TEAPOT TURNS 80 & UPSETTING NEWS

TVH3 The Words for 31st July 2023  

The Ship Inn, Cockwood  

 

Run No. 1980

HARES: Piltdown Man & Georgy Porgy

Who wuz there: Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, U-Bend, Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Tamsin (Miss In'), Smellie, Beefy, Pisswell, Fukarewe, Ernie, Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Melon-Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Strap-On, Ablesemen, Rise 'n' Shine, Mateus Rose, Wetfart and youthful birthday boy - Teapot

Circle

Once again, U-Bend assumed the role of GM for the evening in the absence of Shitfaced. Announcements were few. Smellie repeated last week's update on available Haring opportunities; namely 25th September. 

Man-Pig advised a change of venue for next week's Hash. Due to the poor weather forecast, Bluebird was going to abandon his plans for a barbecue on the beach. 

Additionally, the on-down was now going to be the Ferry Boat in Shaldon with the circle up in the Ness car park.

On the subject of circles, the numbers present at this evening's circle were a little down - only 22. I suspect that the school holidays had forced parental commitments on some whilst others were still recovering from the Isca Roman Away which had only concluded on Sunday afternoon.

Then some upsetting news. Piltdown Man stepped into the circle with an update on Winfield. Winfield now needs to use a wheelchair when he is taken out by his carers. Regrettably, his new wheel chair wasn't strapped down properly in the back of one of the carer's vans. The wheelchair fell backwards and poor old Winfield is now in RD&E with a broken neck and other complications. It goes without saying that all our thoughts are with Hovel Annie and Winfield's family.

On that sad note it was over to the Hare for some rudimentary instructions:

"It's On-On up there" and Piltdown pointed up Church Road.

The Hare did enlighten us that he wouldn't be running. There was a Walkers' trail but it might not be marked. The Shorts would be about 4 miles and the Longs' about 6 (that's a whole mile less than was overheard a few minute earlier).

The Trail

In, almost a repeat of last week, we were, once again, back at a pub that we haven't run from in ages (I'm sure Bluebird will enlighten us with the exact date that we were last at The Ship Inn, Cockwood, or should that be Cockoo'd?). Local Harriet, Bev, confirmed that the locals refer to their village as Cockoo'd. 

Perhaps, under the circumstances, it was appropriate to be running from The Ship as this was one of the pubs from which Winfield has previously laid hashes. He was the Hare the last time that we'd run from here.  

In fact it was #1713 23rd October 2017. Prior to that, Winfield laid a hash here in 2013.

The trail took us a short way up Church Road before two arrows had us bear left and up a steep cul-de-sac, called Middlewood, which then turned into a steep track. I do not recall ever having run up here before. 

Too much yapping post circle meant that I was at the back of the pack. However, before too long, I could see Wetfart and Teapot continuing up Church Road on the Walkers' trail whilst I started the ascent up Middlewood, picking off back markers Rise'n'Shine and Mateus Rose.

Somehow, I managed to catch up with Pisswell and Forrest Stump before we rejoined tarmac on Cofton Hill. 

Descending Cofton Hill ,an arrow had us bear right and onto a public footpath through the woods above Cofton Holiday park. Passing Soapy and Palmolive (yakking), I could see Ernie, Fukarewe and Tamsin in front of me as we descended through the woods and through the graveyard of Cofton Church. It all looked rather peaceful.

Despite a day of changeable weather, the sun had come out but there was a brisk, and refreshing, breeze to cool you down.

 

A short jaunt through the holiday park and three arrows had us crossing the A379 at Cofford Cottages. We passed a car storage area on the left and ran along a track towards the first Long/Short split at Higher Cofford. 

Beeflicker was running back from the Short, and we had caught up with Beefy. Confusingly, there were two checks, one of which had been kicked out. Eventually, we worked out that one check was for the Longs' and the other for the Shorts'....cunning. I had never seen this before - note to self, "There are no rules on the Hash".

The Longs' comprising Beeflicker, Beefy, Man-Pig, Tamsin, Ernie, Fukarewe and Pisswell, headed due west towards Westlake Farm and then negotiated a U-turn to take us back onto the track that we'd just been on. 

At a ninety degree bend, the FRB's had run out of marks. A poorly signed public footpath led across some duckboards through marshy ground. Beefy found a mark and we were back on trail heading for Mowlish Farm. Another arrow had us bear left onto Mowlish Lane and, after a couple of hundred yards, we came to a check.

Beeflicker had us on trail and heading up the edge of a field towards Mamhead House. 

As we exited the field, we were greeted by the Hare who was  sweeping in his car...what a novel idea. The Hare directed us right and up a lane towards Black Forest Lodge. Before the lodge an arrow led us onto a footpath that skirted the lower edge of a wood.

 

It was at the point, the marks changed from being laid in flour to being laid in dead dogs, or that's what it looked like. Although it is more likely to have been a dead and decaying fox.

The end of the footpath came back onto road at Kenton Common and an arrow had us steer hard to starboard and along the road that leads straight into Starcross....but not for us.

At the first crossroads, the trail took us to port and along a decidedly underused lane running along Wood Brake to the east of us. At the top of this lane, we hit a 3 way junction with another track and a road. Hard to starboard this time and up a recently strimmed track (today's Hares are so thoughtful) towards a small wood and the second Long/Short split. 

 

I think all the FRB's went Long, up a steepish track along the north edge of the wood and then down a steep lane and onto the sweetie stop.

Well, I say sweetie-stop but this is an injustice. The sweeties were, in fact, chocolate covered strawberries, hand dipped by Georgy Porgy - delicious. 

Beeflicker, Beefy and Man-Pig commenced the final leg of the trail as the balance of the FRB's were just arriving. This was probably just as well as I think we were rather tempted by a third strawberry each. 

We were just shy of Vennabridge Farm when the trail took us left and up our last bit of off-road and up a track that leads to Staplake Lane. From here it was downhill into the back of Starcross. A right turn, past the primary school and the back of the golf course before arriving at the staggered cross roads opposite Cock'ood boat pool and the final 100m to the On-Down.

What a fantastic run; 6.41 miles and much of it on virgin territory. Well done, Piltdown man and Georgy Porgy. Two fantastic trails on two consecutive Mondays!

Down-Downs

It was a pleasant evening, so we all stood or sat outside quaffing our ales. The pub had been kind enough to donate the four halves of beer for the Down-Downs. Accordingly, RA Forerst-Stump commenced by thanking the pub for the beer. Then it was rapidly over to last week's miscreants for the awards.

Ablesemen (award in car) was the first to step forward and select a sinner for an award. Able told us of a not so gallant Hasher. The previous week this Hasher asked why Ablesemen has her shirt on upside down? Upside down? Surely an impossibility. Naiively, Able lifted up her shirt to inspect the typescript and, in so doing, reveals all. What a low-down trick to play on a sweet young Harriet (albeit with great t**s). Ernie you are a scoundrel. Ernie downed his beer to the accompaniment of "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

Forrest had two awards from the previous week. The child's wellington boot (appears to have replaced the bull's sperm collector as the Hash's down-down vessel of choice) went to Fukarewe. But why? 

Initially, Forrest had thought that he'd caught up with Teapot on the Long. Hmmm, highly unlikely. This then appeared to be confirmed by the sound of Teapot's horn - or was it? A train was speeding by, it's horn blaring. The ID of this teapot doppelgänger? Fukarewe. Melon-Picker pipes up with, "The Grand Old Duke of York".

Forrest's second award was the Hashshit shirt. There followed the story of two Harriets who were yakking away incessantly on trail. The two culprits, with more rabbit than Sainsbury's, were Soapy and Palmolive. A vote was called for, and ignored, as Soapy stepped up to receive the Hash shirt in proper fashion i.e. by removing her top. Well, not all of her top. Her modesty was protected by a black sports bra. A note for "Gattling Gob".

Finally, a Down-Down for each of the Hares for a lovely trail and for another stretch of virgin territory. It was, indeed, a lovely run with an especially nice "sweetie stop" where the sweets came in the form of chocolate dipped strawberries. So good, I had to have two. Thank you Georgy.

Well, not quite finally. Sat on a table outside the pub was a tray of chocholate cake - baked courtesy of Ablesemen. In fact, it was also a birthday cake. But who was it for? None other than our former Grand Master over several years - Teapot. Teapot had just celebrated his 80th birthday the previous Friday....and still Hashing and blowing his horn. 

Well done indeed.

Next week

Next week's Hash is at The Ferry Boat Inn, Shaldon with Hare - Bluebird. Circle up in the Ness car park.

On-On to next week.