TVH3 The Words for 15th January 2024

The Claycutters Arms, Chudleigh Knighton

Run No. 2003" For whom the Bell Tolls"HARE: Beeflicker

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker, Shitfaced (Circle only), Man-Pig, Hotlips, Zoot, Forrest Stump, Perry, Psycho, Warm front, Slip-on-Me, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Well Hopped, Fukarewe, Ernie, Melon Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Piddler, Ablesemen, Coldtits, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Erection, Roger the Dodger and AshHash visitor/returnee - Cinderfella. Perhaps another hasher I have missed, might have been a visitor?

 

Circle

I arrived late so I didn't catch any of the notifications. I think Ablesemen was reminding everyone about next week's Hash. It is our Burns' Night run and Hashers are requested to wear something Scottish or, in Beefy's case, log (get it?) a caber around the trail.

 

It was even colder than last week but the appeal of summer attire was becoming infectious. All the Penners were sporting shorts as was Fukarewe.

 

Over to the Hare, Beeflicker.

" I have no idea how long it is?" a good start.

"At the church, go right and the Longs is an out and back trail", and, with that, off we went....all thinking to ourselves, "Which church?"

 

Trail

This is the first trail that I've ever been on where it has been easier to stay on trail by pretending to be a bat and rely on echolocation rather than blobs of flour. In fairness, the marks were good but, after 20 minutes into the trail, we were additionally aided by the sound of bells.

 

What we didn't know was that this was the siren call of disaster as the Longs were being lured to the Hill of Death (now renamed Three Pee Hill), see later.

 

In simple terms, the trail took us out to Bovey Tracy and back.

 

Initially, the trail took us west along a road parallel with the A38. Soon we turned north heading for Knighton Heath.

 

I was the last to leave the car park as I had been buttonholed by Shitfaced. I now had some catching up to do.

 

By the time that we found an arrow that took us off road and across a frozen marsh, I had caught up with Piddler, Palmolive and Soapy.

 

We tried tiptoeing through the marsh and jumping from tuft to tuft so as to avoid breaking through the ice. However, just like last week, there was always going to be a solitary bit of wet that was impossible to avoid.

 

So wet feet it was.

 

Marsh turned to a muddy trail in woods. Smellie also failed in her tiptoeing exploits. Back on road, at Little Bovey farm, it was a right turn and heading due north towards Bovey Tracey.

 

By this time, we could hear bells. There was only one church that it could be - Bovey Tracey church.

It did cross my mind that there is a bloody long steep hill that runs immediately to the west of the Church - Furzeleigh Hill. We have been up and down it many times before on a Hash. Still, we wouldn't be going up there as the Hare had told us to keep to the right at the church. Besides, a return trail to Bovey and back would clock up at least 5 miles; long enough at -5 degrees centigrade.

 

An undone shoelace had me at the back again. The lane was just beginning to get a little icy in places so I was quite glad when another arrow had us bear left and onto a public footpath that crossed two fields before passing through the middle of Lower Bradley Farm.

 

I didn't recognise this area at all and, for me, it sure looked like virgin territory - at least in the dark.

Again I caught up with Piddler, Soapy and Palmolive. Once past the farm, we were on a mixture of narrow tracks and raised boardwalks next to a couple of ponds.

 

It is only now that I have the OS map out in front of me, that I can see that we were in Little Bradley Ponds Nature Reserve. I suspect that it looks lovely in the daylight.

 

Out of the woods and onto tracks again and the Walkers/Long-Short split at the eastern edge of Bovey Tracey.

 

Piddler, Soapy and Palmolive followed the walkers, whilst I thought that I was following the Longs and the Shorts into Bovey.

 

A couple of hundred yards ahead, I could see Hashers emerging from hedges to the left and crossing the B3344. I had obviously missed a bit of off road. Never mind. These hashers transpired to be Pisswell, Smellie, Ernie and Fukarewe.

 

We zigzagged our way up, over and around numerous residential roads following arrows in chalk. then we ground to a halt. Too many arrows.

 

On a concrete manhole cover, there were at least 8 arrows, all pointing in different directions. All very confusing.

 

However, on closer examination, only one of these arrows was in yellow chalk, all of the others were in white spray paint...the sort that Western power use!

 

Apparently, we were not the only ones to be befuddled by the plethora of arrows. The Topiary twins had also got waylaid by the marks.

 

We had rather guessed that Warmfront and Psycho might be in front of us.

 

The give-away was not the fact that they're twice as fast as us, it was that some of the "kicked-out" checks had been marked with bundled of leaves or other plant life!

 

As we followed the trail, the sound of bells grew ever louder. At the church, we arrived at the Long/Short split. We followed the dots and the arrows, but not to the right of the church - to the left. My heart sank....marks up fecking Furzeleigh Lane. What made it worse was the fact that there's nothing at the top of Furzeleigh Lane except a panoramic view over Bovey (in the daytime).

The marks were now on both the left and the right, so this was the out and back trail.

 

Our misery was further compounded by the fact that we had't encountered any returning FRB's. Had they already done the out and back or was this a long, long out and back? It proved to be the latter.

Up, up and up we went. Just before the tarmac lane turns into a farm track, a local's four-wheel drive sped past us forcing us into the hedge....pillock.

 

More climbing, and no sign of returning FRB's. All the way up to Bearacleave Wood and still no sign of the FRB's. "We must Shirley be doing an about turn by now", I thought, with 3.2 miles already registering on the GPS.

 

But it didn't stop there. The marks led us into Bearacleave Woods. the last time that we were in here we had a lovely drink stop, port and rum, I think, courtesy of Soapy. I bet that was nearly 15 years ago. No port and rum today. Eventually, we saw lights coming towards us. It was the missing FRB's.

 

"Not far to go now", advised Beefy as he sped past in the opposite direction.

 

Hmmm......not far to the end of the out and back but then we have to make it all the way back to Chudleigh Knighton.

 

To be honest, the woods were quite enchanting. They would be a good run in the summer.

We reached a clearing just before the U-turn. Here we noticed ropes hanging from the trees. No doubt so that Hashers could hang themselves after just having climbed up Furzeleigh Lane.

 

Anyway, back we went. Just before leaving the woods, we encountered Pisswell and Smellie coming the other way.

 

They are a jolly determined pair - even if Smellie had thought that she was still on the Shorts!

 

Back at the top of Furzeligh lane, the cold took its toll. First Ernie succumbed to the call of nature, followed by the Man-pig. Then, so as not to be left out, Fukarewe decided to take a pee as well.

We backtracked to the church and the Long/Short split, and followed the trail back towards Chudleigh Knighton. A lot of the return trail was along the edge of the unpavemented B3344. Fortunately, we were all wearing hi-vis running tops, so we made it back without incident.

 

The trail had been 7.04 miles according to Ernie's Strava but only 6.27 miles by my elderly Garmin. It was now ten past nine and time to get changed, and get a well earned pint in.....but only if I could get my shoelaces undone which had frozen solid.

 

Down-Downs

It had been bitingly cold out on trail. Hence a pub with an open fire was a jolly welcome sight to thaw out some frozen hashers.

 

Forrest had a night off from pantomime duties so officiated on the evening.

 

"Does anyone have an award from last week or any week".

 

There was only one award present. It was Psycho with the Horned Hat. Regrettably, Psycho was out of practice regarding Hash etiquette and had no accompanying story. Forrest, accordingly, made something up.

 

"I heard a Harriet in the car park saying that she had a "Cold but(t)....", but what? A cold - but I can still run or a cold bottom? What is the opposite of a Cold butt?"

 

Man-Pig suggested a Hot Willy. This was clearly not what the RA was after. Eventually the Hash came up with the correct answer - a Warm Front. Hmmm, evidently Forest was not having a night off from panto duties after all.

 

Somehow Warm Front's Down-Down ended up with Psycho so she got her hat back again only 3 minutes after having surrendered it!

 

Next up was the Hare. Over 7 miles in this weather! I ask you? We all agreed that it was an excellent trail, if a tad flat on the Longs! A note for the Hare accompanied by a glass of water.

 

"Any more stories".

 

Fukarewe mentioned that he was fed up running with senior members of the Hash. They slow him down as they are always stopping for a pee. Namely Man-Pig and Ernie. What's worse is that they take an inordinately long time rummaging for their John Thomas. Well, it was cold out there and we did have to take our gloves off first.

 

However, this is not the Down-Down story. The actual story concerned a Harriet who entices two Hashers into her car just before the Circle. Now, Fukarewe was less than forthcoming in advising the Hash as to why they were invited into the back seat of Ablesemen's car. Suffice it to say, that is not the first time that Ernie and Fukarewe have fallen under Ablesemen's spell.

 

Accordingly a half pint of ale and a note for Ablesemen.

 

Smellie did not escape a Down-Down for trying to tiptoe her way around a muddy length of track - unsuccessfully.

 

Forrest also had a run badge. Continuing the panto theme, the Hash all have to guess the number...... "Higher"...... "Lower"; this was irrespective of whether you've guessed it correctly. Once we'd settled on 300 it was guess the name of the recipient. The badge eventually landed on a very surprised Slip-on-Me. Slip-on-Me looked rather uncomfortable as she tarried her way through the half pint of ale. I agree. It's just not the same as a G&T is it?

 

There was one solitary half pint of ale left. But someone had a birthday tomorrow....don't you Soapy?

The cacophony of the all the right notes, not necessarily in the right order, was rendered in traditional Hash fashion - much to the amusement of the bar staff.

 

Forrest thanked the pub for the beer which, I think, Smellie had a hand in organising.

Finally, "Where are we next week?"

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Tuckers Maltings Taphouse, Newton Abbot with Ablesemen Haring. It is our Burns' Night run so please wear something Scottish.

 

Finally, finally. A quick plug for Broadhempston's annual home made beer festival. Once again, Fukarewe is amongst it's organisers. It is taking place at the village hall in Broadhempston on 10th February. Put it in your diary.

 

On-On to next week. MP