but almost

TVH3 The Words for 7th August 2023
The Ness Car Park, Shaldon 
Run No. 1981

HARES: Dastardly & Muttley

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Man-Pig, U-Bend, Forrest-Stump, 
Perry, Tamsin (Miss Ing), Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, 
Smellie, Coldtits, Beefy, Pisswell, Fukarewe, Ernie, Piddler, 
Beeflicker, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, 
Rise 'n' Shine, Mateus Rose, Wetfart, 
Bobbiball, Pollyfella, Kermit, Horny, Big End, Well Hopped, 
Well Hopped's son, Roger the Dodger, Fallen Woman, Strap-Dancer, 
Twiggy, Pork Torpedo (pub only) and Andrew (Smellie's friend 
(pub only).

What follows ladies and gentlemen, is a tale of woe, ambition, 
heroics, team play and, hopefully, I pray, reconciliation.

Read on for the full story for, tonight, this was no ordinary 
Teign Valley trail.

The original plan of a summer barbecue on the beach had 
been changed the previous week due to a 
forecast of non BBQ friendly weather. And so it was that 
30 or so Hasher's found themselves at the Ness car park 
waiting on the absent Hare. 
For a third week on the trot, U-Bend was the GM. 
Basically no announcements so over to Hare Raiser Smellie. 
Smellie needs Hares from the end of September onwards.

Over to the Hare. Not present. What can the co-Hare offer? 
Man-Pig admitted to only having been involved in setting 
the last three quarters of the trail. To the best of his 
knowledge, there was no Walkers' trail, no sweetie stop and 
he wasn't quite sure where the Long/Short split was or even 
if it had been marked. Yes, the Pig had been about as useful 
as a chocolate fireguard.

Miraculously, from almost nowhere, a dishevelled, but 
enthusiastic, Bird appeared. He was buzzing 
with excitement. This was going to be a good trail (for most). 
Perhaps a candidate for Best Lay of the Year? 
He brandished a pair of secateurs, shouting that he 
".....had come prepared for all eventualities". 
Once again the secateurs proved to be about as useful 
as the aforementioned chocolate fireguard.

Instructions were simple. "Follow me" as Bluebird gleefully 
hurdled towards the Smugglers' tunnel.

"Oh. By the way Man-Pig. Lay it as we go!"

And so we were off.

The Trail
Well, what had the Bird got in store for us this evening? 
What indeed? The one thing that we could all be reasonably 
assured of was that the trail would most certainly 
not be boring.

We have hashed Bluebird trails for many a year. Bluebird 
always does his best to keep us on our toes
and provide us with something out of the ordinary. 
But this usually comes at a cost. Namely, the trail 
is likely to be challenging.

This trail did not disappoint. In theory the trail was 
simple but definitely not straightforward.
In the absence of a dedicated Walkers' trail, the Walkers 
would have to do their own thing whilst the 
Longs and the Shorts sallied forth into the unknown.

The plan was for the Longs and the Shorts to turn right 
at the end of the Smugglers' tunnel and run 
along the beach; navigate the debris from two cliff falls
and make their way to the aptly named  Rock Flats
 At this point, we would ascend the cliffs to the Hidden 
Valley, the high point of Bluebird's birthday Hash back 
in May. 
Exiting the Hidden Valley, we would be back on 
the cliff path. Bluebird would take the Shorts right and 
continue along the cliff path, past the Ness Golf Club and 
back to the car park. 
Man-Pig would take the Longs on a 
4 mile loop of tracks and pathways down to 
Stoke-in-Teignhead, and then up Millen Lane to the trig 
point at the top of Commons Lane. 
From there it was all downhill back to the car park. 
Simples!. What could possibly go wrong?

Indeed all was well....initially. The trek across 
the boulder fields was painfully slow. This is a potential 
leg breaker and it has to be undertaken carefully, 
very carefully. The sandstone rock is embedded with sharp 
flint. Supporting one's bodyweight with your hands 
is an uncomfortable experience.

Bluebird led the pack whilst Man-Pig swept the rear with 
Melon-Picker for company. 
Traversing the boulder field with a canister of flour in one 
hand was a bit of a handicap. I hate crossing the boulder 
fields at the best of times. 
Part way across the first rockfall Melon-Picker spied 
a seal not 10m offshore...probably sniffing around the 
lobster pots. I actually didn't see it but 
spent some time scanning the calm waters awaiting its 
resurfacing like a miniature submarine - but it was not to be. 
The combination of flour canister and seal gazing meant that 
Melon-Picker and I arrived at the Rock Flats at 
least 10 minutes later than everyone else.
We had regularly looked behind us and had seen no back 
markers. We assumed that the back markers had, sensibly, 
bailed out and were making their way back to the pub.

It was bang on 8.30 when we arrived at the Rock Flats. 
Bluebird was elated.

"Well done. You've all made it. Are you the last?"

"Yes", I replied in all honesty.

Bluebird was beaming from ear-to-ear. 
He had thought, not unreasonably, that he had 
laid a corker of a trail and he was as pleased 
as Punch that everyone had made it safely across 
the rocks.

We ascended the cliffs in single file with the 
assistance of the ropes - some knotted so as to 
provide more grip. Safety first, only one
person was allowed on a roped section at a 
In truth, only the very last 15 feet or so 
truly required the aid of a rope. 
Ten minutes later we were all back on the 
cliff path atthe Long/Short split. 
Tamsin looked at her Garmin. The last mile 
had taken 49 minutes. 
I recalled having done this trail back in about 
2013 when my Garmin recorded an average 
speed of 1.4 MPH. 
No change over the intervening 9 years then!

Despite the time, a goodly number elected to 
do the Long. This comprised Beeficker, Beefy, 
Pisswell, Soapy, Palmolive, Fukarewe, Piddler,
Horny, U-Bend, Tamsin and the Pig. 
However, there must have been others on the 
Long before us as all of the checks had already 
been kicked out. I rather suspect that the FRB 
was probably Pollyfell.
At least we could now stretch our legs for the 
next 4 miles and enjoy a well earned pint in 
the Ferry Boat Inn. I looked at my watch. 
This part of the trail was hilly but potentially 
fast. I estimated ETA at the car park at 9.30 
and having a pint in my hand by 9.45.

Yes, it had been a technically and physically 
challenging trail in parts. Up to this point everything 
had been going swimmingly, and Bluebird could 
justifiably promote this trail as a candidate
for Best Lay of the Year.......well up to 9.23pm.

The last of the Longs' were almost at the bottom of 
Commons Lane. Only a half a mile to go and we'd 
be back at the cars.
I'd just finished laying the lastof the arrows. 
This was just in case there were any 
backmarkers that I didn't know about. Although 
this would be highly unlikely at 9.23pm. Then the 
phone rang and everything changed in an instant.

Catastrophe! Averted?

Who on earth is phoning me at this time? By the 
time that I wrestled the phone from my pocket 
it was silent. A missed call. I looked at the screen. 
Without my glasses is was rather blurred. 
Nevertheless, I could make out a name 
"Mary Sturgess - missed call". It was Coldtits.
This was not a social call at this 
time. My immediate thoughts were, 
"What's gone wrong?" I phoned her back

"Hi Coldtits. It's Man-Pig. Where are you?"

"Hi Man-Pig" replied a positive sounding 
Coldtits. My anxiety eased fractionally.
At the other end of the line was a composed 
Coldtits. No hint of panic. A good start to the 

"We're stuck at the last length of rope and
 can't get up. Ernie is on the Shorts'".

Jeeper's. They've crossed the two boulder 
fields! I was convinced there was no-one behind 

"Who is "We"?" I enquired.

"Me, Georgy Porgy and Piltdown Man".

I was incredulous.

"OK. I'm 10 minutes away. I will come 
back for you now. We will do the best 
we can with torchlight from our phones".

And, with that, I retraced my steps up 
Commons Lane, across the A379 and 
back to Labrador Bay car park and the cliff 
path to the top of the Hidden Valley.
Only 100 yards short of the access to 
the Valley, my phone rings again. It is Coldtits. 
They have made it onto the cliff path. 
60 seconds later I am with 
them. Coldtits is fine. Piltdown Man 
is exhausted and Georgy Porgy appears 
OK but is having dizzy spells.

We make our way up to Labrador Bay
car park and Coldtits asks where my car is.

"In the Ness car park".

With hindsight, it might have been better 
for me to have stayed with the Longs all 
the way back to the 
Ness car park and jumped into my car
and made my way back to Labrador Bay. 
At least then I would 
have had torches and rope. Right now, all I 
had was a half empty container of flour!

I offered to run back and get my car but 
Coldtits said she'd phone for a taxi. 
Regrettably, no answer. 
So we commenced our way back to the Ness
on foot. First along the decidedly dangerous main
road and then onto the top of Common's Lane. 
My phone rings again. It's Smellie but I can't 
hear her. I try to phone back but no answer. 
I then borrow Coldtits' glasses and try phoning 
Bluebird. No luck. I try Forest. we're in luck...comms.

"Where are you?" Enquires Forest.

"The top of Commons Lane".

"Where's that?"

"Near Labrador Bay car park".

"Are the others with you?"


"Ernie, Pisswell and Beefy have gone out to look 
for you in their cars".

"How long ago did they leave?"

"They left the pub 2 minutes ago but I don't have
 Ernie's number".

"Great. I have time to run back to the top of 
Commons Lane and flag them down. Coldtits,
 Piltdown Man and Georgy Porgy are already 
on the Longs' trail, down Commons Lane. We will 
 pick them up en route".

By this time, I am at the top of Commons lane, 
for the fifth time today, I do not have long to 
wait before the cavalry arrives....relief. 
This is in the guise of a bright yellow former 
AA van followed by Ernie and his new Audi. 
I tell Pisswell and Beefy to follow 
Ernie down Commons Lane and we'll pick 
everyone up.

It is not long before everyone is safely recovered
and deposited back at the Ness car park. 
Forrest had thoughtfully collected overcoats from other 
Hashers in the pub and deposited them in Ernie's car lest 
exposure be an issue. Thankfully, they are not 
required. Piltdown is miffed by the overly difficult trail 
and doesn't want to go to the pub, although Smellie 
needs to be collected. Georgy is too tired to care. 
Coldtits just fancies a drink.

Smellie phones again. Working comms this time. 
I give her an update and say that we'll be at the pub in 
5 minutes. No time to change, we jump in Piltdown's 
car and get dropped off at the pub. It is 10.30. 
Last orders have been called and we are being shuffled 
out the door before we've even got in. It is 10.35 
and time for some very late Down-Downs.

Many have already gone home. Pork Torpedo thrusts a 
plastic half pint of ale into the hands of Man-Pig, 
Piltdown-Man and Beefy. No explanations are required.

Man-Pig's Down-Down is for an overly ambitious trail 
and poor sweeping.

Piltdown Man's is for getting overly delayed on trail.

Beefy's is for being part of the rescue party.

Pork Torpedo sings us an apt song but, for the life of me, 
I can't remember what it was. Meanwhile, 
Bluebird catches it all on film for posterity.

That concluded a most eventful evening. Well, not quite. 
There is something called The Management of 
Expectation. It is a curious thing and basically centres 
upon different people's perception and 
interpretation of identical information. 
I do not know what went on in the pub. 
I rather suspect that there would, inevitably, 
have been some leg pulling of Bluebird 
regarding an overly ambitious and potentially 
dangerous trail. At the other end of the spectrum,
several Hashers will have welcomed the challenge 
and onsidered it an excellent trail. 
Certainly the photos of the Hashers clambering over 
the rockfalls reveal smiling faces of Hashers 
relishing the challenge.

Bluebird had put a lot of thought and effort into planning 
tonight's trail. Initially, as a Hash summer BBQ 
and subsequently "The Rockfall Challenge". 
Bluebird lays more than his fair share of trails 
and he is also the first port of call when Hares are thin 
on the ground or something comes up at the last moment 
that prevents the original Hare from laying their trail. 
Basically, we all have a lot to thank Bluebird for
over the years. 
Yes, the trail was challenging. Yes, part of the 
nature of the Hash is leg pulling. 
Additionally, all Hashers are expected to give as 
good as they get in the leg-pulling stakes.

Bluebird. You are an eccentric old coot, but we love 
you because of who you are, not in spite of who 
you are. 
We all welcome your speedy return. The nature of 
the Teign Valley Hash is what it is because of 
people like you. 
Whilst I would never knowingly put someone's 
life at risk, I equally do not want Hashes to 
become overly sanitised to the point of being 
bland. We already live in a cosseting and intrusive 
nanny state. 
Monday night is our opportunity to break free of the 
cotton wool cocoon and enjoy Devon's great outdoors.....
rockfalls and all.

We will all miss you. Speedy and safe return, my friend.

Epilogue & lessons learned
Well that was a close call. At one point, seemingly trapped 
between the north and south Rock Flats, 
Georgy Porgy was on the verge of calling the coast guard. 
Thankfully, Coldtits encouraged Georgy to push 
on over the second rockfall and the temporary respite 
of the roped climb to higher ground. At least there 
would be no exposure to the incoming spring tide. 
If the coastguard had been called, you can bet your bottom 
dollar that there would have been an enquiry into the 
activities of the Hash and it might not have stopped at 
just TVH3 being under the microscope.

This is not the time for finger pointing, blame or
 recrimination. However, it is a timely opportunity 
for some introspection.

Most us know what Bluebird trails are likely to
comprise. They are frequently challenging. 
Any outdoor activity has an element of danger 
associated with it. It is up to us, individually, to 
decide for ourselves if we want to expose ourselves
to these potential dangers. 
Some exposure is as a result of the trail itself. 
Other exposure, maybe entirely down to individual 
behaviour and how we tackle the terrain below our 
If we are going to charge down rocky ravine at full pelt, 
we can expect to:

a) eventually fall over

b) get hurt when you do fall

We are all adults and responsible for our own 
safety and, collectively, the safety of our fellow 
I do not want the nature of the Hash to change and
I certainly do want any outside interference with 
the Hash - even though it is likely to be dressed up
 by some well intentioned do-gooders as "....
It's in your own best interests". 
I am sure that none of us want the Hash to run the 
risk of being sanitised to the point of being bland, 
dull and boring.

I have had a look at the photos posted on the 
TVH3 Facebook page on Tuesday. All I see is 
happy smiling faces atop the rockfalls. 
Accordingly, I think it would be a fair assumption 
that the majority of the Hashers thoroughly enjoyed 
last night's trail. 
Yes, the clambering over the rockfalls was, at times, 
challenging, tiring and painful. However, that didn't 
prevent at least a dozen Hashers committing to 4 
more miles on the Long at the Long/Short split.

There is a well known saying: You can please some 
of the people all of the time. You can please all of the 
people some of the time. 
However, you will not be able to please all of the 
people all of the time. 
And so it is with the Hash. We do our best to 
accommodate an age range of between 6 and 80+,
male and female, and all of differing abilities. 
With the best will in the world we will not get it 
right every time - or for everyone. 
Please accept this as a fact of life.

Last night's trail was a typical Bluebird trail. 
Exciting, interesting, different........just plain 
Bluebird really. 
However, the clamber across the rockfalls is 
always slow and time is always going to be a factor 
in undertaking a trail of this nature.

Man-Pig was supposed to be doing the sweeping 
of both the Longs and the Shorts along the beach. 
I was aware that I had passed some Hashers on 
the beach straight after the smugglers' tunnel. 
Several times I looked behind me but I could see 
I believed that everyone behind me had turned back
and done their own thing. 
As it was, Melon-Picker and I were at least 10 minutes 
behind all those ahead of us by the time we reached the
roped ascent to the Hidden Valley. 
As far as I was concerned, I had no reason to believe that 
there was anyone behind us.

The timeline of events shows that our three stranded
Hashers arrived at the rope ascent atthe northern end of 
the Rock Flats approximately three quarters of an 
hour after the sweeping Hare. 
This was nearly an hour after 
the arrival of the FRB's. 
The single reason for this huge discrepancy was the 
nature of the terrain. The rockfalls make for jolly 
slow going. 
Yes, I am guilty of not having swept properly. 
Equally, unless there are at least 3 Hares 
 (and I can't remember the last 
time that TVH3 had a 3 Hare trail) 
it is not realistic to expect the 2 Hares to comprehensively 
marshal a trail where there is an hour's difference 
between the FRB's and the tail-enders over exactly 
the same course. 
In this respect, I think that a certain amount of 
introspection is required.

We are all getting older and slower. We no longer 
have any members of the Hash whose daily routine 
includes undertaking the assault course at Lympstone.
We must be aware of our own limitations. Many 
of us like to push ourselves on the Hash, including 
Nevertheless, it is an unfair burden to place on 
the Hares to expect them to cater for every eventuality. 
This includes marshalling a 3 hour hash when it 
should have taken two hours.

However, all is not doom and gloom. Far from it. 
There is most definitely a silver lining to all of this. 
The camaraderie and support of the Hash is excellent. 
Special thanks must go to:

Ernie: for running on ahead to raise the alarm at the 
pub and then to jump in his car and come back out 
to recover the stranded trio.

Forrest-Stump: for his forethought in ensuring that 
Ernie took with him warm coats; remember our
 stranded Hashers were dressed for the summer. 
These thanks are, additionally, extended to all those 
who volunteered their fleeces, jackets and coats to the cause.

Beefy and Pisswell: for coming to the rescue in their
AA van. Fortunately, no-one had broken down.....
just running a little slower than usual. 

Last night there were heroes and victims. There were 
no villains, other than time. 
Last night we had a lucky escape. The coastguard was 
not called out. 
May I respectfully ask that both Hashers and Hares 
reflect on the events of last night going forward?

Thank you.

Next week
Next week's Hash is at The Sea Trout 
with Hares - Bobbiball and Man-Pig.

On-On to next week.

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It would be appreciated if those hashers that pay £1 a week when they attend rather than the £30 a year subscription could bring their one pound to the circle and pay Pisswell before the run. It is not much fun for her to chase hashers in the pub for payment. Many thanks for your cooperation. 🙂


Grand Master Shitfaced mobile 07973 682201
Vice G M U Bend
On Sec Piltdown Man mobile 07773038756
R A Organiser Teapot
R A Manpig
R A Forrest Stump
R A Fallen Woman
Hash Cash Threesome
Hash Tax Pisswell
Trail Raiser Smellie
Haberdashery Zoot
Song Master Pork Torpedo
Social Sec Wet Johnny
Web /Web Master Bluebird


This years membership, which is due now is £30 Alternatively, you can pay £1 per week when attending. Samantha Zimbler Hash cash Threesum. On line payments Account name: TEIGN VALLEY HASH House Harriers Sort Code: 55-70-01 Account number: 69068186 Reference: your hash name




GREATHASHGOD: A dedicated site (presently mothballed and serves as archive content only) with all TVH3 content. Mostly photos from each Monday's hash but also some video clips. Named after our Life President Pottsie.

PRECONDEROTOUS: Containing the entire archive of TVH3 of some 1000 vid clips and over 5000 posts and photos. Started on November 11th 2007, the site is active with Bluebird's personal content but the archive content is fascinating and preserved, well worth a look.























Previously unreleased clip - Vicky's naming from the Sea Trout