Monday's details

Run #2011 Monday 11th March 7:15 pm circle up from the Cockhaven Arms (formerly Cockhaven Manor) Cockhaven Rd, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9RF with Roger the Dodger and Co.

Please try and park in the rear car park.

 

 

 

 

 

THE TRAIL THAT NEVER WAS & HIS TRUST WAS NOT MISPLACED

Run #2010 The words

PART 2

 

The egg-timer sands speed up as the last grains are dispensed. The flame burns bright just before it extinguishes for ever.

 

And so, oh Dearly Exasperated, I feel that a burst on my ag-ed banjo is warranted afore the lights finally dim...

 

It was a memorable day, all things considered.

 

The forecast looked unpromising and the flightless one was loth to get wet - fearful of a chill being the end of him. With that in mind, plus a sleepless night, I ventured forth at the ungodly hour of 9:30 am to steal a march on proceedings.

 

The co-hare had unwisely let the Bird design the trail and so his beloved tarmac would Shirley figure heavily. 

 

A bog standard clockwise loop would be served up with a sprinkling of off-road through Humber woods thrown in to appease the Ramboesque devotees.

 

It was going according to plan until Humber woods when the navigation went awry, resulting in a trek down to an imposing chateau set in Capability Brown sculpted gardens. 

 

Loitering most furtively in the drive, a figure appeared at a window and the Bird beat a hasty retreat.

The entrance - and cut-through to Three Trees lane was gated and topped with barbed wire with a protective earth mound in front. 

 

It did not look promising. A lady walking her dog was espied and they both exited the wood by walking around the side of the gate.

 

I was reassured when she explained that the owner didn't really object to locals walking around but had erected fortifications to prevent the scourge of dirt bikers and the like churning up the ancient wood.

It was only a few hundred metres to Three Trees lane but scenic (and sodden) indeedy.

 

Exiting the lane with the golf course dead ahead, the heavens opened and the wind picked up. 

 

What had started out as a jolly lay along leafy lanes, was turning into a nightmarish fight for survival.

 

You try it when you're nearly eighty, mush, it aint that easy.

 

The steep descent down Old Walls hill was literally awash with rain spill-off, making it pointless putting chalk or flour down. 

 

Oh woeful day! 

 

To take my mind off the misery, I phoned Man-Pig to give him the glad tidings that he needn't come out as there was only the long loop round Red Rock baby to lay. 

 

Anticipating that the rain would obliterate flour marks, I had utilised chalk in the form of lozenge-shapes for many of the marks. 

 

Diary note: It didn't work, did it.

 

Getting back to the chariot, I was soaked through. Proud Bird now become drenched Dead Duck.

 

I didn't feel at all well the rest of the afternoon and seriously considered not going. However, I then realised that I had forgotten the walkers' trail so I grimly geared up for another gogo.

 

A Grand mini-tour of hostelries was the plan, taking in the Ring o' Bells and the Cockhaven Arms in a one mile loop. 

 

I think it best to gloss over the details as I managed to get lost but not before Slip on Me had passed me going the Wong Wei as well.. sigh.

 

Returning to the miniscule car park behind the Old Commercial, the expected chaos was in full swing, despite hashers having been pre-warned.

 

THE TRAIL

Desperately did the Bird tout for customers to enlist for his certain suicide short trail. 

 

Unfortunately, he had sold the product all too well at the circle, instilling a great fear into the tiny and most suspicious huddle.

 

'It's only a transit of about three hundred metres but you would do well to keep silent and proceed in all possible haste unless you want to be blasted by a 12 bore. 

 

And, when you move around the fallen tree, be careful lest you plummet down a steep ravine into the brook.'

 

En routey, Manopause had yet to be hooked on the potentially dangerous and certainly most dubious enterprise. 

 

'You'll head 'em off at the pass, Manopause, as sure as eggs are eggs..'

 

And so, indeedy, it came to pass that the mighty Manopause, hero of a hundred hashes, set off alone, into the darkness en routey for whatever lay out there..

 

His job done, the lonesome Bird turned for home, only to meet tailender Smellie who was out for a potter. 'Keep straight on up the hill, do not enter the 12 bore woods and head for the Golf club. You can't possibly go wrong.'

 

Meanwhile, Manopause, with the Bird's final instruction ringing in his ears, had reached the dark and forbidding Humber woods. 

 

'Look for an orange square on the left which shows the way into the woods.'

 

And there it was, just as the Bird had promised. There was more good news. Under the canopy of trees, flour marks had survived and signposted the way through four possible trails.

 

Wondrous indeed was the Man o' War's transit. 

 

A thundering of hooves and a herd of deer galloped past, their eyes glinting ghostly in the hasher's head light.

 

Clambering over the far side mound onto Three Trees lane, Manopause found himself thick in the action. 

 

Oh, Born Again FRB! 

 

Flat and downhill from the golf course, Manopause could match strides with the longs. HA! Indeed.

Don't you love it when a plan finally goes right.

 

THE DOWN-DOWNS

A request to the RA, saw a special award given out. 

 

For his trust - not misplaced for once - in the Bird, Manopause had a famous name attached to his hash handle. 

 

Henceforth, he would be known as Manopause Magnifico - only the second hasher ever to be honoured with the title.

 

Possibly a first was the award of a DD to the hare whose trail really did not exist.

 

What a funny old day it turned out to be. SIgh...

 

FOOTNOTE

Don't forget I'm owed £9 for the downdown beer!

 

'Goodbye', that's all he wrote.

 

ON ON you fools, BB

TVH3 The Words for 4th February 2024 PART ONE

The Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton

Run No. 2010

 

PART ONE

 

HARES: Man-Pig and, er... Bluebird

 

Who wuz there: Bluebird, Man-Pig, Zoot, Hotlips, Cheerio Beerio, Threesum, Only Here for the Beer, Forest-Stump, Perry, Sam (virgin), Smellie, Warmfront, Psycho, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Melonpicker, Pollyfella, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Manopause, Strap-On, Ernie, Bobbiball, Coldtits and a return of our Polish contingent, Wigwam & Mrs Sheen.

 

Circle

The Bird had pre-warned the Hash that parking was limited in the Old Commercial's car park. Nevertheless, this didn't deter several Hashers from entering the Tardis competition - "How many cars can you get in a small car park?". Quite a lot as it turned out, if you allow for the inevitable musical chairs associated therewith.

 

There was no Wetfart so Forrest Stump updated us on Teapot. He has been moved to Templar ward in Newton Abbot hospital and appears to be improving. Good news. Hopefully, parking will be a little easier at Newton Abbot hospital.

 

Forrest was a week adrift for the "Bring a friend Hash". He had brought along his son-in-law, Sam. The virgin was given a liberal sprinkling of flour and, with no GM in attendance, it was over to the Hares.

The trail had been laid in two sections and at different times during the day. The Bird had squawked his way around the Shorts' and the Pig had snorted his way around the Longs'. 

 

The fly in the ointment was that the Pig hadn't seen any Long/Short split and precious little in the way of marks on what, he was sure, would have been the trail. There was good reason for this as I will explain later.

 

The Bird imparted that the Walkers' trail was exactly one English imperial mile long and the Shorts' would be three and a half miles. There was one Long/Short split (that appeared to require marking/remarking) and the Longs' would be about five miles.

 

And now the novel bit. Some of the trail was marked in chalk lozenges on tarmac - but most of the trail was laid in invisible ink!

 

The Pig kept the pack chatting for a few moments whilst the Bird flew up the road to put a few marks in and to remark the single Long/Short split.

 

Trail

I hate being Hare and writing the Words. It is like marking your own homework. Let's just say that the trail was a generous 3/10... "Could do better" which was a frequent comment on my end of term reports at school. Some things never change it seems.

 

The weather had been appalling earlier in the day. Strong winds and perpetual rain. The original plan, if there ever had been a plan, was for the Hares to meet at 1pm to set the trail. 

 

On the day, the forecast was for the worst of the weather to come in the afternoon. Hence the Bird took it upon himself to lay the Shorts' in the morning. At 11.39am the Pig gets a call from the Bird. "It's all laid Man-Pig - apart from the Longs. All you need to do is turn up at 7, run ahead, and lay the Longs' loop". 

 

This sounded good, in theory.

 

However, the Pig thought that this was cutting it fine. Hence, in true Titus Oates' fashion, the Pig braved the elements to lay the Longs' loop at the height of the storm - around 3.30. 

 

Regrettably, and unlike Titus Oates, the Pig made it back. But he had seen precious few marks whilst he'd been out. This he imparted to the Bird in the Circle.

 

This ruffled some feathers and led to the Bird flying off early to lay a couple of marks. Accordingly, the early part of the trail was, effectively, a live lay. Only one mark was found on the way up to the Long/Short split at Ashwell Cross. 

 

The solitary mark was just inside the cemetery gate. Wet-Johnny went to check it out. It was a false trail and he came back saying, "I never found a cross". Impossible, you were in a graveyard!

 

At Ashwell Cross, the Bird was proud to declare that his chalk "S" had not been washed away after all. Indeed, it was still there, and intact, but nevertheless not particularly clear against the torchlight being reflected off the wet tarmac.

 

Other Hashers were looking for a mark for the Long. The Pig assured everyone that such a mark did exist. In fact it was currently floodlit! The Topiary Twins had been FRB'ing but still couldn't find a mark. 

 

It is not a very big junction, and they didn't have a large area to investigate. The Hare suggested that Warmfront might want to have a look in front of a Fiat that was parked up at the crossroads. The Fiat had an occupant, the engine was running and its lights were on. 

 

I know that the Fiat 500 is a bit of a bubble shape wise. I suppose that it is possible, from a long, long way away that you might not be able to distinguish the front from the back. However, at a distance of 3 feet the difference between the front and back seemed pretty obvious. This did not prevent Warmfront from getting up close and personal with the rear of the car. She inspected the lights....they were red. She had a look at the exhaust and finally got very close to have a look at the boot release. These were all clues from which most people would have concluded that they were viewing the back of the car. Eventually, and with a little encouragement from the Hare, Warmfront ventured to the front of the car. "Oh. there it is!", she exclaimed.

 

The Longs sallied forth towards the Old Red Rock Brewery. These comprised: Beeflicker, Forrest-Stump with son-in-law virgin Sam, Warmfront, Psycho, Big End, Well Hopped, Beefy, Pisswell, Pollyfella, Strap-On, Ernie and the Pig sweeping.

 

Now some simple arithmetic means that the balance of 16 must have been on the 1 mile Walkers' trail. I can only conclude that they were all hungry.

 

Just as the Walkers would have been sitting down to tuck into their pies in a nice snug old boozer, the Longs were heading for the former brewery and Manopause was Shirley heading for disaster....on his lonesome.

 

Before the brewery, there was a check. Psycho checked out the public footpath that runs across a field but was soon called back as there was a call of "On-On" from an FRB - most probably Beeflicker. 

 

The trail now continued past the former brewery and then bore right into Humber at the back entrance to Lindridge Park. Another check at the end of Three Trees Lane didn't fool anyone. The check at the end of Three trees lane had been kicked out right. At the next junction marks! Three in a row to our left. I think this made 5 in total on the trail so far. We had a good nosey into the turn off onto the postman's path but nothing. 

 

Sure enough, we were destined to remain on tarmac for the rest of the trail. Another junction and another single blob of flour. We took a right, past the entrance to Teignmouth Golf Club, and all the way down Old Wall's Hill. 

 

There was a complete absence of marks, probably due to water washing all across the road. Towards the bottom of Old Wall's Hill, Beefy checked out a footpath to the left.....nothing. The Hare checked dead ahead. Again, nothing but the Pig marked it anyway. 

 

Old Walls Hill runs into Radway Street and then Manor Road. Still no marks. The Hare and Strap-On decided to cheat and use Strava on our phones to find out where we were in relation to the pub. But Beefy said, "No. Where's the fun" (good lad, Beefy, BB). With that, the Pig put down an arrow heading up Manor Road. 

 

When Manor Road turned into Teignview Road the Hare knew where he was. The "On-Home" was marked at the top of Berry Hill and we were, indeed, home.

 

NB in a bid to do our bit to save the planet the hares had ensured that no excess of flour was expended on this trail.

 

Down-Downs

The last time TVH3 were in this pub was well over 20 years ago. Back then it was called the Bishop John de Grandisson. What a pleasant change to come into a nice, quaint and unpretentious old boozer with an open fire. Absolutely lovely. 

 

James and his partner Darren opened especially for us and made us very welcome. That was until Bluebird got hold of the radio microphone. Only the intervention of the Boston strangler curtailed his sea shantying (sigh).

 

Forrest-Stump, complete with coat hanger stuffed into his back jacket, assumed RA'ing and thanked the pub for opening and, mistakenly, for the beer as Bluebird had thought it imprudent to ask when initial negotiations had been taking place..

 

Most unusually, the RA kicked off proceedings by presenting the Bird with a DD, despite nary a mark to be seen! 

 

Forrest had the Hash turd hat. Now, last week it was revealed that it was a bit whiffy. In fact, it smelt as though someone had wee'd on it - or in it. It could have been worse I suppose. Someone could have matched the smell to the hat. 

 

Anyway, Forrest had allegedly washed the damn thing. Now it only smelt of dead mouse - which may still have been in situ. This he gave back to Roger the Dodger and I have no idea why.

 

Next up was Bluebird who had requested a half of ale for a special naming award. A story of derring do and that rarest of things, trust in the mad as a hatter, Bird.. Namely, only one brave Hasher foolish enough to follow the unmarked trail that the Bird purported to be the Shorts' trail. A note for Manopause the Magnifico - see Part 2 of the words.

 

There was definitely a note for the "Dubious ?????" but I am blessed if I can remember who or what it was for. (Perhaps Psycho for not wanting to reveal her hash name to Teapot in ward?)

 

Finally, Man-Pig had the Hashshit shirt from the previous week. The Pig had three stories to regale.

The first actually related to Saturday's Devon A2B hash. This involved one of the Pig's very best friends giving him a present that he really didn't want. 

 

Now this Hasher is a kind and generous man. He visits poorly Hashers in hospital. he brings virgins to the hash and on Saturday he volunteered to do the Words for the Devon A2B....or did he? At Saturday's A2B Circle their GM, That's Crap, asked for a volunteer to do The Words. Forrest shot up his hand.

"I'll volunteer....." he said. This was followed by a slight pause which ended with the name ".....Man-Pig". Just the sort of friend that you want to have in your life.

 

The next candidate was Forrest's son-in-law. He's turned up at the Hash as a virgin. he's been married to Mucking Fuddle for three years....isn't it about time? I think Forrest needs to have a word with him.

Our final contended for the Hashshit shirt was Warmfront. this was for her abject difficulty in being unable to tell the difference between the front and the back of a car. I hope that she wasn't the driver this evening.

 

The Pig put it to the floor to vote on. It was unanimous. Man-Pig's bestie, Forrest, was the outright winner. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

We bade our farewells to each other and to James and Darren at the pub. A really nice old pub. I am sure we'll be back.

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from Cockhaven Manor, again in Bishopsteignton. The Hares are Roger the Dodger and Well Hopped, no doubt assisted by Big End - and some flour next week might come in useful.

 

On-On to next week, MP.

Monday's trail

 

Run #2010 Monday 4th March 7:15 pm circle up from the Old Commercial Inn Bishopsteignton, Clanage St, Bishopsteignton, Teignmouth TQ14 9QS with the old firm of Man-Pig and Bluebird.

Man-Pig and I have just visited and put the order in for ten chicken, leek and bacon pies plus one veggie pie. Our order will be freshly baked on the night.

The parking will be a challenge. There is a tiny car park behind the pub which will accommodate perhaps half a dozen cars so be prepared to park on road and walk up to the pub.

A limited number of dogs will be accepted in the bar section as long as they are kept on leads at all times.

It's a tiny pub but quite atmospheric - like a real pub should be.

TVH3 The Words for 26th February 2024

The Bishop Lacy, Chudleigh

Run No. 2009

 

HARES: Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there: Zoot, Hotlips, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Warmfront, Psycho, Amy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Threesum, Strap-On & Ernie.

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle for our first 'Bring a Friend' Hash.....numbers were down. No visitors and no virgins. Indisputable proof that Hashers have no friends outside of the Hash. 

 

Shitfaced also reminded Man-Pig that he was laying next week's trail that may, or may not, be at the Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton.

 

For the benefit of those who could not attend Fallen Woman's funeral, Zoot gave a brief summary.

Fallen Woman was most certainly not short of friends. 

 

Approximately 250 attended the funeral including members of at least eight Hashes and the Pedal-bash. A fantastic turnout for a fantastic woman. 

 

Fallen Woman's daughters have now returned to their respective homes and Broken man would be glad of any visitors.....and perhaps a craft excursion to the Queens Hotel?

 

Wetfart gave us a new update on Teapot. Basically, there is no change. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital and had been given a zimmer frame to assist him with his balance. Again, any visitors would be most welcome.

 

Smellie phoned in to advise that she was feeling a little poorly so would not be in attendance this evening. So it was over the the Hares.

 

Hotlips imparted some surprising insider knowledge. "It is a bit muddy out there", and so it proved to be. There were two Long/Short splits and the Longs would be about 5 miles, Shorts 3 and the Walkers' trail even shorter.

 

For those that were hungry but had not placed a food order yet, we would be running past the pub, so pop your head in and Thomas Cook it.

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park via the footpath next to the Globe. We turned right down Fore Street and past the Bishop Lacy before coming to the first Long/Short split. 

 

The Shorts continued straight on whilst the Longs' trail looped down along Old Way and past the sewerage treatment works only to re-emerge near the slip road onto the A38. 

 

The Longs then headed back into Chudleigh before rejoining the Shorts on the footpath that passes Lawell House. The fields here were sodden and the track leading to the fields was very slippery.

 

Even when we started climbing, the going was still boggy. We had to get onto the farm track before we could gain any degree of traction.

 

The pack continued upwards towards Winstow Cottages. As per usual, Beeflicker was off like a shot with the Topiary Twins not far behind. 

 

This, at least, had the benefit that all the checks would be kicked out before the time that Wet-Johnny, Beefy and I got to them.

 

A little way behind us were Big End and Well Hopped who, in turn, had stolen a lead on Pisswell and Forrest Stump.

 

By the time we arrived at the edge of Ugbrook House, (easily recognisable by the stone wall surrounding its grounds) I had thought that we would have caught up with the Shorts. But no. What had happened to them I'll never know as I never saw any of them after the car park. 

 

I can only assume that the evening ended up comprising Walkers and Longs only.

 

We headed northeast along the lane that skirts Ugbrook Park until an unkicked-out check had us catch up with the Topiary Twins. A call from FRB, Beeflicker, and we were going downhill at last. 

 

We were now on a public footpath crossing two fields before arriving at the second Long/Short split. The Shorts' trail remained in the field heading northwest, over Kate Brook, and back into Chudleigh.

 

The Longs were heading northeast and along a broad, but watery, track that runs into Garden Spot Lane. An arrow had us head left and downhill back towards Chudleigh. A check at Waterside Meadow fooled Wet-Johnny as the trail was just a few yards further away and running past the skateboard park, now heading for Old Kate Bridge. 

 

I was hoping that the next check or arrow would have us go left, past the bowling club, and back into town. 

 

Oh no. I knew what was coming. An arrow pointed dead ahead. This was going to be a straight lane up to Brimley Corner, then a left at Brimley Stile and back to Chudleigh Sports fields across three waterlogged fields that never dry out (apart from 6 days in mid summer according to local girl Warmfront).

 

The trail finished by climbing up Brocklands before turning left and down New Exeter Street and back to the car park.

 

Well, mud is what we were promised and mud is what we got. The day had been warm and windy and I had rather expected some of the trail to have had a bit of a blow dry.....evidently not!

 

Down-Downs

Roger the Dodger awarded the Hashshit shirt to Man-Pig for being a good samaritan and coming to his aid in his time of need. 

 

Roger the Dodger hadn't seen anything on trail so could anyone help him out? 

 

Man-Pig jumped to the rescue with a story about the Topiary Twins yakking all the way around the trail about all that is inane and useless. In particular, Warmfront's penchant for taking her trainers into work so that she can make use of the Met office's drying room. 

 

However, whilst imparting such drivel to RTD, the Pig was blissfully unaware that the Topiary Twins were right behind him and they heard....EVERYTHING! So much for Man-Pig's act of kindness. A note for the sneak.

 

No more awards but Beefy had a story about a hasher failing to dress himself properly in the car park. Someone spent several minutes attempting to put on a shirt whilst being oblivious to the fact that his difficulty was due to the fact that he'd left the coat hanger in the shoulders..... come on down, Forrest Stump. A note for the natty dresser.

 

Warmfront deservedly received a Down-Down. I think it was for popping home and changing her socks but not her knickers that were still a trifle damp. 

 

The Down-Down should really have gone to Psyco who popped home and changed everything. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The last half pint could/should have gone to our only faller of the evening - Roger the Dodger. 

 

However, it eventually went to someone who was slip-sliding her way around the trail muttering, "Mud, mud, mud". But not before the Down-Downs were rudely interrupted by two enormous farts. Johnny Fartpants would have been proud of those. 

 

It was made ten times worse because they were let go during a quiet period in the proceedings. A hasher's rather florid complexion gave the game away. Nonetheless, it was not enough to prevent virgin Amy from receiving the final Down-Down - "Here's to the dirty one".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is from the Old Commercial in Bishopsteignton.

The Hares are Man-Pig & Bluebird.

On-On to next week. MP

TVH3 The Words for 26th February 2024

The Bishop Lacy, Chudleigh

Run No. 2009

 

HARES: Hot Lips & Zoot

 

Who wuz there: Zoot, Hotlips, Man-Pig, Shitfaced, Only Here for the Beer, Forrest-Stump, Perry, Warmfront, Psycho, Amy, Beefy, Pisswell, Beeflicker, Squeaky Bum, Well Hopped, Big End, Ned, Roger the Dodger, Wet-Johnny, Slip-on-Me, Wetfart, Threesum, Strap-On & Ernie.

 

Circle

GM Shitfaced welcomed all into the Circle for our first 'Bring a Friend' Hash.....numbers were down. No visitors and no virgins. Indisputable proof that Hashers have no friends outside of the Hash. Shitfaced also reminded Man-Pig that he was laying next week's trail that may, or may not, be at the Old Commercial, Bishopsteignton.

 

For the benefit of those who could not attend Fallen Woman's funeral, Zoot gave a brief summary.

Fallen Woman was most certainly not short of friends. 

 

Approximately 250 attended the funeral including members of at least eight Hashes and the Pedal-bash. A fantastic turnout for a fantastic woman. 

 

Fallen Woman's daughters have now returned to their respective homes and Broken man would be glad of any visitors.....and perhaps a craft excursion to the Queens Hotel?

 

Wetfart gave us a new update on Teapot. Basically, there is no change. Teapot is still in Torbay hospital and had been given a zimmer frame to assist him with his balance. Again, any visitors would be most welcome.

 

Smellie phoned in to advise that she was feeling a little poorly so would not be in attendance this evening. So it was over the the Hares.

 

Hotlips imparted some surprising insider knowledge. "It is a bit muddy out there", and so it proved to be. There were two Long/Short splits and the Longs would be about 5 miles, Shorts 3 and the Walkers' trail even shorter.

 

For those that were hungry but had not placed a food order yet, we would be running past the pub, so pop your head in and Thomas Cook it.

 

Trail

The trail took us out of the car park via the footpath next to the Globe. We turned right down Fore Street and past the Bishop Lacy before coming to the first Long/Short split. 

 

The Shorts continued straight on whilst the Longs' trail looped down along Old Way and past the sewerage treatment works only to re-emerge near the slip road onto the A38. 

 

The Longs then headed back into Chudleigh before rejoining the Shorts on the footpath that passes Lawell House. The fields here were sodden and the track leading to the fields was very slippery. 

 

Even when we started climbing, the going was still boggy. We had to get onto the farm track before we could gain any degree of traction.

 

The pack continued upwards towards Winstow Cottages. As per usual, Beeflicker was off like a shot with the Topiary Twins not far behind. 

 

This, at least, had the benefit that all the checks would be kicked out before the time that Wet-Johnny, Beefy and I got to them.

 

A little way behind us were Big End and Well Hopped who, in turn, had stolen a lead on Pisswell and Forrest Stump.

 

By the time we arrived at the edge of Ugbrook House, (easily recognisable by the stone wall surrounding its grounds) I had thought that we would have caught up with the Shorts. But no. What had happened to them I'll never know as I never saw any of them after the car park. 

 

I can only assume that the evening ended up comprising Walkers and Longs only.

 

We headed northeast along the lane that skirts Ugbrook Park until an unkicked-out check had us catch up with the Topiary Twins. A call from FRB, Beeflicker, and we were going downhill at last. 

 

We were now on a public footpath crossing two fields before arriving at the second Long/Short split. The Shorts' trail remained in the field heading northwest, over Kate Brook, and back into Chudleigh.

 

The Longs were heading northeast and along a broad, but watery, track that runs into Garden Spot Lane. An arrow had us head left and downhill back towards Chudleigh. A check at Waterside Meadow fooled Wet-Johnny as the trail was just a few yards further away and running past the skateboard park, now heading for Old Kate Bridge. 

 

I was hoping that the next check or arrow would have us go left, past the bowling club, and back into town. 

 

Oh no. I knew what was coming. An arrow pointed dead ahead. This was going to be a straight lane up to Brimley Corner, then a left at Brimley Stile and back to Chudleigh Sports fields across three waterlogged fields that never dry out (apart from 6 days in mid summer according to local girl Warmfront).

 

The trail finished by climbing up Brocklands before turning left and down New Exeter Street and back to the car park.

 

Well, mud is what we were promised and mud is what we got. The day had been warm and windy and I had rather expected some of the trail to have had a bit of a blow dry.....evidently not!

 

Down-Downs

Roger the Dodger awarded the Hashshit shirt to Man-Pig for being a good samaritan and coming to his aid in his time of need. 

 

Roger the Dodger hadn't seen anything on trail so could anyone help him out? 

 

Man-Pig jumped to the rescue with a story about the Topiary Twins yakking all the way around the trail about all that is inane and useless. In particular, Warmfront's penchant for taking her trainers into work so that she can make use of the Met office's drying room. 

 

However, whilst imparting such drivel to RTD, the Pig was blissfully unaware that the Topiary Twins were right behind him and they heard....EVERYTHING! So much for Man-Pig's act of kindness. A note for the sneak.

 

No more awards but Beefy had a story about a hasher failing to dress himself properly in the car park. Someone spent several minutes attempting to put on a shirt whilst being oblivious to the fact that his difficulty was due to the fact that he'd left the coat hanger in the shoulders..... come on down, Forrest Stump. A note for the natty dresser.

 

Warmfront deservedly received a Down-Down. I think it was for popping home and changing her socks but not her knickers that were still a trifle damp. 

 

The Down-Down should really have gone to Psyco who popped home and changed everything. "Hold it in your hand Mrs Murphy".

 

The last half pint could/should have gone to our only faller of the evening - Roger the Dodger.

 

However, it eventually went to someone who was slip-sliding her way around the trail muttering, "Mud, mud, mud". But not before the Down-Downs were rudely interrupted by two enormous farts. Johnny Fartpants would have been proud of those. 

 

It was made ten times worse because they were let go during a quiet period in the proceedings. A hasher's rather florid complexion gave the game away. Nonetheless, it was not enough to prevent virgin Amy from receiving the final Down-Down - "Here's to the dirty one".

 

Next week

Next week's Hash is probably (confirmed) from the Old Commercial in Bishopsteignton.

The pub does open on Monday's but it was not open this Monday. Hence, Bluebird is currently rechecking if this will, indeed, be next week's On-Down. (It is, I'm popping over Friday to reassure the landlords as they've never heard of hashing! There will be a pie and pint for £9 might be a spare one or two if Able wants one.)

Monitor the TVH3 Facebook page for updates. The Hares are Man-Pig & Bluebird.

 

On-On to next week. MP

BACK TO THE BISHOP LACY!

Run #2009 Monday 26th February circle up from the main car park Chudleigh for the 'Bring a Friend' extravaganza with Zoot and Hotlips.

The OD is from the Bishop Lacy Inn, 52 Fore St., Chudleigh, Newton Abbot TQ13 0HY. The last time we visited the Bishop Lacy was run #1761 September 2018 so the old timers will be looking forward to raising their glasses at either of the two bars once more.