TVH3 The Words for 8th January 2024

Two Mile Oak, Ipplepen

Run No. 2002

 

" A Sense of Deja Vu"

 

HARES: Only Here for the Beer, Shitfaced & Slip on Me

 

Who wuz there: Only Here for the Beer, Shitfaced, Man-Pig, Arkangel, Bluebird (late), Beeflicker, Slip-on-Me, Smellie, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Beefy, Pisswell, Well Hopped, Big End, Roger the Dodger, Ernie, Melon Picker, Soapy, Palmolive, Popeye & family, Ablesemen, Wet-Johnny, Manopause, Squashed Balls, Twin Buffers and Triple Jump.

 

Circle

Cold out there wasn't it? A very light fluttering of snow was swirling as we circled/huddled up waiting to be called to attention.

 

Almost everyone was was running on the spot and clutching opposite shoulders with their hands. The wind had picked up and it was a tad chilly.

 

Somehow this didn't seem to affect Manopause or Beefy who were still in shorts and T-shirts!

No announcements from the GM apart from a New Year welcome for those who weren't in attendance last week. So, immediately, over to Smellie. The Hare Razor needs Hares as from 24th February.

Now over to the Hares.

 

First off:

"Who wants food? Sausage, chips and beans at £6 a head?" I think that there were about 9 scoffers.

OHFTB explained that there were three trails. A Long, about 6 miles; a Short, about 4 miles and a Walkers' trail of about one and a half miles.

 

Shitfaced also added that there might be a bit of water and that there was some ice.....something to look forward to but this would only be on the Longs' and the Shorts' trails.

Finally, OHFTB said, "You will know where you are!". He wasn't kidding!

 

Trail

The trail took us right out of the pub car park and down towards Denbury. At the first junction, there was a check. This had already been kicked out to the right towards East Ogwell. I was running with Big End who was only just recovering from the winter lurgy. He was, nevertheless, keeping up a good pace. Ahead of us, we discerned the occasional reflection of the FRB's torches - Beefy and Beeflicker.

We followed the very clear marks as the trail zigzagged along a lane that runs through the middle of a small farm.

 

At the next junction, we came to the first of three Long/Short splits. The Longs beared right and continued towards East Ogwell. At Ogwell Green, an arrow had us going left and down into the village and past the Jolly Sailor. This pub had partially burned down about 4 years ago but still hasn't reopened. A shame as we used to Hash from here frequently.

 

At the first junction past the pub, another arrow had us going left and uphill. I was beginning to get a sense of deja vu as we passed the spot where the Bird had collapsed into a hedge about 3 years ago - only to be saved by Swinger, Carl and Big End.

 

Soon we were at a crossroads and another Long & Short/Walkers' split. To the left was road. Ahead of us, the Walkers had a dry track. To the right of us everyone else was about to enter icy water. We were, indeed, repeating OHFTB's trail from April last year.

 

Accordingly, I offer you last April's description of the trail here below:

 

The weather was pretty poor and the doubting Thomas in me kicked in. I wasn't expecting great things. Especially as I had bumped into OHFB in the Park Inn on Saturday. Yes, he had a plan for the trail but it would involve a lot of road. I told him not to worry. We would all be thankful for any trail given the forecast.

How wrong I was! The Hares had laid a great trail and, despite the rain, virtually all marks were intact on a clearly laid trail. Did I say, "Clearly laid trail?". The FRB's thought that the trail was clearly marked. Beeflicker only got off trail once. Running straight across the OH sign he decided to go around the trail again. He only stopped when he ran past the wooden horse for the second time. Man-Pig, Big End, Ned and Well Hopped stayed together on the way round and had no problems with the marks. We even caught a glimpse of principle FRB, Beeflicker, in the far distance at one point.

However, not everyone followed the marks as assiduously as the FRBs. Or, maybe they did, just not the same marks. At the Circle Shitfaced did mention that Haldon Hash were running from Denbury. However, it was impossible to confuse the two trails as Haldon's was laid in sawdust and TVH's was exclusively flour.

"Impossible". Believe me, nothing is impossible for a Hasher. And so it was that we had the latest Down-Downs in living memory* - they commenced at 9.45 when the last of the lost/diverted hashers reached the On-Down.

What had happened? Well, one - very late - hasher had bumped into Fallen Woman who was doing the Haldon Hash trail. Fallen Woman promised this Harriet great things on the Haldon trail including a free beer stop. So this Harriet abandons virgin visitor, Anna from London, and merrily follows Fallen Woman to the Haldon beer stop. It must have been some beer stop as this Harriet didn't make it back to the pub till 9.45!

Meanwhile, back in the pub, it transpired that quite a few Hashers had been in Denbury open prison. Not literally, but they had run through the car park and the public footpath that exits at the eastern end of Denbury. Maybe this was part of the Shorts' trail but it certainly wasn't part of the Longs'. Latecomers included Ernie and virgin visitor, Anna. These arrived back at the pub at 9.20 and, additionally, Beefy was even later. In fact, the latecomers were so late that Piltdown Man kindly went on a recce to look for them.

What had gone wrong with Beefy? A footwear malfunction apparently. Beefy is still recovering from a badly sprained ankle. It is on the mend so he is happy to walk the Longs', but in hiking boots. These hiking boots are nice and sturdy. They support the ankle well and, crucially, they are waterproof. Therein lies the folly. Things that keep the water out are also very good at keeping the water in. And so it proved to be when the trail took us through nearly 2 feet of water on a flooded farm track. Now, 24 inches of water doesn't work too well with 6 inch high hiking boots. The net result was that Beefy had a very slow and squidgy walk around the Longs' as each of his boots now weighted at least 10 pounds. He said that he felt like a deep sea diver minus his Siebe Gorman copper helmet.

OHFB was right about a lot of road but this was more that outweighed by the swimming; literally in the case of Ned who couldn't touch the bottom and resorted to doggy style at the first, and deepest, puddle. Shitfaced had lied. He only mentioned a single puddle in the pre run spiel. Not the twenty of so that we encountered over the 6 mile Long.

 

Down-Downs

The Two Mile Oak is a lovely old pub with a warm welcome; made even more to be appreciated when the weather outside is so bitterly cold. Accordingly, the RA commenced by thanking the pub for the beer for the Down-Downs and for laying on the scoff...... but the bar had no staff present so he repeated this again when they returned.

 

Now onto the Down-Downs. "Any awards from last week?"

 

Shitfaced appeared with the Jester's Hat and a story of delight only to be followed by bitter disappointment.

 

A fellow Hasher had given him a late Christmas present. It was a beautifully gift wrapped box of walnut whips; a six pack no less! Do you remember them when they had a walnut on the inside as well as on the top?

 

Shitfaced likes his chocolate so decided to dig right in. He'd have one now and save the rest for later.

Opening the box, his smile faded. The six had shrunk to two. All the Harriets agreed. It is so very disappointing when you're expecting the full six but the best that is on offer on the evening is a mere two. I think that this contravenes the Trades Description Act; now superseded by the Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts regulations 1999. I know exactly how the poor Harriets must feel when six becomes a two. It was the same at Blundell's!

 

Apparently the benefactor had got a bit peckish in the pub......not enough sausage, I suspect. Hence she couldn't resist the temptation of a chocolate fix instead. The guilty party? Triple Jump who despatched her glass of water pretty quickly.

 

Any other stories? Well, Manopause had a tale of a harriet who had a dislike for a ducking. Step forward, Well Hopped if you please.

 

Obviously the Chief Hare deserved a DD for laying the six miler in jolly cold weather; not that he needed a map. The Longs' was an inch perfect repeat of his last trail from the Two Mile Oak. Well done OHFTB as well as our GM Shitfaced (shorts) and Slip on Me (walkers).

 

"Does anyone have a birthday?"

 

Yes. Piltdown Man will be 69 on Wednesday.

 

Squashed Balls had a story about visiting the Two Mile Oak way back in the 70's. This was when they fielded their very own squash team. The story eventually unfurled into a joke about late night lock-ins and dodgy gambling in one bar whilst folk music was being played in the other bar. A term known locally as, 'Fiddling at front. Poker in the back'. "This is all very well Squashed Balls but who are you going to give the Down-Down to?".

"Err. I was only telling a joke".

"Well give me a name", requested the RA, "Any name".

"Oh. Melon Picker".

So, with that, the last beer was consumed to a rendition of, "Here's to Melon Poker. He's so blue....."

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Claycutters Arms, Chudleigh Knighton. Our Hare for the night is Beeflicker. Drivers are requested to park their cars in the lower car park below the children's play area. We do not yet know if the pub is doing food on a Monday night so watch this space for further information.

 

On-On to next week. MP