Given the runaround - Take 3

TVH3 The Words for 27th November 2023

Manor Inn, Galmpton

 

Run No. 1997

HARE: U-Bend

 

Who wuz there: U-Bend, Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Beefy, Pisswell, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Beeflicker, Big End, Well Hopped, Roger the Dodger, Soapy, Melonpicker, Wet Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Ernie, Psycho, Pork Torpedo, Coldtits, Strap-On, Strap Dancer, Piddler, Broken Man, Fallen Woman, Threesum, Base Camp & John Lamson (final two pub only).

 

Circle

It was good to see Fallen Woman and Broken Man back at the Hash. Wetfart was absent so no updates on Teapot tonight. In fact, the only announcement at the Circle came from Smellie.

 

Smellie announced that next week's run would be at the Devon Arms Hotel, Teignmouth. There would be food, probably a sandwich buffet at £5 a head. However, she "would like a show of hands at tomorrow's Circle". Puzzlement all round. Erratum,. "....a show of hands at next week's circle". All clear now.

 

The Hare was less than forthcoming in his briefing.

 

"There's one Long/Short split. A kind of a Walkers' trail. The Longs is quite long - about 6 miles".

When asked about checks there was no direct answer. Instead, we got:

"You can't possibly go wrong". Where have we heard that before?

 

Trail

The trail took us to our first check pretty much outside the pub car park. Whilst Man-Pig went awol, everyone else ran past the pub and to another check. The trail now turned right and climbed up Slade Lane to Galmpton (Windmill) Green.

 

When we reached the Green, we became aware of just how bright the moon was. It was a full moon and a very clear, still cold night.

 

In fact, the moon was so bright, that we barely needed a torch until we were under cover of the woods.

There was a lot of wandering around on the Green which revealed arrows....but in the wrong direction. At least this allowed me to catch up a little.

 

Eventually, we found ourselves heading along Dartmouth Road towards Paignton. Some serious mischecking had Wet-Johnny and myself at the back of the pack before the Hare had us drop down onto Broadsands Avenue.

 

From there, it was downhill when an arrow that had us bear right and down a set of steps onto the lower end of Broadsands Park Road beneath the railway bridge.

 

Another abortive check up a huge flight of steps and we were, once more, tail end charlies.

We descended down to Broadsands Beach and a peculiar sight....a blob of flour! Not quite as peculiar as the illuminated balloons bobbing just offshore; nighttime swimmers apparently.

 

So there it was laid out in front of us. A group of people even more stupid than Hashers at this time of year. In fact more foolish. This is because, tonight, we were to stay dry all evening.

 

In the distance, I could see Wet-Johnny, and in front of him a group of torches.

 

Before long, we were in Broadsands car park and found an arrow with a "W"....the Walkers' return trail.

Soon we found an arrow without a "W" and we were back on trail trotting up Elberry Lane. The trail took us into woodland following the South West Coast Path east towards Churston Ferrers.

 

Not far into the woods, we came to the one and only Long/Short split. The Shorts carried on uphill towards Churston golf course whilst the Longs turned due east.

 

The Longs' trail followed the SWCP towards Fishcombe Point. I was on my own as Wet-Johnny, now recovered, was obviously fully fit as he had disappeared without trace....not to be seen again till the pub car park.

 

This part of the SWCP runs through woodland, and the mat of tree roots crossing the path are a major trip hazard.

 

Fortunately, tonight the trail was almost bone dry but the roots were still slippery in places. Then, in front of me, torchlight. A very powerful torch too. It turned out to be Pisswell and Ernie. Ahead of them I could hear calling which, I am sure was Beefy.

 

Marks were few and far between. At the only junction Man-Pig, Pisswell, Big end and Well Hopped followed Ernie down the wrong path.

 

A U-turn soon had us back on trail but now we had left the SWCP and had joined the John Musgrove Heritage Trail. We left the cover of woodland and crawled up a steepish but broad track until we came to a gap in a stone wall.

 

Immediately the other side of the wall an arrow had us take a right. After 500m of broad track we came to a 5 bar gate and a lane. The trail now took us right and past Churston Ferrers church.

 

Just before we reached Churston Court, the marks had us running along Green Lane and then left across the Golf Course.

 

For those of us used to public footpaths through golf courses, they are usually very well marked. This is because the golf course owners do not want the general public straying all over the golf course - fair enough.

 

Churston Golf course is no different and pairs of white posts mark the route of the public footpath. Unfortunately, Smellie does not play golf and was unaware of the vertical timber clues in front of her. The result was a frustrating time off trail seeing if she could visit all 18 holes before finding herself back on trail.

 

For the third time, I found myself running alone. Once off the golf course, the footpath/trail took a short route through woods and then right behind a row of houses. Part way along this part of the trail, an easily missed arrow had the pack go left and up a short footpath onto Brunel Road. At the end of Brunel Road, another pair of arrows marked the trail left and up Broadsands Road.

 

We crossed under a second very high railway arch. As soon as we has passed under the arch an arrow had us bear left, off road again, and climb up a path through woodland. The wooded part was not very long and the path opened out onto open pasture. Arrows then guided us across Dartmouth Road and back onto Galmpton Green for a return to the On-Down via the outward trail.

 

Yet another trail made all the more interesting due to the absence of one key ingredient.....FLOUR!

 

Down-Downs

Forrest-Stump was not present to RA but he had paid a visit to Man-Pig's residence earlier in the day to drop off the frozen (yes - frozen) Hashshit shirt.

 

We thanked the pub (eventually) for the beer and for laying on scoff. The first question was, "What did we think of the trail?" Despite the inevitable groans we were grateful for a solo trail and U-Bend's assistance in keeping us on trail especially around Galmpton green.

 

First up with an award from last week was Soapy with the Jester's Hat. There were no stories about dogging old men this week. She simply thanked Zoot and Hotlips for organising the weekend's rail and ale pub crawl from Exmouth to Newton Abbot. Six pubs in all. 

 

Hence the Hat went to Hot Lips for organising it and making sure everyone got back to Newton Abbot. There was no mention of white bell-ends this week! The Songmeister piped up with a ditty - forgot which one.

 

Next was Well-Hopped. She had the Baby Bat Hat. This she gave to Ernie for taking us the wrong way at the only junction on trail! Pork Torpedo launched into "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

Man-Pig had the Hashshit shirt but he had seen nothing - not even flour on trail. Hence the shirt was going to go to whoever was to be awarded the highest number of runs badge that evening.

 

Not so simple. A dead heat. Piltdown man had calculated that he had two 300 run badges to award. However, this was the Mismanagement's third attempt at giving Wet-Johnny his 300th run badge. 

Smellie had also clocked up 300 runs. Wet-Johnny sat down whilst Strap-On was called upon to collect his 100th run badge in lieu of the abortive dead heat with Wet-Johnny. But who was going to get the Hashshit shirt? The Pig was going to put it to a vote but the crowd was already baying. It was a foregone conclusion. 

 

The environmentally unfriendly biohazard from Porton Down was awarded to Smellie whilst the Songmeister led the chant.

 

There was only one drink that remained to be awarded. It was the half pint of water. This was awarded to a thoroughly deserving solo Hare to the accompaniment of "Old MacDonald had touretts". However, this was not before an accompanying story.

 

During Saturday's rail and ale pub crawl, U-Bend had to buy another ticket. This was in order to get back on the train from Exmouth. No. He had not lost his original ticket. It was held electronically on his smart phone. 

 

Unfortunately, this was where the smart phone was not matched by a smart owner. Poor U-Bend had drunk so much beer, he'd forgotten how to access his electronic ticket!

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is at the Devon Arms Hotel, Teignmouth, with Hare Smellie (no doubt assisted by Piltdown Man & Georgie Porgy).

 

On-On to next week, MP.

 

Footnote: who is John Lampson? An old friend of mine that I have only seen once in the last 40 years and now works at the Manor Inn.....small world.