TVH3 The Words for 26th February 2024

The Bishop Lacy, Chudleigh

Run No. 2009

 

HARES: Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there: Zoot, Hotlips, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Warmfront, Psycho, Amy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Threesum, Strap-On & Ernie.

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle for our first 'Bring a Friend' Hash.....numbers were down. No visitors and no virgins. Indisputable proof that Hashers have no friends outside of the Hash. Shitfaced also reminded Man-Pig that he was laying next week's trail that may, or may not, be at the Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton.

 

For the benefit of those who could not attend Fallen Woman's funeral, Zoot gave a brief summary.

Fallen Woman was most certainly not short of friends. 

 

Approximately 250 attended the funeral including members of at least eight Hashes and the Pedal-bash. A fantastic turnout for a fantastic woman. 

 

Fallen Woman's daughters have now returned to their respective homes and Broken man would be glad of any visitors.....and perhaps a craft excursion to the Queens Hotel?

 

Wetfart gave us a new update on Teapot. Basically, there is no change. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital and had been given a zimmer frame to assist him with his balance. Again, any visitors would be most welcome.

 

Smellie phoned in to advise that she was feeling a little poorly so would not be in attendance this evening. So it was over the the Hares.

 

Hotlips imparted some surprising insider knowledge. "It is a bit muddy out there", and so it proved to be. There were two Long/Short splits and the Longs would be about 5 miles, Shorts 3 and the Walkers' trail even shorter.

 

For those that were hungry but had not placed a food order yet, we would be running past the pub, so pop your head in and Thomas Cook it.

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park via the footpath next to the Globe. We turned right down Fore Street and past the Bishop Lacy before coming to the first Long/Short split. 

 

The Shorts continued straight on whilst the Longs' trail looped down along Old Way and past the sewerage treatment works only to re-emerge near the slip road onto the A38. 

 

The Longs then headed back into Chudleigh before rejoining the Shorts on the footpath that passes Lawell House. The fields here were sodden and the track leading to the fields was very slippery. 

 

Even when we started climbing, the going was still boggy. We had to get onto the farm track before we could gain any degree of traction.

 

The pack continued upwards towards Winstow Cottages. As per usual, Beeflicker was off like a shot with the Topiary Twins not far behind. 

 

This, at least, had the benefit that all the checks would be kicked out before the time that Wet-Johnny, Beefy and I got to them.

 

A little way behind us were Big End and Well Hopped who, in turn, had stolen a lead on Pisswell and Forrest Stump.

 

By the time we arrived at the edge of Ugbrook House, (easily recognisable by the stone wall surrounding its grounds) I had thought that we would have caught up with the Shorts. But no. What had happened to them I'll never know as I never saw any of them after the car park. 

 

I can only assume that the evening ended up comprising Walkers and Longs only.

 

We headed northeast along the lane that skirts Ugbrook Park until an unkicked-out check had us catch up with the Topiary Twins. A call from FRB, Beeflicker, and we were going downhill at last. 

 

We were now on a public footpath crossing two fields before arriving at the second Long/Short split. The Shorts' trail remained in the field heading northwest, over Kate Brook, and back into Chudleigh.

 

The Longs were heading northeast and along a broad, but watery, track that runs into Garden Spot Lane. An arrow had us head left and downhill back towards Chudleigh. A check at Waterside Meadow fooled Wet-Johnny as the trail was just a few yards further away and running past the skateboard park, now heading for Old Kate Bridge. 

 

I was hoping that the next check or arrow would have us go left, past the bowling club, and back into town. 

 

Oh no. I knew what was coming. An arrow pointed dead ahead. This was going to be a straight lane up to Brimley Corner, then a left at Brimley Stile and back to Chudleigh Sports fields across three waterlogged fields that never dry out (apart from 6 days in mid summer according to local girl Warmfront).

 

The trail finished by climbing up Brocklands before turning left and down New Exeter Street and back to the car park.

 

Well, mud is what we were promised and mud is what we got. The day had been warm and windy and I had rather expected some of the trail to have had a bit of a blow dry.....evidently not!

 

Down-Downs

Roger the Dodger awarded the Hashshit shirt to Man-Pig for being a good samaritan and coming to his aid in his time of need. 

 

Roger the Dodger hadn't seen anything on trail so could anyone help him out? 

 

Man-Pig jumped to the rescue with a story about the Topiary Twins yakking all the way around the trail about all that is inane and useless. In particular, Warmfront's penchant for taking her trainers into work so that she can make use of the Met office's drying room. 

 

However, whilst imparting such drivel to RTD, the Pig was blissfully unaware that the Topiary Twins were right behind him and they heard....EVERYTHING! So much for Man-Pig's act of kindness. A note for the sneak.

 

No more awards but Beefy had a story about a hasher failing to dress himself properly in the car park. Someone spent several minutes attempting to put on a shirt whilst being oblivious to the fact that his difficulty was due to the fact that he'd left the coat hanger in the shoulders..... come on down, Forrest Stump. A note for the natty dresser.

 

Warmfront deservedly received a Down-Down. I think it was for popping home and changing her socks but not her knickers that were still a trifle damp. 

 

The Down-Down should really have gone to Psyco who popped home and changed everything. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The last half pint could/should have gone to our only faller of the evening - Roger the Dodger.

 

However, it eventually went to someone who was slip-sliding her way around the trail muttering, "Mud, mud, mud". But not before the Down-Downs were rudely interrupted by two enormous farts. Johnny Fartpants would have been proud of those. 

 

It was made ten times worse because they were let go during a quiet period in the proceedings. A hasher's rather florid complexion gave the game away. Nonetheless, it was not enough to prevent virgin Amy from receiving the final Down-Down - "Here's to the dirty one".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is probably (confirmed) from the Old Commercial in Bishopsteignton.

The pub does open on Monday's but it was not open this Monday. Hence, Bluebird is currently rechecking if this will, indeed, be next week's On-Down. (It is, I'm popping over Friday to reassure the landlords as they've never heard of hashing! There will be a pie and pint for £9 might be a spare one or two if Able wants one.)

Monitor the TVH3 Facebook page for updates. The Hares are Man-Pig & Bluebird.

 

On-On to next week. MP