CHRISTMAS DRAW TIME!

 Run #2107 Monday 15th December CHRISTMAS DRAW from the Kings Arms, Kingsteinton TQ12 3EG. Circle up 7:15 pm for the briefing and trail courtesy of our hare, Beeflicker. Note that the pub car park is quite small, so try to avoid the 'car' ousel if arriving late.

THE DIRTY DOZEN

TVH3 The Words for 8th December 2025

The King Bill, Totnes

Run No. 2106 

 

THE DIRTY DOZEN

starring Wet Johnny

as Major John Reisman

 

HARE: Wet - in fact very Wet Johnny

 

 

Who wuz there: Wet Johnny, Man-Pig, Beefy, Piltdown Man, Georgy Porgy, Smellie, Coldtits, Beeflicker, Psycho, Miss Mash, Smash and long term absentee & new grandad - Fukarewe

 

Circle

Wet, and I mean a very wet, Johnny rounded us up for the pre-run instructions. He stepped up to the mark and matched the Gold Standard for perseverance in the face of adversity as set by last week's Hares, Roger the Dodger and Well Hopped. Despite the weather, there were, indeed, three trails. Although the marks may well have been making their way down the Dart estuary at the present time.

This would mean 2 Hashers on each trail as there was a paucity of wet, anxious faces looking back at him. A mere half dozen. Piltdown said, "Let's give it another couple of minutes". This was just as well as first an incoming via Whatsapp from Smellie, "Train running late. I will miss the Circle". Then, returnee, Fukarewe pitches up followed by Man-Pig. Soon thereafter, Psycho makes an appearance (well, that's one of tonight's DD's accounted for) followed by Coldtits. Hence the dirty dozen.

 

Announcements

Surprisingly, Psycho announces that Warmfront isn't coming as it's too wet....TOO WET for she of the fastest female on the Grizzly. What sort of a wuss is she turning into? I think that one of next week's DD's has also been accounted for.

By the magic of Whatsapp, Smellie passes a message to the Circle requiring Hares for January. Finally, Man-Pig is just about to ask for a volunteer for The Words. But he is stopped before he can even start. A "volunteer" has already been assigned. It is the Pig - for being late at the Circle. Drat and double-drat.

 

Trail

So where will our star Hare take us on this wet and windy evening? Virgin territory; that's where.

The trail starts by taking the pack down Station Road to Sainsbury's filling station where there is a Walkers/Long & Shorts split. The former head towards Brutus Bridge the latter across the road.

The Longs embark on a loop of footpaths; initially along Borough Park Road and then a series of footpaths towards Totnes railway station and thence onto a check on the river bank footpath. The Pig checks upstream only to find a cross. Meanwhile the FRB's, Beeflicker, Beefy and Psycho steal a small lead on Fukarewe and Man-Pig.

 

The trail now takes us off the river bank and over Brutus Bridge before an arrow has us crossing the main road and onto virgin territory in the form of Bourton Road. Here we catch up with Coldtits (the only other Hasher we were due to encounter on tonight's mildly damp trail). Another arrow and we were directed right and up Jubilee Road (Nicki Court - oh where are you now?). Yet another arrow and it was straight across Bridge Town Hill and onto Blackpost Lane. We were now back on familiar territory but running clockwise....previous excursions have always been anti-clockwise.

 

Despite the weather, the marks were still intact and the trail easy to follow. Fukarewe was running well after his prolonged absence and, due to a couple of checks, it wasn't long before we caught up with the FRB's. A right turn along Weston Lane and then left down Home Reach Avenue and Camomile Lawn before the "Snakes and Ladders" style descent to the sweetie stop at the crime scene at the end of Steamer Quay. Beeflicker went over to investigate but little information was divulged by CSI officers; merely that it was "serious", Police speak for "Bugger off". Apparently, a car had crashed into a hedge at the far end of Steamer Quay car park...at speed.

 

With no further information to be gleaned, Beeflicker returned to the "It's a Knockout" competition taking place between the FRB's and the Hare. The name of the game was, "Open the packets of sweets". As try as we might, wet hands just weren't gaining traction. We pulled. We tugged. We chewed. We bit. At last Psycho got into a bag just before Beeflicker made a micro-hole in his bag. Then, for no apparent reason, we all started feeding sweets to each other - popping them in each others' mouths; Romantic or just plain odd?

 

Post sweetie stop, the trail took us along Steamer Quay and Steamer Quay Road, over Totnes Bridge, left along The Plains and to a W & L/S split near the Victoria Road car park. The temptation of an early Legend was too much for Fukarewe who parted company with the Pig and returned to his car.

With hindsight, I should have followed him. A couple of hundred yards later I caught up with the FRB's at at the bottom of Moat Hill. Beeflicker found the trail leading to the final L/S split at the junction of Moat Hill and Totnes Down Hill. Surely some mistake? We can't be going all the way up here I thought....It's one hell of a hill. But no mistake. I looked at the GPS - a mere 3.6 miles and we'd been promised 6 miles. Oh misery, because the next one and a half miles was all uphill.

 

The rain had abated a bit and, at sea level, the wind wasn't too bad. But we were climbing high now and by the time we reached the rear entrance to Bowden House it was quite blustery. An arrow had us turn sharp right and onto a broad but jolly muddy lane. Beeflicker shouted "On-On" and, indeed, there were marks at the beginning of the deathly slippery lane. 

 

About a third of the way along this lane there was another public footpath to our right. Beefy and Psycho pushed on ahead. I stopped for a quick look but no marks. 

 

Thus far, despite the rain, the marks had been pretty good. We pushed on down to the end of the lane. I recognised the spot as where wet Johnny had his sweetie stop 53 weeks ago! Beefy checked uphill. Psycho checked downhill upto the junction with the Western Bypass/Kingsbridge Hill, but no marks also no Beeflicker.

 

What should we do? Given the time, 8.50, we thought that we would stay on road and make our way back to the pub via Western Bypass and Cistern Street. We did, however, stop at the toll house at the top of Fishchowters' Lane (one of Wet Johnny's favourites) and looked for marks but there were none to be seen.

 

A simple run back to the pub where the Pig stuck his snout in just to tell everyone that we were back and just off to get changed.

 

Down-Downs

With numbers so low we contemplated not bothering with the DD's. Smash and Miss Mash frequently do not do the post run pub as it is a school night for Miss Mash. Fukarewe's early retirement meant that he'd already been to the pub for his pint of Legend and gone home by the time the last of the FRB's arrived at the bar at 9.25. Additionally, Psycho had sloped off early too....she would have been bound to have been awarded a DD.

 

Nevertheless, with only 8 present it was decided that we would push on with the DD's. However, given the low numbers it was felt that it would be a little cheeky to ask Rob (the Landlord) for some free beers. Hence 3 halves were purchased and a glass of water (how apt) for the DD's.

First up was the Hare for a vey good trail, substantially well marked, laid in atrocious weather. A note for "Wet wet Johnny".

 

Next were two contenders for wardrobe malfunctions. Man-Pig had misplaced his dry socks and Smellie had forgotten a change of clothing. Whereas her top was dry she had a very wet bottom half, and that wasn't going to get dry before she got home. Inevitably, Smellie won hands down and a note for the "Soggy arse".

 

Were there any awards from previous weeks present? No chance. But were there any stories? Yes. Beeflicker has one. It is about the three FRB's who did not stay on trail. 

 

Apparently, we should not have continued all the way along the muddy track to the site of last year's sweetie stop. We should have taken a right and down the footpath that would have taken us onto Fishchowter's Lane. So, who was following who? Beefy explained that he had not learned from the previous week where he blindly followed Psycho off trail and that he'd done the same again this week. As the real culprit had already exited stage left the final half went to Beefy accompanied by, "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

There is a solitary half pint of water on the table but, unsurprisingly, we'd all had enough water for one evening.

 

Thankyou Wet Johnny. A great trail in appalling conditions. Well done.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Kings Arms, Kingsteignton. Our Hare is Beeflicker and we are promised a fairly short trail as it is the TVH3 Christmas Raffle - bring a large cardboard box to take your winnings home with you!

 

On-On to next week. MP

KING BILLY

 Run #2106 Monday 8th December Circle up from the King William IV 45 Fore St, Totnes TQ9 5HN with hare Wet Johnny. Parking at Victoria car park (free from 6 pm) or nearby on the Plains.

 

TVH The Words

 

1st December 2025.

Words for Hash #2105,

Who was there:

Roger the Dodger, Well Hopped, Big End, Swinger, Forrest Stump, Wet Johnny, Bee Flicker, Piltdown Man, Georgie P'Orgy, Coldtits, SMEllie, Ernie, Man Pig , Warm Front, Psycho, and Beefy. In the pub were Wet Fart and Threesum.

The first day of December marks the start of meteorological winter. Night had fallen and, in so doing , had set a trend*. The scene, presented to Hashers as they arrived, was Bible black and washed down with a biblical amount of rain. This, made all the more chilly with a south-westerly breeze. The hum and rattle of early conversations, before the Circle, expressed much sympathy for Roger the Dodger as all had witnessed the day's precipitation and, probably, had inferred: "I'm glad it's not me."

Gradually, chariots were arriving: I saw Forrest, Wet Johnny and Bee Flicker arrive. Soon after, Piltdown Man was seen wandering around trying to collect names: a valiant effort on its own as it was raining quite hard still.

It became apparent that we needed to Circle. Beefy suggested we move out of the rear cp and Circled, instead, at the front of the pub so that we were in the relatively sheltered lee of the building.

The rain continued and, through it, came Warm Front and Psycho ruing, apparently, their combined resolve to venture out on such an evening. Warm Front had little to complain about: sporting, as she was, a brand new coat, hand-finished by Hermes Trismegistus himself judging by the way it shed drops of the persistent rain so readily.

Vice Grand Master, Forrest, called for a Circle to form and sixteen wet Hashers tried to ignore the even-more-rain and managed to look happy.

SMEllie asked for Hares for January because there aren't any. Man Pig asked for a volunteer to write the Words.

Over to the Hares. There is a long, a short and a walkers' Trail, marked on the right unless it had to be on the left. Dots and a lot of arrows were the marks and the idea of checks was abandoned as earlier marks had washed away.

There is a Sweetie Stop (hurrah!) which can be found by using the foot crossing on the main road by the car dealership.

So, we set off... in the rain.

The Pack set off up Bishop's Avenue and soon I found myself in the esteemed company of Psycho and Wet Johnny and so it remained. Bee Flicker and Warm Front were well ahead and stayed there.

Meanwhile, our trail took us to Fore Street and then onto Radway Hill. This gave onto Radway Street until we hit Old Walls Hill. Somewhere around here Wet Johnny mentioned that we were still going uphill. This fact had not escaped his companions. Nor had the fact that the rain had, at last, called off its assault.

We left Old Walls Hill and headed for Postman's Path which two thirds of us negotiated in an upright position. I saw *Wet Johnny's tumble in all its glory as I was at the back. He executed a tuck'n'roll and was straight back on his feet.

We left the path directed, by arrows and dots, first left, then right at the road junction then left again into Three Trees Lane- a very welcome downhill stretch of winding, leaf-strewn byway which took us to Humber Lane where an arrow (spotted only by Psycho) sent us left

towards Humber where another arrow directed us on past the brewery . Yet more arrows indicated our route along the road to a crossroads where we turned right and at the next crossroads we turned left. We joined Lindridge road and missed the next arrow which took the Trail down the steps.

We three continued on down Smith Hill, along Clanage Street and on to Fore Street. The other two thirds of us knew exactly where we were so, I was happily being guided by them to the Sweetie Stop.

And, what a Sweetie Stop it was! This was no carrier bag of Haribos hanging from a stick in the rain: no sir! Most of us are familiar with R.t.D's Sweetie Stops: always generous with much thought and effort put into presentation and execution. This was a scaled down version owing to the need to find a sheltered spot for it. It was, nonetheless, impressive. A great variety of sweets, crisps, mince pies and drinks (including Rum, of course!) was on offer on tables, under an illuminated shelter and guarded by a Robin. Gnorman the Gnome had the evening off which shame but quite understandable. See you next time, Gnorman!

When we got to the S/S, we saw Warm Front for the first time since leaving the pub. Bee Flicker had gone on but, *Warm Front was busy with the task of eating as much as possible. Then, she announced that she had fallen over on Trail and "landed on my beautiful face" as she put it. Sure enough, there was a graze on her right cheek bone. Not only that, there was a fresh rip in the new coat!

During our conversations at the S/S, we realised the nobody had seen Ernie and Man Pig. We hoped all was right with them and, after saluting Roger the Dodger, we made our way back to the On Down. Just as we were crossing the road the aforementioned Ernie and Man Pig hove into view. Happily we called "On On!" to each other and continued on our way. (*Ernie, it turns out, was the third faller On Trail).

At the pub cp Coldtits asked if anyone had seen SMEllie. We hadn't and Coldtits seemed a little concerned. SMEllie was certainly back before I went inside so, all was well there.

A bunch of happy Hashers populated the lounge area and Forrest donned his RA hat having doffed his Vice GM hat and we cheered for the Trail and thanked the Hare, and the Hash for the Beer. The Hares were called up so, there was a daddy/daughter Beer race as the first Down-down.

Forrest produced the Hashit Shirt (from his freezer, apparently) and handed it to Warm Front for her tumble.

One beer left. It went to Man Pig for preventing Forrest from awarding it to himself for forgetting to bring his running leg to the Hash. No doubt he will be kicking himself with it when he gets it back.

Well done Roger the Dodger and Well Hopped for a stirling effort.

On on until next week when we will be at the King Bill, Totnes with Wet Johnny. I believe it has been fifty three weeks since last we were there.

On on, Beefy.

COCKHAVEN ARMS

Run #2105 Monday 1st December Circle up 7:15 pm from the Cockhaven Arms, 16 Cockhaven Rd, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9RF with hare Roger the Dodger. Previously, we have been requested to try and park in the back car park and not in front of the pub.

Run #2104 Eastcliff car park, Teignmouth

TVH The Words

Run #2104 Eastcliff car park, Teignmouth

OD The Crafty Badger

Hares: Piltdown and Georgy

 

Who wuz there (with thanks to MP)

Piltdown Man, Georgie Porgy, Pocket Rocket, Man-Pig, Beefy, Smellie, Coldtits, Beeflicker, Missing, Tongue & Groove, Smash, Miss Mash, Wet Johnny, Judge Mental, Roger the Dodger, Big End, Well Hopped, Melon Picker, Soapy, Strap-On, Deep Semen, Flowery Twats, Wetfart & Bobbiball

On a chilly november night, the hashers arrived at the car park and stood in a circle shivering in the cold, Tongue and Groove decided to form her own circle as her pup was sat frozen to the ground and wouldn't move.

The GM asked for silence but his chilling voice went unheard, a bit like Rose's at the end of the Titanic movie.

After everyone was welcomed, notices were asked for, Beeflicker asked for volunteers to be a santa and a train conductor at his grotto, to no avail.

Eventually, after being prompted, Man Pig asked for a volunteer for the words, and here we are.

Big End asked for food numbers for next week's hash. As we were almost like icicles , thankfully, the hare stepped in, 3 miles for the walkers, 4 for the shorts and 5 for the longs, followed by the co hares offer of a longer walk, or a shorter short with a longer short and an even longer walk and also a short long ending with a short short walkers, now we were all confused so 3 and on, that way....

We left the car park at the rear and headed into Eastcliff gardens, lots of checks and lack of flour kept everyone together from all 647263 routes we had laid for us. Upon exiting the park and going through back alleys, we came to Teignmouth road and crossed over, onto Alta Vista close, eventually turning right onto Oak Hill crossroads with Judgemental opting to turning right into someone's drive, this was the way from the the 40th anniversary hash.

At the check at the crossroads of Holcombe road, Beeflicker checked up hill with no marks to be found. Pursued by Manpig, Beefy went right finding lots of marks which Judgemental had stated were not there - time to go to specsavers my friend

A nice down hill past the Castle Inn to Hall Lane where we turned left and headed back to the Teignmouth road, crossing over and down Smugglers lane, and onto the SW coast path sea wall for a lovely run back to Teignmouth. Here we did a sharp right onto East cliff walk and on home to the car park.

I'm not sure where the shorts and walkers went but they did a lot of the long route enjoying the same wanders and wonders of the longs.

On to the Badger pub, or Beaver pub, I can't remember.

Downdowns were awarded to:

Piltdown man for promising 5 mile longs and delivering that to the dot and for blaming Georgie Porgy for not laying the false trails.

Roger the Dodger for ignoring all marks and doing their own trail after going wrong due to star gazing.

And to Judgemental for many misdemeanours which he hoped to evade.

A superb trail enjoyed by all, thank you.

On on to Cockhaven Arms in Bishopsteignton

Beeflicker

OFF TO DAWLISH

Run #2103 Monday 17th November Circle up 7:15 pm from Barton Hill car park, Dawlish EX7 9QF with hare Polyfella.

ON DOWN Brunswick Arms, 10 Brunswick Place, Dawlish EX7 9PB

 

 

TVH3 The Words for 10th November 2025

Run #2102 The Royal British Legion, Newton Abbot

HARES: Beeflicker & Pocket Rocket

 

Who wuz there: Beeflicker (Hare), Pocket Rocket (Co-Hare), Man-Pig, Forrest-Stump, Beefy, Piltdown-Man, Georgy Porgy, Coldtits, Smellie, Strap-On, Strap-Dancer, Broadshit, Polyfella, Well Hopped, Pinball, Slip-on-Me, Miss'ing, Smash, Miss Mash, Wetfart, Ablesemen & Threesum (pub only)

A lot of rain during the day, and a very recent hash in a similar location meant that there wasn’t a huge turn out for the Remembrance Day themed hash. 

 

We nearly didn’t make it – but Simba hadn’t been on a hash for three years, so he was keen to grab the opportunity of a rare Monday night at his mum’s, to join in the fun! Simba wasn’t the only returnee. We were all delighted to welcome back Broadshit after a long absence too. Hope to see more of you again now the 4am Tuesday mornings have ceased!

At the circle, Simba seemed perplexed by something – I asked what it was later and he said “why did the lady who thought Simba was an elephant have mud on her face?” I hadn’t a clue what he was talking about*. Only in hashing!

No announcements at the circle in Cricketfield car park – Beeflicker wasn’t certain on distances, or when the marks changed from the right to the left but ah well, off we went in the direction of Warf Road.

An early series of checks, kept us together – the red chalk being often hard to spot in the dark. The FRBs led us down a few dark alleys, before we finally picked up the trail and headed for the Town Quay. Once there we were called over the bridge by MissIn and into the Hackney Marsh Nature Reserve.

At this point, Simba and I, along with Forrest, Strap On and Broadshit waved goodbye to the FRBs. We didn’t see them again, until the path towards the Passage House Inn, where there was some confusion over that vital ‘three and on’ mark. Luckily, Beeflicker was dutifully sweeping from behind so we knew where to go, and that was “on, on” along the path to the pub.

Just after the pub was the first l/s split. “Can we go long?” Simba hopefully asked. “No chance!” was my reply. I was already struggling to keep up with his youthful gallop. We ran on towards Greenhill Way – only to hit the main road and see no marks. Forrest’s dog wasn’t running well so he opted to take a route back along the main road to the OH. Simba and I searched on desperately for marks, and then Strap On joined us.

Eventually, retracing our steps we found the first of many marks on the left. Strap On thought this might be the returning trail for the longs but I had recalled the comments in the circle about some marks being on the left. So with Simba ahead, we made our way through Saxon Way, and popped out by the Wear Barton roundabout.

A clear arrow took us over the road and I saw a mark on the left at Longford Lane. Down the lane we went for some time – no marks. So we crossed over to the right and went back – no marks.

By this point, Strap On was with us again and spotted what looked to be a rogue red line of chalk in a cul de sac. But it led to a dead end. Now we were really confused! Knowing the route as I did, I had a feeling the Longs would be coming down Coombesend Road and joining where we were currently standing in confusion.

We decided to head back to the arrow and lo and behold, there was a mark on the right this time!

At this point, we were joined by the FRBs, and we followed them on through a maze of back streets in old Kingsteignton village, before popping out by the Range. It was then a long flat slog towards the Fire Station Roundabout.

Now Simba had found his rhythm with Man Pig and was off. I could just about make out his reflective jacket ahead so I knew he was okay. Another l/s split separated them, with the longs taking a footpath on the right and us shorts heading back through town to the OH.

I eventually caught up with Simba back at the car park entrance, where he was patiently waiting for me. We didn’t stay for the OD as it was a school night for Simba, but we really enjoyed the trail.

Thank you Beeflicker and Pocket Rocket for your efforts!

*it turns out the lady Simba was referring to was Slip-on-me, and she had been dressed in military fancy dress, hence the ‘mud’ on her face!

ON ON, Well Hopped x

Man-Pig has kindly sent in the DD's from the British Legion:

DD's: The Hare wasn't drinking and there was only one award present. This was the Hashshit shirt that had been awarded to Pork Torpedo the previous week and Porky had given it to Beefy to bring along to the Hash.

Beefy didn't have a story but Beeflicker did. The story was that a returnee had obviously become a little rusty in Hash protocols during his 18 month absence. Our returnee had pitched up with his rechargeable torch which hadn't been recharged in 18 months. The result was dim and dimmer as the trail progressed.

Being in a quasi military establishment, the RA recited an oft quoted mantra from the NCO's, "Prior planning prevents piss poor performance". Hence a note for the 5 P's (even though it is, in fact, 6 P's!). Bizarrely, just as we started singing the volume was turned up on the Royal British Legion's stereo.

No more awards but Beeflicker had another story. Towards the end of the trail, Miss'ing asked the Hare if the trail would follow the Teign and part of Archangel's trail from a fortnight ago. It dfid not but, as a bit of a spoof, the Hare marked a special trail for "Miss'ing". Miss'ing wasn't fooled for long and returned to the correct trail without losing too much time. Not so Polyfella & Beefy. they had a jolly good jaunt, following absolutely no marks at all, almost up to Teigngrace. No wonder they were last back.

Polyfella didn't fancy another beer as he was drinking so Beefy dispatched it pretty swiftly accompanied by "Here's to the Miss'ing one".

Next there was a DD to the most appropriately dressed Hasher given the fact that this was posted as the Remembrance Day Hash. Most Hashers sported poppies, either on trail or in the pub.

Beeficker was pretty much in head-to-toe DPM but was upstaged by a convincing commando resplendent with face camo-facepaint - namely Slip-on-Me. A note for "Go commando".

The final half went to the RA for what reason I do not know; nominal returnee or forgetfulness (the Pig couldn't remember which pub he was in). Nevertheless, Beefy came up with "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

Next week's Hash is in Dawlish with Polyfella as Hare. There are road closures so Polyfella will post something on the FB page by way of directional assistance.

Thank you, Well Hopped and MP

MONDAY 10TH NOVEMBER #2102

Run #2102 Monday 10th November REMEMBRANCE DAY THEME. Circle up 7:15 pm from Cricketfield Road Car Park, Newton bbot TQ12 2AS with Beeflicker and Pocket Rocket. On Down The Royal British Legion club, 2 Marsh Rd, Newton Abbot TQ12 2AP